A Certain Magical Hogwarts

Overall, being a teacher at Hogwarts wasn't a bad gig.

The job came with free meals, accommodation, and two extended vacations every year. 

While the salary wasn't extraordinary, with no extravagant expenses, one could save most of what they earned.

This made the position ideal for recent graduates without savings, and it was a haven for those content with a quiet, steady life.

Of course, the Hogwarts professors had other, less obvious streams of income. For instance, they could profit from purchasing teaching supplies, herb seeds, and even selling harvested herbs.

Professors Snape and Sprout were masters of this game. They had both turned "grazing off Hogwarts" into a profitable venture, carving out what one might call a "get-rich-first" model for wizarding educators.

Trelawney, however, was an exception. Her teaching tools consisted of just two items: crystal balls and tea leaves.

Though her crystal balls frequently "broke" and tea leaves were consumed regularly, this didn't open any doors for financial gain.

Trelawney, a reclusive homebody, spent most of her time in the North Tower "watching shows" through her crystal balls. Her most physically active days were the occasional midnight trips to the kitchen to scavenge food.

Even attending a Quidditch match was, for her, a meticulously planned "short vacation."

When her teaching tools ran out, Trelawney never bought replacements. Instead, she relied on Professor McGonagall, whom she nicknamed "Aunt Minnie," to procure them on her behalf.

This left no room for Trelawney to falsify records or make extra money.

But despite her minimalistic approach, Trelawney was a witch with expensive tastes. Her favorite indulgence was sherry, which she consumed daily as if it were water.

Sherry was outrageously expensive and not part of the school kitchen's inventory. Thus, Trelawney had to buy it out of pocket every month.

She had been living paycheck to paycheck for eleven years. If Hogwarts didn't provide free room and board, she might have starved on the streets.

Meanwhile, Professor McGonagall had been quietly collecting all the empty sherry bottles Trelawney discarded over the years. By selling them as scrap, McGonagall raised a significant sum for the school, which she used to purchase a new batch of crystal balls.

The frugal McGonagall was quite proud of this clever financial maneuver.

So when Trelawney claimed a "work injury" to request a raise, no one was particularly surprised.

"Fine, let's approve it," Dumbledore said generously with a wave of his hand, tripling her salary.

Snape shot a malicious glare at Dumbledore, internally grumbling, "Is that old fraud secretly Dumbledore's illegitimate daughter?"

It was common knowledge that Dumbledore had been a lifelong bachelor. The idea of him fathering a child secretly wouldn't be too unexpected if it ever came true.

While the staff discussed salaries, slyly hinting to Dumbledore that rising costs warranted raises for everyone, Quirrell remained on high alert, entirely uninterested in the topic.

Squinting slightly, he scanned the Great Hall. 

Something was off—more people than usual were watching him.

And not just watching; they were eyeing him like he was a pile of Galleons.

Quirrell nervously sipped his milk and forked a large piece of cheese.

"Professor Quirrell, have you tried the sausages? They're excellent," Dumbledore suggested kindly. "If you don't mind…"

"No—no, I do mind," Quirrell interrupted hastily, his voice trembling. He feared Dumbledore might have laced the sausages with Veritaserum.

The sense of foreboding gnawing at his mind only grew stronger with every passing second.

"Ah, very well," Dumbledore said with a shrug, popping a sausage into his mouth and casting a fleeting glance at Quirrell's cheese. A smile flashing in his eyes.

Quirrell swallowed the cheese.

Gurgle 

A strange sound began to echo through the hall.

Quirrell's mouth suddenly started producing colorful bubbles, as if he were a little goldfish. The bubbles floated into the air, initially small but quickly expanding to several feet in diameter.

Through the iridescent surface of the bubbles, various objects could be seen swirling within.

Having experienced classroom pranks before, Snape immediately leapt to his feet, retreating to a safe distance. With a flick of his wand, he burst one of the bubbles with a streak of red light.

Pop!

The bubble above Quirrell's head exploded, drenching him in a large amount of cold water.

Completely soaked, Quirrell looked like a drowned rat.

But the bursting bubble triggered a chain reaction, and soon the hall was filled with explosions.

The bubbles didn't just contain water; some released creatures from the Black Lake.

An octopus tumbled down, its tentacles wrapping tightly around the back of Quirrell's head as if hoping to have a chat about the lord and saviour–Cthulhu.

Quirrell tried to yank the octopus off, but a crab promptly clamped onto his hand. Meanwhile, giant leeches squirmed toward his scarf, as if sensing the allure of fresh blood beneath it.

Professor McGonagall stood frozen in shock before angrily snapping, "Headmaster, this prank is outrageous!"

Dumbledore shrugged, looking entirely unbothered. "I have no idea who's responsible. But I did suggest that Professor Quirrell try the sausages…"

McGonagall glared at him in exasperation. "That's your idea of a warning?"

Her stern gaze swept over William and the Weasley twins, who were frantically jotting down notes.

Indeed, the prank was William's invention—a prototype called "Rainbow Bubbles." 

Once ingested, it caused the victim to emit bubbles that could explode in random, often causing ridiculous effects.

Unbeknownst to Quirrell, he had consumed the enhanced version.

Quirrell fled to his office, soaking wet and humiliated, skipping his first class.

But this was only the beginning of his nightmare. William and the twins had raised the bounty for exposing what was under Quirrell's scarf to 100 Galleons.

The massive reward—equivalent to several months' salary for many adult wizards—sparked a frenzy among the students. Their pent-up creativity exploded as they vied for the prize, unleashing a relentless barrage of pranks.

Lee Jordan doused Quirrell's head in gold dye and unleashed a Niffler borrowed from Fred. The Niffler, drawn to the "golden" scarf, nearly tore it off before Quirrell managed to repel it with magic. The enraged creature bit his head multiple times before retreating.

Dungbombs and Stink Pellets became standard tactics, as were Bubble-Head Charms, which students used to shield themselves while looking ridiculous, like human-sized fishbowls.

Cedric, using a prototype from William, crafted fake wands that acted like Peashooters, firing beans at rapid speed. These "pea wands" became a best-seller, quickly selling out as students armed themselves for ambushes against Quirrell in the hallways.

It was like a live-action game of wizarding battle royale.

Even Peeves joined the chaos, cackling as he overturned desks, toppled statues, and hurled vases at Quirrell.

Despite his swollen face and growing misery, Quirrell remained steadfast, refusing to remove his scarf. He now roamed the school encased in thick armor, looking like a medieval knight.

And so, amidst this madness, Christmas finally arrived.

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