Attack On Titan: Dreams

"Please don't leave me Eren.... I can't live without you".

Yet, historically, he hadn't ever administered such contact to her - to do so would have been uncharacteristic of him. But, if he was completely honest with himself, he had never found receiving such physical contact unwelcome.

The tight clasp of her hands on his, whenever she sat at his bedside, and he was battle worn and injured, had become a gentle reminder that there were living beings in existence that could touch you without meaning to kill you. It was a warmth he had always taken for granted, that only Mikasa could supply.

Now, for the second time since he's known her, he is the one at her bedside, and she is an exhausted heap of muscle, sick and bleeding - all on his account.

He has nothing more to offer her - there's nothing more to give that will aid her flesh wounds, and offering words of comfort now seems superfluous and unhelpful.

He doesn't even have any alcohol to help numb the pain.

Though it was curiosity that had initially brought his hand to cup her cheek to stroke at the mark he'd left on her, he sees now that he has incidentally taken a page out of her book.

He swallows at the realization, suddenly feeling very self conscious, brow now furrowing in concentration at the movements of his thumb.

He feels completely out of his element.

He is not one for tenderness or needless touching.

His hands were made to bleed and break and kill - not this.

'This is stupid,' he muses, feeling his face begin to warm.

But then, Eren watches as her weary eyes droop closed, her lips tugging up very subtly at the corners into a small smile.

It doesn't feel so stupid anymore.

She then turns her head in his hand and presses into his touch, and inexplicably, he feels the hairs on his arms raise at the sensation of her velvet soft cheek nuzzling his skin.

No, he is not at all used to this.

His thumb halts, hand lingering, and he feels her shallow breaths against his wrist, and the sensation renders him motionless and unable to do anything but stare at his raven haired companion.

She looks haggard, but peaceful.

And she looks like... a woman.

A normal, human woman - not the mere expert killing machine he had come to regard her over the past few years.

Though he had certainly become more level-headed throughout their journey, his focus on their mission had narrowed even more with time - so much that he had begun to view the girl that had always stood by his side as a critical weapon to be used to further his cause. He hadn't even realized how detached he'd become until he saw her smile, and felt her breathing.

And now, too, her porcelain skin is incredibly soft and warm on his calloused palm, and the scar beneath his thumb seems to spell out his name, and blood is flowing from the fresh wound on her seemingly machine-made abdomen, coloured and sullied with his purpose, vibrant like the scarf he had given her what seems like an eternity ago, and his stomach turns because, for all her steel, and strength, and stoicism, it's all a reminder that Mikasa Ackerman is, in fact, human.

Even her flesh could tear.

Even she could die - and she would willingly.

For him.

The guilt stirs in his stomach again.

'This was not the life you wanted.'

It's not the life she deserved, either.

He knew she had wanted to stay within the walls and live a peaceful life, but out of her warped sense of obligation to him, she had given it all up just to repay a debt he had never bestowed upon her.

And it all circled back to that obvious truth once more - Mikasa was only here because of him.

Mikasa had almost died, yet again, because of him.

"I'm sorry," he finally blurts in a whisper, swallowing down the lump forming in his throat.

Her eyes remain closed, and he hopes she is sleeping.

"You have nothing to apologize for," she finally whispers into his wrist.

He frowns.

She was always so quick to absolve him of guilt in matters involving herself. She was unforgiving when it came to all else, but he could probably wring her throat with his own hands, and she still wouldn't fault him for it.

"Stop that," he whispers sharply, temper spiking briefly from his dark thought process.

"What?" she asks, eyes fluttering open.

He gently pulls his hand away from her face and back onto his lap and looks up at the ceiling, shaking his head, taking a breath to calm his nerves. He gives pause before speaking, and he can feel her eyes on him.

"Why do you follow me?" he asks the ceiling.

It's a stupid question. Not only is it nine years too late, but it has already been answered time and time again, both through words and action.

"You know why," she says, reminding him of such facts, and he looks back down to find her clutching the scarf around her neck.

He sighs.

"Alright, I know... " he says, reaching over to give the scarf a light tug, hand resting upon her collarbone. "... but I never asked you to die for me."

"I know."

"I'm not weak anymore, Mikasa - not like I used to be. You don't have to keep going out on a limb like that for me."

"Better safe than sorry," she says and his frustration increases, because there she goes again, reminding him that his life matters more than hers, in her own subtle way.

"Humanity needs you too," he replies, struggling not to turn the conversation into a lecture.

"I know. But you're irreplaceable. At least there's still Levi if something ever happens to me-"

"Hey, you're irreplaceable, too. Come on, we'd be completely fucked without you," he insists, and Mikasa allows herself a small smile, and it's contagious because Eren has to fight the one that threatens to spread on his face at the sight. "It's true," he says with a shrug.

Brow arched in amusement, Mikasa opens her mouth to reply, but instead a single cough takes over - which then turns into a coughing fit, her face twisting in pain as she presses a hand over her wound, and now the hard truth of the light hearted statement shakes him to his core.

To have lost her today would have been a major setback to the Survey Corps - and not only for the fact that they would have lost one of humanity's best soldiers.

In truth, Eren doesn't know what he would have done, had she died because she was important person in his life.

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The following chapters are available for Patreons

Chapter 2 Numb

Chapter 3 Carry On

Chapter 4 Fuck Love

Chapter 5 Announcement

Chapter 6 I Don't Want This Anymore

Chapter 7 Changes

Chapter 8 Moonlight

Chapter 9 Difference

Chapter 10 Bad Vibes Forever

Chapter 11 Announcement

Chapter 12 Only You

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