Dragon Ball Alternative

Besides the impact crater created by his pod's rather forceful landing, Raditz found a comfortable position on a smooth rock he found nearby. As he sat, his attention was fixed on the spectacle before him: Gohan, crying loudly, was making a hilariously futile attempt to hide himself behind a rock that was half his size.

Raditz is of the opinion that the brat is attempting to shield himself from view, but, comically, that rock offered him about as much concealment as Prince Vegeta would to Nappa. He's not quite certain if the boy just doesn't understand the concept of relative size or what, and to be honest, it wouldn't surprise him if the brat didn't. With how Kakarot is, it is entirely possible that the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

Speaking of apples, with a fluid movement, Raditz shifted his position on the stone and raised an apple to his lips. His hunger had prompted him to acquire a selection of fruits from some villagers he happened to come across on the way here a while back. Unsurprisingly, they had been remarkably cooperative once he had unsubscribed a few of them from life.

Raditz took a tentative bite, testing the fruit. Much like the doors of his pod, he can never be too careful with alien fruits either. He's certain Nappa has a recording of his trauma with that alien fruit stashed away somewhere, ready to be brought up to ridicule him at any given moment. Screw Helheim, that shithole of a planet. As the apple's sweet nectar danced across his palate, an expression of surprise overtook his face.

"Damn, these are pretty good! I should take some of these apples back with me, Nappa would appreciate these."

"Ahhhh! Wahhhh!"

A vein pulsed on Raditz's head as Gohan's incessant sobbing grated on his nerves. He would certainly appreciate the apple more if Kakarot's brat would just SHUT UP! He had been doing his best to ignore the brat's relentless cacophony, he really did. But as the unyielding wailing continued, he could feel his patience being stretched to its limits.

With a deep, calming breath, Raditz shifted his gaze to the source of the commotion.

"Look, kid!" Raditz exclaimed, his voice tinged with annoyance. "I'm going to tell you this one last time. You're one of the five remaining Saiyans left in the universe. You have value, so I'm not going to kill you or anything! So just pipe down already!"

"Wahhh, I want my daddy!"

"Shit, I want Kakarot to come with me too! Why the hell do you think we're even here, brat? Once he agrees, you, me, and him, we can all get out of this miserable, backwater planet!" Raditz erupted.

Yet, Gohan's tears continued, as if the young boy had not heard anything he had said. Another tick mark appeared and more veins began throbbing on Raditz's head as his patience finally ran out. He attempted to count to ten in a desperate bid to regain his composure, but even that was interrupted as Gohan's cries grew even louder.

At that moment, Raditz's decision was made. He swiftly reached for his scouter and manipulated the controls of his space pod, causing the hatch to open. With a determined gait, he walked over to the brat, seized him by the scruff of his shirt, returned to the pod, and lightly tossed the still-screaming little bundle of terror inside. The hatch closed with a quiet click and a blissful silence descended on his surroundings. Raditz took a deep breath, savoring the moment. Finally, peace once more.

Raditz cast a disgruntled glance at the still-crying Gohan, who had finally succeeded in besting his patience. The kid was pounding at the window, still screaming, but thankfully, he couldn't hear it.

"I'll let him chill out in there before I really lose my patience and do something I'm going to regret," Raditz grumbled to himself. With an irritated shake of his head, he walked away from the pod, muttering unflattering comments about whining brats under his breath. "Good god, I'm seeing the family resemblance because Kakarot's kid is just as annoying as he is!"

Seated once more on the very same rock, Raditz reached for another apple from his small pile, taking a generous bite. As the sweet juices coursed down his throat, Raditz's mind wandered, contemplating and regretting every single questionable life decision that had led to this exact moment where he begrudgingly found himself babysitting an annoying Saiyan brat— plus Kakarot. Oh god, he'd eventually have to babysit Kakarot too. Raditz released a weary sigh from the depths of his soul at the horrifying realization, his apple temporarily forgotten.

Perhaps he was wrong? Maybe, just maybe, Kakarot had no blood relation to him at all and one of them was simply adopted! Yes, that could be it! They look nothing alike anyway. Or– perhaps it was all a fever dream, where this damn planet, Kakarot, and his supposed nephew weren't real, but just figments of his imagination. In reality, he's dying and hallucinating due to blood loss on some random planet. That's possible too.

'Huh,' Raditz thought. 'That's right. The brat is his nephew, isn't he? Wow, extended family, never thought he would ever have that.'

Silence reigned in the crater's edge for all of five seconds before Raditz's relatively tranquil reprieve was shattered by a thunderous realization as it crashed straight into his face. His eyes blew wide open and he nearly choked on the chunk of unchewed apple in his mouth.

"Wait! How the f*ck did Kakarot get himself a son? Is there a female Saiyan here too?! Even better, are the natives of this planet genetically compatible with Saiyans?!"

Filled with an overwhelming surge of excitement, Raditz bolted up from his seated position so abruptly that the rock beneath him shattered into fragments from the sheer force of his movement. Yet, in this moment of jubilance, Raditz was beyond caring about such trivial matters.

He swiftly pivoted to face his nephew through the crimson panel of the pod, eyes searching frantically as if he needed visual confirmation to assure himself that the young Saiyan was not a figment of his imagination. After seeing Gohan once more, Raditz let out a breath of pure exhilaration.

"Yep, that's a tail alright!" a wide, grin of wild joy stretched across Raditz's face as he put a shaking hand to his head. "If the natives here are genetically compatible with us, then thank GOD Kakarot didn't obliterate everything!"

Overwhelmed by excitement, Raditz clumsily fiddled with his scouter, attempting to establish a connection with Nappa and Vegeta. His impatience was palpable as he anxiously awaited the signal to link up. While he waited, to release nervous energy, he started to tap his foot. So great was his excitement that the intensity of his tapping caused the ground beneath him to crack, simultaneously toppling the small pile of apples beside him.

"Come on…. pick up!"

While Raditz was impatiently waiting for the signal to establish a connection, his scouter suddenly registered two approaching energy signatures. Had Kakarot completed the mission already? Remarkable speed of execution for someone of Kakarot's power level! Granted, with the newfound revelation Raditz had about his nephew, the mission he imposed on Kakarot seemed rather counterintuitive, but in the grand scheme of things, a mere village wouldn't be missed.

With rapt attention, Raditz monitored his scouter's display as it traced the trajectory of these approaching energy signatures. The scouter emitted a series of beeps and flashed a precise distance for the two signatures, indicating that they had come to a halt. Raditz arched a brow at this odd occurrence briefly before his brow relaxed once. Ah! He gets it now. That's approximately where those weird pink birds were. He ought to make his way there to get Kakarot and whoever's with him.

Raditz harnessed his energy, preparing to take flight. However, he ascended no more than five meters above the ground before the scouter emitted another shrill beep, signaling that the two energy signatures were on the move once more. And advancing directly towards him too! Huh, that's rather strange, and these power levels are registering in the four hundred. Is this really Kakarot?

With a swift drop, Raditz touched down once again, crossing his arms as he awaited the imminent arrival of the energy signatures. As they came within telescopic sight, his hands reached for his scouter and engaged the zoom feature, granting him a much clearer view of the approaching figures.

"Perfect, it is Kakarot!" As Raditz scrutinized the approaching figures, he could clearly make out his brother, and beside him… "Oh, is that Big Green over there too? Nice! Two birds with one stone!"

While Raditz impatiently waited for them to arrive, he couldn't resist stealing a glance at the status of the ongoing call once more. It was still trying to connect. Nappa and Vegeta must be in the midst of battle then. Otherwise, given Nappa's tendency, the call would have been answered within the fourth ring, even if he was dying of diarrhea on the toilet. Raditz knows from experience since it was one of the scarce recordings in his possession that he could use to taunt Nappa. Good times.

Goku gracefully leaped from Nimbus and landed lightly on his feet, a habit he had acquired after Bulma's threat to have him foot the bill for damages he caused to her lawn. Beside him, Piccolo matched the motion perfectly, their movements in flawless synchrony.

"Where's Goha–!"

"IS YOUR WIFE SAIYAN OR NATIVE!?"

"W–what?" Goku stammered, completely caught off guard by Raditz's abrupt interruption.

"Mother of your brat! Saiyan? Or a native of this planet?"

"…Chi–chi? She's human, I think? I mean an hour ago I was pretty sure I was human too."

"You're not human?" Piccolo turned his head to Goku, a look of bafflement on his face.

Goku gave a nonchalant shrug. "Apparently not?"

Raditz, however, grew ecstatic. "YEESSSS!!"

The unexpected outburst from Raditz immediately drew the attention of both Goku and Piccolo. Their heads swiveled towards him, their expressions reflecting curiosity and confusion. What set him off?

Across from the duo, Raditz stood with an almost comical display of triumph. Both of his arms were raised high above his head and his legs were positioned apart, his entire body forming the shape of an 'X'. Every fiber of his being exuded elation, not unlike what his reaction would be if he discovered he had spontaneously woken up as a Super Saiyan.

"WHOOOOOOOO! HAHAHAHAA!! LET'S GOOOOO!!!"

Goku and Piccolo locked eyes, their faces contorted with expressions of bewilderment at Raditz's bizarre reaction.

"This is not what I was expecting when I came here," Piccolo remarked, his confusion palpable. He couldn't fathom how they had gone from a potential deathmatch to… this.

Goku replied to Piccolo's statement with another casual shrug, but any remaining lightheartedness rapidly dissipated and a rare seriousness settled in its place. "Radish! Where's Gohan?! Return my son to me!"

Raditz, uncharacteristically in a great mood, decided to let the butchering of his name slide this time. Maintaining the grin on his face, he casually pointed behind him with his thumb. "Your brat is fine. He's chilling out in my pod back there because he was really pushing my buttons with his incessant crying."

Without giving Goku or Piccolo a chance to respond, Raditz steered the conversation in a different direction.

"Anyways, we've got a change of plans, Kakarot. Good call not wiping out the entire species because we're not killing them after all like you wanted. Instead, we're going to conquer this planet by enslaving its people and rebuild the Saiyan race right here!" As he shared his vision, Raditz extended his arms in a grand gesture. "Imagine it, Kakarot! We can resurrect the Saiyan Empire and rekindle our race's pride and glory once again! Join us Kakarot, this is the dawn of our resurgence!"

"No!"

And just like that, Raditz's good mood was extinguished, replaced by frustration once more. With his enthusiasm thoroughly dampened by Goku's resolute refusal, Raditz practically spat out his irritation, "You fool! There's still time to reconsider!"

"No!"

"Did you even kill those people like I asked?" Suddenly, Raditz jerked his head as the flicker of a possibility flashed through his mind. He decided to rephrase his question, "Wait, had you even thought about the offer at all?"

"No! Killing or enslaving others goes against everything I stand for! I was raised as a human on Earth, not as a Saiyan, and this planet is my home. I will never consider doing any of those things, especially not to Earth, so you can forget it! Return Gohan to me!"

Raditz now knows without a shadow of a doubt that it is impossible to hold a conversation with Kakarot without spontaneously combusting from sheer irritation.

"Stand for!? Look Kakarot, do you honestly believe you can even survive in this universe with your weak–ass power level? And you talk about standing for something!? Any ordinary, random soldier in the Frieza Force can eliminate all life on this planet! That's how weak you are in comparison to– to everything!"

"No, I won't let them! I will protect the Earth!"

"You'll protect shit with that power level of yours!"

"I will! Just like how I will protect it from you!"

"You– you rather choose these weak earthlings over your glorious race? Over your own brother?!"

"Of course!"

Oh, ho ho ho, what a statement! Raditz had never been so irritated in his entire life. He needs to annihilate something cute and cuddly right now. Despite not meeting either of those descriptions, Raditz thinks that Big Green, standing over there silently with a smug expression plastered on his face, is a good alternative target.

Even as Raditz thought that, he could sense the first tendrils of desperation creeping in and clawing at him as he realized that his strategies were proving utterly ineffective. Contrary to what it may seem, he didn't have an infinite number of chances to give. The weight of this knowledge bore down on him and the urgency pressed him to find a way to make his brother see reason, in order to avoid a disastrous outcome.

Raditz knew he had one last card to play– a final gambit to try and persuade Kakarot, something universal to every Saiyan.

"You're a complete f*cking disappointment Kakarot. I can't even call you a warrior. You really are nothing but a low–class trash through and through, weak and perfectly content to be so." Raditz sneered, disgust evident in his tone, "Your lack of ambition is disgusting. I'll take your son and train him instead. He'll grow up to be more of a Saiyan warrior than you can ever be!"

Perfect! Chef's kiss! Absolutely every Saiyan Raditz knows will jump up foaming at the mouth to kill the person who insulted their pride so grievously! Raditz knows no better way to kindle the fierce pride and innate instincts of a Saiyan!

"I'm fine with being called trash, and I don't care what others call me! But if you think I'll simply allow you to take Gohan away from me Radish, then you've got another thing coming!"

"I swear to—!" Raditz began, beyond exasperated, "Do you have no pride at all?! whooooo…" He exhaled deeply, deliberately slowing down his breathing to calm down. If any other Saiyan were slandered like so, they would go mad trying to defend their honor and pride. But not his dumbass of a little brother, apparently!

"I know you're an idiot, Kakarot, but just listen to me! I'm your brother and I don't want to see you meet a pointless death. For your own sake, just join us if you want to live! Just come with me, please!"

Goku found himself momentarily caught off guard by the earnest plea in Raditz's voice, confusion lining his face as he tried to adjust to the unexpected shift in his brother's tone. The transition from the tough, hard-ass Raditz he had been facing moments ago and this new desperate version gave Goku nothing short of whiplash.

However, Goku quickly regained his composure. His face solidified, a stern resolve etching itself onto his features, and he shook his head.

At the sight, Raditz's face fell and his shoulders slumped. At that moment, standing at the crater's edge, Raditz regretted ever remembering the existence of his brother.

As the conversation came to a temporary halt, the unexpected voice of an older man suddenly resonated through Raditz's scouter, abruptly intruding into the exchange. The addition was so sudden that Raditz jumped a little, startled at the voice.

With a swift motion, Raditz's eyes darted toward the connection symbol on his scouter's screen. Unbeknownst to him, somewhere along the way, the signal had successfully connected.

"I believe you've made enough attempts, Raditz. You've done your best, and your brother is clearly not going to change his mind," the voice came from the scouter, the connection slightly unstable.

It paused briefly as if carefully choosing its next words. "The detour you took from our original course will be cataloged in your pod's logbook, which means that the Frieza Force is already, or eventually will be, aware of this planet's existence. You know very well that this universe has no place for the weak. A powerless Saiyan without the desire to fight or conquer will inevitably meet a grim fate, so just do him a favor and give him a painless death. Better a mercy kill from us than a humiliating end later at the hands of some sick bastard from the Frieza Force."

"Wait, wait, wait! Just give me a little more time Nappa. I can convince him. I know I can! He's my little brother, he just doesn't know what he's talking about!"

"Raditz."

Through the scouter, a distinct and noticeably younger voice pierced the air. The intrusion of this new voice had an immediate paralyzing effect on Raditz. His entire body locked up in fear, petrified as if seized by an unseen force. At that moment, his eyes, filled with pure terror, took on an expression of dread that neither Piccolo nor Goku could possibly overlook.

"Are you disobeying orders?"

"…no, Prince Vegeta."

"Kill him."

"Yes sir."