Hard Mode Idol

Unable to break his stubbornness, I surrendered. Since it came to this, I had no choice but to walk diligently and send him back quickly. Being overprotected is also a burden.

It’s almost April now, and the air was a bit chilly with humidity. Is it going to rain? Thanks to that, my sleepiness completely disappeared. I walked close to Kanghyun hyung with my shoulders hunched. Honestly, the dim streets were a bit scary. You know, in movies, it’s in situations like this that you get hit in the back of the head with a club.

I heard footsteps behind me and turned my head without realizing it. A worker, either going to work early in the morning or going home now, was walking with his spring coat closed. His tired face was similar to ours.

“Haon.”

“…Yes?”

My response was a bit delayed because I was paying attention to the back. Kanghyun hyung’s eyes glanced at the back and then turned back to the front.

“I once lied to you before.”

“You did?”

“Yeah.”

“I see.”

I felt a bit relieved when the worker crossed the crosswalk. If I had gone alone, it would have been scarier, but it’s less scary with hyung by my side. Next time, if he says he’ll take me at dawn, I should never refuse and say thank you.

What would have happened if I had gone alone? I would have walked with a lot of tension and had an abnormal condition triggered on the street. Just thinking about it is terrifying.

I had been loosely relaxed because I quickly became close with the new people I met and had no issues in crowded places. But it was a moment when I realized that the things I had learned over a long period were still inside me.

“You’re not asking again. Aren’t you curious what it was?”

“About the lie?”

“Yeah.”

“Not really. How can a person always tell the truth while living? I just think, well, that’s how it is.”

“What if it’s something serious?”

I tilted my chin and looked at Kanghyun hyung. Baek Kanghyun, the person I know. He loves dancing and is incredibly good at it. He’s blunt but also a considerate person who does everything he’s asked. He’s not a friendly personality, but I’ve never seen him get truly angry.

“No matter what lie you told, at least to me, you’re a good person. It’s probably nothing anyway, so why are you acting like it’s serious?”

Kanghyun hyung burst into a low laugh. Then he ruffled my hair at the back of my head, making it a complete mess.

“You might remember that I said I wasn’t interested in the members.”

“Ah. Yes. I remember.”

“That was a lie.”

“I knew that.”

“How?”

Kanghyun hyung’s voice rose higher than usual as if it was an unexpected answer.

“You told me where Yoochan hyung was and when he would get better. If you weren’t interested, you wouldn’t know that. Do you think I’m an idiot?”

“Hmm. Did I?”

“That’s what you lied about? It’s even less of a big deal than I thought.”

“No, the reason I’m bringing this up is…”

Kanghyun hyung hesitated for a moment and muttered in a small voice. I couldn’t hear what he said, so I asked, “What?” and he clearly replied, “…Thank you.”

“You’re thanking me, hyung? I should be the one thanking you. You must have been bored, but you kept watching my dance.”

“Just listen.”

“Ugh. Okay.”

Was I a talkative person? I feel like I had a similar experience before. Kanghyun hyung walked silently for a while and then slowly started talking.

“I joined a dance crew when I was 14. At first, most of them were similar to you. They approached me saying, ‘Teach me how to dance,’ ‘You dance well,’ ‘Do you want to do a pair dance with me?’ I liked it because I like dancing. But…”

He let out a long sigh. When thinking about old memories, you can sometimes get caught up in the situation at that time. Emotions get drawn in. It’s not something you can control with willpower. He told me to listen without saying anything, so I just quietly held Kanghyun hyung’s hand. I’ll share my warmth with you. I like this because it’s warm.

“It’s warm.”

I made eye contact with hyung and smiled. Kanghyun hyung stared down at our clasped hands and then turned his gaze back to the front. And he continued speaking.

“I was hated. Some said I hurt them, and some said they didn’t like my arrogant attitude. They said I was too young and didn’t know my place. I couldn’t properly fit into the crew and felt like an outsider. But I couldn’t give up because I still wanted to keep dancing. Then I got casted, and although I wasn’t interested in being an idol, I agreed to do it because it was a job where I could continue dancing.”

He was quite enthusiastic during the concept photoshoot and the music video filming. So I thought he was sincere about being an idol. Is he the type to work hard on whatever he has to do? That’s admirable.

“I started as a trainee in the 1st group, and as soon as there were talks about forming a debut team, I was immediately selected for the debut team. It had four members. However, I couldn’t forget what I experienced in the crew, so I kept my distance. I just disliked people. I felt like everyone would betray me.”

It was a confession that he became a voluntary loner. Ah! So when he said “not interested,” his favorability was actually dislike. It also explains why Yoochan hyung said he was a difficult type to get close to. If Yoochan hyung had been the leader from the beginning, he would have melted in quickly if the cult leader hadn’t interfered.

He must have realized that he couldn’t be shaken because he was too talented and had a strong mentality. Since he tried to distance himself, they must have used that to their advantage.

Just like they did to Jung Ilhan, saying he likes being alone, he only likes dancing, so let’s leave him be. They must have pushed him away while pretending to be considerate of others.

“When Jaehyuk hyung left, the entire debut team was shaken. Yoochan hyung was depressed the whole time, and Ilhan hyung hid himself even more. Seoho kept getting angry at the hyungs and the director. And all that venting was directed at you. But you were calm. Rather, you scratched Seoho persistently and even asked me to teach you how to dance.”

Kanghyun hyung said, “You were really strange,” and tapped the back of my hand. It tickled, so I shook my arm wildly, and he calmed down.

“Honestly, at that time, I thought the debut team would fall apart soon. So when you asked me to teach you, I did. But you didn’t change. Instead, you drew in the members and made us all gather together. Before I knew it, I found myself included in that.”

Somehow, the conclusion became grandiose. It wasn’t my doing that made us all come together now. It was just that everyone was a good person.

“That’s because everyone is a good person. It’s not something I did.”

“You were the catalyst.”

I was at a loss for words at his confident rebuttal. I don’t know what to say at times like this. I wanted to deny it out of embarrassment, but I was also grateful that he evaluated me positively.

“I wanted to say thank you at least once. Now I like all the members, including you.”

Kanghyun hyung spoke in a small voice, but clearly enough for my ears to hear, while turning his head away from me.

“…Uh, yeah. I like you too. All the hyungs.”

“Yeah.”

This is awkward. I tried to slyly pull out my held hand, but he held it tighter. I’m embarrassed. We’ve never said things like this before. Ah, it’s hot. Wasn’t the weather chilly?

“Hyung, I’m really awkward, so can you let go of my hand…?”

“…Don’t you think I am too? It’s my first time saying things like this in my life.”

“Then please let go of my hand. I feel like my face is going to explode.”

“I don’t want to because it’s warm.”

“Ha, really.”

“They say kids have high body temperature, and it’s true.”

“I’m nineteen, you know? I’m all grown up. Calling me a kid. That’s rude.”

Kanghyun hyung snorted. When there’s only a two-year difference between us? Even though my mental age is twenty-seven? The gaze looking down at me was crooked. Is he saying I’m small now?

“What does it matter if you’re nineteen? You’re still this small.”

“You’re the one who’s big, and I’m just not fully grown yet! I’m still growing!”

“Then you are a kid.”

“Not a kid, a teenager.”

I retorted firmly while trudging along. It was my own struggle to chase away the embarrassment. Even Kanghyun hyung, who would have remained silent usually, kept clicking his tongue, so isn’t he just as embarrassed as me? Then can’t we keep a bit of distance?

“Yeah. A minor. A little kid.”

“You’re only twenty-one yourself.”

“I can drink alcohol, and you can’t.”

That’s when it happened. Suddenly, a scream of “Uwaaaah!” was heard. A man’s scream in the early morning was enough to give me goosebumps. Without realizing it, I clung to hyung’s arm and was on guard towards the direction of the sound. What? Who? What’s going on?

Kanghyun hyung wrapped his arm around my shoulder and naturally pushed me to the opposite side of where the sound came from. A man in a disheveled suit appeared in the dark alley, staggering. His swaying steps were clearly in a state of heavy intoxication.

“…Ah, that startled me.”

“Come this way.”

Kanghyun hyung pushed me further inside. Since nothing good comes from getting involved with a heavily drunk person, we quietly kept our distance.

“Huh? Who are you?”

But we still caught his attention. If you’re drunk, just take a taxi and go quietly. Why are you wandering around here and scaring people at this hour?

“Let’s go.”

I agreed with the wise decision and walked quickly. The drunk man shouted from behind, “Hey, where are you going! Are you ignoring me? Huh? Are you ignoring me?!”

As we gained distance, the surroundings became quiet again. I checked my stamina while calming my pounding heart. It’s quite miserable. If I don’t rest soon, an abnormal condition will trigger.

“This is why I said it’s dangerous. Next time, if I say I’ll take you, just say okay. Don’t insist you’re fine.”

“Are you okay, hyung?”

“You’re small, and I’m big.”

“Even if you’re big, the vital points are the same.”

“When you’re big, they don’t usually attack.”

That’s true. Especially when Kanghyun hyung has a blank expression, his aura is very chilling. If he just rolls his eyes and stares without changing his expression, it’s enough to make you shudder a bit.

Even I would attack someone like me if there was someone like Kanghyun hyung. It’s obvious that I look easy to take out. It’s an objective fact, but it felt a bit sad.

“We’re almost there. I’ll go after seeing you get on the elevator.”

But when it came to going in alone, I felt uneasy. We even encountered a drunk person. Sending me alone at this hour doesn’t put my mind at ease at all. A twenty-one-year-old is a kid. Even if his impression is fierce, it won’t be very visible at night.

“Hyung.”

“Yeah.”

“Do I have to be alone in the dorm?”

“…Yeah.”

“Until morning?”

“The dorm is safe.”

“…Still.”

I sent a gaze that said, I just encountered a drunk person and I’m very startled. Don’t go and stay with me. I shot a beam with starry eyes. Use your overprotective trait! I put in my feelings. It feels like my acting experience is increasing.

“Let’s go up…”

In the end, Kanghyun hyung gave up. They’re all weak to me. Whenever I realize it anew, my whole body feels ticklish. It’s not an unpleasant tickle but a pleasant one. I could feel so clearly that the hyungs cherish me.

“Don’t leave in the middle after thinking that I’m sleeping. I think I’ll be scared if I wake up alone.”

“Got it.”

“The hyungs and Seoho need to rest too. When I saw it earlier, they all looked like corpses. Since we’ve been practicing normally, I think they’ll do well even without you. Don’t you think so, Kanghyun hyung?”

“That’s right.”

“But I think they’ll groan about your body aching tomorrow from sleeping on something hard.”

Kanghyun hyung laughed and agreed, saying, “That’s true.” Everyone’s laughing more now. The same goes for me.