I Am Peter Parker (MARVEL AU)

"So let me get this straight. Spider-Man wrecked you brothers-erm... Brother and sister to next Sunday, then grabbed the tesseract, and bailed after deciding not to pay your father a surprise meeting?"

"He did not 'wreck' us-"

"Sure."

"-I... Well, I guess it is somewhat true-"

"From your bruised face, it doesn't look like 'somewhat', ya know?"

"-But yes... The rest is true. He vanished before I managed to get my bearings together." Thor replied with an embarrassed if not, ashamed look on his face.

"Sounds about right." Tony said, mostly to himself as he flicked up his eyebrows for a moment as a sign of being amused. "I like that guy. He has style."

"Is style all you care about Stark?" Steve groaned as Tony who was sitting across the table shrugged taking a bite out of his shawarma while Barton just chuckled to himself, sitting beside the Iron Man.

"Style is important yes. Not that I expect you to know anything about it, Mr. Stripes n' Stars." Tony quipped as Steve scowled which only intensified as Natasha giggled to herself prompting Bruce to laugh as well but in a more subtle manner. "What do you think Miss Romanoff?"

"As much as I hate to say this, I agree with Stark. You could use a few styling lessons-"

"Alright guys, this is not funny anymore." Steve almost snapped at Natasha, causing her to raise her eyebrow while Barton gave him a pointed look as if warning him to tread carefully. "Look, Spider-Man took an-"

"An object that SHIELD was going to use to build weapons of mass destruction that was mismanaged by God of Sparkles and his old man and let us not forget the magic wand from Miss Crossdresser over there. No telling just what they might do with that. We get it Captain clench, trust me, we do." Tony interjected rolling his eyes as he licked the sauce off his fingers. Natasha shook her head and went back to enjoying her much-earned meal as she let the boys fight it out. "But there is nothing we can do and so let us do the most logical thing and just sleep on it for now. We do not know just where Spider-Man is and what he is planning to do with it!"

"That's exactly why we have to find it again, Stark... You don't understand. Spider-Man waited and put all these innocent lives at risk before he finally decided to step in to save the day and look at what he did to the city. What about the people who are going to be homeless now? Who is to say that he has the best interest in mind now that has the tesseract?" Steve asked, still critical and more paranoid as he looked straight into Tony's eye. "Who is to say that he isn't doing all of this for his own selfish gains?"

"Captain, between all of us, I think everyone sitting here knows that Spider-Man does all that he is good at for himself and his reasons which are currently unknown to our knowledge." Tony said firmly as Steve raised his eyebrows wondering where this was going. "And have you ever wondered how and why we all know that?"

"It's because-"

"It is because Spider-Man himself said it. To us, out loud to the people who like to point fingers at others and position themselves up as if they have moral high grounds when the foundation they stand on is shaky and flaky at best." Tony said as Steve gritted his teeth at the last jab trying to control in nerves. "No, no, no, Captain. To me it feels like, if anyone has been more transparent to me so far, it has to be Spider-Man. I haven't even spoken to the man personally once and yet why do I feel like I can depend on him more than I can on anybody in this room?"

"What are you saying Stark-"

"Even if he is bad, he isn't Fury which is something I will take any day over being lied to and being used to build weapons of mass destruction yet again." Tony said getting up.

"I would rather have straight targets in my crosshair than snakes slithering in my lawn, spineless."

"What did you say?!" Steve clenched his fists and stood up to grab Tony's collar only for the man to push him as Thor and Banner stepped in to pull them back respectively.

"Hey! Calm down!" Banner hurriedly whispered into Tony's ear while Thor grabbed Steve by his cowl and pulled it back.

"Let us not make things worse, soldier." Thor said softly as Steve snarled.

"Let go of me, Thor!"

Barton just sighed to himself as he looked at his watch. He just wanted to get back, rest, and call his family. Oh god, was he in need of an extended break? Barton looked at Natasha who was calmly eating her food and raised an eyebrow.

Spotting Barton staring at her with a curious look on his face she shrugged moving on to her burger.

"Not my concern." She said simply going back to ignoring the drama as Clint shook his head, not surprised.

"Fair." He muttered to himself as he then turned to Loki who was sitting in a far corner staring at her food as if it was poisoned until she noticed Barton's gaze and made a 'what?' face. "Did you-"

"I did not cast any of my spell." She said with an offended look on her face as Barton sent a doubtful look her way. "Does it come to you as a surprise that you humans are inherently capable of this degree of stupidity, archer?"

"Fair, fair." Barton muttered yet again as he too decided to ignore the fight in the background and concentrate on the food on his plate. As he went to pick up the last slice of pizza he was alarmed when the table started shaking and then almost jolted out of his seat when the whole establishment began to tremble. "Oh god, please don't tell me it's not over."

"Quick! Outside!" Banner said as he ran outside and following him were the rest of the Avengers and even Loki. "My God..."

"Jesus..." Steve muttered in awe, his eyes wide open as he looked around to see destroyed roads getting fixed by themselves, chunks of fallen debris floating back into place to fit the rest of the building they fell from just like they used to be before the attack. This strange phenomenon wasn't exclusive to a single block, the whole city was being fixed, glowing with a light green aura and at the heart of this was a single lone figure who was afloat above the city.

"Look!" Thor said pointing his finger in her direction and all eyes landed on the silver-haired, blue-eyed beauty who looked down at them. "Is... Is that a Goddess?"

Just as he said that the woman in silver smiled and in a flash of blue she vanished, disappearing out of sight.

"Wait-" Thor called out but he was too late as he shook his head.

"Umm..." Tony who had been silent the whole time turned towards Steve with a smug look on his face.

"What were you saying about the city again?"

------

"Surprise Sidney~" Ghostface Killer cheered gleefully as he chased after Sidney Presccot causing May who was sitting on Peter's lap to jump a bit.

"Oh my!" May exclaimed before calming down as Peter softly squeezed her waist with a chuckle. "That was quite scary!"

"Really? It looks comical to me." Yuri, who had seen the movie quite a few times, said from the other side of the room with a smug smirk which caused Gwen who was sitting beside Peter on his left to throw popcorn at her.

"Shut up~ It's May's first time watching this movie. Of course, she is going to be a bit jumpy." Gwen giggled as Yuri caught the popcorn with her mouth and grinned.

"I'm just saying." She retorted chewing on it as Jennifer who was sitting on the floor leaning against her couch smiled as she braided Eryl's hair. Juno who sat beside Eryl had her eyes fixated on the screen as she looked on with her fist balled up in tension, too engrossed in the movie.

"Quiet you two, it's not just May's first time." MJ who sat on Peter's other side said softly leaning onto her man's shoulder as she gestured towards Eryl and Juno causing Yuri to quiet down.

"Run bitch run!" The silence didn't last long as Wade who was sitting close to the TV on the floor between Simon and Frank exclaimed, as his girlfriend, Vanessa who was sitting in his lap slapped his arm to calm him down. "Ouch! What? I'm excited, I haven't watched this movie in years just like Ghost here!"

"Quiet boy~" She said as Wade just scoffed turning towards Simon instead who was wearing a bunny-eared hoodie with his balaclava still on. "What do you say? Think you can pull that mask off? It would be fun to see you wear that iconic Ghostface mask and murking people."

"Hmm." Simon just grunted in his gruff voice as he watched the movie with interest. "For Halloween? Sure. Otherwise..."

"On the field? Not so much?"

"Not a chance, mate." He replied sipping on his tea as Wade whined like a child.

"Awww... Why not?" He asked almost pouting as Frank chuckled gulping down his beer.

"The killer... He's too green. Makes too many rookie mistakes. Trips over nothing. Can't hold a knife properly. Possibly wouldn't last a minute in a moshpit. I don't think I want to be associated with... that." He said honestly as everybody 'oohed' at the burn. "But he still gets away with all those mistakes so I guess I'll have to give him that. But I'm not sure if that is because he's smart... or the rest are just too dumb."

"Ouch and ouch." Wade said sarcastically as he made a face before he sighed, looking back at the screen. "Nice analysis though, I wanna be like you when I grow up."

"You wanna be better than me, Wade." Ghost retorted as the rest of the room chuckled at their banter. Ghost or Simon fit right in with that brooding personality of his, he was very similar to Frank which made it easy for others to tread around him since they were already used to the Punisher.

That also meant that he became good friends with Frank as well as Peter. Not to mention with his alcohol tolerance being better than Frank, Deadpool got a new drinking buddy and the Punisher got a new beer rival.

Looking around the room, Peter smiled. He never imagined he'd feel warmth like this ever again but boy was he glad.

But it still felt like something was missing. Or more like someone or rather, two individuals were not to be found. And on cue, both of the beautiful individuals arrived with plates of delicious food in their hands.

"Alright, boys and girls! The dinner is ready!" Felicia announced as she set the plate down on the table as everyone got up.

"Fucking finally!" Wade exclaimed pausing the movie as he made a beeline for the plate of chimichangas only to be whacked on the hand by Susan who gave him a stern glare. "What the-"

"Go wash your hands first." Susan said as Wade whined.

"But others are already-" He began only to stop as he saw Peter wave a hand and magically sanitize everyone's except for Wade's hands. "Awww... Come on man... Fuck you, Pete."

Peter chuckled as he wrapped his hands around Felicia's stomach lovingly and kissed her from behind before he helped her serve others.

"Love you too." Peter said rolling his eyes as he waved his hand cleaning Wade's hand with the same magic, causing the merc to cheer while the web-slinger kissed Susan tenderly as he pulled her chair out for her in a gentlemanly fashion. "Not you Wade, but my darling here."

"Hmph!"

"Hahaha!"

The laughter continued throughout most of the dinner as the table occupants shared meaningful conversations over good food.

The night continued, as everybody was outside laying on the lawn in small groups looking up at the stars while the stories continued.

"What are you thinking?" Felicia asked laying her head on his chest as a sly smile made its way to her face. "fantasizing about me?"

"Always. You don't think I ever stop do I?" Peter replied smoothly as she giggled kissing and biting his lower lip slightly before pulling away with a saucy smile.

"Well, don't go stopping now." She replied coyly as she sneakily tried to grab his dick but failed as Yuri climbed up his body and buried his face between her breasts. "Ahh, there goes my moment."

"Sorry there Felicia-chan. But Onee-sama has been lonely." Yuri replied sultrily as she gasped suppressing a moan when Peter grabbed her knockers and gently bit into the flesh of her cleavage.

Yuri wasn't afraid of others watching as it was nighttime and Wade, Frank, Simon, and Vanessa were grouped a bit far away but she didn't want to lose her control and fuck Peter here as that would certainly draw more than some eyes and she'd rather not do that.

But with Peter's action it was proving quite difficult for her to do that. "Easy there Petey... A dangerous game you are playing when I am so, so on the edge. You might just flip my switch."

"Well... Maybe I want to." Peter smiled pulling back as Yuri slowly rubbed against his dick, the excitement that others might see only added fuel to the fire and the sensual act even got Felicia to start breathing heavily. "But now is not the place."

"Aww." Yuri pouted as Peter let go of her breasts and simply hugged her close while kissing her forehead. "But I want it so bad..."

"So do I." Peter whispered into her ear as she shivered. "All that fighting was quite underwhelming and I think I require something rather... Raunchy to sate my hunger. What do you say, Yuri?"

"P-Peter..."

"If it's not an inconvenience to you, then can I offer to eat you out tonight ma'am?" Peter whispered as Yuri and Felicia both shivered. "And would you like to join Felicia?"

"Fucking yes!" Felicia almost screamed as she leaned ahead to kiss him. "Let's go inside! Now!"

Felicia and Yuri were about to drag Peter inside but were interrupted as a rather big wolf-like creature with a Chimpanzee on its back came running out of the house and almost tossed Yuri and Felicia away as they tackled Peter.

"Ouch... Great more of this. Just what I needed." Yuri huffed while Felicia who was seeing these two creatures for the first time just looked on with wide eyes.

"Hey there buddy!" Peter chuckled getting up as the Wolf-Dog licked Peter's face while the Chimp hugged his torso. "Rubble! Caesar! You both have grown so much since the last time I saw you. Such big boys now! I'm so proud of you!"

Peter smiled hugging Rubble's snout as he patted Ceasar's head.

"They both have grown well." Susan smiled as she came out and sat beside Peter caressing Rubble's fur. "The education program was successful. Rubble and Caesar are ready for official combat training with Caesar having a slight bit of an edge considering he is humanoid."

"That's great!" Peter smiled kissing Rubble's head while he hugged the chimp tightly as got up. "I'm so, so happy to see you both!"

"Woof!" Rubble barked happily as Caesar simply snuggled into Peter's chest.

"Gosh, I am so jealous." Yuri muttered folding her hands as Gwen giggled walking towards the two creatures. "And horny..."

"Is that a freaking wolf and a... Monkey?" Felicia asked shaking herself out of her shock as Caesar groaned.

Caesar was not amused.

And he let it be known.

"I am not a monkey." He spoke as Peter raised his eyebrows in surprise as the others except for Yuri and Felicia gushed at Caesar. "I am a respectable Chimpanzee belonging to genus-"

"It can talk?!" The shocked yet curious cat asked once more as Caesar groaned again looking at Peter who flashed him a helpless smile.

"I am a 'he', not an 'it'. Please understand..." He trailed off looking at the lost look on Felica's face as he sighed to himself. "Boy, it is going to be a long night."

"And yes he can speak." Susan finished as Peter kissed her cheek.

"Thanks for looking after them Sue." Peter said as she just smiled. "Come then guys we have a lot of catching up to do. I also have to introduce you to your spider siblings. You are going to love Voras-"

Peter's rambling came to a halt when his phone buzzed causing him to scowl a bit. He pulled out his phone nonetheless and frowned as he saw a notification.

'I'm in a pinch. Cornered. Help me out?' It was from Natasha.

"What is wrong, father?" Caesar asked as Peter flashed him an apologetic look.

"Looks like our reunion has to wait." Peter said as Caesar frowned which was mirrored by others but he smiled, nodding nonetheless. "Something came up."

"I will await your return then. So will Rubble." Caesar said getting off Peter as he jumped onto Rubble's back who just whimpered sadly as Caesar consoled him. "Easy brother. He'll be back soon. What is the matter though, if I may ask father?"

"Yeah, Peter. Is everything alright?" Gwen asked as Peter just smiled icily.

"Nothing much. Just people begging to be put into their places yet again." Peter smiled as MJ and May winced at the implications.

"Please keep it to a minimum." May said as Peter maintained the smile.

"No promises-" Peter stopped as he saw the look Eryl and Juno were giving him and sighed. "Alright, alright. I won't go too far. A couple of bones and mental trauma then."

"That's still a bit-" MJ began as Peter cut her off.

"End of the bargain! See ya~" Peter said as he flashed away as Frank chuckled turning towards Ghost who was looking at Caesar with an interested look.

Caesar noticed his gaze and turned over to him. They both stared at each other before Caesar grinned at the guy.

"Cool mask, mister." Caesar said flashing him a thumbs up as Ghost nodded.

"Thanks." Ghost replied before pulling out his gun. "Wanna learn how to use a gun?"

"I think it would be smart to start with a knife." Caesar replied as Ghost smirked behind his mask.

"A man after my own heart." He said gesturing him to follow as he lead the wolf and chimpanzee inside.

"You have a heart, Simon?" Wade asked surprised as Ghost just grunted.

"A cold one."

Frank chuckled as he followed them inside with others as they awaited Peter's return once he was done...

Fixing.

------

"-Fixing the world is what we do. Protecting it from any threats by any means necessary and I don't know why you don't understand that Stark!" Fury almost yelled as he rubbed his temples.

The 'avengers' that he assembled stood across him with most of the members not pleased with him and it made him wonder if this team was even a great idea.

If it was he wasn't feeling in charge and it appeared that his actions had come to bite him in the ass.

Especially Stark.

"Oh does that vague list of 'means' include making weapons of mass destruction?" Stark asked amused spinning in a chair as he tossed a flew blueberry into his mouth. He was still hungry and a bit angry. "That is good to know."

"I don't want to hear that from you Stark." Fury snarled as Stark simply smiled.

"Whatever you mean-"

"Let's just stay on the topic boys." Maria sighed sitting behind a desk as she tried to assess the predicament they found themselves in. "Even if SHIELD was going to make weapons to... Deal with external threats, we cannot do that any further as Spider-Man took it."

"And even if Spider-Man did not, I would have taken it back to my home." Thor said as Fury raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to retort but decided to keep it shut for the moment. "But that is beside the point, Spider-Man has it and I'd advise you not to pursue it. He shattered the cube with his hands. It's no longer of any use to you-"

"He what now?" Bruce raised his eyebrow in shock which was mirrored by others. "Are you talking about the same Tesseract that needed twenty million kelvin just to break through the barrier?... You gotta be kidding me."

"Do I look like I'm in the mood for jokes?" Thor asked seriously as Bruce shook his head hesitantly. "I will say this again. Do not go after Spider-Man unless you are willing to send all of your soldiers after him and even then I can only tell you that you would be sending them to their deaths. What Spider-Man does with that power is not for you to question. I will be taking him to meet my father and I will leave it up to Odin to decide how to deal with him-"

"I don't need you to tell me what to do. I need you two to track the cube Stark, Banner. Once again." Fury said adamantly as Thor opened his mouth to speak but realized his words would be wasted while Loki smirked to herself at her brother's plight.

Fury would not realize unless someone hit him in the face with the reality and Thor wouldn't be the one to do it.

He was only going to stay around for a few days, anyways. Humans and their petty squabbles would not be his problems then.

"I refuse." Tony said getting up from the chair as Fury gritted his teeth. "I trust Thor if he said the cube was destroyed. Plus, I don't want to end up mangled like these two."

"I... I also refuse." Banner said looking away after a while as Fury leaned back with a stone-cold face.

"Are you going refuse me after all that I have done for you, Dr. Banner? Do you want me to-" Fury stopped mid-sentence as Banner snapped towards him.

"You will... what?" Banner asked lowly, green veins bulging as everyone stepped back a bit, especially Fury who raised his arms to calm Banner. "Ross is dead. And I didn't ask you to keep the army off of me."

"That's not what I meant-"

"-I didn't run because I am afraid they'll get to me. I ran because I didn't want Hulk to get to and go through them-"

"If I may speak." It was Loki who decided to speak up this time as Thor turned to her giving her a look of warning which she completely ignored. Fury looked at her with a frown as Natasha shared a look with Steve who folded his arms. "If you want to find the Spider, I suggest you start questioning that woman over there first."

"Natasha?" Fury asked, his eyebrows raised in confusion as the rest of the room turned to look at the woman in question. Natasha didn't buckle under the weight of the gaze and maintained a hard, blank exterior but she was in turmoil, internally.

"Yes." Loki smiled as Fury sent her a questioning look. "For a woman who is supposed to be one of your best spies, trustworthy warrior even, she seemed awfully close to Spider-Man who is your enemy when he rescued her."

"Excuse me?" Natasha interrupted. "You deduced all of that with a three-second interaction?"

"Well-"

"Do not listen to my sister Fury. She holds a grudge against the Spider and friend Natasha here." Thor said but it was too late as Fury locked his gaze onto Natasha. His lone eye glaring daggers into her skull, analyzing her facial expressions.

"What is this about, Romanoff?"

"Damn if I know." Natasha shrugged casually. "If she is talking about when he saved me then yes I was a bit emotional. Out of character for me, yes, but in my defense, I was going to get smacked in the face with a fucking nuke. You can't blame me for being thankful that he saved my life seconds later after I saw it flash before my eyes."

"Well, you looked like you were about to kiss him. Oooh, what intimacy" Loki grinned adding fuel to the fire as Stark whistled in wonder while Steve frowned. "Am I sensing a forbidden relationship?-"

"Well, I would have done the same if it was Stark in his stead. I was just thankful." Natasha lied as naturally as she breathed as she tried not to gag or cringe externally while Stark cursed under his breath.

"Damn, lost my chance." He grumbled as Barton and Banner scoffed beside him while the latter wore his glasses. "I don't know how to feel about Spider-Man now that he stole my thunder."

"Oh yeah? Do you want me to call Pepper and let her know that?" Natasha asked fishing out her cell phone as Tony almost choked on the berry he was eating.

"It was a Joke!" He replied quickly, his pitch a bit higher. "*Ahem* It was just a joke, ma'am."

"Whatever." Natasha muttered as she turned around and sneakily send Peter a text. She knew that Fury was not going to drop this anytime soon but she had to try and stall him until Peter arrived. And if Peter didn't and she was caught, there was a fully loaded Glock on her thigh and she would not be going down alone. "Plus it's not like he and I are total strangers. We have worked together and he saved me when I was in a pinch before."

"You sound like you trust him." Fury said narrowing his eye as Natasha nodded.

"Trust him to keep his word, yes I do. He is a man of his word after all and because I was nice to him he seems to trust me too." Natasha shrugged. "But that is just my speculation though, it's hard to tell what exactly he's thinking because of his mask."

"Why didn't you tell me this before Romanoff?" Fury asked sternly raising his voice as everyone in the room tensed up.

"You mean when I was reporting to you?" Natasha asked and Nick nodded slowly. "Because you asked me for an objective report. You didn't ask what I thought of him. You didn't ask for my insight and I told you what you wanted to hear."

Nick stared at her face before he smiled raising his hand forward.

"Your phone." He began. "Give me."

"What?" Natasha asked faking a surprised expression while inside she was prepping herself for a fight.

"I said give me your phone, agent Romanoff." Nick said with a smile. "I want to know if you are clean and I want proof. I want to see your phone."

"That's an order."

Natasha grimaced internally as she straightened her back.

"Yes, sir." She responded curtly as she stepped ahead to give him the phone while her other hand fell close to the harness on her thigh. She would only get a small window of opportunity but she was confident it would be enough to kill Fury, Steve, Maria, and even Tony if she was lucky enough. She didn't want to hurt Barton but she knew his hands were tied with his family being in Fury's inner circle. A coin bomb would blow out the window, allowing her to jump out and dive into the ocean below and if she had enough luck left then there wouldn't be any sharks below. All that remaining would be putting her swimming skills to test. She had a plan. Not perfect, but a solid one. "Here you go-"

But alas, that would not be needed.

Just as she was about to hand her phone over, there was a flash of red-black lightning causing everyone to squint their eyes.

"What the-"

When the light died down, standing in all his glory was the menace of New York. The trigger-happy Spider-Man.

Spinning on his heel, Spider-Man made the first move and slashed Natasha's phone to pieces before doing the same to Fury's gun that he had pointed in his direction.

Leaning to the side he avoided a sneak kick by Steve and grabbed his extended leg by one arm before he swung the man out of time across the room and into a wall.

"Oh hey, easy there." Spider-Man said casually, as he gestured with his hands for everyone to calm down. Tony, Banner, Thor, and Loki didn't move but their reasons were vastly different than each other.

Tony didn't move because he just admired the sight of the black and red suit glistening under the light as its pattern shifted, almost hypnotizing him while Banner didn't move because fear had grabbed him by his neck and he found it hard to breathe around arachnid.

Thor and Loki didn't move because even the sight of the man's suit would make the both of them flinch after the beating they had just received.

"Spider-Man..." Fury growled as Spider-Man just waved at him casually as he looked around.

"Oh sorry about that." He said to Natasha looking at the phone he destroyed purposely while Natasha sent him a faux glare but inside she felt the need to jump Spider-Man and kiss the living daylights out of him. "Just a bit twitchy lately, I hope you understand. Though that was a gun."

"Yeah..." Natasha said thanking him with her eyes as Spider-Man grinned behind his mask.

"But no sorry to you." Spider-Man said as he pointed at Fury who stepped back a bit, having been stripped of the only weapon he had. "You almost killed me again."

"That's some bullshit." Fury muttered as Spider-Man chuckled leaning back and walking around the room as if he owned it.

"Damn right it is. As if you could kill me."

Spider-Man laughed it off as he waved at Maria who was still frozen in her seat behind the table. "Hello there Ms. Hill. I've heard a lot about you. I'm rooting for you to become the next director of SHIELD. You have my vote and all of my support!"

"Thank you...?" Maria responded unsure as Spider-Man smiled.

"You're welcome." Spider-Man nodded as he settled into a chair and leaned back, crossing one leg over the other as he looked at all the occupants of the room. "Barring Natasha, Barton over there, and Loki, Thor, and the old's man ass I whooped earlier, I believe this is the first we have officially met right? Hi there, I'm Spider-Man."

"Why are you here-" Fury began but was interrupted by Stark who burst forward towards the web-slinger.

"Hi! Hi *Ahem* Hi... I'm Tony Stark, Iron Man as you may know and that is my science buddy Banner over there." Tony said extending his arm ahead as Spider-Man shook it with an amused look on his face while Banner tried to hide behind a nervous Barton as Steve picked himself up after a brief struggle. "And I just want you to know... I am a huge fan of yours."

"Thanks, Tony. Much appreciated." Spider-Man said before he turned towards Fury. "Oh? You were saying something? Go on."

Fury glared at Spider-Man but Spider-Man just smiled, the patterns on his face shifting to resemble a middle finger as Tony snickered.

"Why the fuck are you here?" Fury asked as Spider-Man pointed his thumb toward Thor and Loki.

"To talk to them. I kinda left them hanging on Stark's Tower, beautiful piece of architecture, by the way, good job Tony-"

"Thanks! Finally some love for my baby!"

"-After I broke New York along with an alien army and their sorry asses." Spider-Man smiled. "You're welcome, Nick."

"You can't just-"

"Ahh, is this the same Helicarrier that I almost drowned last time?" Spider-Man interrupted him yet again. "The one that I spared because you begged me to? *Ahem* I spared out of the kindness of my rotten heart?"

"..."

"Ahh, then I'm pretty damn sure I can come and go as I like."

"..."

"Good boy. Anyways, on you two." Spider-Man said turning towards Thor and Loki. "We are leaving for Asgard in two days. Make sure you have your matters sorted out till then. Also, here..."

"What-" Thor blinked as Spider-Man pulled something out of his pocket dimension and tossed it towards the man. "The Scepter!"

"Yeah, I'm done with that for now. That will also be included in the deal along with various other things, such as the life of your sister that I spared." Spider-Man said mockingly as Loki growled at him. "Woah, getting a bit antsy there aren't ya? It's fine. Just watch and bark 'cause that's all you can do and that's all you are... A toothless dog."

"Watch you mouth-"

"Nah, I can't. Would have to rip out my eyeballs and turn them around for that. So... I won't. Not happening."

Spider-Man said curtly as he turned around. "Anyways, that's it I guess. It has been a pleasure, Mr. Stark, Dr. Banner, I'm sure you have a lot to say but let's save it for my return from Asgard. Also, your cousin is safe with me. She's been under my protection since I put Ross... To rest you see."

"I... Thank you, Mr. Spider-Man, sir." Banner said extending his hand. Spider-Man stared at the hand for a moment before shaking it with a chuckle.

"Don't be so tense. I'm just glad as you are to not turn another Hulk into meat paste."

Spider-Man chuckled as Banner laughed nervously. Not many people could pull that joke off. "Also, just Spider-Man or Spidey will do. Anyways, I gotta go now-"

"I don't think you are going anywhere." Fury said stepping ahead as multiple agents entered the room and in their hands were the destroyer prototype guns. Spider-Man raised an eyebrow in wonder as he saw Steve armed himself with a pulse rifle too.

"You have a lot to answer for." Captain said. "Now take a seat-"

"Fury, just what part of vibranium being indestructible you didn't understand?" Tony asked in exasperation as he gestured toward Spider-Man's armor. "His whole freaking suit is made out of it! The shots will fucking ricochet around the room and kill us all-"

"It's alright Stark, he's not that smart. Plus..."

"...I got this." Spider-Man said stepping forward as the agents powered their weapons but just as they did that, a magic circle appeared at the end of the muzzle and the guns blew up sending the agents flying back while Steve tossed his weapon and jumped towards Spider-Man who grabbed him by the neck and slammed him into the ground. "And just who is going to stop me?"

Spider-Man said flaring his magic as everyone stepped back, Spider-Man straightened himself as he pinned Steve to the ground by placing his foot over his head.

"Spidey, you need to let go of the man." Natasha said as she pointed her gun at Spider-Man as the man turned towards her.

"Huh? Is this how you thank your hero Romanoff? Quite the unique confession." Spider-Man joked as he sent Natasha a mental message. 'Damn, I know you have to keep your appearance but it stings my heart a bit.'

'Awww, poor baby. I'll kiss it better.' Natasha replied sending him a few, suggestive mental images alongside her message as Spider-Man grinned. It was a fair deal. "Please, I would have kissed you as a thank you but I got flack for just suggesting the idea."

"Hmm?" Spider-Man hummed as Natasha gestured toward Fury.

"Boss wasn't happy, almost gave me detention for that." She said as Spider-Man turned towards Fury once again. "So, no shot."

"Oh really?" He asked getting off Steve and coming face to face with Fury. Spider-Man had to strain his neck to look down a bit considering how he towered over Fury. "Do we have a problem, Director?"

"Problem?... You almost broke my carrier last time, you killed half a dozen of my agents, you let Loki do as she pleased until the last moment, wrecked the entirety of New York before another unknown variable fixed it, and then you just vanished with the Cube that we sorely need to deal with external and internal threats. Like that Loki over there and scum like you." Fury snarled as Spider-Man kept his silence. "You tell me Spider-Man, what do you think now? Do we have a problem?"

"Hmm." Spider-Man hummed as he leaned back with a smile. "It seems like we have a problem."

"Oh?" Fury narrowed his eyes as he realized Spider-Man wasn't going to back off. "And what are you going to do about it?"

"This." Spider-Man smiled as he dismissed the suit around his right hand.

"What-"

*Slap!*

The sound of palm meeting cheek resounded throughout the enclosed briefing room as everyone in the room stared in disbelief as Spider-Man bitch slapped Nicholas Joseph "Motherfucking Nick" Fury Sr.

Nailing him right in the face with just enough force to send the man to the floor or else his head would have turned into a bloody mist.

"W-What the fuck?! Did y-you just hit me-"

*Slap!*

"No. I bitch slapped you."

Spider-Man said blankly as Tony puffed his cheek trying to contain his laughter while Natasha's lips twitched as she tried her damn best to not laugh. "See, there is a difference."

"Y-You son of a b-"

*Slap!*

"What 'cha sayin'? I can't hear ya when I slap ya around the room in front of your own men. The sound is too loud."

"I'll k-kill you-"

*Slap!*

"Sure you will."

"M-Motherfucker-

*Slap!*

"Fucking language."

"Ahhh! S-Stop-"

*Slap!*

"I can't stop this feeling!"

"..."

"Oh? Fury you there?"

*Slap!*

"..."

"Please tell me you didn't die?"

*Slap!*

"..."

"Ah, just unconscious," Spider-Man said as he faked a sigh of relief, slapping the unconscious man one last time as he turned toward other agents and reinforcements who were watching the whole fiasco with wide eyes. "Alright then, who wants to be next?..."

"Cause I can do this all day."

------

Alternative Titles:

- I don't have friends, I have family.

- Caesar is home. (Along with Rubble.)

- Channel Your Young Master Energy, Padawan.

------

Yo~

How was the chapter? I hope you had fun with this one cause I definitely had tons writing this. Because of my job I only get a certain amount of time to write and with the chapters being this long it takes time and as such I hope you can understand the reason for the delayed uploads.

Due to overtime, I have to work on Sundays as well or I would have been able to upload double chapters but hey, to earn some, you gotta lose some. And it's fine to lose some rest over that sweet sweet cash lol.

Jokes aside. How are you all doing? I read all of your comments and I just want you all to know that your wishes for me help me a lot. So many of you stuck around and I am forever grateful for that. Thank you so much once again and I love you all. You all are the best audience ever :))

Also, I've decided to put my other fic on hold as I don't have the time or creative energy to manage two fics at once. I was suggested to open Pat.reon but I don't have a laptop and the mobile app is garbage so I'm unable to do that. But I plan to consistently update this fic even if it is one or two chapters a week and once I can get a breather I'll start updating the other fic. So, sorry for that. I just don't have enough time :((

Anyways, that is all for today and...

I'll see you all legends in the next one.

Stay safe y'all!