I am Peter Parker

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***

As soon as the teachers walked away from the explosion, I was immediately taken to Professor McCoy's office, unfortunately I couldn't go myself due to the spinning of space in my eyes not calming down. Every now and then the floor would go somewhere to the side, making me see myself walking on the wall. Quite an experience, and when you add the endless buzzing in my ears, it was a good evening.

- ... - I can't hear the director getting to the microphone and her screaming into it.

While the teachers who had escorted me to the infirmary looked at me anxiously and said something, I opened the system and checked the effects. As it turned out, in half an hour my hearing would partially return, and in a fortnight it would return completely. Well, that's reassuring.

.....

After I lay down on the couch the rotation slowly stopped, and about five minutes later the humming ended, replaced by silence.

Professor McCoy was doing an examination, constantly saying something, and judging by her mouth, she was raising and lowering her voice. In my ears, however, there was a silence that made me sleepy.

- Whoa. - When I yawned, there was a small pop in my ears, a little painful and then the sounds became barely audible. I really hope that's not what was meant when it came to the partial return of hearing.

When Professor McCoy had finished her examination, she went off somewhere, she seemed to say where, but all I heard was an indistinguishable whisper. After a minute in silence, alone in bed, after the adrenaline had worn off, the fatigue hit me much harder and I fell asleep.

.....

In the morning I was woken up by the sound of the blinds opening, a second later the bright rays of the sun hit my eyes and I had no choice but to....

- Mm-hmm. - roll over onto my other side. Obviously, it's still five minutes early to get up!

- Rise and shine, time to eat a lollipop and drink a mixture~ - a heavy hand patted my shoulder.

I tried to turn on my other side, but the sun was there - there was nowhere else to run to and I...

- Really? - tried to continue sleeping with my arse up. Unfortunately, my nose wasn't very comfortable. Thus fell the last bastion, hope was enslaved to cruel reality.

.....

During my morning checkup, and while I was eating lollies and various syrups, Mrs Director burst into the office with Ripley hanging around her waist.

- Hank! - the culprit of my minor hearing problem lashed out at me.

- That's not his name! I'm telling you, you need to calm down!

- Ferdinand, are you okay?! Can you hear me?! - Why do you have to yell in my ear?! - Please don't sue me!

- I'm really going deaf. - I pushed the director's face away from me. - I'm fine, so we'll skip the lawsuit for now.

I wonder what a trial would look like for a guy in debt against a Hollywood director with connections...?

- Thank you! - she jumped on my neck. - I'll be sure to thank you for your kindness.

- You don't have to. No, seriously, N-N-O-N-A-D-O. - Her past gratitude cost me temporary hearing loss, I don't want to risk it again.

.....

Leaving the infirmary, stopping by the canteen on the way, I headed to my room to pack. Surprisingly, I didn't run into anyone on the way, nor did I encounter any unexpected events.

- Hmm? Am I crying? - and it moved my heart to tears. 

Truly approaching the room itself, the warmth and happiness drained out of me. For inside, there is most likely one disgusting bum sleeping.

On an exhalation full of grief and regret, I opened the door and....

- Where have you been?! - I was greeted on the doorstep by an angry scream and blue bags under my eyes. - I've been waiting all night for you to turn up!

- I was the victim of a work-related injury. - and why am I even reporting to her? It might have something to do with the bat in her hand, but I'm not sure. Just like I'm not sure why the bat has barbed wire and fire on it. - Let me through.

- Yeah, it's traumatised, you pussy! - The bastard pulled a papier-mâché, suspiciously similar to me and well moulded, from behind his back, tossed it in the air and smashed it with the bat. - I've heard about your shenanigans with the other girls!

While I was digesting what I heard with what I saw, Bomjara managed to kill two more of my papier-mâché replicas, apparently someone had absolutely nothing better to do that night.

- Erm... I could say I don't know what you're talking about, and God knows I really don't, but instead I'll ask: why do you care about my shenanigans with anyone? It's not like we're really dating.

- Ughhhh! - she took a step back. - Does it matter?! Everyone thinks we are! And you let yourself cheat on me! Are you trying to make me look like a doll?!

- Well. I'm kind of on a show to be chosen to be the husband of the Avengers, so you're a puppet.

Four more of my papier-mâché replicas were killed. I, however, continued to marvel at how well they were moulded, who would have thought Bomjara had such talents?

.....

- Hrr... - The Bastard went to bed.

I started packing my bags. I didn't have much personal belongings, mostly all my clothes were provided by the studio, as well as personal hygiene products. There was also Bomjara's stuff and-- I didn't pack those. Seriously, she had time to create an army of me out of papier-mâché, but not pack?

- Why does this me have hare ears? - Distracted by one unique piece of crafting.

* Knock on wood *

- Peter, are you in there? I've come to help! - As a voice came from outside the door, reminding me of yesterday.

Gently lowering the genocide-surviving papier-mâché, I opened it and let Megan inside, hoping it wouldn't turn out to be another nonsense....

- Am I crying again? - and why do I have less and less faith in the best?

- ...?!! - While I was grieving, Fey stood in the middle of the room with a shocked expression. After a couple of minutes, she put her hand out towards the snoring Bastard. - Uh-oh, who's that...?

- Bom-... - damn it, do I really have to say it? Should I tell the truth that she's a collector I don't want to leave at home because of the unmanageable mess she generates? Nah, that sounds like something that would lead to more anxiety. There's no way out... I'll have to clean my tongue with soap afterwards. - M-m-my d-girlfriend.

I did it! And I almost didn't even throw up, I was able to swallow it before it came out!

- How's that?! When did you get a girlfriend?! Are you guys serious?! How long have you been dating?! Do you love her?! How much?! Do I still have a chance?!!!

A little discouraged by the number of questions and once again feeling nauseated by their meaning, I stood still, gathering my strength.

- How could I have a chance?! With the Avengers?! With Rogue?! The Fantastic Four?! Maybe you've got someone else?! I can't fit into a harem that size. Am I gonna end up a lonely guest at your wedding?! - I think I'm going to need more time to pull myself together, which she could use, for her face is looking more and more dejected by the second. - Please! Play all the weddings on the same day! Otherwise, I won't be able to afford so many gifts for each wedding! Will you even accept gift vouchers to the bakery?!

No... Seriously... How and what do I even have to answer? Should I go in order? I'm not even sure I remember her first question.....

- Instead of a coupon for the bakery, I'd rather have a coupon for the coffee shop.... - I'm gonna go backwards, see if I can remember on the way.

- I knew it. - Megan's face had lost all colour and her eyes had lost all light. - It's over for me!!!

- Hrr... - and Bumfucker doesn't even care, he's kicking in his sleep. He's probably fighting off competition for his paper.

.....

- Well. I kind of have to pack. - I said to the dead-faced kneeling girl who was supposed to be helping me, like.

* Knock on wood *

Before I could put my t-shirt in my suitcase, there was another knock on the door. With a heavy heart, for I had given up expecting anything good from life, I went to open the door.

- Kt-Mm-hmmm?! - on the back side, I was immediately sucked in.

- Mhmnmmm-Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.... - then the sucker was dragged away by the ear by a girl whose eyes were just as light, more like raging flames. - I knew you'd do something stupid!

- H-Hi, Pete, we're here to help you. - Rogue waved her hand at me with a slight blush on her cheeks.

- Oohaaaa... - The cheeks of Ulyana standing next to me are covered in red much thicker, not sure if she even has any other colours on her face at this point.

- Sort of, though I'm here to prove something. - Kitty raised her fist at me hostilely, but when I looked her in the eye, she averted her gaze. 

Why is it that when you have to pack a suitcase, a crowd gathers, but when you have to move furniture, everyone has things to do?

.....

Three minutes later, I packed my suitcase. Yes. I did. In three minutes. By myself. The packing crew was useless, it just made a lot of noise.

Megan resented it because it was supposed to be our special moment... Packing a suitcase. Mine. To leave this place forever. Our special moment... Roberta made odd comments with presumably deep meanings. They made Jubilee and Kitty angry, so Rogue and Uliana had to calm them down.

- Pete, how about a soda? - Noticing my bored face staring at the wall, Rogue approached me.

- Can-A? - Roberta snatched the bottle from my hands, opened it, took a sip, and handed it back.

- I chilled some just for you. - I reacted coolly to her wink, taking a couple of sips of lemonade. - By the way, Rogue, how long have you been calling Peter Pete? Are you guys hiding something from us, huh~?

- No, I don't think so, huh? - Rogue looked at me and I shrugged, not sure what she meant either. - And the name just kind of came out of nowhere, I don't know. Pete, you don't mind, do you?

I shrugged again, showing that I didn't care. As long as it's not something weird like "brother," God save that stupid anime girl's soul, I'm fine with it.

- Then it's okay if I call you Tiger, as long as I'm Kitten? - To her playful smile, I have an answer. - Kya!

Splashing her in the face from the water bottle, I stood up, slapping myself on my knees like a seasoned foreman.

- And so, girls and gals, it's time to clean up!

- But we've only just plugged in the Sonya..... - said Kitty, resentfully.

- You... What the hell are you doing here, huh? Let's get cleaning!

.....

It's a small room, so it'll be quick to clean up, especially with just the two of us. Or so I thought.

- Why do you have wrappers under the carpet?

- And under the bed?

- And in the cupboard?

- And even in my Sony?

- How did they get in there?! - The trouble is, I may have underestimated Bummer's talents.

.....

After an hour of cleaning, for the rubbish kept appearing as if from a parallel universe, Uliana came up to me.

- If you say it's her rubbish, why don't you wake her up and make her clean it up?

- У... She's had a rough night, let her sleep it off. - I don't think anyone would believe me if I told them that when she cleans, she makes more rubbish, and I don't want to waste time checking it.

- You're so... - Ulyana stares at my face for too long, and her eyes are shining. If you want to call me names, go ahead, I'm looking out for you, because your labour will be wasted if the Bastard wakes up. - He's great.

- I'm like that myself. Wait, what?

Without saying anything, Uliana smilingly went off to help Kitty clean up the papier-mâché moulding, the pile of wet waste paper and glue. And where did Bomjara get this?

.....

After I finished cleaning my part of the room, I grabbed a damp cloth and started dusting. In the process, I reached the desk, on the other side of which Jubilee was wiping.

- Salud, how's it rubbing? - I decided to take a moment to apologise for what happened in the last apology.

- Much better without you. - She retorted, adding an evil look. - Hey, who wipes like that, huh? You need to lead your hand in circles, not jerks!

I'm not sure there's a significant difference, but in order not to aggravate relations, I'll listen.

- Oh, go away. - but it didn't work and Jubilee kicked me in the side with her hip.

- Tsk. And who cares, it's all about keeping the dust down. - which made me a little mad.

- Oh, so clever. Look at me, I'm Peter Parker, master of dusting! - Jubilee began ineptly parodying me, jerking the rag back and forth across the table. Why inept? Well, you could start with the fact that I was looking at the table and she was staring at me viciously. - Stealing a woman's kisses and then-ahhhh.

*(knocking)

Because she was looking at me instead of the table, her hand came to the edge and slipped, forcing Jubilee to drop to one knee and bang her head on the table.

- Awwwch... You could have at least had the decency to help.

- Well, I try not to laugh or gloat out of decency, and that's not easy, you know.

- You... - Jubilee stood up with clear intent to kill and a sparkling hand. I, on the other hand, had no regrets.

*****

While Peter and the girls finished cleaning up and packing their suitcases, Arnold, Jude, Ricardo, Alex, and Sang-hyun, who had done it even yesterday, were doing all sorts of things in their rooms in quiet silence. Sang-hyun was playing guitar, distracting himself from various excitements, Alex was drinking birch juice and remembering his homeland, Ricardo was watching the new issue of heated bikes without censorship, Jude was practising the basics of a new language, and Arnold was using a syringe.... And then went swinging. They were all mildly concerned about the show's upcoming premiere this week.