I Became the Childhood Friend Who Commits Suicide

Chapter 4

Snap!

…What?

The science teacher was right in front of me. From his hand position, it looked like he had just snapped his fingers.

“Hmm. Seems one try wasn’t enough,” he said.

“Huh?”

“It’s nothing. Do you feel a bit more awake now?”

I wasn’t sure. My head felt foggy, like I’d been forcefully woken from a deep sleep.

“You passed out for a moment.”

“…Me?”

The teacher nodded. I looked around and realized my perspective was lower—I was sitting down.

Why did I lose consciousness suddenly? The only thing that came to mind was my illness.

But something felt off, like I’d missed something important.

Oh well, probably just my imagination. I should get up; there’s no reason to stay here.

As I used the wall to try standing up, my head spun, and my legs gave out.

“Whoa. Are you alright?”

Thankfully, the teacher caught me before I could fall. What a kind person, speaking to a student with such respect.

Or maybe it’s unfortunate? If he hadn’t caught me, maybe I would’ve fallen and ended it right there. Not that falling would be a guaranteed way to die.

“You don’t seem well,” he remarked.

“Heh… seems so.”

“It might be best if you return to your dorm to rest.”

“Yes, thank you.”

I declined his offer to help me walk and slowly took a step forward, pausing as a thought crossed my mind.

“What about the notebook you said you found?”

“Notebook? I don’t recall any notebook.”

“Uh… didn’t you?”

I could’ve sworn he said something like that, but the memory was hazy, almost slipping away…

My head hurts.

“We didn’t find any notebook,” he confirmed.

“Then maybe I left it somewhere else.”

My prepared excuse worked. My plan was still perfect—well, except for the part where I failed to end things.

“Huh?”

I glanced outside, raising an eyebrow. Why had the sun already set?

Had that much time passed? I could’ve sworn it was still midday when I left the dorm.

Maybe the painkillers made my head fuzzy and confused me.

“By the way, what’s your name, student?”

“Um, why do you need to know my name?”

“So I can return the notebook if I find it. Could you give me your name and class?”

That made sense.

“I’m Yoo Hana from 11th grade, Class A.”

“Got it, Hana. I’ll remember.”

I bowed politely, intending to leave the lab.

“Oh, one moment. Here, take this.”

The teacher went into the supply room and returned with a small bottle filled with pills.

“…What’s this?”

It looked suspicious. A transparent bottle with unlabeled red pills.

Is he trying to poison me? I mean, that wouldn’t be so bad.

“Just a multivitamin. Take one each day.”

Aw, that’s all? I got my hopes up for nothing.

I didn’t need vitamins. What good would they do for me now?

Still, I decided to keep them. No reason to refuse.

“Thank you.”

“Take care, Hana, and see you again.”

“Yes.”

Such a considerate teacher. Was he in the original story?

I couldn’t remember. Teachers who taught non-combat subjects rarely held any significance, so he probably wasn’t.

When I left the main building, it was already dark. This is bad—I hadn’t gotten any poison and only ended up with vitamins.

Time to give up on the poison method. The science lab’s security was unexpectedly strict, especially since I’d now interacted with the science teacher, and things could get complicated.

I’d have to find another method. How should I end things?

Lost in thought, I found myself back at the dorm.

***

“This is a problem.”

Even after entering my room, I couldn’t decide. I really wanted to end it today since tomorrow was Monday, and I’d have to go to school.

I placed the bottle of vitamins on the table and stared at it.

Should I try one? It wouldn’t cause any harm.

I opened the bottle and took out a pill. It was half white and half red, a simple capsule.

“Nom.”

I put it in my mouth.

My eyes widened. I clutched the bottle, double-checking.

…It tasted like strawberries!

How fascinating. A capsule with flavor? All the ones I’d tried before were just smooth, tasteless gel.

Beyond that, I felt nothing special. It’s just a multivitamin—what did I expect?

Back to my plan.

A quiet, straightforward way to end things without much preparation.

If I did it in my room, it’d be clean. No one would check in on me immediately; they’d probably just think I went out if I locked the door.

Technically, I could keep hitting my head against the edge of the closet until I died, but that’s a bit extreme.

What’s the best way? I pondered for a while.

Finally, I settled on a plan. Hanging myself.

It’s quiet, and there’s no complex setup.

I only need one thing: a rope.

“…A rope?”

Would there be one in the dorm?

I glanced around Yoo Hana’s room.

Would a typical student dorm have a rope?

Probably not, but it was worth a look.

After about 10 minutes of searching, I admitted defeat.

Of course, a girl wouldn’t have a rope stashed away. Even if someone needed something similar, they’d probably use cable ties.

“Hmm. Wait.”

Why not use something other than rope? People always default to rope for hanging, but I didn’t need to be so specific.

Cable ties? Unfortunately, there were none.

A belt? That should be common.

But there was none. It seemed Yoo Hana wasn’t big on fashion.

What could I use? Something like a rope to hang…

“Oh.”

Of course. This would definitely be here. Every student was required to have one.

I found it within 10 seconds.

A necktie.

Holding it felt strange. Its purpose was to go around my neck, but not like this.

What if I went to the academy wearing it? I could just keep living.

No. That would only lead to a miserable end, not a happy school life.

There’s only one way to avoid the original story’s tragic conclusion: ending things here.

Yes. Let’s go through with it.

First, I needed to make a knot. I didn’t know much about tying neckties, but I could look it up online.

There were so many helpful tutorials, though none were for this purpose.

This is different. I was tying a noose for hanging.

Apparently, it’s called the “hangman’s knot” or “executioner’s knot,” commonly used for nooses in executions. It felt eerie.

Still, it was exactly the knot I needed. I followed the video’s instructions and tied the necktie.

“Too short…”

That’s the limitation of a necktie. I’d managed to make the shape, but would it hold?

I was uncertain, but decided to try.

I secured the noose tightly to the spot I’d chosen and set up a chair underneath. I tugged on the tie hard, and it surprisingly held firm. This should work.

I stepped up onto the chair. Since the tie was short, I had to stand on tiptoe to reach it.

With some effort, I got my head through the loop.

Standing on tiptoe was exhausting.

What surprised me was the lack of emotion. If anything, I felt relief.

If, by some chance, I didn’t reincarnate… if something twisted with my possession…

I didn’t know. Somehow, I felt it would be alright.

“Alright…”

A short breath.

I stepped off the chair.

My feet dangled in midair, with gravity pulling me down, held back only by the necktie.

Blood rushed to my head, and my airway was compressed, making it impossible to breathe.

“Urgh…! Ugh!”

The sounds I didn’t want to make came out automatically as survival instinct kicked in, making my hands claw at the tie. My flailing feet kicked the chair aside.

There was no turning back.

Blood pooled in my head, unable to circulate because of the necktie strangling my neck. If someone looked at my face now, it’d probably be deathly pale from lack of blood flow.

I could feel my life slipping away. Soon my thoughts would stop if my brain was deprived of blood. I might even suffocate first.

My thoughts slowed.

My mouth opened, gasping for air that couldn’t pass through my throat.

It felt like my heart would burst. My head was on fire, ready to explode.

Am I… dying?

Then it hit me—a rush of overwhelming sensation.

Ecstasy. Pleasure.

Not pain, but bliss.

This is insane.

The mysterious pleasure twisted my mind with happiness.

Painkillers can’t compare. More. Give me more.

I want to live in this bliss forever. I don’t need suicide or anything else.

The protagonist? Yoo Hana? None of it matters.

Just like this.

Forever.

Snap.

Thud.

Crash—!!

How much time passed?

Only then did I realize what had happened.

The necktie hadn’t held up. Trying to bear my weight with its short length, it snapped.

I crashed to the floor, feeling a sharp pain in my leg. Did I break it?

But that didn’t matter. I lay there, entangled with the chair, basking in the bliss that lingered, even after the tie snapped.

I must have been lying there for about 30 minutes.

Then, suddenly, a wave of intense pain surged through my body.

It was a seizure.

No… Don’t take away my pleasure.

And it had to be the worst kind—the type that felt like my entire body was being compressed in a vise.

It felt like my skin would rip apart, and my bones would shatter, leaving me no bigger than a single speck.

A pain that triggered a fear of becoming nothing.

Quickly.

I need painkillers… now.

“…Huh?”

But something was strange.

That pain began to change.

It was transforming into the same dizzying, intoxicating pleasure I had felt before.