I Became the Drug-Addicted Childhood Friend

Translator: Elisia

Editor/Proofreader: SemiPickle

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I feel strange.

Even though I know it’s a hallucination.

My vision spins.

At some point, I find myself blankly staring up at the sky.

The sky is gloomy.

Maybe my legs have lost strength, as I’m sitting on the concrete floor.

One hand is propped on the ground.

My head is slightly tilted back as I look at the sky.

Though I don’t remember changing my posture, it feels like I’ve been sitting like this for a long time.

The Academy’s technology is impressive.

They said it would end if I shouted “stop.”

But so far, nothing seems wrong.

I turn my head to check my surroundings.

I’m inside a house.

Han Si-Hoo is standing on the street outside.

Is it that day?

The time I thought I shouldn’t let Han Si-Hoo into the house.

It was before my will got involved.

Could I have changed anything?

Would something have been different if Seo-Ah had asked Han Si-Hoo for help?

No, nothing would have changed.

Thud, thud.

I hear Han Si-Hoo knocking on the door.

All I have to do is open the door.

I could just invite him in.

Tell him to come in and play.

Like the old days.

“Ah…”

But I can’t do that.

Just look at the state of the house.

How many drugs have I used?

Empty syringes are scattered on the floor.

All the vials are empty.

I remember now.

I used all the drugs I could before dying.

I was scared.

Scared of hanging myself with a rope.

Scared of stabbing myself with a knife.

But staying like this was even scarier.

I prop myself up with one hand.

On my other hand, there’s a small kitchen knife.

What was I planning to use this for?

It wasn’t for cooking.

“Yoo Seo-Ah.”

Han Si-Hoo knocks on the door again.

His voice is close.

I can feel him standing outside.

In this scenario, Yoo Seo-Ah was supposed to harshly reject him.

Cursing and driving Han Si-Hoo away.

Because he can’t be allowed to see.

He must not open the door and come in.

If he did, everything would be exposed.

A part of me is happy, though.

That Han Si-Hoo hasn’t forgotten me.

Then I reflect on what I did.

Looking at the scattered syringes.

“Open up.”

His tone is aggressive.

Was he always like this?

I have to stop Han Si-Hoo from opening the door.

But how?

I can’t muster any strength.

I feel like I don’t even have the strength to speak.

What’s the right choice here?

It’s just a hallucination anyway.

A simulation or something like that.

It’s dredging up bad memories from the past.

But these memories don’t seem that painful to me.

“Open the door.”

Han Si-Hoo could break down the door if he wanted to.

He could climb over the wall.

Or break through the wall.

The reason he doesn’t is out of respect for Yoo Seo-Ah.

The house is a sanctuary.

It’s better for both of us if he doesn’t come in.

“I’m coming in.”

This isn’t how it went.

The lines are a little different.

Should I respond somehow?

I’m not perfectly recreating that moment.

Memories of the past?

It’s fake anyway, so does it really matter?

If Han Si-Hoo is determined to come in, I have no way of stopping him.

Creak.

The door is ripped off its hinges.

Yeah, that’s more like it.

I can’t stop him.

“Just as expected.”

Han Si-Hoo stands there, gripping a sword.

The memory has derailed.

I’ve never seen this scene before.

He’s hostile.

This is the first time I’ve seen him look at me like this.

Even though it’s just a hallucination, it’s quite threatening.

“Couldn’t even die properly, huh.”

Han Si-Hoo walks around the yard and picks up a rope.

The clumsy knot is familiar.

“Are you planning to keep living like this? Like a parasite?”

He tosses the rope aside as he speaks.

It’s a line Han Si-Hoo would never say.

“It’s better for everyone if you just die here. It’s more efficient, unfortunately.”

He’s not the real Han Si-Hoo.

But somehow, it feels familiar.

I’ve felt this kind of presence before.

“Any problems?”

Han Si-Hoo mutters to himself.

“…The doctor? The Academy can handle that. And since most of the key players don’t even know Yoo Seo-Ah exists…”

He’s thinking something over.

It’s a familiar sight.

“But I can’t bring myself to kill you with my own hands.”

Han Si-Hoo steps closer to me.

There’s a slight smile on his face.

As if everything is going according to plan.

This isn’t the Han Si-Hoo I know.

But I can’t shake the feeling of déjà vu.

That particular way of thinking feels so familiar.

His words are familiar.

“There’s something called karma here. Also known as ‘retribution.’ As long as I don’t kill you with my own hands, I’m in the clear.”

He has no intention of dirtying his own hands.

But he wants Yoo Seo-Ah dead.

“It would’ve been easier if you’d just died from a drug overdose. Isn’t there any more left?”

He kicks an empty syringe across the floor.

It’s becoming clearer to me who this is.

It’s not Han Si-Hoo, but the protagonist.

This is what I’ve always thought.

I wanted to be the protagonist.

So, if I were the protagonist, what would I have done?

If I had been in Han Si-Hoo’s position.

I couldn’t rule out the possibility that I would have acted this way too.

Efficiently, focused on success, removing all obstacles.

“Don’t look at me like that. You know this is for the best.”

I stagger to my feet.

I’m still holding the kitchen knife in my hand.

“Are you going to attack me? Me?”

Han Si-Hoo says with a laugh.

“If I’m gone, you’re gone too. The world will probably end as well. Maybe?”

His demeanor is like…

What should I call it?

“Let’s keep things efficient.”

He snaps his fingers.

Sparks fly.

“I’d love to burn everything around here, but karma is a pretty annoying system. If I go too far, it’ll mess up recruiting characters later. Like a saintess or something.”

It’s external knowledge.

There’s no way Han Si-Hoo should know this within the novel.

At least not at this point.

Unless he, like me, came from outside the novel.

“You weren’t really planning to attack me, were you?”

It’s a hallucination.

A trauma test.

If this hallucination is based on me, then the Han Si-Hoo in front of me is also based on me.

It’s me.

Isn’t he showing how I would have acted if I had lived as Han Si-Hoo?

The ultimate efficiency.

The belief that Yoo Seo-Ah should see herself as an obstacle.

The idea that a protagonist’s progress should never be hindered.

“…I’m just planning to burn this house. And practice my [Fire] skills while I’m at it.”

There’s no way Han Si-Hoo has a fire skill.

He must have obtained it through some kind of trickery.

The story isn’t supposed to unfold like this.

The Han Si-Hoo in the hallucination feels more like the protagonist than I do.

He seems to know more than I do.

He’s the protagonist racing toward the pinnacle of efficiency that I desire.

“Like this.”

Snap.

With the snap of his fingers, flames shoot up.

There are precious things inside the house.

Though I’ve disposed of most of them, there are still a few things I haven’t gotten rid of, hidden in the drawers.

I can’t let them burn.

Stop.

If I say “stop,” the test will stop.

Stop.

But the words don’t come out.

No matter how hard I try, this isn’t right.

“The good thing about the slums is that no one cares if it all goes up in flames.”

Han Si-Hoo says, as if he’s enjoying himself.

“Anyway, it’ll rain soon. You won’t catch a cold at least.”

That’s right.

Soon, it’ll rain from this gloomy sky.

But now, it’s very different.

The situation is very different.

“…This isn’t personal.”

Han Si-Hoo stands next to me and says.

“You know it too. If you were in a better state, I might have tried to save you, but… it’s too late now. It’s not right to let emotions interfere. You’re already too far gone.”

It’s too late for Yoo Seo-Ah to be treated.

That’s true.

It feels strange to hear it from someone else’s mouth.

But it’s a fact.

I knew it too.

“It’s a delusion. Believing you can be cured. Just look at yourself. You took those drugs just for pleasure. Staying alive is just a burden on others now.”

I know.

I know I’m a burden.

“So let’s end it here. It’s neat, it’s clean. You can’t do it, so I’ll do it for you.”

If Han Si-Hoo can do it.

Then everything will be fine without me.

All this time, I muttered to myself that I was a hindrance, that I was trash.

But I acted like I had the right to live.

Because people were nice to me.

Because they played with me.

“You know what the right choice is.”

He says as he watches the house burn.

Leaving no trace of Yoo Seo-Ah behind.

Ensuring that the protagonist isn’t hindered.

What the protagonist wants is what I want.

Because I am the protagonist.

If I were the protagonist, I would want Yoo Seo-Ah gone too.

If my heart changes just because I’m in Yoo Seo-Ah’s position, that’s hypocrisy.

Efficiency, straight toward the goal.

“Yeah. You’re thinking clearly now.”

Right?

This is the right choice.

Thanks to the drugs, I don’t even feel pain.

I was just trying to muster the courage.

The blade touches my neck.

I’ll finish it myself.

Without relying on anyone else.

This is the way I can help Han Si-Hoo the most.

The way I can be helpful.

Bang!

“-Stop. 8 minutes 56 seconds.”

Lee Yu-Ram stopped the test.

The environment returned to normal.

[2 hours 12 minutes]

The time had decreased significantly.

I had been holding a black sword in my hand.

“Ah…”

So, this is what the test was about.

My mind is starting to clear.

I feel strange.

“Are you okay?”

I feel really strange.

I made the sword disappear from my hand.

[2 hours 11 minutes]

That was close.

I couldn’t see the time inside the hallucination.

“…Are you okay? Even with stopping, you’ve passed.”

But I think Han Si-Hoo was right.

“Was the test too intense?”

You shouldn’t hold back the protagonist.

Especially when you can’t even disappear on your own.

Don’t just say it—show it with your actions.

But I’ve already held him back.

So I have to help in some way.

-Thud.

[11 hours 21 minutes]

“Aha…”

I feel better.

I’ve been thinking too negatively.

People should live with a positive attitude.

“You’re really okay?”

“Yes.”

Lee Yu-Ram placed a folder on the desk.

“Pain tolerance test… no need. Reaction time, focus… also fine. Handling monsters by rank… skipped. That’s it for today.”

“That’s all?”

“Yeah. The other classes still have a long way to go. There are more people, and they need to explain the system.”

“Oh, I see.”

So, it’s the system that runs the Academy.

Since I’m in the special class, there’s probably no need for much explanation.

“You’ve been reassigned to a new dorm, right? The drugs will be delivered directly there. Make sure you receive them properly.”

“Okay.”

I’ll get the drugs without going through Han Si-Hoo.

That’s better.

“If you run out of drugs or have any issues, contact me right away. You’ve received the device, right? Yeah, that one. Press this button, and you can send an emergency signal…”

Han Si-Hoo registered several numbers on my device.

Han Si-Hoo.

Because of what happened earlier, it feels like something’s been overlaid on his image.

I now understand how terrifying mental attacks can be.

Are the other students going through the same thing?

I feel a sense of respect.