I Became The Male Lead’s Female Friend

Rudrick opened his eyes slowly.

 

It was morning, and the room was brightly lit. He stared blankly at the ceiling and suddenly thought.

 

‘Am I going to die?’

 

He didn’t know why he thought that. It was because he remembered everything that had happened just yesterday.

 

After parting ways with Dahlia, he went straight to the north. 

 

His men looked at him in bewilderment. He had assured them that he would stay in the capital for a while, so they were puzzled by his sudden appearance.

 

But he didn’t have time to explain to his subordinates, and he didn’t go to his office to catch up on backlogs or go to the training grounds.

 

He just put on his best frown and went to his bedroom. And when he finally walked into the room.

 

‘Why did I do that?’

 

Rudrick regretted what he had done.

 

The list of regrets was endless, from having turned back and pushed her away all those years ago, to leaving her with a silly gift, to blurting out that she should have known the truth.

 

And then he finally said it.

 

‘I don’t want to see you anymore…’

 

He must have gone completely insane. Rudrick swallowed a sigh that threatened to burst out.

 

But right then, he really wasn’t going to see Dahlia. It was enough to make his stomach churn to see her smiling next to another man, and now he had to see her suffer because of him.

 

‘She even said she already knew.’

 

The moment I heard those words, I saw my mother’s face.

 

My mother, who knew her husband was having an affair but couldn’t give up, or Dahlia, who chose to stay with a man whose heart was already set elsewhere.

 

Then what happens in the future would be similar.

 

In the end, she would slowly lose herself in the longing for a love that would never return. She would tell herself over and over again that it was alright, that it didn’t matter, until finally, she would break down, unable to hold on.

 

He still remembered.

 

His mother scratched at the door until her nails broke as she called his name, his young body clutching hers, begging for him.

 

‘If you’re going to be like that…’

 

I might as well leave.

 

At least that’s what he’d thought just a moment ago, but now that he’d left her like that, he felt nothing but maddening regret.

 

He kept thinking about the argument he had with Dahlia earlier. The look on her face, the way her eyes fluttered with every word he spoke, and finally…

 

Even after he was gone, He could still see her staring at the spot where he’d left.

 

‘I won’t see her anymore.’

 

Though he couldn’t be sure. If Dahlia was determined to carry on the family name, they would inevitably run into each other in public, and maybe things would work out, and their relationship would be restored.

 

But that was also a problem. She’d still have Goldman by her side, and he’d have to keep an eye on them both.

 

…No, really, they were all wishful thinking on his part. 

 

What if this really upset Dahlia, what if she didn’t want to see him for the rest of her life like he said she would?

 

‘Would I survive?’

 

Just thinking about it already made him choke up…. And he couldn’t help but take out a drink in the end.

 

He wasn’t much of a drinker, but he felt like he couldn’t live without it. He could see Dahlia’s face whenever he closed his eyes, and hear her voice even when he covered his ears.

 

I would rather get drunk and forget about them, even if it was just for a little while, and I would do anything to escape the suffocating reality.

 

Furthermore, I didn’t know it would be this bad.

 

‘I’ll jump.’

 

He buried his face in his hands, feeling self-deprecating.

 

No way, he’d never imagined it. How long had it been since he’d said those words, not even a day, and she’d come to him already?

 

He dismissed it as a dream, of course. If it were real, he thought, Dahlia wouldn’t be smiling like that, so he relaxed a little more than usual.

 

‘She’d never talk like that.’

 

No matter how much he thought about it, he didn’t feel like himself. Otherwise, how could she have said those words out of his mouth?

 

He whined about not leaving, not getting engaged, not liking him, and then, at the end of the line, he said…

“I should jump.” 

Rudrick’s eyes flashed with earnestness as he gripped the window frame hard.

 

If I were to hit my head hard on the ground, wouldn’t I lose my memory? If I fell at the right angle, it would be painless. Wouldn’t that be a better option than humiliating myself in front of her?

 

‘How ridiculous.’

 

The look of bewilderment on Dahlia’s face flashed through my mind. No wonder. I’d gone from half-crazed and blabbering nonsense to hugging her.

 

Instead of slapping him, she gently soothed him, even though she honestly didn’t know what to say in response without being slapped. 

 

She answered every single one of his ramblings and even brushed the corners of his eyes…

 

And then she kissed my forehead…

 “…” 

Rudrick paused for a moment, then suddenly lifted his hand from the window sill and touched his forehead, muttering idly.

 “I’ll try to live a little longer.” 

Yes, I realized how panicked Dahlia would be if he suddenly decided to die.

 

At the same time, there were so many questions I wanted to ask.

 

Honestly, she hadn’t acted that weird yesterday, hadn’t she? She was the one who had comforted him, after all, she was the sweetest person in the world, but that last behavior really was…

 

‘Do friends usually do… things like that?’

 

As I thought about it, a strange sense of anticipation began to set in.

 

Maybe she was drunk like him, or maybe it was just a simple impulse. But if not, possibly there was more to it than that.

 

He wondered if he shouldn’t be a little hopeful…

 “Rudrick?” 

Rudrick, who had been clenching his fists involuntarily, turned around, startled, and there was Dahlia, looking much the same as she had yesterday.

 

No, more precisely, Dahlia was dressed as if she had slept here. Suddenly, Rudrick’s heart began to race.

 

‘No, don’t get your hopes up. It might not be.’

 

But there was nothing he could do to stop it, so he turned to face her fully, trying to hide his nervousness. 

 

Then he opened his mouth to ask the question that kept threatening to leap out.

 “Dahlia.” 

Was I mistaken?

  

‘What the hell, what’s wrong with him?’

 

Rudrick asked as he passed out from the alcohol.

 

With the help of the butler, I managed to slip out from beneath his body, lay him down comfortably, and pull the covers over him. 

 

Also, with the help of the butler, I slept in the next room.

 

To be honest, Rudrick’s body in my arms felt better than I expected, and I wanted to stay in his arms. 

 

But I knew that would make things even more awkward when we woke up the next day, so I resisted.

 

‘Not yet, not yet…’

 

But someday I’d get to sleep with him as a stuffed animal. I woke up early, my mind wandering, and I couldn’t sleep.

 

Instead, with the help of the maids, I got dressed and waited for the right time to visit him.

 

It would have been just as awkward without the cuddling. 

 

Last night, he was obviously drunk, which led to a lot of uncharacteristic behavior.

 

Which I didn’t mind-actually, I liked-but it wasn’t about me, it was about Rudrick. I’d rather he didn’t remember, which would be a shame, but if he did remember everything he did, it would be a good thing…

 “You’re not going to jump, are you?” 

Aye, would he do such a thing when he has the dignity of a cold northern duke?

 

I knocked nervously on the door, just in case, and when there was no sound from inside, I opened it hesitantly.

 “Rudrick?” 

I was both relieved and anxious to see him standing at the window, unharmed.

 “Did you really remember everything?” 

But when he looked back at me, he didn’t seem to have forgotten anything. 

 

Not only that, but his face was cold, his demeanor was rigid, and the way he looked at me was the same as usual…

 “Huh?” 

I froze for a moment as I studied him. He stared off into the distance for a moment, then spoke with a shrug.

 “Rudrick.” “…?” “The head.” 

I gently patted the back of my head.

 “I stretched.” “…!” 

For a moment, his face went rigid. Rudrick hastily covered his head and turned away, and I stared blankly into space.

 

Then, remembering the glimpse I’d caught of his flushed face before he looked away, I blurted out.

 “You’re not still drunk, are you?” “…No, of course not.” “You do remember that you were drunk yesterday, right?” “…..” “Really…” 

I muttered in a laughing tone,

“It was amazing, you had your face intact, but you were completely out of it, and you kept talking crap and repeating what you said…” “…” “You even tried to take your clothes off in front of me because you felt hot…” “I never did that…!” 

Rudrick’s expression faltered as he interrupted me with a gasp. He realized it. He realized he’d blurted out the wrong thing, swept up in my eloquence.

 

I smirked at the wistful glow that passed over his face.

 

‘I knew it.’

 

I wondered why I was standing in front of the window.

 

Wiping the sweat from my palms, I realized that Rudrick had almost made the wrong choice out of shame. Of course, even now, he looks like he’s dying of embarrassment.

 

Still, he didn’t back down. He didn’t run away or stutter, as he usually does, but just stared at me, as if he had something to ask.

 

As if he had a question he wanted to ask.

 “Then why did you come yesterday…” “…?” “That you’re engaged to be married to Lord River.” 

But I didn’t let him finish his sentence. I cut straight to the chase.

 “I’m not.” 

At once, Rudrick’s eyes widened, but his face soon showed a gleam of disbelief.

 “Was it because of what I said yesterday….” “Do you even remember the details of what you said?” “….” “I was kidding, that’s not why.”  

I said calmly,

“That’s just the way it was supposed to be.” 

And then I calmly explained to him what had happened so far.

 

How I’d stumbled upon Lord River when I was still digging into Goldman’s business, how I’d told him the whole truth, and why I’d decided to work with him for a while because I needed his help.

 

Only when he heard my real purpose: to defeat gambling legalization, did he nod and say.

 “So you’re saying that if the bill passes, you can’t do anything about it because it’ll interfere with your succession?” “Yes. They already have all their plans in place with the imperial family, so I can’t do much about it.” “…” “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you beforehand, I just… I was wondering if I should get you involved in something that has nothing to do with Bouser.” “Why would it have anything to do with me?” 

Rudrick gritted his teeth.

 “I saw all that Goldman bastard’s scheming with his father.” “With Duke Goldman? What the hell did you see… No, I can tell by the look on your face. I know, however.” “…” “I didn’t mean to keep it from you, but, you know, I’ve been a little busy, and I keep losing track of time…” “Do you know how much…!” 

He was about to raise his voice, but then he bit his lip hard, and I was the one who spoke again.

 “I know. I know you were worried.” “…” “I’m so sorry. Your words made me realize how complacent I’ve been, and how little I’ve understood how you feel. I don’t have words for everything… but I can tell you this much.” “…” “It’s not because I really have feelings for Lord River, and I don’t have any regrets anymore. In fact, I’ve always had a soft spot for him. And…” 

I paused for a moment, then glanced up at him, who was still listening to me.

 

Although he’s still looking at me with disapproval in his eyes, his gaze remains as focused on me as ever. I smiled weakly and renewed my resolve.

 “You know what, Rudrick?” “…?” “When this is over.” 

This time, I took the initiative.

 “There’s something I want to tell you.”