I Can Hear the Saint’s Inner Thoughts

18 – You’re My (Fake) Boyfriend, Right? (2)

“Do you even know what you’re saying right now?”

I felt a surge of annoyance instantly.

Victoria had always been the type to become a completely different person when drunk, showing just how low her tolerance was.

Tomorrow, she’d be saying, ‘Did I do that?’ and pretending not to remember anything, then act like I’m the one in the wrong.

Victoria was always like this. She layered lies to hide her true feelings, used to hurting others.

I couldn’t begin to imagine what kind of life she’d lived. With that kind of behavior, she’d just be hurting herself in the end.

“I think it’s quite a reasonable idea…, I’ve heard that male adventurers often come up with various methods to satisfy their urges…”

*Pffuh*, Victoria breathed out a hot exhale. It was obvious she was completely drunk, her eyes were out of focus, and she kept this continuous, mocking smile on her face.

“Reasonable my ass, women shouldn’t be saying things like that so casually, this world is a dangerous place.”

I immediately cut her off, raising my voice. No matter how she tried to use logic, that wasn’t a reason for me to have a child with her right now.

Having a child requires so much preparation and resolve. If there isn’t love within the process, isn’t the life to be born just going to be miserable?

Besides, I wasn’t yet confident that I could be a parent like mine. They didn’t hesitate to sacrifice their only life to save their child.

“Do you see me as a woman now…? Looking at this grotesque monster with half its body turned into flowers with those eyes…, you really are an incurable pervert.”

– You’re finally looking at me. It’s a little joyful, but also disheartening at the same time….

Victoria, upon hearing my words, let out a bewitching laugh, and was tracing my jawline with her index finger.

“If only you were this proactive usually….”

– If we’d met before my body became like this…. I wouldn’t have had to hide my feelings this way.

It seemed to be a rather satisfactory answer; she was smiling with her eyes softened into a gentle curve. Unlike her relaxed and confident outward appearance, her inner self was rotting away.

A woman riddled with wounds, as if harboring a pot swarming with bugs. That was the true face of the saintess, Victoria Everhart.

“If you acted this way normally, wouldn’t you say, ‘Are you in heat? I find it offensive that you consider the saintess of a nation as an object of lust…’?”

To be honest, I felt pity for that Victoria. This feeling was far from love or affection.

“…You are truly different from other men. Even after tormenting me with such harsh words, you’re the first person who doesn’t think badly of me.”

“That’s not a compliment, is it? It’s an insult? You think I’m just an easy pushover.”

“Hehe, did I get caught?”

“Your inner thoughts are always twisted like a snake. It’d be nice if you were a bit more honest.”

I sighed deeply.

If my first impression of Victoria had been a bit better, and if she had been honest about her inner thoughts, our relationship might have taken a different shape.

The thought that we could have been real lovers instead of these fake ones made me feel a sense of longing.

“Ah, that’s cold…”

“Just stay still. You’ve had too much to drink.”

I used magic to cool my hand, as I usually do, and placed it on Victoria’s forehead, helping to cool her down.

“Touching a woman so freely, I must acknowledge your womanizing tendencies…”

“I could really jump you, so just shut your mouth.”

“…You talk big but you don’t even have the guts.”

– You could, though…. I even wore pretty lingerie today…. I don’t know why you always draw the line like this. Am I really that unappealing?

“……Ugh.”

Having said that, Victoria closed her eyes tightly and took on a posture that looked like she was waiting for something, her body trembling slightly.

Does she really want me to jump her? Looking at her like this, I couldn’t understand how she was ever chosen to be a saintess.

“Ha, it’s because you’re the saintess that I’m letting you off the hook.”

I gently stroked Victoria’s head. I even playfully tickled her chin, as if petting a dog.

“H-hgyak…! W-what do you think you’re…!!”

“How can someone who gets startled by the slightest touch talk about being jumped by me?”

Watching Victoria jump like a cat startled in place, I couldn’t help but smirk, utterly dumbfounded.

Usually, she’d just avoid or ignore me, but seeing this clumsy side felt like discovering a completely new facet of her.

“Uuuhm…. A bit more….”

-It’s ticklish… but it feels goood…. Once you taste this, you can never go back….

Victoria was even purring softly. Seeing her like this, her actions and words really did have a lot in common with a sensitive, claw-hiding she-cat.

“Are you sober now? Can you walk back to your room?”

“…Nooo. I want to stay with you a little longer.”

– I don’t wanna gooo…. I want to talk a bit more…. It’s been ages since we’ve been alone like this!

“What…?”

I froze in shock at the sudden, casual speech. Victoria puffed out her cheeks, pouting.

“Why? Even if it’s a fake month-long relationship, you’re still my boyfriend right now… the continent’s strongest mage, the saint’s lover…. Hee hee.”

She, who always kept her distance with stiff formality, was now adorably shaking her head, saying she wanted to stay with me.

“Aren’t you gonna play the fake lover role properly? Victoria will pout…?”

-I want Astal to think I’m cute…. I almost fell for him again when we were fighting earlier….

“What’s wrong with you, really? Are you sick? Cursed or something? Did you drink too much….”

She even started referring to herself in the third person, as if talking about someone else. This unprecedented situation made me check if there were any enemies nearby.

I even suspected that she might be under a mind-affecting attack, or that she received a divine revelation that twisted her very personality.

Even I, the so-called continent’s strongest mage, had been cursed with the ability to hear Victoria’s thoughts, so I couldn’t guarantee that the saint of the nation was immune to such things.

‘There’s nothing obviously wrong…?’

I cast a spell to analyze Victoria’s condition, but aside from the flower bloom, I couldn’t find anything unusual.

Just then, a clank sounded- a beer barrel rolled to the floor.

The words inscribed on the oak barrel, from which Victoria and our companions had just been pouring their drinks, looked familiar.

“＜Horizon’s Sleep Talk＞…? Don’t tell me you used the money from selling the wyrm materials to buy this?”

It was said to be what Horizon, the legendary dragon who divided the world’s borders, drank when he went to sleep.

Only dwarves from the North were said to know the secret recipe, so in this demon realm it must have cost an arm and a leg.

“I asked, hic… to drink it. I didn’t think I could say let’s have a baby with Astal while sober… it’s too embarrassing….”

– I thought Astal would hate a saint with such a vulgar body…. I’ve just got these stupidly big boobs….

Drunk Victoria was spouting off some shocking things. I could only freeze, momentarily lost for words, hearing such outrageous nonsense.

The way she lightly lifted her soft bosom, creating a violent, streamlined curve, made something inside me stir.

The weighty manifestation of holy power that shifted up and down as she removed her hand visually confirmed that her bosom was soft and plump.

“That kind of thing, you have to save it for someone you really love, Victoria.”

I said, grabbing her shoulders as she tried to hug me.

My heart was pounding like crazy at her unusual behavior, but the thought that I shouldn’t cross the line here came first.

After all, I wasn’t really her lover.

“…You know, I’m willing to throw away everything to kill the Demon King. I’m just a disposable Saintess, after all.”

Victoria dropped her head, then looked at me with a faint smile, talking like someone trying their best not to show any sadness.

“In the end, that’s why we have a contract relationship, isn’t it? Like what Herong said, if we just have ten kids, don’t you think it could really stop the Demon King…?”

A thick, tipsy haze was swirling in the air. Victoria, drunk, was saying hurtful things.

“Then what about those kids? We’re forcing our revenge onto innocent children born from a loveless relationship.”

I seriously debated using a spell to sober her up, but I felt like I could get a glimpse into her trauma if I pushed just a little further.

“Thinking about it, you’re right…. I’m sorry, Astal. I was too harsh.”

– I didn’t mean to say such mean things… I’m sorry…

“……”

She sighed deeply. Right now, Victoria’s true feelings were almost exactly the same as what she was saying.

“Why am I such a mess? I’m always so afraid of getting hurt by others that I choose to be hated first…”

– If I don’t do this, I feel like you’ll drift away…

“Just be honest, what’s the big deal? You don’t need to act tough if you don’t want to.”

I, who could read Victoria’s mind, knew that her outward appearance was different from her true feelings.

When I patted her back, she finally stopped crying. I even wiped away her tears with my hand as I slowly comforted her.

“…No. I have a reason why I have to be like this.”

Then, she shook her head, saying something very meaningful. On her own, she pushed me away and ran into the inn room, trying not to tell me.

“Wait, what are you talking about…? A reason?”

“I’ll ne-ver tell you! It’s a secret…!”

Victoria was even sticking her tongue out, trying hard not to reveal her inner thoughts.

– Because I don’t have much time left.

To me, who could hear her inner thoughts, the full truth was unfiltered.