Secret Keeper

***

People are layers and layers of secrets. - Insurgent

***

Jake Seresin is a lot of things. Boy. Son. Texan. Pilot. Charmer. Man. Brilliant with a capital B. Asshole with a capital 'A'.

Jake Seresin wants to be a lot of things, too. A real pilot. A true naval aviator like all his heroes growing up. Like Maverick Mitchell. Like Iceman Kazansky. Like his grandfather. The BEST with all capitals. He wants to be unbeatable at the pool and darts. He's passed on any musical goals because he has no talent for it, natural or otherwise (despite many nights in teens trying to teach himself to be halfway decent). He wants to be the guy everyone looks up to (he's settled for the top of any class he's in), he wants to be friends with everyone (he's decided Javy's enough), and he wants someone to be impressed with him (he's checked the box on that one, even though it usually comes with a warning).

He wants to be loved but has given up on that one (You can't win them all).

The only house he grew up in wasn't big. A little rancher for the little ranch he grew up on. A few hundred acres of dusty Texas land with a couple of hundred head of cattle he loved as a kid. (one night, when he's drunk at the academy, he confides to Javy that he named them all and cried hysterically when they were taken for slaughter).

Jake loved it; he still plans on retiring to something similar, just not that exact one. He's never going back there ever again. He's a descendant of pilots, True pilots, who flew planes that didn't have avionics or backup systems. His great-grandfather flew in WWI when they were just beginning to understand that whoever controlled the skies controlled the world. His grandfather flew in WWII, where the understanding of what a pilot was came from.

They both died flying. Jake thinks that's why everything went so bad in the generations after.

He lost a great-uncle in the Korean War and an uncle in Vietnam. He flew helicopters, and the stories scared Jake so much that he'd never set foot in one of those things.

They died flying, too—the last of the good Seresins.

Jake's father wanted to be a cowboy but didn't like the hours. He wanted to be a pilot but didn't have the spine. He wanted to be a man, but it was just too hard, so he settled for being a drunk who got by on charm (Jake got his charm, and he hates himself for it every day).

Jake's mother was a beauty queen incapable of loving anyone but herself. Until she met his father, they loved each other with an obsessive fury that terrified everyone around them. Two colliding suns that burned anyone in their orbit.

They should never have had a child, but by the time anyone else found out about Jake, it was too late.

Jake remembers the ranch in vivid detail. The trees, the watering holes, the cattle, the horses, the rock outcropping that looked out over the pastures along the river. He remembers the weight of the heat in the summer and the cutting chill of the wind in winter.

He remembers the first time he celebrated Christmas (in high school), his first trip out of town (also in high school), his first kiss (a girl in elementary, a boy in middle school), he remembers the first hit (in middle school, after the boy).

What he remembers about his parents are their words. He hears them in the back of his mind, always whispering.

God, you're annoying.

Can't you be quiet for once?

Stupid brat.

Shut up!

Quit crying, you pussy.

Can't you do anything right?

Stupid little shit.

Why are you such a pain?

Can't you be good at something for once?

Useless waste of air.

Worthless.

Stupid.

Worthless.

Stupid.

Christ, why did I bother having you?

He gets hospitalized for exhaustion six times in his first year (studying and working every waking hour to ensure his grades were good enough and he had money to survive). The doctors believed his parents every single time. (It took years for him to admit to Rooster how angry that made him. It's not anywhere near how angry it made Rooster).

He graduates at the top of his class and skips town the morning of the ceremony. He starts the naval academy three days later and never looks back. (He confides in Iceman years later that it took his parents more than a year to realize he was gone).

He meets his cohort on the first day. Javy, Natasha, Bob, future Payback, Fanboy, Harvard, Fritz, Yale, Omaha, and Halo are all in his class and close to his age.

He makes little mental notes on all of them. Tallies the little tidbits he picks up in his head, so he's always in the know. So, he can predict what pipeline they want (they all want the same, so now it's a matter of competition), what they drink (and how much before they start falling over), who they're going to fight with, and who they're going to fuck.

When they're going to leave him.

Jake doesn't get to keep people. He's learned that lesson. Forced himself to accept it so he didn't dwell on it and collapsed in on himself like a dying star under the crushing weight of loneliness.

Bradley Bradshaw's there, four years older and decades more mature than the rest of them. Mostly.

Jake has a panic attack the first time he sees him. Blinding attraction and the crushing weight of realizing that's it when Jake's never loved anyone before. He ends up hyperventilating in an empty hallway, and it's only by sheer luck that Javy stumbles across him.

Javy freaks out, but Jake will maintain to his dying day that it wasn't that bad.

Javy says differently, still scared years later by the pallor and the faulty breathing that sounded like it was seconds away from stopping entirely. Jake clutching his chest with white knuckles and unable to stand.

Javy will never, ever admit that he has more nightmares about that than he ever does of crashing.

It's the first foundation stone for Javy And Jake.

Despite their bonding moment in the hallway, it takes most of the year before Jake considers genuinely being friends with Javy, and Javy realizes that it's more of a weighted decision than he ever knew. Javy kept half an eye on Jake after the hallway, a little more laid back than the rest of them regarding his attitude. Javy grew up in a rough neighborhood; he saw what made some kids bullies and wondered how many of the insults Jake flings hit him first.

He's also smart enough to realize that unless Jake wants to be friends, it isn't going to happen. It's almost like that time he tamed an ally cat as a kid. Spending hours leaving out food to tempt it closer, getting his hand bit when he pushed too hard, too fast.

So, he waits.

He's not sure why; Jake is a handful on his best day and a pain in the ass the rest of the time, but there's something that tells Javy it could be worth it.

Contrary to popular belief, Jake doesn't make snap decisions (outside of the cockpit). He thinks and thinks and plays every angle and makes backup plans for his emergency backup plans. He wargames every possible outcome and the second and third-order effects. He does nothing that he hasn't thoroughly thought through.

But he doesn't share it with anyone, so he can understand why they think he's impulsive, instinctive, and unthinking. He embraces it (it's just another advantage he needs to survive).

He decides one day that a friendship with Javy is worth the risks (there are a few, the worst of which is Jake ruining Javy before the other man realizes he needs to get away). It's an emotional decision, driven by another morning where Bradley ignores him, and his cohort is slowly starting to coalesce around Bradley instead of Jake (it makes him shake, the terror of being pushed aside and forgotten again).

Javy's confused naturally, but he doesn't see the harm in being Jake's friend. He doesn't realize what it means until a few weeks later when he asks for a ride after his car broke down again, and Jake buys him a new one on their next weekend off.

It doesn't click at first. The salesman's eyes start to gleam when Jake takes him to the car dealership and says he can pay cash. There's a brief second where Javy wants to roll his eyes, Jake's being an asshole again, but he's used to it at this point (and Jake never hesitates to give him a ride anywhere, so he's kind of invested).

He thinks he blackouts for a minute when Jake tells the salesman it is Javy's car and there's no price limit. An hour of arguing in the men's restroom doesn't budge Jake (he's got more money than he could ever spend, and his car is fine).

Javy even tries to leave, only for Jake to threaten to buy the most expensive thing on the lot and put it in Javy's name (he's pretty sure the salesman was ready to full-body tackle him if he tried to leave after that).

Still, Javy tries to pick one of the cheapest models they have (because he doesn't completely trust what's happening) but settles for something in the middle (if this is real, he wants something that will last).

Jake writes a check with more numbers than Javy's ever seen, one after another (pretty affordable compared to the prices of things that come later), and makes the Salesman put a bow on it even though they're driving it off the lot (he's pretty sure the Salesman would drop to his knees and blow Jake if he asked at this point (which would be wrong because Javy'd have to punt him into next week if touched him)).

Javy drives to class with the damn bow on his hood for a week straight, ignoring the teasing from their cohort.

Jake gives him the most shit about it (but never, ever comes close to hinting at how the car came to be). Bradley even tells Jake to shut his mouth, setting off their first physical fight and landing both with extra duty.

Javy shows up and does the work alongside Jake every day, and they never talk about it, but he thinks he gets it now.

He's still got that damn bow in a box somewhere.

After that, they're Jake and Javy. 

The rest of their cohort says Javy's the only one who can put up with Jake. Javy brushes it off because Jake does (he's keeping count, though, of who says it and whom he thinks believes it (Javy loves them all like siblings, but he knows that everything Jake doesn't say is going to come out one day, and Javy's going to be throwing some well-deserved punches at his side (his mama was the one that told him why she worked CPS for decades, she knows traumatized children and she makes him bring Jake home with him on all their breaks))).

Jake spent the whole time soaking up Javy's family, teasing him that he was the favorite son, and letting Javy's mom baby him in a way Javy had grown out of years ago. It's okay, though, because Javy knows what Jake didn't have, and Jake helps him scare the brave boy who comes over to ask out his sister, and they beat up his childhood bullies when they corner them on the street and make fun of their uniforms.

As is the honor of being the best friend (brother in all but blood), Javy's the first to realize Jake's thing for the future Rooster (he's also the first to realize exactly how bad it will go).

When Jake drunkenly decides to throw all caution to the wind and make a pass at Bradley, Javy manages to waylay him the first few times. Still, it must be weighing on Jake even when he's sober because every time he drinks, he becomes more determined to try, and Javy can't be everywhere.

Bless Jake's delusion heart, the day he finally tries sober is the day after a practice hop where he shoots Bradley down (he spent the entire flight critiquing Bradley's technique, which Javy knows is the number one way to piss off Bradley, who pretends he's not as sensitive as everyone else but really is).

The whole thing is EPIC.

They're on the flight line, Jake victorious, Bradley furious because Jake won through bravado and a stupid stunt that the instructors have already told him to knock off. Their entire cohort is on the flight line, and Javy doesn't realize what's happening until it's too late.

To Bradley's credit, he's clear that the gay thing is not what bothers him.

To his discredit, he makes it clear that Jake himself is the problem.

How could anyone ever stand to be in a relationship with you?

There's lots of me to love, Bradshaw; let me show you.

I'd rather crash and burn, thanks.

It's not until Jake's laughing in Bradshaw's face and the rest of their cohort shakes their heads in resigned amusement that Javy realizes what happened.

Jake wasn't taking a chance.

He was teaching himself that he didn't have one.

He does it over and over for a week until other members of their group pull him aside and warn him to stop. Bradshaw's getting to the end of his rope, and Jake's well over the line.

Jake teaches himself the lesson, and that night, Javy sneaks into Jake's room and holds him until he cries himself to sleep.

He sneaks out the next morning, but his luck doesn't hold out (years later, he'll realize this was the first sign of the end).

Nat's in the hallway, and the pitying look she gives him makes Javy's back stiffen.

You don't have to accept table scraps, Javy.

You don't know what you're talking about, so shut your fucking mouth and mind your own business.

He regrets it, of course. She didn't deserve the strength of his response, and the hurt look haunts him (but there's a little ball of rage that she's not even stopped to think that Jake might have been hurt that Javy can't fight down).

It's the first and only time Javy slips, but he's not stupid enough to think Nat's ever forgotten (she doesn't realize what it meant, though. Jake's far too convincing).

She doesn't speak to him for a week, and it takes Bob, playing mediator, for both of them to apologize. She's being genuine, Javy's not (he thinks they're good enough people that they'd understand if they knew), but they work it out.

Nat and Bob even start to tolerate Jake more, even ask if he's okay (Jake insists he is, but Javy wonders if they really believe him). Bob's more intuitive than all of them, and Nat's more intelligent.

Either way, the balance in their cohort shifts a bit, balancing out between Jake and Bradley, the two suns they all orbit. Javy firmly at Jake's shoulder, Nat firmly at Bradley's, and poor Bob in the middle trying to place peacekeeper while the rest of their cohort simultaneously eggs them on and binds them closer together.

Javy watches as Jake sleeps his way out of his feelings for Bradley (or at least convinces himself he does, and there's no one more convincing than Jake Seresin), but he also watches him settle in and become something almost like friends with the rest of them.

That's when Javy learns another secret. Jake has money and absolutely no concept of its value. He buys Natasha a diamond bracelet for her birthday (he's never realized how cheap fancy jewelry can look, it's so damn sparkly). Natasha seems pleased with the thought, though it's not her style, and he catches her rolling her eyes when Halo comments on the quality.

It makes Javy angry, and he has to talk himself down (she doesn't know; she has no reason to know) and then has to talk himself down again when he finds it on Tiffany's website and sees how much it costs (he also saw the custom keychains and accessories Jake's been buying the others and has to scream into a pillow in frustration).

You don't have to pay for love, he swears.

He approaches Natasha alone one day and mentions how much his sister would love a bracelet like that and casually mentions that if she ever gets tired of it, he'd love to buy it from her.

A few weeks later (to her credit, she wore it a couple of times when they were out with the cohort so Jake would see (Javy's heart broke a bit with how happy Jake was when he saw it)), she gave it to him, and Javy have a long private laugh at the fact that she just gave away a five-thousand-dollar bracelet.

His sister does want it, but his mother puts her foot down, and they help him return it (his sister ends up being the reason he gets Jake's money back, with artful tears and a terrible story about a cheating fiancé. Jake's never going to be able to go back to this store, but Javy's not worried because they graduate in a few weeks anyway).

Over the rest of the course, Javy manages to get a few of the trinkets back from the others, slowly collecting Jake's money and quietly saving it for the day he needs it. Still, there are a few (and it makes Javy love their group even more) who actually like and use them. Payback, Fanboy, and Bob use their keychains; Halo wears the earrings.

Javy never sets eyes on what Jake bought Bradley, and Bradley never offers any details (Javy stops himself from thinking about how expensive it is, probably since Jake believes the amount of money you spend on someone equates to how much you love them). Javy can't make up his mind on Bradshaw without knowing, so he always keeps one wary eye on him.

There was still a point where it could end. Where their friendship could fade away like so many adult relationships do, it would never crash and burn; Javy has figured out enough about Jake to know that (he's going to cling until the day they both go down in flames).

And then there wasn't.

A week before graduation, when they've got nothing left but paperwork and the announcement of final scores, Jake shows up to class and sits so gingerly that Javy thinks he must have had one of his rare nights with an attractive man (they've started bearing a disturbing resemblance to Rooster because the one thing Jake Seresin isn't, is subtle).

But something feels wrong. Jake acts right (too right, too perfect, too Jake), so Javy follows him home and then into the shower despite Jake's squawks and sees the blooming bruises carefully made under his clothes.

Javy drives them to a clinic a few towns over that doesn't ask for their IDs.

Two cracked ribs, a hairline fracture to his left hand, a minor concussion, and a boot print in the middle of his back.

They take a rape kit, and a nurse has to take Javy into an empty room and teach him how to breathe again.

He takes them to a drive-through burger joint at one in the morning, and Jake finally voices some of the horrible things that Javy suspected from his mother's hints.

Jake's parents were desperately in love.

With each other.

They didn't have anything left over for anyone else. Parasites that just took and took and only gave to each other and no one else. So much rage and resentment and desperation. No one wanted them to have children, but by the time their families found out about Jake, it was too late to do anything. 

He has vague memories of grandparents who tried, but they were old because his parents were already older when they had him. They didn't last long.

His parents' siblings weren't much better and certainly weren't a better choice (the whole tree was rotten down to the roots).

Until he became a teenager, and his parents switched from abandonment to abuse. His mother resented the responsibility of a child, especially a troublemaker like Jake. His father wanted a carbon copy that did what it was told.

Jake didn't.

And then Jake came out.

It was the last night he ever spent at his parent's house.

After he got out of the hospital, he spent his nights at the YMCA or the shelter or a friend's car until he graduated and joined up.

His parents showed up at his high school graduation, so Jake didn't.

He hadn't seen them since.

Javy takes him home and tells the schoolhouse there was a death in the family, so they give them two days. His mama never leaves Jake's side.

At their graduation, she brings the whole family and makes Jake stand with them in every picture (he cried as hard as Javy did at her funeral two years later. His sisters visit Jake as much as they visit him).

They're on their way to Javy's car to meet his family for dinner when Javy meets Jake's father in person for the first time.

It doesn't look like Jake (who can brawl with the best of them because he will always survive) got in a single blow.

Jake has a panic attack and Javy….

Javy beats the shit out of a 6-foot-5, 300-pound former linebacker in the parking lot of the US Naval Academy, and only his rage gives him the edge that lets him win.

If you ever come near him again, in the same state even, I will find you and put you in the ground. Javy's never, ever been that violent before, and later, he realizes he scared himself, but he doesn't regret it.

Javy doesn't get arrested because he can be subtle, and the cops deal with these things, and they know, and Jake's father stays locked up until they've shipped out.

Javy gets all of it now (and his mama was so proud when he told her that. She told him to keep his big heart and let it get even more significant because there aren't enough of them in the world).

Jake apologizes to him one night when he can't sleep, so they stay up and watch old sci-fi movies. He apologizes for causing trouble for Javy, and Javy hits him with a pillow until he stops. Jake falls asleep in his lap, but Javy's used to the fact that Jake has no concept of personal space with people he trusts and rubs his back until they both fall asleep.

It blows Javy's mind that no one else in their cohort ever even suspects the truth about Jake, but his secrets are Javy's now.

Even when it looks like Bradley's thawing a bit, he comes over and congratulates Jake on taking first place and offers to buy him a drink (Javy put a stop to that), but they still don't understand (they won't until they want too, his mama had warned him, you'd best learn to be patient).

Javy's thankful that Jake and Bradley get into their worst fight yet the day before they all ship out and leave, still nursing their bruises. He won't have to worry about Bradley changing his mind and deciding he wants what Jake was offering. Javy likes Bradley; he's a great pilot and a better man, but he's not for Jake. (Jake's too in love; there's too much room for Jake to get hurt and not Bradley. It's not balanced, and it won't be healthy, no matter how much Jake wants it).

When Jake gets his first confirmed kill (and Javy's so fucking proud and so fucking thankful), Javy takes family leave and flies out to celebrate with him (and spends the nights holding Jake while he cries over the fact that he took a life).

They run into their cohort on and off over the years, sometimes together and sometimes alone, and they seem to embrace Jake the same way they do Javy, so he relaxes a bit.

A few years later, he meets Celia and immediately knows he will marry her. He introduces her to Jake, who approves with an enthusiasm that immediately alerts Celia to his past (it turns out her father has a similar story, and he overcame it).

After that, she's as attached to Jake as he is.

Then the suicide mission comes, and Javy sees every carefully built wall Jake has built come crumbling down.

You look good.

I am good. Very good.

Maverick is his own issue (Jake worships him, but it's so painfully clear he favors Rooster that Javy hates him).

Javy is not above taking them both out at the knees if he has to. Celia takes a vacation from work, flies out to visit them, and completely confuses their cohort as to which one of them she's dating. She and Javy make out in a dark corner. She spends one-night singing ballads from Jake's lap.

There's a lot of money moving around; even Mav's got a bet.

She's having so much fun that Javy and Jake go along. Javy will admit that one time Jake and Celia kissed (and Rooster missed a key in the middle of a song Javy knows he could play in his sleep, and that's vaguely concerning), it was HOT (Jake's guilt trip after was not, but Javy finally convinced him it was okay by kissing him himself and it made Jake laugh).

There are not many people that have seen Jake laugh, honestly.

Unfortunately, the competition brings out the worst in all of them. Jake's callsign comes up and is proven true again and again. Javy knows he's the only one who doesn't doubt that Jake would save him in an actual fight. Mav's so focused on Rooster that he misses Jake entirely.

But someone else doesn't.

Iceman comes down from on high to make sure things are going smoothly (i.e., to make sure Maverick toes the line), and because he's spent so long (so many years now) keeping one eye on Jake and one on Bradley, he sees it immediately.

Mav's eyes linger a bit too long. Ice is too accepting. Rooster looks relieved to see the older blond.

Celia thinks it's hot (she's a diehard romantic who wants Bradley to serenade Jake off into the sunset, no matter how much that won't happen).

Javy thinks it's a headache, but Jake is getting more and more desperate to stop what he sees coming (the dude has to be slightly physic; Javy's never met someone that right that often) and pushes Rooster harder and harder.

They're a rubber band being pulled in opposite directions, and Javy knows it's about to snap.

He thinks Ice might suspect everything Jake won't say because the Admiral's been attending their training, and it's making Mav nervous. Mav's nerves are transferring to the rest of them and Bradley's so angry and Jake's so worried, and Javy's going to have a heart attack trying to bring them all through this alive.

Ice is the saving grace. Best of the best, after all. Javy doesn't think he's ever been so grateful to another person in his entire life.

He pulls Maverick aside one day (Javy is not going to talk about where his hand was and how close they were standing), and Maverick seems more settled afterward. Cyclone and Warlock are on eggshells with Ice around, but he isn't one of those leaders who feel the need to micromanage (Jake's like that; Javy thinks he could go as far if he can last through this). He lets them run their mission, a steady presence that seems to reassure everyone; even Jake relaxes, more assured now that someone appears to be taking his concerns seriously.

It hurts Javy how much Jake wants to fly with Maverick and Iceman, with his heroes, and how obvious it is that it isn't going to happen. Maverick is circling Rooster (Javy isn't stupid enough to think anyone else is going on this mission), and Iceman is circling both of them, trying to repair breaks that the other two are determined to cling to.

Jake's mother calls while he's flying. The Ensign brings the call to the watch room, and there's a brief joking hostility from the observers, Rooster, Phoenix, Omaha, Fritz, and Halo, over who gets to answer, and Javy may react a little too strongly. The Ensign's hand shakes a bit when he hands Javy the phone.

Don't ever call him again.

He tells the Ensign not to put her calls through while the others watch him. They're not stupid; they couldn't be where they are and be stupid, but they don't say anything.

He can practically see the gears in Natasha's head turning.

Bradley is the one foolish enough to say something a few minutes later.

You shouldn't ignore your mom.

And Javy, Javy knows (via Jake because Jake knows A LOT about Bradley Bradshaw) that Rooster had a great mom who was taken too early.

But Javy picked his side, and he will die on it. And not everyone gets a great mom.

Mind your own business, Rooster; you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

He's burning bridges, he knows. Every fight, every joke, every little unexplained thing is another wedge between Jake and Bradley, between Jake and Javy and Everyone Else.

Their team is falling apart, but Javy figures they're just going to fail because it's not worth sacrificing Jake to keep them together when they were never a real team to begin with.

Natasha tries to pull him aside later; she recognizes their roles in Jake v Bradley, but Javy's not going to give ammunition to the enemy, and he shuts her down.

She's disappointed in him, and that hurts. Because Javy holds her in high esteem, and Jake thinks the world of her (always remarks that she's too good for the likes of him).

It's why he's so surprised when Payback and Fanboy pull him aside later at the Hard Deck when the calls are mostly forgotten. Everyone is playfully ribbing Jake for losing to Mav during the Hop (he lasted longer than the rest of them. Javy points out, loyal until the end).

Ice and Mav are tucked into a corner table, and Javy wonders if they think no one notices how closely they're pressed together. How soft Penny's smile is when she looks at them.

Payback and Fanboy pull him into the bathroom, and Javy has watched horrible porn with Jake where this happens and tells them so (he may be using Jake's distraction techniques), but it doesn't work.

Fanboy's aunt was cut out of the family for being abusive. It killed his parents to do it because family was important. Sometimes, it was all you had, but in the end, they wouldn't risk their kids.

Not many reasons to turn a mother's call down, man; how bad is it?

Bad enough that it isn't my place.

Both of them?

Yep.

Shit. That explains a lot.

Payback and Fanboy don't make an outright announcement, but after that night, they orbit more around Jake, tucking themselves on either side of him at the pool table and bogarting it whenever someone else tries to play.

Jake is thrilled, though Javy does tell him what happened later (there's a level of honesty between them that means they both feel safe enough to say whatever they're thinking without judgment). Payback and Fanboy sneak over after everyone else has gone home, and they watch horrible sci-fi movies and eat popcorn with way too much butter and Fanboy casually mentions his aunt, and that's that.

Jake doesn't ask questions but goes so terribly still that Javy's afraid it's all about to come crashing down.

It doesn't. Sometimes he forgets how strong Jake is, that he survived for a long time before Javy came into the picture.

Now that Payback and Fanboy have become real friends on Jake's little survivor's raft of life, they get the full force of everything Jake Seresin has hidden.

It's like he can't stop confessing things and airing every thought in his head.

They find out about his feelings for Bradley within the week (Javy is ignoring the money changing hands. Apparently, Payback has good instincts), the fact that Jake can't stop touching the few people he lets on the raft (the term is touch-starved, Fanboy informs them and then says they need to Jake in therapy ASAP), that he hero-worships Maverick and Iceman, and it hurts that they don't even notice him. He wants a home with a hanger so he can have his plane, but he'd settle for whatever someone who loved him wanted.

Payback makes the mistake of mentioning that his sister is trying to scrape together tuition for her next year one day and then bangs on Javy and Jake's door at two in the morning, eyes bugged out in nothing but boxers because his sister sent him the receipt from the college with Jake's name on it and her tuition paid through the next two years.

Jake won't take the money back, but he also doesn't pay for a drink for a very long time. (Payback may or may not be sending Javy money just to cover that, even when they're separated).

Fanboy, who probably handles it best, isn't afraid to ask Jake for help to pay for an expensive date night for his wife, under the condition that he do something for Jake in exchange. (They team up on the next Hop and annihilate everyone but Mav, who flashes them a far more considering look than he ever did before as they cross the tarmac after).

Ice comes down to congratulate them personally.

Best flier out there; it seems like that's becoming the norm, Hangman.

Maverick's look of outrage is amusing but not anywhere near as much as Jake's stumbling over his thanks, face bright red.

Javy's pretty sure he saw something click for Bob, and Natasha got another note in her brain.

Rooster looks furious because he's just like Jake and can't escape the past. Celia's still hoping, but Javy is dangerously close to making sure it never happens.

It takes something relatively simple to push him over the edge. And it isn't Rooster's fault; Javy knows that. Jake is many things, but one of those is an asshole, and bringing up Rooster's dad like that (no matter why he did it) is a shitty thing to do and all the proof that Javy needs to know that they wouldn't be good for each other.

Maverick and Rooster disappear to lick their wounds after (Jake's shrapnel was surprisingly accurate), but Ice shows up to talk to Jake and blows Javy out of the water again.

When did you figure it out?

Please, it was obvious. Never seen two people who wanted to be family more than them fighting it so hard.

And really, Javy thinks desperately; you can't think of anyone else? Even though you look in a mirror every day?

Knowing how to fly isn't learning how to live, Ice says. Some people need a word; some people need a sledgehammer. (Javy likes him more every time he opens his mouth).

Ice takes them to dinner, and Jake looks like he's over the moon the entire time. Javy's sure Ice realizes it, too, because the Admiral is more indulgent than Javy would ever have guessed. They end up talking aeronautics and physics on a level Javy can't keep up with, so he just sits back and stuffs his face on the Admiral's dime.

Jake also confesses his admiration for Mav (which Ice thinks is hilarious; Mav's getting a taste of his own medicine) and his love for Bradley (which he thinks is sad, but he also has a thoughtful look on his face that makes Javy worry).

Once you're in, you're in as far as Jake's concerned, and Javy suddenly understands why Jake fought so desperately to keep everyone out, why he wears those blinders to anyone who might actually care for him.

They even show up at the Hard Deck together. And even though Ice immediately joins Mav and Jake and Javy gets shit from the rest of their cohort for sucking up, Jake's grin never leaves his face.

Bob starts talking to Jake, asking for advice and debating theory one afternoon, and then he keeps doing it.

Payback and Fanboy let Javy know, keeping track of each instance and pissing off Natasha by refusing to leave them alone. She goes back on forth on Jake so often that Javy can't trust her no matter what, and she takes it personally when he questions Bob's motives (which, low blow, Javy knows that, but he can't take the risk).

Bob, always so intuitive, comes to Javy himself when he realizes what Payback and Fanboy are doing, and they have it out in the living room. Bob has been firmly in the enemy camp as far as Javy is concerned. Bob thinks it's stupid that there are camps when they're all supposed to be friends, but that's just proof that he doesn't understand (he's probably right, Javy knows he's overreacting, but it's just not worth the risk).

Bob has loving parents and grew up in a happy home, but he has friends who didn't, and he's noticed some of the signs since their time at the academy. He's also smart enough to equate Jake's level of self-defense with how bad it was and admits that it makes him sick to his stomach.

You have no fucking idea.

Regardless, Bob's interest is heartfelt, but he offers to step away if Javy, who knows Jake best, thinks it's in his best interest.

Damn it, Bob. It's not. Bob knows it. Javy knows it. Ice knows it. Deep down, Jake knows it, even if he's convinced himself otherwise. Jake needs a good family, people who love him, as many as possible.

So, Javy lets him in, and Bob quietly joins their little life raft. It's getting kind of crowded; Javy thinks when Jake calls him in a panic because he made plans with Fanboy, but Bob invited him out, and he wants to do both, but there's not enough time, and what should he do (Javy texts them both, and they figure it out while Javy teases Jake about playing favorites).

It takes a combined effort by the four of them to get Jake to agree to therapy. And by combined effort, Javy means they went to Ice, who already had his therapist apprised of the situation. He's the one who escorts Jake after sweeping him away from Mav's punishment drill (Mav looked pretty pissed, and the rest of them had to do Hangman's push-ups for him, but Javy doesn't regret it) and sits in the waiting room for the entire session.

He's the one who carries Jake inside, puts him to bed, and watches over him until Celia gets off work and can relieve him to go do the job he ignored (and most likely to answer to Mav's fury about stepping on his toes).

Therapy is hit or miss; Javy knows this. His mama explained that people only get out what they put in.

You have to want to save yourself to do it.

So those first few sessions where Jake is terrified of being so vulnerable, Javy makes sure to tell him how happy he is that he's going. Even makes his own appointment (because, to be fair, he probably does need to talk to someone about all of this himself), and Payback, Fanboy, and Bob get in on it.

It's still Ice that takes him most of the time, and Javy is terrified, terrified of the risks of Jake finding a father figure and how badly that could go. He doesn't think Iceman would do anything on purpose; he thinks the guy is fantastic, but he's also painfully aware that life is unpredictable. Even if Ice dies tragically in a freak accident, it will destroy Jake, and Javy's spent so long at his side now, watching all the broken little pieces starting to come back together, watching the sharp edges dull just slightly with every new day, that he can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Can almost imagine Jake with a family of his own someday, with kids who can play with Javy's kids. Celia wants a little girl so Jake can have a boy, and she's already planned their wedding.

Maverick chooses Rooster, and Javy's hopes and dreams shatter like glass.

Rooster is going to die, likely Maverick too, and Jake knows it. Javy trusts Jake, and there's only one night left to do anything about it.

And this is why Javy loves Jake. That gleam he saw way back when that made him dig and dig until the shaft was a blinding light, haloing Jake whenever he looked at him.

Jake has nothing left to give but himself, so that's what he does.

He corners Rooster in the locker room after everyone else has left, and Javy can only listen from outside the door as he lays out precisely what Rooster has to do to live.

And why.

You have actually to fly, you fucker; you can't be careful and take it slow. You can't hesitate, you can't second guess, you can't be thinking about your dad or your mom or Mav. Don't fucking argue with my Bradshaw; I've been in love with you since the day I saw you, and I know you better than anyone else. You're afraid of flying. You love it, but it scares you, so it will always win. You have to get over it.

Jake's got tears in his eyes by the end, up in Rooster's dumbfounded face until Javy breaks in and pulls him away.

Jake doesn't notice them, but Javy catches the stunned expression on Mav and Nat's faces in the hallway, and that's just another thing to deal with when this is all over.

There's nothing left to do but pray.

Jake takes off against orders, and Javy has never prayed so hard in his life. He hears whispers of stunned disbelief as Jake takes off and thinks that just proves they don't deserve Jake.

They all come back.

Jake puts on the act that's gotten him this far and shakes Rooster's hand in front of everyone. Rooster is a terrible actor; he's clearly completely off balance and has no idea what to do, but Jake pulls him through and escapes before Bradley realizes what he's doing.

Then they're all swept off to medical, and Javy goes to throw up in private.

The hand on his back startles him, but he knows immediately that it's Jake.

You're supposed to be in medical.

All I did was fly. The others need the attention more.

You need it too, Javy thinks, but he drops the subject. They need to get their feet under them, and Jake has always been at his best when he can be distracted by taking care of others.

They slip out before the others notice and take a few hours by themselves to get their bearings back. Jake confesses that he confessed, but Javy already knows and warns him that Mav and Nat overheard. Even Javy doesn't think they'll say anything, so he convinces Jake to accept the invitation to the Hard Deck the next night, and they party hard. Forget Payback; Jake will never buy another drink in a Navy bar ever again.

The only downside is Rooster, who spends the night quietly watching Jake in a way he hasn't before. He's looking now, past the veneer and the masks and the layers that Jake has built to protect himself. He screws up his courage a few hours in, and Javy barely gets across the crowded bar in time. He blocks him a few more times as the night progresses; Javy's sisters even get in on it, planting themselves in Jake's arms and not letting anyone get too close.

One particularly brave groupie tries to cop a feel anyway, and Javy's youngest sister, with the big mouth and no fear, loudly announces to the bar that the broken white boy is theirs and anyone else who tries to touch him will get their ass beat into the ground.

Most of the bar keeps their distance for the rest of the night, and even their cohort keeps a wary eye on her. Penny says as long as it doesn't actually get physical, it's fine.

Rooster makes another attempt, and Javy stomps on his foot so hard he thinks he might have broken it for a second.

Rooster's starting to get angry; Javy can see it and sees him whispering with Natasha in a corner after.

She catches Javy in the hallway to the bathroom to ask what his problem is, and Javy makes it clear, probably clearer than he needed to, that Rooster doesn't get to change his mind now. He had his chance and missed, and there's no going back.

Natasha thinks they have another chance in them, but she doesn't have to pick up the pieces. She didn't have to hold Jake as he cried and watched the walls rise even higher as he chose to be alone. Javy still has hopes he'll find someone else, but the hope grows weaker with every year.

And it won't be Rooster.

Natasha's taken aback by his vehemence, pointing out that Jake might still be interested, and really, it's not Javy's decision, but Javy's so far past that point.

Rooster's a great guy, a prize for anyone he ends up with, but he's not for Jake. Not anymore, and I'll put that fucker in the hospital before I let him near Jake again.

He passes Rooster on his way out of the hallway and meets his eyes fearlessly.

Rooster doesn't try again that night.

He does, however, try again in the days that follow.

It becomes Javy's full-time job to be in the way all the time, and he's good at it. Payback and Fanboy and even Bob, though he agrees with Tasha, assist.

On a couple of memorable occasions, Ice intervenes. He doesn't agree entirely with Javy, but he thinks that Rooster (whose relationship with Mav is on the way to being repaired and who is high on life and success) isn't stopping to consider his decision thoroughly.

Mav and Ice have it out behind closed doors, and Javy knows for sure they're together now. Mav has a haunted look after that lets Javy know that Ice shared the worst of it. Mav won't deny Rooster anything anymore, but he is much more careful in his encouragement.

Rooster and Javy finally have it out on the beach during another friendly game, and the others are quick to scatter and leave them to it. Payback and Fanboy drag Jake away when he tries to swing at Rooster to protect Javy, which puts a new look on Bradley's face that Javy doesn't like any more than Jake.

Bradley wants a chance. He wants to see where it could go because he's suddenly realized that Hangman might be a whole lot more than he first thought, and the guy had always held his attention, even when Bradley didn't want to give it to him.

Javy laughs in his face (he does feel guilty about it inside, but he'll never say it out loud).

Javy says no.

Bradley's torn between respecting Javy's decision and pointing out that it's Jake's choice and not his, but in the time it takes him to figure out how to respond, it's hours later and Javy's having dinner with Celia, who, as always, turns his entire world upside down with a single comment.

How great would it be if Bradley loved Jake as much as Jake loved Bradley?

He doesn't.

But what if he does?

....Damn it.

It sticks in Javy's head the rest of the night, and when Rooster corners him two days later, Javy doesn't even let him start.

He's my brother, you don't know half the shit he's done for me, and I've done for him. You don't know anything about him.

I know he cared enough to try and save me long before he actually did it. I'm slow, but I do get there.

You can't be slow, not with Jake. He's too fast; you'll end up so far behind you'll never make it up, and it'll hurt him even more.

That's why I need to get to know him so that I can be that fast. So, we don't have those fights and those hurts.

Javy doesn't know how to explain to him how hard it might actually be. He knows they always say it's easy when it's the right person, but there's easy, and then there's easy, and Jake is still working through so much baggage. He's still going to therapy; he's talking about what happened more and more with Javy and Ice and Celia and Payback and Fanboy and Bob.

And Jesus Christ, every time he gets a new detail, Javy has to take a deep breath and remind himself that killing someone will not help Jake.

But he does, for the first time, start thinking about how happy Jake would be if Bradley loved him. And Rooster, despite his faults, is loyal and loving and steady as a rock. If it worked out, they would be great together.

If.

Sometimes, you can be so desperate to protect that you ruin. Javy can't be the one that takes that chance from them, he realizes, even if he has to spend the rest of his life helping Jake put the pieces back together again.

I won't help you. But I won't get in the way either. It's on you.

Thank you. I won't- I will try my best.

You better try harder than that.

After that conversation, Javy's life starts to resemble a romcom in the most ridiculous ways possible.

Rooster has spotted that Jake doesn't let anyone see very deep and seems to have re-assessed his initial approach into something softer, lighter. Friendship first.

He flings flirts and compliments decorated as insults right back at Jake, who's thrilled despite his wariness. He goes through his arsenal of songs to figure out which makes Jake smile and which makes him watch Rooster with heavy, dark eyes. The night he plays 'Faithfully' for the first time, Javy almost thinks they're going to go at it on the piano regardless of their audience.

Fanboy and Payback think it will be any day now, but Javy knows better. Javy is great at protecting Jake, but he's not as good as Jake. Rooster has his work cut out for him, and he seems to realize that he must prove himself to Javy almost as much as Jake.

They go out for beers, just the two of them one night, and Rooster doesn't grill him precisely, but he does listen quietly to the stories that come up naturally. He asks the right questions and makes the right connections.

He doesn't get the big one, though. That's not Javy's to tell.

Jake comes to him one night, and Javy realizes this is it. He wants advice. Does Javy trust Rooster? Is it real? Does he want to be friends, and Jake misread everything?

The tiny glint of hope in his eye is enough to have Javy spilling his guts, and he knows the next time he sees them, Jake and Bradley will either be Jake And Bradley, or it'll be over for good.

Jake shows him a ring one day, and Javy has a heart attack. Well, not a real one, but he gets halfway through a speech on moving too fast. He doesn't even really know Bradley yet and have they even kissed (They haven't because Jake would have told Javy) before Jake breaks in and says it's for Celia because Javy's taking too long, and he already knows Celia wants a summer wedding.

The only thing Javy says is, did you buy the ring (it's fucking huge but stunning and tasteful, exactly Celia's style).

Jake admits it but points out that Celia was with him like that'll make it okay.

It doesn't, but Javy will take the victories where he can and proposes to her that night. She has the decency to pretend to be surprised.

The others find out the next day after a routine training hop to get them all back in the air. They find out after because, in the locker room, Jake casually asks who Celia's wedding planner is, and Javy answers before he fully realizes the question.

Jake's already dialing when Javy lunges for him, and they end up wrestling for the phone, completely nude and still wet from their showers. Payback and Fanboy (who are used to how physical they can get) just laugh hysterically while Rooster, Bob, Fritz, and a few others freeze in disbelief at the sight of two grown men wrestling naked over a phone in the shower.

Javy's pretty sure he was gnawing on Jake's hand to try and loosen his grip when Cyclone, Hondo, and Mav rushed in.

Jake's surprisingly flexible (Fanboy got them into yoga a little while back), but so is Javy, so they must look like a demented pretzel as Javy attempts to stop Jake from offering to pay for his wedding. Celia knows better than to accept, but their wedding planner had a dangerous gleam in her eye when she saw Celia's engagement ring.

Cyclone looks like he's seconds away from an aneurysm, Hondo just laughs (God bless warrant officers), and Maverick just looks confused (which apparently is his normal face).

Rooster, well, Rooster looks furious and turned on and lost all at the same time.

They catch on, though, when Javy threatens to elope and Jake threatens to decorate everything in a 24-karat gold leaf.

Payback and Fanboy make a run for it when Cyclone's face turns a dangerous shade of puce (they broke the shower head and piping when Jake tried to slam him against the wall, and Javy flipped him).

A scream of outrage is almost enough to stop them. Natasha flings the door open and makes everyone else run for their towels. Cyclone's halfway through yelling about fraternization, but Natasha ignores him and just charges straight at Jake and Javy, and they are all definitely getting written up for this.

Payback and Fanboy knew about the bracelet. Javy accidentally let it slip one night at the Hard Deck, and they let it slip when she asked what the commotion in the locker room was. Halo was laughing too hard to try and stop her from charging in to ask Jake what the fuck he was thinking.

Ice smooths it all over when they've entirely wrecked one shower stall and traumatized the rest of their flight and Mav.

The three of them get extra duties, but none of them really mind. Natasha and Jake don't work through all their issues, but they make a start. Natasha's still mad at Javy for all those things that happened over the years, but they start to make amends, too, and they will get there.

The best part, though, is Rooster, who can't seem to decide if Javy is a competition or not. He keeps side-eyeing him but stops short of ever asking to clear the air, and Javy has been Jake's friend for a long time, so naturally, he fucks with him. Clinging to Jake a bit more than usual, an arm over his shoulder, a hand at the small of his back, running his fingers through his hair.

Jake knows exactly what he's doing, but the loyalty goes both ways, so Jake embraces it (more therapy, Fanboy insists) and blossoms under Rooster's gaze.

He's a fucking tease when he's happy and settled and sure.

Javy knows within the hour the first time they slept together. Jake texts him and then doesn't respond for hours. Javy naturally tells Celia, and they send 'congratulations' balloons and flowers to Rooster's house.

Jake retaliates with naked pictures of Rooster, and poor Bradley learns exactly how little Javy and Jake keep from each other (Celia makes a remark about Bradley's birthmark on their first double date, and it's the only time Javy ever sees a sliver of regret on his face. He's pretty sure it's mostly just embarrassment).

Jake naturally stands at Javy's shoulder at his wedding and gives a best man's speech that leaves the crowd simultaneously in stitches and crying.

While he and Celia are on their honeymoon (which they did not let Jake pay for), they get a slew of text messages from their cohort begging them to return early. Apparently, Jake and Bradley hit that insatiable point in their relationship and have no self-control.

Natasha gets so incensed one day that she films it and sends it to Javy instead of breaking it up. Celia thinks it's hot, and Javy can't really argue watching Jake push Bradley against a wall as they rut against each other and attempt to suck out one another's tonsils in the watch room.

He gets a few more pics before they come home. Bradley kissing Jake at the Hard Deck, his hands in Jake's back pockets. The two of them tangled together on the beach, all glistening sun-kissed skin and a pissed-off Natasha in the background (they were on her towel). A hickey on Bradley's neck and an actual fucking bite mark on Jake's hip.

Javy's so fucking happy he should have known something was about to happen.

A few days after he returns, they have a barbecue at Mav's place, the first official meeting between Mav and Jake And Bradley. Mav obviously adores Rooster, but he takes to Jake quickly. They're too similar not to and spend an hour gushing over Mav's plane. Javy's pretty sure Bradley's contemplating destroying it if it keeps much more of Jake's attention.

Ice and Penny are there, too. And Penny's daughter, who's a sweetheart and clearly sees Rooster as a big brother.

She's the one who says someone just pulled up and asked for Jake.

Unfortunately, she catches Jake in the hangar and Javy in the house, so Javy's a few seconds too slow.

He's running, but this time he's not fast enough.

Jake's frozen until his father's fist connects with his face, and he goes down hard.

Someone screams, Penny or Halo, but Javy's already on the old man at that point and doing his level best to flatten his face.

The next scream takes on a different tone, breaking Javy's focus. Ice is already calling 911, Mav, Rooster, and Bob are trying to stop the bleeding, but Jake isn't moving.

It takes Fanboy, Payback, Natasha, Halo, and Ice to pull Javy off Jake's father. Who isn't moving any more than his son is now when the life flight lands.

Javy gets so angry when they try to put his father on the same life flight that he physically tries to pull the unconscious Jake away from the paramedics despite Bradley, Mav, and Natasha trying to stop him. The life-flight crew fights him on it for a minute until they put together Javy's infuriated demands, and Ice offers to pay for the second helicopter.

Javy's grateful to see the second life flight move a lot slower than Jake's.

It all comes out at the hospital, courtesy of Ice, who knows Javy promised not to tell but is smart enough to realize it has to come out if anyone is going to move forward.

His father didn't like that his son was gay, so he taught him how painful it was.

Money equals love, and his parents never spent any on him, so Jake won't spend it on himself, but he'll spend it on everyone else. Javy takes him clothes shopping, even grocery shopping when they don't have easy access to a mess hall.

There are notes in Jake's personnel record from his recruiter and all the instructors he's ever had.

Unstable.

Doesn't understand 'team.'

Need to take some of the violence out of him.

No support system.

Left alone too much when he was young.

Won't end well.

Someone dropped the ball.

Continue therapy.

Might be okay.

Rooster spends an hour in the bathroom dry heaving over a toilet. Javy doesn't have the time to spare a thought, camped out at Jake's bedside and praying for him to wake up. So, Mav and the others look after him while Ice takes the other side of Jake's bed.

It was a lucky blow for his father and Jake. Powerful enough to knock him out, but it doesn't do any lasting damage. He wakes up a few hours later, and Ice kicks everyone else out, including Rooster, while Jake and Javy sob in each other's arms. (Javy's going to be the one to end that old man, but it does look like he might have competition based on the expression on Rooster's face).

Ice beats them all to it, though they don't find out for years.

None of them are comfortable leaving Jake alone after that, and Javy wants to have him stay with him, but he and Celia are both moving out of their places and into a shared one, and it's a shitshow.

To Javy's surprise, Mav finally shows up and steps up like an adult. Jake and Javy (because Jake wasn't going anywhere without him for the foreseeable future) take up residence in his spare room. He and Ice get outed when the rest of their cohort spends every free minute stopping by to check on Jake and walk in without knocking a few times too many.

Rooster already knew, but he's been cautious to stay within everyone's boundaries. He hangs with them in the spare room when he's free, but he takes up a chair next to the bed instead of joining the pile on the bed that always includes Javy and Jake and often includes Celia, Javy's sisters who come to check in, Payback and Fanboy and their significant others.

Maverick is very, very confused the first time he checks in on them in the morning, and Celia is sprawled out in bed with them in her underwear.

Rooster later hilariously tells them that Mav has decided not to see anything anymore because it's just too confusing, and he can't keep up.

A week later, Jake is mostly back on his feet. Not cleared for duty, Ice put his foot down and grounded them all for a bit. They all have to go to therapy, but none of them fight it. They spend a lot of time hanging out in Mav's hangar (he pretends to be upset, but Rooster sees him carefully keeping their favorite snacks stocked) and making room for the next plane he wants to work on.

One night, after Jake's nightmares wake the entire house, Mav breaks the brand-new windshield he and Rooster just put on the plane trying to deal with it and the fact that he didn't figure it out or move fast enough (with a crowbar).

Bradley and Javy have what is hands down the most uncomfortable discussion of their lives a few days later about how to approach the issue of sex with Jake. Rooster's terrified he's going to do something wrong, but Javy doesn't think so.

Jake loves with the intensity of the sun. He decided back in the academy that Bradley was it, and ever since, Bradley has been it. To Jake, he's everything good, so far removed from the bad in Jake's life that Javy doesn't think it'll be much of an issue (the therapist agrees, Jake is too logical and tends to compartmentalize) (she still insists on sessions with the two of them though).

Bradley still worries, and Javy knows exactly how long Jake's patience takes to snap. Poor Mav happened to be in the room at the time. Jake bragging doesn't help (apparently, all that instinct and speed that Rooster second guesses in the aircraft are not an issue in bed).

Jake loves like he does everything else until the end, and no matter how many times Rooster says he gets it, he doesn't, not until the day Jake can't hold himself back anymore, and he buys Rooster his first gift.

The look on Rooster's face when he sees the plane Jake bought him is pretty fucking funny and ends up being posted all over the watch room.

Rooster, Mav, Ice, and Javy sit with Jake and make him promise to run any more big purchases by them, though.

Decades down the road, Jake and Bradley's son marries Javy and Celia's daughter in front of Mav's hanger.

~fin~