LIGHTNOVELSTORY Chapter 6: Chapter 5
On a dark night, with the sky completely covered by a thick curtain of whitish clouds that seemed to drag their huge, snow-laden bellies directly on the surface of the earth, a raging wind blew from the north, from where the Jerall Mountains guard the northern border of Cyrodiil. I pulled tighter on the small cloak I was wrapped in and tried to face the storm and continue my nocturnal routine. But the wind was so strong that it was almost carrying me with it, taking me on its wings, and very soon the first snowflakes, initially large and fluffy and then small and icy, began to whip my cheeks. The blizzard quickly unleashed itself in full force and, despite the fact that the pickings that night were very poor, I was forced to return to my shelter much sooner than I had anticipated. I went underground through the Merchant District's trading hall just after I had managed to collect two nearly rotten cabbages lying forgotten in a corner of the market. I breathed a sigh of relief when I reached the secondary tunnel that was my home and slipped with infinite care through the death trap that served as the door and latch of my lair. Inside, the roar of the blizzard was much muffled and the constant howling from above was replaced here by soft whistles and occasional rumbles that came through the manholes. It was generally quiet in this particular part of the Imperial City bowels, and I crept, cold and wet into my bunk and fell asleep.
When I awoke from my sleep, it was completely quiet and not even the soft whistling that had accompanied the blizzard at the beginning could be heard. I stretched out under the thick blankets I was wrapped up in, happily gathering up the last available warmth for the day and then stood up getting ready to start shivering as usual of late. But that didn't happen; the air in the gallery was warm and even drier than usual. Surprised, I immediately went on alert because I was aware that the stirring slime in the immediate vicinity could evolve, it was capable of suddenly growing and engulfing more of the length of the corridor. I sniffed nervously the air around me but I did not smell the specific odor of death or any other unusual scent. Instead, the silence that was usual here had transformed into something solid yet diaphanous. I felt like I was wrapped in cotton wool and I could actually hear the silence... This is a rather unpleasant sensation when it lasts longer, but for the moment I could not perceive any danger signals in the air around me. I walked under the first manhole in that dead end and could not see the light coming through. I supposed that it was still night and decided to investigate my surroundings a little, to see what changes the blizzard had brought to the world above me. But, after removing the hindrance placed by me, I could not lift the grate of the manhole and the darkness coming from there was deeper than on any night before. I tried the same thing with the next three manholes that followed and could not open any of them. Consequently, I drew the only rational solution and decided that the town was buried in a thick layer of snow. Besides, the hunger gnawing in my stomach was clearly telling me that it must already be daylight outside, and the lack of light near the manholes could only confirm my assumption.
I went back to my den, ate and then inventoried the food I had. A huge loaf of bread, almost whole, a long piece of pork sausage and lots of apples... I cleaned out the cabbages I'd taken in the day before and added them to my little stash. It was pretty good for the moment, but the bottled water was very bad. Only about half of the canteen I had was full and here, underground, getting drinking water was impossible. An almost paradoxical situation, similar to that of a castaway who dies of thirst in the middle of the sea. But I thought of the central chamber of the sewage system that I had not properly investigated before. At its center was this enormous pit that I knew nothing about at the time but which gave me hope. So I decided to go there, traveling a path I had never explored before. The complete darkness that reigned in the depths did not hinder my mission so much because my sense of touch, smell and hearing guided me easily in this world of darkness. In fact, I arrived that day in the central hall guided only by the sense of smell and hearing after a long detour through the Elven Garden District sewer because the connection between the Market District and the Imperial Palace is, as I was to find out in a few days, made through galleries far too low for a human being, however small, to squeeze through. Initially, orienting myself by hearing alone, I ended up in a clogged corridor as I thought at the time. This surprised me and I began to combine auditory and olfactory impressions. For, surprising as it may seem, the smells of the underground odor of the various neighborhoods of the Imperial City differ considerably. And at their borders, the range of odors is so rich that it can easily mislead an inexperienced visitor. But I finally reached the central hall, which seemed full of light after the long journey through the gloom of the sewers.
A diffused light of a color similar to blue always reigns there. I wasn't able to detect its source and the scientists who have traveled in the time of the Empire in the underground of the Capital don't even mention it in their writings because for normal eyesight it is very similar to darkness. Later I tried to find references about this mysterious phenomenon in the Winterhold College archives and I was about to find a very interesting source but that happened just then when Faralda banned me from the college. At present, my dear friend Brelyna is trying to continue the path I started, but Faralda and Nyria have banned the regular members of the college from certain sections of the great library there... Oh, but I see I've digressed from my story! As soon as I got close to the huge column that supports the high dome of the central room, I began to study the shaft that surrounds it with great interest. As I said before, it has marble ledges and in a certain place they are interrupted by the bridge that crosses the pit towards the pillar. There's a door there, a heavy bronze door and it was locked but probably locked from the inside. I couldn't find any locks or keyholes on it. It didn't even have the usual handle on its interior part. So I concluded that this gate was of no interest to me and tried to find out if there was water in the surrounding well. But of course I couldn't find any stray stone on the perfect shiny surface of the central chamber so I went back into the gallery from which I had come and peeled off a large piece of plaster from the damp wall. I went back by the well and let it fall inside. And then, after a long while, I heard a very faint splashing sound that dashed all my hopes. I then explored the tunnel leading to the mausoleum in the cemetery. It was closed, and though I searched the place very carefully, I couldn't find any contraption to open the secret door. In addition, I noticed a strange, unknown odor there. It was quite faint, which explains why I didn't smell it during my first incursion there. At the same time, it was totally unfamiliar and strange, full of signals indicating danger. So I didn't press on and started down the gallery that I had entered during my first time there. As I had expected, where the barred gate was, I found total darkness, unbroken by the slightest ray of light. This gate was also obstructed by fallen snow and, moreover, when I searched it by hand, I found that it was locked with a new padlock which, being outside, it would have been impossible for me to open. Completely disappointed, I turned back the way I had come to my hiding place. I had already formed the ability to memorize long routes traveled in the darkness of the underground, and I reached my little nest without any difficulty. All that remained was to wait for the people to clear the city streets of snow and I decided that in the meantime I would move as little as possible and ration my water consumption.
This temporary isolation from the outside world was an interesting experience for me. I had the time and quiet to reflect in detail on the last year of my life so far. And I was amazed by the conclusions I drew at the end... After all, only a year ago I was just a weak and disoriented being, a hungry little girl, distraught and grieving beyond measure over the death of her mother. And now I was able to survive on my own in the middle of a big, uncaring city. I did not dwell too much on my own senses, which were far superior to human senses, but took them for granted because my experience of life up to then had been extremely limited. But in the end it amazed and saddened me to think that I felt almost nothing about my beloved mother Kiersten. When I thought of her, and I can assure you that I did this often during that time, I felt only a slight nostalgia and a bittersweet taste crept into my thirsty mouth. Because I suffered from thirst during that isolation... And when I tried to reconstruct her image in my mind, I could only see a slender and petite silhouette, draped in a black robe, like my mother Kiersten had never worn in my presence. She was shrouded in a long, rich hair, yellow as gold and waving lightly in the breeze of a spring wind, and she spread a strange odor that was filled with the flavors of musk, nightshade, horse sweat and that of freshly tempered steel. There were faint traces of incense and fresh blood in the scent that came from my mother Kiersten, the one in my imagination, whose face resembled mine very much.
I also reflected on how I had ended up in the Order orphanage. Although I couldn't remember anything clear of what had happened to me after the death of my mother Kiersten, I came to the conclusion that some urchins, similar to those who now sometimes haunted me on the night streets of the Imperial City, had robbed and beaten me almost to death. A not so new feeling began to grow in me again and I felt hatred and the need for revenge. I saw Maria's face again and her words dripped on my soul like a balm: "Do not be timid and do not avoid fights that seem to you balanced or in your favor. You are much stronger than you think..." And I began to make plans for revenge and that took up most of my remaining time until the city streets were sufficiently cleared of snow to allow the manholes of the sewers to be opened.
When I emerged for the first time from the isolation in which I had been living for the past few days, I found a frozen city almost paralyzed by snow and frost. The previously boiling life of the big city seemed to have suddenly and permanently stopped in the icy silence that had settled over the capital. There were few people on the streets during the day and almost none at night. In a short time, insecurity and poverty set in as food became scarcer and more expensive by the day. Many of the stores were closed for lack of goods and bread became quite a luxury. The food markets were empty and large groups of people could be seen waiting in the Arena District and the Palace District where hot soup was served almost constantly. At one point even, all the bakeries in the city worked permanently for a few days and bread was distributed free of charge by the Order in many public places around the Imperial City. But the grain and oats in the capital's reserve warehouses ran out very quickly, and then desperation and famine broke out in the city. The bitter cold continued for an unusually long time in these parts, and when it eased off a little, waves of snow would again pour down from the ashen sky. But I did not suffer from hunger in those terrible days for most of the inhabitants of the Imperial City because, as always, the rich had plenty to eat and I feasted without any remorse and even with pleasure from their storage. It was a time when I taught myself how to open simple latches and locks... Although, looking at things from today's perspective, I'm not so convinced that I could have learned things like that as quickly and easily as I did then... But back then I was not at all interested in finding explanations for the inexplicable, I was far from being the philosopher I am today.
Back then I was simply fighting for survival and I can say that I did that brilliantly. But I had a big problem; in the unusually and prolonged cold conditions, the ambient temperature in the city sewer became far too low. I acquired extra blankets; I even found a new mattress; I put on several layers of clothes but none of this seemed to protect me from the terrible cold that made it impossible to sleep. In a desperate attempt I made a fire one day near my little crib, but the smoke which suddenly invaded the whole tunnel made me put it out almost immediately. It was not a viable solution anyway, a fire lit in those places is a source of multiple and terrible dangers. I finally thought of the central hall, of that marble palace where everything was different; the air was dry, bad smells were non-existent, and there was a permanent but very dim light. So I decided to visit the place again and, in spite of the hazy and bizarre feeling that the corridor leading to the Palace District cemetery inspired in me, to set up a temporary sleeping place there.
As soon as I reached the secondary galleries of the Elven Garden District traveling on the perfectly memorized route, I sensed that something was wrong. A faint smell of smoke mingled with the usual odors of this area and the almost imperceptible sound that was characteristic of the central area and that I was used to hearing in this place was distorted by new chords, never heard by me before in the underground of the city. Instantly I became more cautious than usual and accordingly made my way through the labyrinth leading to the main Elven Garden District collector sewer in an unusually long time. And when I entered under its wide arches it became apparent that someone had been or even was still in the central chamber. I took off the heavy boots I was wearing and stepped silently like a shadow toward the dim blue light that now seemed to flicker, just like a candle that was about to go out. There was no one in the great hall at the time, but I found countless signs that the place was inhabited. The trace of a fire made directly on the marble floor, ah, that pained me terribly and made me hate those who had warmed themselves by its flames, the dirty clothes scattered everywhere and the scraps of food lying spread on the floor, all told me that a group of people had settled there for some time. I carefully searched the room and found food supplies and even a big barrel of water... Near the guides of the well, where the marble seemed to be permanently warm, I found a lot of makeshift cots. Mattresses, blankets and pillows, all disgustingly filthy, were senselessly piled there and I couldn't get the exact number of the new tenants. I entered then the main sewer gallery of the Talos Plaza District and, with infinite care, made my way to the access point through which I had first entered the underground. The gate was superficially closed and the padlock, though it had been put in its place, was open. I returned then to the central hall and began rummaging through the belongings and supplies of those who had settled uninvited into what I already considered to be my own private realm. Upon further investigations, I was convinced that I was dealing with urchins. There were toys and a great deal of sweets in the common possessions of those unwanted guests, and then the thought that at last I had a chance to take revenge on those who had caused me nothing but troubles and pain since I had come to the Imperial City crossed my mind. In the first instance, I helped myself from their food supply, from which I took two large loaves of bread, a long sausage, and a big bundle of dried fish. I would have wished to take more with me because I wanted to indicate to them the presence of a stranger but even so I could barely carry what I had taken back to my lair.
I carefully put away the food I had brought with me, and then went to sleep in my freezing cold bunk, with the thought of being rested for the night to come. When I awoke, it was pitch dark in my place, a sign that night had fallen outside. The cold bit relentlessly, and, shivering, I ate of the provisions which had now improved perceptibly. I then set out on the planned night's prowl after dressing in the darkest clothes I had. The smoke was now so dense in the main sewer gallery of the Elven Garden District that my olfactory sense was seriously affected. So, almost deprived of my primary aid which guided me in the dark, I was forced to rely almost exclusively on my hearing, which in turn was picking up many new signals, unusual in these parts. It was a dangerous situation and I was aware of this but I did not give up my plan. I was very determined to deal with those intruders in my own domain, and at the same time I hoped that my actions would cause them to leave the place where I would have liked to spend the rest of the winter. As soon as I reached the entrance to the central hall, I laid down on the floor and tried to assess the situation, to find out the number of uninvited guests and what they were doing at that moment. The fire they had lit was smoldering and next to it, in its light, I could see four little fellows making fun of something. I crawled toward the entrance to the Arena District sewer and I was surprised to find that in the central room the smoke generated by the fire was almost non-existent and very soon my sense of smell started to come to my aid again. Encouraged by this, I moved closer to the fire and, hiding behind their water barrel, listened to the chatter of those who were having so much fun there. I was very surprised by the fact that I understood almost nothing of what the four of them were talking... It seemed to me that they were speaking in the common tongue but pronouncing the words in a strange way, and I could only make out a few disparate words in all their conversation, which was filled with sobs of laughter; I understood that the whole discussion was centered around a priest of the goddess Mara who had preached during that day in the Arboretum District. And the sermon had been followed by a massive distribution of oat flour and dried fish during which the beneficiaries of the donation got into a fight among themselves. During the scuffle, one of the urchins by the fire had managed to steal the priest's amulet, which he kept pulling out of his pocket and showing it to the others with terrible pride. The one who did most of the talking was a boy who looked the oldest of the four by the fire, blond with long, uncut hair, and dressed in rather expensive clothes for a guy like him. One of the other three, also blond, looked at him in ecstasy and seemed to echo his words, constantly approving and praising him. The other two didn't talk too much but only contributed to the night's conversation with their laughter. Since I didn't understand much of what they were saying, I wasn't interested in eavesdropping further and preferred to study the surroundings, to see if there had been any changes and, above all, to find out the exact number of those who had moved in without my permission. There were a dozen other children, boys and girls, of various ages, sleeping in makeshift cots near the central pit. I couldn't notice anything special about them as immersed in sleep as they were; they all looked alike in the rags in which they were wrapped, and they all had the same odor, well known to me, of misery and poverty. I stepped aside and entered the short, narrow corridor that led to the mausoleum. I waited there until the four had gone to bed and then inspected the group's food supplies again. There were new things there and, among them, a large piece of salted butter. It was a rare delicacy in those hard times and I put it in the bag I had brought with me. Then nuts and peanuts from which I took as many as I could fit in my apron pocket. There was also a large chunk of the pulp of a cow, fresh and appealing, but I had no opportunity to cook food so I filled my bag only with dried fish. Then I went to study the boy who seemed the leader of this little gang. He was a robust lad and, as immersed as he was in the treacherous waters of sleep, he seemed quite handsome. I saw the chain of the amulet of the goddess Mara coming out of his pocket and I smiled excitedly. I grabbed it and pulled it slowly, very carefully, and the amulet came out without any difficulty from where it had been hidden. I hung it around my neck, and in perfect silence, disturbed only by the snoring of the sleepers, I went to see if I could overturn the water barrel. It was too big and full for my strength, but it had a faucet that I turned on and let the water run on the floor. Then I gathered up as many of the clothes that were lying scattered around as I could and put them all on the fire that was smoldering, ready to die out. And then, very pleased with my deeds, I walked slowly, in no haste, to my little lair. Not long afterward, while still in the sewer of the Elven Garden District, I heard various shouts and screams, the sounds of which reverberated from the narrow walls of the galleries and seemed to repeat endlessly, fainter and fainter. My hearing, which is so sensitive to any vibration, no matter how faint, was very annoyingly assaulted by this subterranean and nocturnal concert, but it was all compensated by the satisfaction I felt in the depths of my soul. And, at the same time, I came up with new ideas about how I could make the invaders' life hard in the future.
When I got to my little den, after safely putting away all the food I had procured, I lit the candle I had and looked carefully at the amulet of the goddess Mara. It was a cheap piece of jewelry, made of bronze and inlaid with tiny aquamarines, and only the silver chain could have had any small commercial value. It wasn't even particularly beautifully crafted, but the face of the woman staring at me from the amulet had something both unsettling and attractive in her eyes. I must say that this jewelry had been crafted in Bravil, in the workshops of the great Temple of the Mother there. I did not know this at the time, and was not to find it out till during the day that followed; and even if I had known it, it would have suggested nothing to me. Nothing at all, I had not even known of the existence of Bravil until then. But it was enough to look at that sad, kind, yet commanding face to make up my mind that, as soon as daylight broke, I would go to the Arboretum District and inquire about the priest of Mara who had preached there the day before. I fell asleep holding the amulet tightly in my hand and when I woke up I found that the candle was spent and that made me terribly nervous. It was very unwise to leave a candle burning for any length of time down here in the undergrowth of the city. Especially for someone like me; but what's done is well done so after having a good snack and dressed in the best clothes I had, I left my hiding place through the nearest manhole.
Outside, in the frozen city, the same winter ambience prevailed, of a harsh and endless winter. Beneath the leaden sky and down the frozen and snow-covered streets of the Imperial City, people were rushing about, and their feverish gazes seemed to be searching desperately for something that could not be found... Dressed in a multitude of garments and bundled in a heap of shawls and scarves, all, without exception, looked poor and worn. This was a neighborhood which, without being rich, could by no means be called poor, at least in ordinary times, but now it seemed just a ghetto into which those on the edges of society were herded. On very few chimneys you could see smoke coming out and it was thin and even diaphanous, as if the fire that produced it was ready to die, to enter forever into the category of memories... Impressed by the general appearance of the Market District, I was overcome with an insatiable curiosity. I was eager to see what the Waterfront District looked like these days so, instead of following my planned route to the Arboretum District, I went to the place where I hadn't been for a year. Or maybe I had never been there; that cute, sweet little girl had probably died and been replaced by a small predator struggling hard to survive... The Waterfront District was, like the rest of the city, plunged into the grip of the merciless winter. And it seemed deserted, like those long-forgotten towns in the heart of Elsweyr's "Anvil of the Sun" desert. No smoke could be seen coming out of any of the chimneys of the houses that, submerged in snow, seemed so small now. The few windows that had not been covered with boards or sacks seemed blind and, gray as they were in the white environment, looked like open doors to other frozen lands... The harbor was frozen and the docks deserted. But there you could still see traces of life; smoke was coming out of the cabins of the few ships that had been trapped by the ice in the harbor and even from inside a ship you could hear happy harmonica chords and voices shouting with the joy that one would expect to hear at a certain stage of drunkenness...
While wandering the district's alleys, I walked past the cottage where my mother Kiersten and I lived and stopped for a moment. I tried to remember, to feel again, the warmth and love that had once been there, but I couldn't. The street window of the house was still adorned with the curtains brought by my mother Kiersten from Bruma, but otherwise the place seemed unfamiliar and without any special significance. Then I wanted to go to my mother Kiersten's grave, but the cemetery was covered in snow and the gates were closed. The wind coming from the north was blowing bitterly here through the leafless branches of the old poplars that edged the cemetery street, stretched like greedy claws towards the sky. And again I felt no regret and knew then that I would never return there again... Without any particular feeling in my mind, I clutched in my fist the amulet from which seemed to spring a subtle warmth and returned to the city, following my original intention.
Arboretum is a very pleasant place in the summer. It is a huge park, a miniature forest in the heart of the Imperial City. In its meadows, there are statues of all the gods of Nirn's Pantheon, and the priests usually hold sermons here, in these places so close to nature. Even then, in that dreadful winter, this custom was kept up, and when I entered the vast park I found quite a crowd of people there. It seemed as if a large part of the population of the capital were here, trying to find in the words of the priests who were tirelessly preaching, the solace and comfort they so sorely lacked. However, there was no one near the statue of the goddess Mara, only the traces of the previous day's gathering were still visible: the snow was trampled and dirtied by countless footsteps that had churned it up, torn sacks, and even scattered flour in some places... I silently watched the statue for a while and then I took the goddess's amulet out of my pocket. The face on the amulet looked nothing like the statue in the park. While the latter depicted a woman overwhelmed by pity and the hardships and sorrows of life, the figure on the amulet, besides these features it also contained, expressed, something additional. An indestructible will and a surprising coldness seemed to spring from the eyes that watched me from the small metal disk. I clutched it in my hand again and thought that since I didn't know who to return it to, I might as well keep it and look at it from time to time. But just as I was about to leave, I heard behind me:
-Do you want the blessing of the goddess, child?
I turned and saw an old priest, impressive in stature with a thick white beard. His eyes looked at me keenly, and, among the lightning that seemed to flash from them, I seemed to discern a trace of interest... Very impressed by the venerable old man's personality, I babbled:
-No... In fact, I know nothing about Mara... I'm only here to return something stolen!
The priest smiled.
-The thing you speak of was not stolen... And you, Elsie, should be the last person in the world to give back, to give up, an object which you have acquired by your own skill! Now, show it to me...
I unclenched my fist and held out the amulet. He looked at it intensely and smiled.
- Keep it, child! It's yours now because Our Lady wanted to come to you!
I didn't ask him how he knew my name. It seemed a natural, self-evident fact to me at the time, and only later, when I came out from under the influence of his overwhelming personality, I realized with wonder that, once again, something fated had happened to me. Back then I only told him that I did not understand why the two faces, that of the statue and that on the amulet, were so different. The priest smiled again and replied that he could not see any difference between the two figures. Then he took me by hand and, as we walked together through the little glade around the statue of the goddess, he told me about the Holy City, Bravil. Ah, the mere mention of that name stirs in me the desire, the restless urge, to lie prostrate at Lucky Lady's feet there, in Her City! Under the pale light of Secunda, when it is at full moon stage, wherever I am, I am seized with a wild, almost physiological, desire to commune with Our Lady! And this is possible for me only there, in the shadow of her great Temple of Bravil... And then, the priest and I took a long walk in the wintry park. And he told me many things about Mara. He spoke of love and mercy, kindness and respect, candor and kindness. I didn't even feel the passage of time and when we both arrived at the gate of the park, I was amazed to see the shadows of the fuming winter sunset falling over the city, overrun by cold and snow. The priest stopped and, while looking kindly at me, said:
-You're a good girl, Elsie! Please, wherever your life may lead you, never forget that there is still kindness and respect in the world around you! And that forgiveness and mercy can sometimes cease for a time the never-ending fight that rules our lives here in this wonderful little world!
We parted there and I returned to my little haven in the bowels of the great beast that is the Imperial City. I pondered the venerable old man's words, but though they seemed pleasant and full of meaning, I found nothing of use to me there, at least for the moment. I took off the amulet I had put around my neck and looked at the face of the goddess who now seemed to be smiling at me. But not in the gentle way the priest had told me about... Oh no, Mara of the amulet was grinning at me mockingly and with a shadow of contempt in her piercing eyes! I smiled back and put it back.
I ate a hearty supper in my frozen lair. But it was warm here now, compared to the capital's bitterly cold streets. And besides, here in the depths, there was no wind... Only a slight whisper was discreetly making its way into my ears and, snugly wrapped up with all the blankets I had, I fell asleep, swayed by the ancient chanting that was constantly echoing in the underground galleries.