Solo For Two

Later, Georg felt deeply humiliated at having to prove his loyalty in such a manner, but he kept his mouth shut in response to Karel’s remark, “If you don’t like it, leave.”“Captain, I’ve always thought you were excessively cunning.”“A battlefield is a place where following your emotions can get you killed. You should know that well.”Standing beside the coldly composed Karel, Georg had to work hard to earn his trust for quite some time.“You must become my ally, not for France or Austria.”“I understand. By accepting the proposal in the letter, you’ve already saved my life, Captain.”Georg said this with a resolute expression. However, up until this point, Karel had not shared all the information with him.As an industrial spy for the French secret intelligence agency and a spy for the Austrian National Security Office, Karel deftly navigated dangerous waters, quickly adapting to his new life as “Scar.”＊＊＊“Are you planning to contact your social circle connections?”Georg expressed some doubt when Karel, who had primarily been engaging in major industries like steel and shipbuilding as an industrial spy, aimed to infiltrate Parisian high society.“Yes.”“There are so many rumors circulating that it might be burdensome to operate there.”Given that the French social circles were intricately connected with the aristocracy and upper class of the entire Western continent, Georg’s concerns were valid. He added a few more points.“I’ve heard that the Austrian National Security Office also tried to infiltrate Parisian society consistently. But the only information they managed to gather was about how many mistresses the officers had or their sexual preferences… Approaching the social scene seems rather futile.”“I can imagine the kinds of people they used as spies.”Georg fell silent at Karel’s amused response. Indeed, Austria had typically sent seductive spies like dancers or prostitutes to the allied social circles. Mata Hari, a recently executed double agent, was among them. Her execution was seen more as a political scapegoat than due to the severity of the information she dealt with.Such spies might access personal aspects of officers’ lives but struggled to gather valuable military intelligence. Previous spies often didn’t recognize classified information or couldn’t decode basic military ciphers. Conversely, Karel, as a field officer, could access a different level of intelligence if he infiltrated the social circles.Despite knowing this, Georg couldn’t stop voicing his concerns.“Even if you’ve been active under an official cover, the moment you connect with the social circles, the nature and intensity of scandals and rumors about ‘Lord Scar’ will change drastically…”Karel cut off Georg’s words.“Using social connections, I can secure substantial donations. I need a separate funding source that doesn’t rely on France or Austria.”Karel said no more and unfolded a newspaper.Georg could read between the lines of Karel’s statement.“Captain…”Georg sighed.Karel intended to leave the spy life behind and escape on his own.Georg realized that Karel’s selective sharing of information with France and Austria was not just to extend his lifespan as a double agent. It was a long-term plan, potentially spanning five to ten years. Georg knew Karel trusted neither his enemies nor his homeland.Georg agreed with this sentiment. Blindly trusting and being loyal wouldn’t guarantee anyone’s safety. Though he believed Karel’s judgment was correct, he felt a chill from his superior’s unwavering reserve. Karel’s reluctance to fully disclose his plans and ask for support meant he didn’t want to drag others into his tumultuous life. However, it also implied that Karel didn’t trust even those closest to him, like Georg.“…I wonder if you trust anyone besides yourself, Captain.”Karel gave a bitter smile in response to Georg’s words after a long silence.“It’s only natural to feel that way.”“I’m sorry for being emotional.”“Why apologize?”Georg involuntarily stiffened at Karel’s habit of questioning whenever he was displeased. Seeing this, Karel sighed softly.“Don’t be so disheartened. To tell you one thing… I don’t even trust myself.”Though meant to comfort, Georg looked puzzled instead of understanding Karel’s intent.After his loyal secretary left the room, Karel reached for his cigarette case.In the newspaper he had unfolded, there was a large advertisement for Sasha Sedrin’s third season work of the year. The artist’s illustration, based on Sasha’s face, was quite beautiful, but Karel knew the real person was much more beautiful.“The reason for approaching the social scene.”Karel’s stated reason for infiltrating the Parisian social circles as a spy was clear: “For substantial donations and new connections.” However, this was a well-crafted cover for his true purpose.“Sasha.”Karel traced Sasha’s face in the illustration with his hand.Amid deceiving many people and even masking his actions and emotions, Karel was engulfed in confusion.He feared meeting Sasha.Karel had given up distinguishing whether his feelings for Sasha were love, obsession, or resentment. Despite never having loved anyone as deeply and genuinely in his life, he still didn’t understand where such bizarre emotions originated.Karel believed love should be pure and blind. His suspicious nature chastised him, thinking his love was flawed. From the first meeting where he was captivated by Sasha’s appearance to the present.‘Would I forget Sasha if I met someone even more beautiful and suited to my tastes? If winning Sasha’s heart had been easier, would I have grown bored first? If he hadn’t left me, would I have become so obsessed?’Karel’s claim that he didn’t trust himself was the purest truth he could express. From the start, Karel didn’t believe in anything. It was an inherent part of his nature. With his deeply skeptical disposition, the only things Karel trusted were ethics and common sense.However, Sasha’s existence, life, and character were all beyond Karel’s understanding of common sense, and he often found himself caught up in unexpected emotions when dealing with Sasha.Imagining the reunion that was soon approaching, Karel took the last drag of his cigarette.He then took out a single page from the newspaper with Sasha’s illustration on it, folded it neatly, and placed it in his drawer.＊＊＊While initially scouting for an appropriate social club to frequent, Karel soon discovered the existence of the ‘Patrons Club.’This secretive gathering, which had continued from the 1700s to the present, could only be joined through an invitation from an existing member. To be formally approved as a member, one had to consistently make appearances and receive unanimous votes from existing members.‘I’ve heard of the Patrons Club. My cousin, who received a title, maintained his membership for about a year before quitting because the expenses were too high… Still, it’s a richer source of information compared to other dubious associations. But isn’t your debut approach a bit too demanding?’Despite his words, Georg had no doubt that Karel would successfully join the Patrons Club.Moreover, Karel’s goal wasn’t just to gain membership approval. He aimed to dive straight into the heart of the club. The voting process for new members was also influenced by political maneuvers, meaning wealthy individuals without titles were often exploited for their money without enjoying much of the fun. Conversely, a person who was a hot topic could quickly become the center of social circles if they timed their entry well. It required political finesse. Since the name ‘Scar’ was already respected in the social world due to dealings with the heads of governments and political figures, Karel used some strategic maneuvering to join the Patrons Club by the latter method.When Karel first stepped into the Patrons Club, he realized it was essentially a gathering place for perverts.For 200 years, they had built an impenetrable fortress and operated closed-off gatherings to conceal their vulgar desires. The ostentatious pretense of sophistication masked their pursuit of the basest forms of sex.Karel mingled with them, feeling a desire to ridicule these high-ranking individuals. The new information he gathered was filtered and processed by him before being funneled to the French secret intelligence agency and the Austrian National Security Office.One issue Karel hadn’t anticipated was how easily Sasha’s name came up as a target for them.‘Sasha Sedrin? Already a top dancer in her career. He’s not easily swayed by money.’Filthy lips carelessly spoke the precious name. Some high-ranking individuals, used to buying people, treated Sasha as if he were a high-class prostitute.Instead of showing disgust, Karel feigned mild interest and listened to their conversations.‘The problem lies in his private life; it seems he’s surprisingly open in that regard.’‘Open? How?’‘Regardless of gender or age, as long as he’s interested. Haven’t you seen those high-society ladies flocking whenever he performs? Apparently, they do it just to ride first class on the same train as Sedrin. If they happen to connect by chance, spending the night together is nothing unusual.’‘Huh, do they really have to go that far just for one night? I’d rather wait until their value drops.’‘Right, addicted to opium, aren’t they? Retirement is just around the corner. Not much time left.’‘When that time comes, you might not even be interested anymore.’These men, armed with bravado, talked about Sasha as if he were sour grapes they couldn’t have. Knowing it was in their nature, Karel still found it hard to conceal his displeasure, smoking continuously.It was difficult to tell whether the rumors were true or an attempt to tarnish an untouchable flower.‘There is a sure way to meet Sasha Sedrin alone…’The gentleman, intentionally prolonging his speech, finally revealed the obvious.‘He spends time with patrons after performances.’‘Really? But if Sasha Sedrin isn’t swayed by money, how can one become a patron?’‘Of course, Sasha Sedrin isn’t tempted by money, but the director isn’t the same. They say the director checks all the gifts entering the principal dancer’s dressing room. If you consistently send gifts and catch their eye, you might receive a reply letter.’‘And then?’‘Once someone with the right status and wealth is identified, they facilitate a meeting.’‘Is this a matchmaking service for aristocratic young ladies?’‘It’s just a scheme to sell premium goods at the highest price.’They continued to belittle Sasha, whining. Names of nobles and military officers, whom Karel didn’t know, were mentioned as Sasha’s past partners.Unconsciously, Karel weighed the names of these people against Scar’s reputation and Sasha’s connections.As Karel was about to leave, no longer wanting to stay, a man with a servile smile hurriedly approached. He was one of those who had been discussing Sasha’s scandal earlier.“Sir Hartley.”“Lord Scar, are you leaving already? Why not stay longer? Those randy dogs are still waiting behind those curtains…”The short noble before him seemed to have stayed just to watch the sordid show. Instead of showing contempt, Karel responded with a meaningful smile.“I have someone waiting at home tonight.”The man feigned shock at Scar’s whisper and saw Karel off. Karel left without a final farewell.That night, Karel was restless, thinking about the rumors surrounding Sasha.It was disappointing to think that the life Sasha sought after leaving him was so trivial. On the other hand, he resented his past self for not being able to offer wealth, fame, and easy love.It might have been better to leave Sasha as an unattainable lover in his fantasies. Now that Sasha’s reality was almost within reach, just hearing the name was enough to cause Karel pain.＊＊＊Before leaving the house, Karel sprinkled a few drops of perfume on his bedding.This nameless, unlabeled perfume was the most expensive one Karel owned, specially commissioned from a perfumer to replicate the scent Sasha used to wear.Eight years ago, shortly after they had first met, Karel had bought Sasha a cheap perfume during a trip to a resort on the Côte d’Azur.At the time, Karel only knew of perfumes with bright floral or overpowering honey scents, but Sasha had chosen something different. After examining various bottles for a long time, Sasha selected one with the scent of old trees, fresh grass, and damp moss. After swimming, Sasha would always spray that perfume on their freshly showered body. Karel remembered how well it complemented Sasha’s fresh, dewy skin.The thing Karel missed most on the battlefield was Sasha’s scent. But as time passed and he couldn’t find anything close to it, Karel spent a fortune hiring a perfumer to recreate the fragrance through several trial sniffs.‘Money exists for spending on things like this.’The perfumer successfully recreated a scent close to Karel’s memory. However, there were limits to perfectly replicating the nostalgic blend of memory and scent, and it didn’t smell exactly right when sprayed directly. Instead, Karel found that spraying the perfume on his bedding in the morning before leaving the house allowed the faint scent of Sasha to greet him when he returned and lay down at night. In this way, Karel, with no one to turn to, would fall asleep enveloped in Sasha’s scent.Today, too, Karel performed the ritual of spraying perfume on his bedding before leaving the house, hoping to imagine Sasha’s touch and scent when he returned.Leaving the house, Karel headed to the Opéra Garnier with Georg. It was his first visit there as “Scar.”When Karel arrived at the lobby, the guard respectfully opened the door, bowing at a right angle. Karel glanced at him briefly before stepping inside. This was the same person who had once thrown him out.The only things that had changed were his name and clothes, yet people’s attitudes had shifted so easily. Karel wondered if he could bear it if Sasha treated him differently now, too.“Lord Scar, it’s an honor to meet you.”Since it was still early for the performance, the lobby was quiet. The tall, middle-aged man who came walking out was Mikhail, the ballet company director. When Karel had expressed a desire to tour the theater, Mikhail himself had come to escort him.Karel offered a slight nod in response to Mikhail’s courteous greeting.Mikhail led Karel through the theater, proudly showing off the intricately carved columns, arches, and ceiling murals. Karel slowly walked into the deeper parts of the theater, areas not usually open to the public, thinking how ironic it was that this traditional French theater was now filled with Russian figures.As Karel crossed the hallway inside the theater, he heard piano music from a distance.“They keep playing the same section over and over.”In response to Karel’s remark, Mikhail explained, “It’s not a regular performance. It’s to help the dancers practice the same steps repeatedly.”“Are the dancers’ practice rooms also here?”When Karel paused to ask, Mikhail, reading his curiosity, immediately changed direction towards the practice room.“They should be in the middle of a class.”The practice room Mikhail led him to had windows in the walls and doors, allowing a view inside. Karel’s eyes quickly scanned the scene.His heart pounded fiercely.He saw Sasha sitting by the mirrored wall, watching the others. Sasha sat with knees drawn up, arms wrapped around them, looking lethargic. Alone, apart from the dancers who were gathered in small groups, sewing shoes or tightening their toes.“Had I known you were interested in ballet…”“While I am an outsider…”Karel crossed his arms to conceal his agitation but couldn’t take his eyes off Sasha.“Since it’s the season, would you like to stay for today’s performance? Although it’s sold out, we always keep a box seat reserved for unexpected visits from royalty, which I can open for you, Lord Scar.”That day, Karel saw Sasha on stage for the first time.The image of Sasha, sitting listlessly in worn-out clothes against the mirror, was gone. The Sasha on stage moved with a vigor that seemed to have reclaimed a lost soul.It was a Sasha that Karel had never known.Even to Karel’s untrained eye, Sasha’s dance was on a different level. The more delicate and elegant gaze, the fluidly bending arm movements, and the seemingly weightless leaps reminded Karel of Sasha’s past confession.“My teacher said… dancers walk on moonlight.”Sasha’s steps on stage truly looked as if they were walking on moonlight. The dreams Sasha had only been able to live on stage while drunk had now been brought to life by their own strength.After the final bow, Sasha disappeared behind the curtain. The sound of whistles and applause filled the theater, ringing in Karel’s ears. Sasha came out two more times from behind the curtain to respond to the applause. Even when Sasha had completely exited and the theater lights came back on, Karel couldn’t take his eyes off the curtain.Sasha felt like a flower on a cliff.That day, Karel deeply pondered whether he had any right to intrude into the life Sasha had built.＊＊＊If they were to meet again.Karel hoped the moment of their reunion would feel like destiny.Even if he were a cold-blooded person who had completely forgotten his old lover, he wanted to be shaken by lingering feelings and memories for a moment.Karel meticulously planned the reunion, as if setting up thousands of dominoes. It was an even more delicate task than balancing the information he handled as a spy.‘It can be a little like a cheesy romance movie.’Just before the chandelier in the Grand Staircase of the Trianon Palace falls, Karel swoops in to save Sasha by grabbing him around the waist, or perhaps they stage a carriage accident on a beautiful bridge over the Seine to orchestrate a reunion.Karel wanted to create a scene that would make everyone else seem like mere extras, a fateful reunion like a scene from a movie. As he meticulously planned the moment, Karel thought that he had become capable of controlling his destiny, unlike when he was once swayed by the signs from the goddess of fate.However, in that moment of pride, Sasha shattered Karel’s expectations by appearing unexpectedly.‘Karel, you… you’re alive. You’re alive.’Sasha appeared with disheveled clothes and swollen lips, a face that would provoke lascivious imaginations in anyone.Karel was greatly disappointed by the unexpected and unglamorous reunion. It still sometimes kept him up at night. Sasha, oblivious to Karel’s feelings, never took his eyes off Karel’s back until he was dragged away by several guards.“Captain, why does Sasha Sedrin know your real name? Did you perhaps confess to him in bed that you’re a spy?”Karel groaned as he dismissed Georg’s pale-faced questioning. Outside the window, Sasha was seen being expelled from the castle. A small white dot walking despondently out into the dark garden without a carriage, all alone.‘Didn’t you say you didn’t need a patron? That you couldn’t be bought with money!’If Sasha had been as noble as Karel had imagined, he might have been content to treasure Sasha’s beautiful stage presence for the rest of his life. But the reality was uglier than Karel had imagined, and witnessing Sasha’s sordid private life left him distraught.Did Karel dream of a “fateful reunion” on the stage he had set? The goddess of fate seemed to scoff, bringing Sasha back before him in the most unexpected way.“I should tear that bastard Hartley to pieces…”“What?”“Georg, go bring Sasha Sedrin here.”“What?”“Quietly, immediately!”Until Sasha arrived, Karel had to make a significant effort to appear calm.Seeing Sasha after regaining his composure, Karel felt despair. Watching Sasha engage in dirty, degrading acts, Karel confirmed that his love had been utterly defiled. Once again, Karel felt mocked by the goddess of fate, as if he was laughing at him, saying his shallow hopes and calculations were futile.Karel gritted his teeth and denied it. This was not fate, not anything.Yet Sasha looked angelic while asleep….Only when Sasha was asleep could Karel, with trembling hands, touch the long-missed hair of his old lover. Breathing in that scent and holding Sasha close, placing his lips on him, took a very long time. Karel felt a despair he had not experienced even in the many brushes with death during the war or when he had been a prisoner facing execution. It was a sense of hopelessness he hadn’t felt even while living as a spy with no clear future.Karel hugged Sasha and cried silently.He was terrified that his love for this person hadn’t vanished, even after seeing his lowest point.At the same time, Karel instinctively knew he was once again doomed to another painful, unrequited love.Karel left the room in the deep hours of the morning.“Send Sasha Sedrin back tomorrow morning.”“…Are you leaving now?”Georg blinked tired eyes as he stood up.The loyal secretary had stayed at his post until dawn. Perhaps it was more curiosity about Sasha Sedrin’s story than loyalty this time. However, Karel found it hard to explain the past eight years or clearly define his relationship with Sasha.“He’s a truly detestable person.”How Georg interpreted Karel’s bitter smile, Karel didn’t know.＊＊＊Perhaps it would have been better to lock him in a cage.If possible, it might have been better to preserve him as he was in the past. Karel dreamed of an impossible and futile hope.Up until now, life for Karel had been like reading a map laid out before him. As soon as he understood the situation, a map unfolded in his mind, and Karel would choose the best course of action by comparing various possible moves and outcomes. He was accustomed to reading the situation and taking the most advantageous action. Julian often called Karel’s method the mind of a natural strategist.But when Sasha was involved, that map turned into a chaotic battlefield under indiscriminate bombing. Not being used to losing his way, Karel was momentarily seized with fear whenever Sasha entered the picture.Fear.Karel had never considered fear as a subset of love and was deeply confused.The desire to cage or preserve Sasha, to control him completely, stemmed from the fear of an uncontrollable situation. Karel never knew how Sasha would provoke or disturb him next. Karel wanted to avoid facing Sasha while he hadn’t completed his calculations.‘Pathetic.’Rejecting all of Sasha’s letters, Karel berated himself. Calculating ways to monopolize Sasha’s attention while fearing his judgment was wrong. For instance, rejecting Sasha’s invitations but anxiously worrying he might run to someone else when turned away. Even knowing that his actions were theoretically correct, Karel feared Sasha would do something unpredictable again.Karel’s deep worries affected his entire life. He slept less, ate less, and became more active at work, meeting many people. Rumor had it Sasha was more actively seeking patrons recently.If that were true, Karel had to become the most captivating patron candidate.‘It feels like he’s always a step ahead of me…’Even while working, Karel couldn’t shake the image of Sasha huddled in front of his mansion. Georg, sent out to tell Sasha Karel wasn’t home, reported Sasha foolishly waiting until sunset, sitting there without a meal, only to leave after seven hours.“Sasha Sedrin seems to have finally left. How persistent… Captain!”Karel, who was writing a letter, was suddenly struck speechless as bright red blood dripped onto the pristine white paper.As Karel raised a hand to his nose, he saw blood on his palm. Georg, who had just entered the room, turned pale and rushed over, seeing the blood streaming from Karel’s nose.“Captain! You’re having a nosebleed!”Georg fussed as he pressed a silk handkerchief to Karel’s face. Karel acknowledged that he was under a level of stress he hadn’t even felt on the battlefield.“Fortunately, it’s not an indication of any serious illness; it’s just accumulated fatigue.”“Well, you haven’t been sleeping at all lately.”“You’re generally in good health, but you really need to start taking care of yourself.”Georg and the doctor forced Karel to lie down and hooked him up to an IV. Feeling a sense of indescribable misery, Karel lay there listening to them discuss his condition. The doctor, especially insistent that Karel not skip sleep, prescribed some sleeping pills before leaving.“I’ve never seen your physical condition deteriorate this much, Captain.”“…”Georg sighed at Karel’s terse response. Even on the battlefield, where Karel might have been stabbed and bleeding, he had never seen him get a nosebleed from fatigue. Karel, who could march for three days and nights without the aid of drugs, had reached his limit.Despite the doctor’s orders to rest, Karel slept only three hours before getting up. He needed to prepare for a meeting with Colonel Armand. In front of that old fox, Karel never let a single word slip carelessly.Karel remembered every word he spoke, the ones he intentionally let slip between the lines, and those he had to completely conceal. Such meetings required immense concentration, and any decline in his condition would be immediately noticeable. Karel drank three cups of cold water in place of a meal, then donned his jacket and coat.As he got into the car, Karel’s face was etched with deep fatigue.“Captain, can’t you share some of your worries with me?”“Ha…”Karel let out a heavy sigh. Georg likely thought Karel was at his physical and mental limits because of his espionage activities. Telling Georg that he was merely losing his balance over personal matters would only disappoint him… That was the official reason, but in truth, Karel was too embarrassed to admit he couldn’t sleep because of thoughts of his former lover.“It can’t be because of Sasha Sedrin, right?”“…”“No way…? Captain, really?”Karel endured Georg’s look, which seemed to view him as a lovesick teenager.“It’s best to keep your distance from Sasha.”“It’s possible. You’ve managed well so far.”“…”“But I wonder if getting thoroughly drunk might help you let go a bit.”Pragmatic Georg was repeating what Julian, his sworn brother, used to say. Karel chuckled at the memory. But Karel didn’t want to plunge back into an uncontrollable situation, so he kept that option as a last resort.Yet.‘Would you consider becoming my patron? I mean… not asking you to love me like before.’The sincerity Karel felt when Sasha manipulated him again.‘I just want to see you again.’The shock of realizing that the rumors about Sasha were even worse than he had imagined.‘I’m not so stupid…’And witnessing Sasha’s desperate attempt to cling to Scar.‘You know. I’ve always been used to trading my body.’Blinded by rage, Karel impulsively declared himself Sasha’s patron.Sometimes he would lose consciousness.Even with both feet firmly on the ground and his eyes wide open, his vision would go black. Karel occasionally experienced these blackout moments, as if in a power outage. The most familiar instance was in the battlefield, facing a life-threatening situation. A distant yet distinct muzzle, or the glint of a sword swung towards him at close range.The other instance…“…If you need anything, contact my secretary.”Was when Sasha tried to manipulate him again.Once he regained his senses, Karel saw Sasha slumped against the wall, breathing heavily. Sasha was covering his cheek and neck, marked by handprints, glaring at Karel.As Karel stepped into the night, he felt the same overwhelming sense of disorientation. Why did loving someone bring him as much stress as war trauma?‘If you want, if you want it.I’ll lock you in my cage where no one can brand you.’Soon after, Karel used all his official media contacts and underground informants, the Apostles, to mark Sasha Sedrin as his.Stamping that brand brought relief and agony in equal measure.‘Was I too harsh?’In their first relationship, Karel had tried to control Sasha’s life and failed miserably. Given a second chance, Karel wanted to avoid that approach. Even if he had to confine Sasha and control him, he wanted to at least deceive him into feeling loved and loving back.But now?Scar still tried to control Sasha’s life forcefully.Realizing he was repeating the same mistake eight years later filled Karel with deep despair.＊＊＊Despite declaring himself Sasha’s patron, Karel tried to avoid meeting him as much as possible. He feared losing sight of the map, entering an uncontrollable situation, and losing his rationality. Sasha’s very existence was Karel’s trauma. Karel feared that another incident would lead to either him killing Sasha or Sasha killing him, resulting in a tragedy.