Stalking Diary

Chapter 12

It was the day of the Cultural and Arts Industry and Business Model lecture.

As soon as I entered the lecture hall, I carefully approached Joo Kwon-oh’s side and placed a shopping bag on his desk. Joo Kwon-oh, who was laughing and making small talk with a female classmate sitting in front of him, looked up at me as if to ask what this was.

I cleared my throat and spoke.

“The towel and zip-up. What you gave me on the rainy day.”

“Ah, that.”

Joo Kwon-oh checked the contents of the shopping bag and nodded.

“I washed them.”

I added, worried he might find it unpleasant if I had used them, and then sat down. Not in my usual spot diagonally behind Joo Kwon-oh, but far away.

The chatter between Joo Kwon-oh and the female classmate, which had stopped when I interrupted, resumed.

Shortly after, the class began. I took out my writing materials as I listened to the professor calling attendance.

Today, there was no need to gather in groups, so we each attended the lecture individually. If there were any questions related to assignments, we could personally ask the professor or teaching assistant, and until the presentations, the class would proceed as before.

I observed Joo Kwon-oh from my new seat far away. To avoid being caught still secretly watching and recording him, I needed to be more careful than before.

I also decided not to bring the newly started notebook to school anymore. From now on, I’ll just observe with my eyes, memorize, and then draw when I get home.

Even I, the person doing it, didn’t think this behavior was normal, but at this point, I didn’t particularly want to be normal either.

“Hey, Ryu Jeong-ha.”

As I continued to observe Joo Kwon-oh with such intense focus, the class suddenly ended.

As I was packing my bag, Joo Kwon-oh, who had been far ahead, approached me.

I flinched in surprise but calmly looked up at him.

“Don’t you have something to say to me?”

He pulled up a chair in front of my desk, sat down, and draped both arms over the back of the chair. This posture was something one would do when engaging in a serious conversation, so I was greatly stirred inside.

“What kind of thing?”

Is he going to talk about that day? …The rainy day.

“Kwon-oh, aren’t you coming? Didn’t you say you were going to the cafe?”

Choi Kyung-won, who was packing up and leaving like the other students, spotted Joo Kwon-oh in front of me and called out.

“Go ahead. If it’s crowded, order mine too.”

“Just an Americano, right? Are you going to be long?”

“I have something to talk about with this guy. I’ll be there soon.”

“Don’t bully Jeong-ha, you crazy bastard.”

Choi Kyung-won left the lecture hall, chuckling mischievously. By then, most of the other students had left, leaving the surroundings empty.

Now Joo Kwon-oh stared at me again.

“What… am I supposed to say to you?”

No way. Is he going to talk about my confession?

“I lent you clothes and a towel.”

“Ah, that.”

“‘Ah, that?'”

“…Thank you.”

“You’re grateful, right?”

Sensing that he wanted to hear some courtesy from me, I nodded clearly.

Joo Kwon-oh stroked his chin with his elbow resting on the back of the chair.

“Right. Logically, it wouldn’t be enough to curse at and tell a creepy stalker who likes me to get lost.”

The words ‘creepy’, ‘get lost’, and ‘curse’ successively pierced my ears, causing my heart rate to quicken.

Joo Kwon-oh’s voice wasn’t loud, but if someone deliberately listened nearby, they could hear it clearly enough.

“…Yes. Thank you.”

I nodded again as he seemed to want.

“Come to think of it, I bought you food too.”

“……”

Another look that seemed to ask if I had nothing to say.

“Thank you for that too.”

Despite my obedient acknowledgment, Joo Kwon-oh seemed somewhat displeased.

Does he want an even bigger expression of gratitude? Maybe even small kindnesses are too much for a creepy gay stalker.

“Should I… pay you back?”

“What?”

“If you tell me how much the cafe cost, I can transfer it now…”

“What are you talking about?”

“……”

“This is ridiculous. Am I a debt collector?”

Joo Kwon-oh frowned one eyebrow as if he had heard something strange. A look that said, ‘What is this?’ Apparently, he wasn’t after money.

“If you’re really grateful, you buy me a meal this time.”

“……”

“Don’t want to?”

It was a request far from what I expected. Therefore, it took a long time to come up with an answer.

“It’s, it’s not that I don’t want to, but is it okay to eat with me?”

“That’s what I’m curious about too.”

Joo Kwon-oh observed me with a glance, his head slightly tilted up.

“Do you really want to eat together?”

“Yeah.”

“Then I’ll ask Kyung-won and Ji-ye when they’re available…”

“Are you kidding? Why are they suddenly involved?”

I remained silent for a few seconds, fixing my gaze on the tip of Joo Kwon-oh’s chin.

“I’m asking because I don’t quite understand. …You mean just the two of us eating together?”

“Why do you look like that? Is it gross?”

“Huh? No. It’s just… unexpected.”

“So you’re okay with it?”

“Yeah.”

As long as you’re okay with it. I don’t mind. In fact, there’s no reason for me to mind.

But it’s inevitable to be confused by the sudden proposal to eat together, just the two of us.

“What do you want to eat? You choose the place.”

I thought for a moment before giving an answer.

“Let’s eat at the school cafeteria.”

“Do you want to die? You really don’t want to buy me a meal, do you?”

Joo Kwon-oh reacted angrily.

“Ah, no. That’s not it…”

There were many cute restaurants near the school. If we ate at such a place with Joo Kwon-oh, wouldn’t people look at us strangely?

No, even if I didn’t worry about others’ gazes, Joo Kwon-oh himself would probably dislike it, feeling creeped out and getting goosebumps.

Moreover, I was careful not to suggest such a place lest it be interpreted as if I wanted to date Joo Kwon-oh.

After much calculation, I judged that the student cafeteria would be a place where no one would find it strange and Joo Kwon-oh wouldn’t feel burdened… But it seems that was an unnecessary consideration for him.

“Then how about Pizza Avenue?”

I reorganized my thoughts and recommended a pizza place near the school.

“Good. How about lunch tomorrow?”

“…That’s fine.”

“Twelve o’clock.”

Joo Kwon-oh just stated the time without saying goodbye and abruptly left.

By then, all the students had left the lecture hall, and I was alone.

“……”

It felt strange. What’s his intention in wanting to eat with me?

He knows everything I wrote in my notebook. Moreover, I even confessed to him that I liked him. And yet, he’s able to talk face to face with me.

Once again, the events from a few days ago played out in my head. The look in his eyes as he looked down at me on the corridor stairs, the strange request to try eating candy, and that ambiguous expression…

In a typical relationship between a man and a woman, this ambiguous atmosphere would be interpreted as interest. But realistically, I had to assume there was no possibility that Joo Kwon-oh, who had lived as a heterosexual all his life, would feel that kind of emotion towards me.

It’s impossible for him to feel any desire towards me stemming from sex. And I wasn’t the type to believe in miracles either.

I decided not to forget that Joo Kwon-oh and I have completely different personalities. I wouldn’t be able to understand him from my perspective.

Not wanting to be disappointed like on the rainy day, I decided not to attach any meaning to this at all.

*

The next day.

I repeatedly rubbed my face dry and took deep breaths. Although I hadn’t exercised, my breathing became rapid as I got closer to the pizza place. My stomach churned with nervousness about meeting Joo Kwon-oh soon.

As I entered the pizza place and sat down, the symptoms similar to motion sickness worsened. There were still about five minutes left until the appointed time.

“Would you like to order? Is it just you?”

“Two people. I’ll order in a bit.”

“Okay, please ring the bell when you’re ready!”

The part-time worker left the menu and quickly disappeared. The restaurant was already more than half full. They all seemed to be Hanguk University students. It was natural, being near the school.

Eleven fifty-eight.

I anxiously checked the time. I glanced out the window, but there was no sign of Joo Kwon-oh.

What if the whole invitation to eat was just a joke?

At other tables, people were sitting with their companions, laughing and chatting. I felt awkward sitting alone.

As I grew anxious, I kept biting my lower lip. The spot where blood had come before kept breaking open recently, stinging.

“Did you order?”

At that moment, Joo Kwon-oh’s voice snapped me out of my useless thoughts.

Startled, I lifted my head abruptly and saw Joo Kwon-oh sitting across from me.

This was surreal in its own way. Joo Kwon-oh actually coming to eat with me.

“Not yet.”

“Just order whatever you like.”

He spoke in an unimpressed voice. Does he not like pizza…

“What about you?”

“I don’t care, anything is fine.”

After a moment’s deliberation, I chose a pepperoni pizza with french fries and wings as side dishes.

“Kwon-oh, what brings you here? It’s been a while since I’ve seen your face.”

As I was ordering from the part-time worker, someone in the restaurant seemed to recognize Joo Kwon-oh and greeted him.