Sunshine Shower

“Anyway, now I understand why you’re having such a hard time. You’re really close friends, and if he’s straight, that’s a tough situation. Have you thought about confessing?”“No. The day I cried when I met you, it was because he said he thought liking guys was… disgusting.”Nam Taeun’s mention of having similar people around came to mind. Moon Seoyoon had spoken cautiously, worried it might be offensive, but Nam Taeun seemed unaffected. He appeared more preoccupied with his own thoughts.“Hmm. If you confess, you could lose a lifelong friend.”“Yes. But…”Moon Seoyoon bit his lip.“He noticed that I like guys.”“What?”Nam Taeun, sipping the last of his lemonade, raised an eyebrow.“I don’t know how he figured it out, but he did.”“So what did he say?”“I tried to deny it, but he said he knew I was lying and wanted to talk later.”“So he let it go?”“He’s waiting. He’ll wait until I tell him myself, given his personality.”After explaining the situation, Nam Taeun looked puzzled.“Seems like a mild reaction for someone who thinks being gay is disgusting.”That was likely because Woo Yeonjae and Moon Seoyoon were childhood friends. They had known each other the longest.Moon Seoyoon was relieved. As long as his feelings weren’t revealed, their relationship wouldn’t end.“We’re childhood friends. It’s not a relationship that ends easily.”“How long has he known?”“About a few weeks… He’s probably waiting for me to bring it up since the midterms are over.”Even without making a decision, his stomach churned.The plan to endure until Woo Yeonjae forgot wasn’t an option. He wouldn’t forget such an important matter, and by bringing it up, he would seek some kind of confirmation.“So what do you want to do?”Not understanding the question, Moon Seoyoon just blinked.“Do you want to stop liking him, or do you not want him to find out?”Stop liking him? It was a scenario he had never considered. Could he stop liking Woo Yeonjae? It wasn’t something he could control.He had spent two years without contact, yet his feelings hadn’t changed. A single word from Woo Yeonjae, even before knowing Seoyoon liked men, hadn’t been enough to make him give up.‘Do you want to stop liking him?’Liking someone and wanting to stop liking someone were entirely different. The former was unconscious, while the latter required effort to detach.Did Moon Seoyoon want to stop liking Woo Yeonjae? He asked himself again.The answer came without hesitation. Despite the overwhelming emotions, he had never wanted to stop liking him. Liking Woo Yeonjae felt as natural as breathing.The answer was clear. The fact that he had never considered it meant there was no room for doubt.“I don’t want him to find out.”Nam Taeun didn’t respond immediately. He just stared intently, his thoughts unreadable.“Hey, Moon Seoyoon. Can I be honest?”His serious expression grew even more grave. Moon Seoyoon braced himself for what was coming.“The best thing would be for you to let go.”Though the advice was cautious, it was firm. It might be the right answer.“He has a girlfriend, right? And they’ve been together for a while.”“Over two years…”“I honestly think you should let go. I know it’s none of my business, but I care about you. I don’t like seeing you hurt because of someone who might never feel the same way. I’m not disregarding your feelings.”Moon Seoyoon gave a faint smile. He understood why Nam Taeun was telling him to let go. In the end, it was for his own protection.‘I don’t know.’What was the right direction? His mind was a mess.Letting go would undoubtedly make things easier. He wouldn’t suffer every time someone else stood beside Woo Yeonjae, nor would he constantly worry about being discovered. But if it were that easy, he would have let go long ago.“But emotions aren’t something you can control…”Nam Taeun chewed on his straw, trailing off. He looked like he was resisting the urge to smoke. The sight triggered a memory of the day Woo Yeonjae had discovered his secret.‘Do you… like guys?’If it weren’t for the blister from the cigarette ash, how would things have turned out? That small injury had bought him some time.“So what are you going to say to him?”“What do you mean?”“You said he knows you like guys and wants to talk later. What are you going to say when you talk?”The words stuck in his throat. Moon Seoyoon forced the formless thoughts in his head into a coherent response.“I’ll have to admit I like guys. There’s no point in lying again; it would just confirm his suspicions.”“If he asks who you like? Are you planning to make up someone else?”“I’d like to, but he knows almost everyone around me, so I’m struggling with what to do.”He regretted not having made more friends.Of course, regretting it now wouldn’t change anything. Even if he could go back to being twenty, it would still be hard to make close friends Woo Yeonjae didn’t know. They had been together since elementary school and even through college, leaving little room to meet new people. Plus, he had enlisted in the military after just one year of university.“This is driving me crazy.”Nam Taeun sighed, rubbing his face as if washing it with his hands.“Wait a second. You work part-time, right?”“Yes.”“Say it’s a regular customer from the café.”“A regular?”“Yeah. It’s not like he’s been watching you work all the time. If you say it’s a regular, how would he know? Preferably… oh, yeah, a company worker would be good.”The lie started to take shape.“You’re working the evening shift now, right? On weekdays. What about before you went back to school?”“Mostly from the afternoon to closing.”“Perfect. Company workers often go to cafés during commuting hours.”“But it’s a university area. There aren’t many company workers, even if there are some…”“Who cares that much? And what’s he going to do if you say it’s true?”Maybe Nam Taeun’s rhetoric or the unexpected excuse made it seem plausible. His shift was indeed in the evening, and company workers did come by during commuting hours, so it felt like a reasonable lie.“Anyway, if you’re going to lie, make it convincing.”Nam Taeun tossed the chewed straw into the takeout cup like a cigarette butt.“And if you’re going to talk to him, do it soon. Before he brings it up again.”“…”“If you don’t talk, the one who’ll be hurting inside is you, not him.”Moon Seoyoon nodded silently. Even without Nam Taeun’s advice, he had been thinking it would be better to talk before Woo Yeonjae brought it up again. It would be less painful to prepare himself a bit than to be caught off guard.“Hey, Seoyoon.”A cold hand touched his folded leg.“Don’t let him find out, if you don’t want to get hurt.”Moon Seoyoon nodded again. Even though he wasn’t confident in lying, he had to try his best to hide his feelings.* * *Despite thinking he should end the conversation quickly, a week passed by in a flash. Before, he had enough time even while working part-time, but with the onslaught of group projects, he hadn’t had a moment to breathe. By the time he had a chance to catch his breath, it was already Friday.“Are you busy?”Moon Seoyoon managed to open his mouth. He was on his way out of the lecture hall.“Not as busy as you, Seoyoon.”His eyes met Seoyoon’s slowly and then curved into a thin smile.“Making friends and abandoning your childhood friend…”“They’re not friends, just juniors. And it was for a project.”“Who was it that refused to show last year’s project when I asked?”As they talked like usual, his tension began to ease. The hand that had been gripping tightly started to move more naturally.“Do you have time?”“I’m meeting Seonju.”