Suspiciously Close Siblings (Going Up)

The social air he had breathed in half a year was not very pleasant.

It was after 4:00 p.m., but the sun was still hot.

It was a day he had waited for a long time, but he didn't expect it to come this way.

"Son."

"Mother."

"Go first."

As I was sweating profusely in front of the unit's front door, a medium-sized car pulled up in front of me.

My mother's face could be seen vaguely through the window.

I can't look myself in the eyes properly.

"What is it?"

When I opened the back door to load my luggage, there was a passenger.

"Hello."

"Why did you come here?"

"That's why I went and came back to my mother twice because of me."

"I see."

A sister whose hair has grown so long that it covers her shoulders.

The shadow in his new eyes that I had not seen deepened.

She's an examiner, so she could be.

"⋯"

"⋯"

She grabbed her bag and sat in the back seat of his.

I can see her fiddling with her nails at the edge of her field of vision.

What can I say?

What shouldn't I say?

It was a very difficult thought for me, who had only written about social issues.

—That, mom. Can I go with that military uniform?

-Are you OK? Lend me your clothes.

What he wanted to take off so badly was his combat uniform.

The fact that he put on mourning clothes instead baffled her.

"Brother."

"Uh."

"⋯ Good job in the army."

"Uh."

Are you a good person

or is he ignorant?

Sure

that his brother seemed more mature than me.

***

He kept his mouth shut for less than an hour, and before I knew it, he was back in Seoul.

A university hospital located 5 minutes from my mother's family's house.

The funeral home was in the same place.

It was the first time since the funeral of her grandfather, who died when she was young.

I don't remember it very well.

—Oh, have autumn and winter arrived yet?

—Autumn, burn the incense first.

—Brother-in-law, first we have to change the children's clothes.

The faces of family members I hadn't seen since New Year's Day.

Everyone's expression was not as bad as I thought.

—Brother, change first.

—Uh.

I put on mourning clothes in the bathroom attached to the funeral home.

It was uncomfortable at all when I left the room and adjusted my tie.

After that, I stood in front of a portrait photo with my younger brother, who had changed into a black hanbok.

Incense was burned and cultivation increased.

Perhaps because the atmosphere was solemn, the sound of clothes rustling was loud.

Maternal grandmother.

If I look back at my childhood memories, half of them are memories with my grandmother.

Since her mother was busy, she went to primary school with her mother's family.

Looking at the photo of the well-dressed portrait, a thought came to mind at that moment.

"Grandmother."

Seeing her sister's silent, tearful eyes, her mother also turned her head.

They say their sadness is reduced by half when it is shared.

I think that's only half true.

Looking at the grieving family,

because it's quite sad.

***

It didn't take me as long as I thought to get my feelings under control.

Crying is exhausting and a funeral is a three-day ritual.

So I tried not to look at his grandmother's photo, even if it was forced.

Wouldn't it be more embarrassing if you couldn't lift the coffin because you were tired of crying?

—Agaul, have you been discharged?

As she sat in her morgue, her cousin, the resident, began talking to her.

Why does this nobleman reside, I suddenly thought, but I thought it would be good for the eldest son to do it because there is no uncle of my level.

"Uh, I was originally discharged the day after tomorrow, but I was discharged two days early."

"It looks like you haven't been in the hospital for a while, but are you coming out yet?"

"Time passed faster than I thought."

When I entered, it seemed dark.

After all, I can't remember the past days at all.

—So, why are you going back to school?

—It's like going back to school in another semester, and it's like leaving. Rest for half a year.

—Well... That's right.

—Actually, I was going to travel, but I thought that if I wandered outside right now, my mother would pat me on the back.

-It is.

The sound of my cousin's laughter

It reminds me of my elementary school days and is kind of nostalgic.

—I don't think I'm going to study to get a license, so I have to work part-time.

—Nowadays, everything is shit outside, so is there anywhere to work?

—If there isn't... Well, I should give you private lessons and get some money for personal expenses.

—Hey, can you take private lessons because your brain is stiff in the army?

—I took the university entrance exam last year.

-OK?

—It wasn't something people did.

—Well, will things that didn't work during active duty be possible in the military?

-That's how it is.

Although we haven't seen each other in a long time,