Suspiciously Close Siblings (Going Up)

Two weeks have passed since that day.

In the meantime, nothing really happened.

The weather is getting a bit cooler

Except for my little brother getting a little chilly.

"⋯I'll be back."

"⋯Okay, good luck on the test."

I hate being awkward with my brother.

I also care for my younger brother, and my younger brother follows me a lot.

I didn't want this distance to change.

It's embarrassing to say it out loud, but I like my brother a lot.

Not in a strange sense, but as a family.

"⋯ Whoa."

Of course, it is understandable that my younger brother keeps his distance these days.

To be honest, seeing the eyes of my friends, it's even weirder not to do that.

Eyes that seemed to see something they shouldn't have seen.

I'm not stupid enough to not know the meaning of those eyes, nor am I ignorant.

It's not that I couldn't understand why they looked at me like that.

To be honest, it's not common for siblings who are 3 years apart to get along like this.

Still,

There was nothing I could do about it.

Can't we be friends with each other?

Did we do anything weird?

Why do I have to be awkward with Winter because of such baseless misunderstandings?

⋯I felt like shouting at the bamboo forest.

***

I went home, but as always these days, I couldn't concentrate on anything.

I was not interested in reading books, I was not interested in playing games, and I was not motivated to study.

At least, I didn't have the energy to think because I overworked my body, so I only exercised to get tired.

It felt like the glassy mentality of my student days had returned.

I was spread out on the sofa in a daze, and when the exam time came, I put on my clothes and headed to school.

After waiting for a while on the side of the road, Winter trudged and walked this way.

"⋯Brother."

"Did you do well on the mock exam?"

"⋯Brother."

After the test, my younger brother climbed into the passenger seat.

Shaking her hands.

⋯Not good.

"Winter."

"⋯Brother."

"⋯Give me your hand."

I put my palm on the hand that was lost.

Even though it was almost autumn, it was seriously cold.

When I touched my wrist, I felt a pulse that was frighteningly fast and strong.

"Are you okay?"

"⋯Brother."

"Because it's in front of me, tell me. Anything is fine."

"⋯I did well on the test. Maybe…"

"Huh."

" ⋯ A little, I can't calm down."

"What is it?"

"I've never been like that before."

He held his breath while speaking.

How the hell did you do well on the test in that state?

I really don't know.

"⋯I feel like vomiting, my hands⋯ are shaking, I drink a lot of coffee… My heart feels strange."

"I was like that when I was in high school. It's because of the stress."

"What should I do…?"

"Rest. You'll be fine if you rest."

The time when the CSAT, which seemed like a distant story, will begin to appear in front of you.

In addition to that, did you have a lot of stressful things to do?

When the pressure of the mock exams in September is added, it is well worth going wild.

In fact, I'm not a doctor, so I don't know what kind of disease this is and how to treat it.

I don't want to make you more anxious, so I'm just bluffing.

It's better than being stressed out.

"⋯Yes. I will rest today."

"Let's just rest until the day after tomorrow, not just today. If you say you have a fever anyway, you won't be able to take care of your absence."

"⋯ Huh?"

"I just want to rest. At home. Until the weekend."

If it wasn't for that bastard's plague, I would have taken her somewhere.

That favorite refresh would only be done at times like this.

⋯If you don't, I'll force you to do it.

"⋯Okay."

"Let's go home first."

"Yes."

He felt new after driving only with his left hand for the first time in a long time.

He never imagined that driving a manual car from the military would help in a situation like this.

***

"⋯I'm back."

"Hey, my kids. Dinner…"

"⋯Because Winter is not feeling well."

"⋯Would you like porridge?"

"⋯No, I'll have a meal with you later."

She left work first, and her mother, who was preparing dinner, saw her brother's face, and her expression hardened.

Leaving her table behind, I grabbed her brother by the wrist and dragged her to my room.

She closed the door and sat down on the bed next to her brother.

"⋯."

"Is it better than before?"

"Yes."

"Then can I ask you one question?"

"Yes."

"⋯What did they say to you?"

"Who?"

"Your friends."

"⋯No."

"You've been a little restless since then."

"⋯They didn't say much. Just…"

"Just?"

"I want you to worry."

Her brother stuttered her, gave her a stroke on her chest, and continued her story.

"When I walked away, or after that, I didn't say anything. It's just… Strangely caring."

"How?"

"…I can't explain it well, but sometimes… The teasing is gone."

"Are you kidding me?"

"⋯Wait. I'll just take one deep breath."

Her brother undid a button on her shirt and took a deep breath.

Then she patted her collarbone and exhaled loudly.

"⋯When my brother goes to the army."

"Huh."

"⋯I let them know."

"Huh."

"After that, sometimes… They teased me for being too sad."

"Yes."

"I didn't do it for a while because I was teased so much that I didn't react well…

"That was when school started."

"There were times when they said that they only cried after watching it, because they were excited among themselves… And that they were envious."

Her sister gulped dryly and swallowed.

"⋯Then it disappeared after that day."

"Which one?"

"Just everything. About my brother."

"⋯I see."

"⋯I don't know if they are considerate or uncomfortable. Anyway."

Just, well… I roughly understand.

They must have been a little embarrassed because they looked better than the brother and sister relationship they had imagined.

At the moment, you may have heard a strange guess.

⋯But it's fortunate that I didn't drive them there or bully them.

Well, what Since they are such worthy children, they must have made friends.

"So, did you get stressed out because of that?"

"⋯That's not it."

"Then what is it?

"⋯I can't talk."

"Even if I ask?"

"No, I can never say that."

"⋯Okay."

I also did not know what the cause of my brother's stress was.

⋯ You can't talk about it, so you must be stressed.

I have some secrets that I cannot tell anyone.

"Is it okay to feel like vomiting?"

"⋯Yes. Calmed down."

"Get some rest and come out. Let's have dinner with Mom."

"Huh."

I untied her clasped hands and left my room.

Her hands were sweaty, so she roughly rubbed them on her clothes.

Her mother, who had been sitting at her table and waiting, spoke to me.

"⋯Did he screw up the test?"

"No, he said he did well on the test."

"Then why?"

"⋯He said he was so nervous that he was going to throw up."

"⋯ Whew. Mom should have paid more attention…"

"I'm taking care of it for you, don't worry."

"I'm glad we have a son. You've become a lot more dependable these days."

"I was reliable from the beginning."

"⋯Does autumn have no conscience?"

"If I had, I wouldn't have done that in high school."

"Oi, only your mouth survives."

As her mother relaxed and chatted, her brother walked over to the table.

Dinner with the three of us was delicious as always.

***

I washed up and went to bed, but sleep didn't come.

She tossed over the covers, sighed, and stood up.

⋯Even if you wait, the answer won't come out. Am I sick?

After all, nothing has been resolved.

Either me or my brother.

It was no different that the situation was still unstable.

I opened the door and walked out to the next room.

The moment I thought about it before knocking,

The doorknob turned by itself.

"⋯Ah."

"Hi."

"⋯Why?"

"I'm here to get the pillow back."

I didn't think of anything to say,

I was glad I decided on an excuse and went.

"I'll go in."

"Yes."

My brother stepped back and opened the door.

It's been a long time since I've been in the room, but the scent hasn't changed much.

"Can I sit down?"

"Ah, yes. Sit on the bed."

"⋯First, return the pillow."

"Oh, that…Here."

Her brother handed her a gray pillow and sat down in a chair.

⋯This is not mine.

What, is it

If you get it, it's mine from now on.

"Thank you. Then sleep."

"Uh?"

"Good night."

I straightened my pillow and lay down on the corner of the bed.

⋯This is fucking embarrassing.

How the hell did he do this?

"That, brother?"

"⋯."

"⋯Are you okay?"

"I'm doing this because I'm not okay."

"Why are you suddenly like this?"

"Then why did you do that?"

"⋯."

"Why are you acting so awkward all of a sudden? It upsets people."

"⋯."

The younger brother closed her mouth and lowered her eyes.

It's not that I don't know why.

Because at the point of being misunderstood, I can't stop thinking like that.

So you must have avoided me.

"I'm not blaming you… I've said it before, but I don't like it. Siblings get awkward with each other, things like that."

"Yes."

"Of course, I admit that when your friends see you, they might look a little suspicious. That too… It's because I touched my hair."

"⋯."

"So the bottom line is… We just have a fight. I even take care of it sometimes. Play a joke I just want to live as usual."

"⋯Brother."

Her brother got up from his chair.

Then he quietly climbed onto the bed and sat down in front of me.

"⋯Why do you hate being awkward with me so much?"

"⋯I told you last time."

"I just can't understand it."

"⋯I can tell you."

"Huh."

"⋯Listen and don't laugh."

"Don't laugh."

Whoa⋯.

I never thought I would be the first to tell this to my younger brother.

I thought she would tell her mother unconditionally.

"⋯I have no intention of getting married."

"⋯Aren't there many people like that?"

"It's not that important…"

She couldn't help but look at her face and lie down, covering her eyes with her arm.

"You know, but I'm shy and don't have many friends."

"⋯."

"Of course, it's not like there aren't any at all, but it's something you never know if they will still be friends 10 or 20 years from now. It's not like I'm a good friend to anyone."

"Huh."

"And… I don't have the confidence to be a good father, and I don't have the confidence to be a good husband. I don't even have the confidence to find a good wife."

"⋯Why?"

"I don't know if you remember, but I have some memories of my dad when I was little… At least in my memory, they were very good. For a while."

"⋯I see."

"My parents, who were so good at drinking, also divorced, but I didn't think I could marry well. I don't even think I can maintain a relationship."

"What does that have to do with me?"

"⋯Because if I don't get married, the only people who will cry for me are you and my mother."

So that's it.

In the end, all that remains is blood.

I felt it even after I finished the exam.

I felt it in the military too.

I felt it even at the funeral.

That the bloodline is unbreakable.

"Of course, I have cousins, older sisters, and aunts. To them, I'm just a family member, right?"

"⋯."

"But you are my brother. I am your brother."

"⋯Is that why?"

"Because I have to face you for the rest of my life, and even after I die, there is no one to hold my funeral except for you?"

"⋯."

"So no matter what happens, I don't want to fall out with you."

"⋯Brother."

Something soft was placed on the other side of the blindfolded arm.

It's the same feeling I felt two weeks ago.

"⋯You know what's the most creepy thing you've ever said?"

"⋯I got goosebumps even talking about it."

"If you value me that much, please do me one favor."

"What."

"Don't move until I say it's okay."

I heard the sound of heavy breathing.

And then

The warmth of a person clung to his whole body.

"⋯ Hey."

"Don't move."

"⋯Until."

"Until tomorrow."

"It's past 12."

"Then only for 24 hours."

I could feel the breath on the nape of my neck. Hot.

I felt a weight in my forearm. Heavy.

I felt pressure in my legs. It was a bit ticklish.

But I didn't like it.

"⋯Brother."

"⋯Why."

"Sorry. I broke my promise."

"Did you laugh?"

"I'm really sorry. I can't stop laughing."

"Hey, Mr. It's the most serious thing I've said in my life, but is it funny?"

"Puhehehe…"

My sister let out a laugh and rubbed her face against my shoulder.

Maybe it was because I laughed so much that my T-shirt got a little damp.

What is so funny that you laugh and shed tears?

"Brother."

"⋯I'm shy, so don't talk to me."

"If only."

"⋯."

"…You can come to my room if you feel lonely."

"⋯There is a pride of elders, right?"

"You are doing that now."

"It's because my mentality is a bit strange today."

"Why did you do that?"

"⋯Who do you think it is?"

Hehe…"

"Don't just laugh, my arms are numb, so can you go down?"

"⋯Then do me one more favor."

"What."

"⋯Hug me."

"⋯."

Because it's today.

As far as now.

To be honest, I don't know why I want to hug you.

That's brother and sister

As much as I love you, you will love me too.

It will be your own expression of affection.

"⋯ Really?"

"I want you to hug me."

"That was… It was…"

"I have to get up a little early tomorrow too."

"Yes."

"If mom sees it, it's probably a little like that."

"⋯Sure."

"⋯Good night, winter."

"My brother too. ⋯Sleep well."

It's been a long time since I realized that the greeting whispered in my ear before going to bed was so warm.

As we looked at each other and put our arms around each other, the distance between our hearts became closer.

I didn't run slow even though it was a good time. Because I said something very embarrassing.

Still,

It was a slightly more comfortable pulse than the pulse I had felt before.