The Country Life Diary of a Gangster’s Secretary

This chapter is paid for by Nemuru!

As soon as he realized the hands gripping his waist, he felt Ihyeok’s breath behind him. Immediately, all his nerves seemed to stand on end.

“You’ll want coffee, right?”

As if he had strangely developed a coping method after experiencing this a few times, Hyeseong quickly escaped from Ihyeok’s embrace and entered the kitchen.

Ihyeok sighed regretfully, looking at his suddenly empty arms. Hyeseong was busy moving around in the kitchen without saying a word. When faced with moments like this, where he was reminded of the reasons why Hyeseong had to react passively to his sincere feelings, his insides twisted.

At the same time, thinking that Hyeseong must have felt this way during all those fleeting moments they shared, his heart naturally ached.

Ihyeok and Hyeseong naturally sat side by side in front of the living room table. As they faced each other with cups of fragrant coffee, an incredibly awkward atmosphere settled around them.

In terms of conversational compatibility, they usually got along well. Although they didn’t chat loudly or excessively, they had never felt this awkward or uncomfortable before.

Hyeseong unconsciously cleared his throat and turned on the TV. While flipping through channels, a currently popular travel variety show appeared. It was a format where well-known entertainers gathered to explore a designated travel destination, and coincidentally, this time the destination was England.

The screen was filled with England’s characteristically grand and magnificent streets.

“Oh? That dessert shop is appearing too.”

Hyeseong muttered unconsciously.

“Do you know that place?”

“Yes. I heard it’s very famous. I remember the secretary who accompanied us then told me about it.”

“The secretary…”

“You know, the secretary of the company president who entrusted us with the contract. I think her name was Sally.”

Ah, Ihyeok let out a low sound as if he just remembered. Of course he remembered. He couldn’t forget how she had stuck by Hyeseong’s side throughout the business trip, chatting and laughing.

Ihyeok remembered feeling very displeased when he noticed the clear attraction towards Hyeseong in the female secretary’s eyes. Because of that, he had missed what the other company’s president was saying several times. All his attention was on Hyeseong.

“Why didn’t I realize it then?”

And yet, he hadn’t properly recognized his own feelings of love. It was truly comical.

“What?”

“Nothing. So, did you want to go there?”

“Yes.”

Hyeseong nodded honestly. A smile naturally spread across Ihyeok’s face.

He had boasted that he would buy Hyeseong lots of delicious things, pretending not to be excited, but then he only kept him busy. Moreover, he even did the terrible thing of touching the boy’s body under the pretext of his rut. He felt it would be less frustrating if he could at least remember.

How he had embraced Hyeseong, what expression that child had made beneath him. It was truly a lifelong regret that he had no memory of that day.

In any case, in that respect, Ihyeok’s first business trip to England was a memory with nothing good about it.

“If I get to go next time, I’ll definitely visit.”

“Then let’s go together.”

Hyeseong’s eyes widened at the almost reflexive response.

“Would that be possible?”

“Huh?”

“You’re busy and I’m unemployed. I wonder if we could match our schedules.”

“If it’s possible? Would you go with me?”

He had been worried about what if Hyeseong said he wouldn’t go with him. Ihyeok gently caressed Hyeseong’s fair, delicate hand.

“Ahjussi, you have a bit of a pervert streak, don’t you?”

“I only realized it because of you. So, will you go with me or not?”

“Let me think about it for a bit.”

Although he turned his head away sharply, he didn’t reject Ihyeok’s touch. Ihyeok wanted to throw away this table separating him and Hyeseong right now and hold him in his arms. He wondered how Hyeseong had endured such emotions that required such strong patience all this time.

Still, he was grateful just to have Hyeseong in front of him and be able to spend time together like this. Since Hyeseong had cut off all contact and disappeared, Ihyeok couldn’t even remember how he had spent his days.

To put it simply in one sentence, that short period had been almost like hell for Ihyeok.

Soon after, cheerful background music started playing on the TV. The England segment had ended and quickly moved on to another country. It seemed they changed guests for each travel destination, as different faces appeared this time.

“Ahjussi, do you remember that person by any chance?”

Ihyeok’s gaze, which had been focused on admiring Hyeseong’s side profile and not at all interested in the screen, followed his hand to one spot. There, an interview of an unfamiliar male guest was being broadcast.

“I don’t know. Why?”

“Maybe it’s because you’re getting old too. Your memory isn’t very good.”

“Hyeseong, do you think you won’t age? So who is that person?”

“It’s the band that was performing when you came to see our festival. You really don’t remember?”

Hyeseong asked, seemingly amused, a bit excited by the old memory.

“Festival… Oh, the day you were serving at the pub?”

He definitely remembered going to the festival. He had impulsively visited the university wanting to see Hyeseong after finishing work. He remembered pulling Hyeseong away when he was about to have his number taken while serving, and taking him to a place like a concert hall, telling him to enjoy being a college student.

But unfortunately, that person wasn’t in Ihyeok’s memory.

“Yes.”

There was no grand reason why Ihyeok remembered the festival. It was because Hyeseong had smiled happily in front of him for the first time while watching the performance. He couldn’t forget it because he had never seen such an innocent smile before.

“Come to think of it, I really had fun then.”

“See, do you finally understand why I told you to have some fun like a college student?”

“It’s not that, it was fun because you were there, Ahjussi.”

Ihyeok’s eyes wavered for a moment.

“I really didn’t know you would come then. To be honest, I wanted to invite you and have fun together, but I had never really enjoyed festivals before, so I couldn’t even bring it up. But then you really appeared, right in front of me.”

Although they shared the same day, this was the first time he learned that Hyeseong had been thinking such things.

“Actually, I don’t remember well what song that singer sang that day either. I couldn’t hear anything because you were next to me.”

“Why… why are you telling me this only now?”

Ihyeok lowered his head deeply. In the end, while they had been standing in the same place with the same feelings, one person had fully felt those emotions, while the other had stupidly not known and only had insignificant thoughts like how pretty the smile was.

“I told you. I was used to liking you alone.”

“Did you never think about telling me your feelings?”

By now, Hyeseong had also taken his eyes off the screen and was looking at Ihyeok.

“Well, it would be a lie to say I never thought about it, but I didn’t think the outcome would be good. Besides, you weren’t very interested in things like dating… You were honestly skeptical about dating and marriage, weren’t you?”

That was true. Ihyeok had lived a life detached from the act of loving someone and promising a lifetime together. If pressed, he had thought that such aspects weren’t necessary in his life, and in the past, he had even wondered if he might be somewhat deficient in that area compared to others.

Because he had never once felt romantic emotions like his heart fluttering or pounding. That’s why he often said things with that mindset to Hyeseong as well.

Whenever he said such things, Hyeseong would always reply with an expressionless face:

At those times, Ihyeok would vaguely think that maybe Hyeseong had similar thoughts to him, and fall into a strange sense of relief.

“And I was most afraid of ruining my relationship with you, Ahjussi. If I couldn’t even be by your side as a secretary… I thought it might be a bit difficult.”

As expected, Hyeseong’s thoughts were as he had anticipated.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t have been able to do it either if I were you.”

In reality, hadn’t Ihyeok also been afraid of losing someone like a younger brother, of letting go of the precious connection that was Hyeseong?

But how was Hyeseong any different?

“I’m sorry for not realizing.”

“I didn’t bring it up to get an apology.”

“Still. If I had been more honest with my feelings, I wouldn’t have hurt you.”

Seeming uncomfortable receiving an apology, Hyeseong frowned and scratched his head.

“Hyeseong, when was it? When you started to have those feelings, I mean.”

“It’s really nothing special…”

“I’m curious. Tell me.”

Asking about the past when Hyeseong had struggled alone loving him was, in a way, close to an act of self-harm. But Ihyeok needed to hear it. He needed to suffer just as much as Hyeseong had been hurt.

“It was a day when it was raining heavily…”

“Yes.”

Only then did Ihyeok feel he could finally earn the right to dare to love someone like Hyeseong.

This chapter is paid for by Nemuru!