The Man’s 101st Bad Ending

◇◇◇◆◇◇◇

Whenever I opened my eyes in the morning, I always woke up with a body drenched in sweat.

This time was no different.

Cold sweat flowed and dampened my forehead, and I frowned at the clammy sensation.

It was due to having a nightmare.

More precisely, memories of my deaths.

Wasn’t it a feeling that was truly hard to get used to no matter how often I saw it?

If I could become accustomed to dying, it might be a bit better, but that was an emotion that never changed no matter how much I tried.

If I didn’t fear such a thing, I wouldn’t truly be human.

After clenching and unclenching my hand a few times, I let out a small sigh and got out of bed.

What unfailingly appeared in my nightmares were the faces of those who had killed me.

There were times I chose death myself, but that didn’t feel like a nightmare to me.

Because it was really hard back then.

It was just a time when I was struggling to end this regression by force, no matter what.

…I saw people everywhere who said they wanted to turn back time.

Even those who said if they could turn back time to a moment they regretted, to the moment their loved one died, they could do anything.

Although I also chose regression, not being much different from those people, it wasn’t that I had a positive view of this regression.

This was a curse.

It was a life like an execution, tying a person to the guillotine of time and endlessly dropping the blade on a neck that wouldn’t be cut.

Building relationships with people was only once or twice.

If I only accumulated repeated experiences with the same people in the same events, what would happen?

The woman who said she loved me in the previous run saw me as her mortal enemy in the next run.

The assassin who tried to kill me became my life-saver, and even if those twisted ties somehow changed back to how I first knew them.

They couldn’t be called the same person to me.

It was only natural to go mad.

There was a time when I prayed every time I died and time rewound.

Begging them to remember me, going straight to them after time turned back and asking if they knew me, but I was treated as a lunatic.

The only one who knew about the regression of time was me alone, the only one in this world who knew time had rewound countless times.

So I was mad for a while… I think that was the time I died the most.

Killing myself, going crazy and beating people to death, getting caught and executed.

That was the first time I saw Yuria die.

I have various thoughts, but it was certain that about half of my deaths were experienced during that period.

Then I came to my senses and spent a few more runs, which brings me to now.

Having given up on many things, my honest feeling is that I want to end everything in this run.

So I can’t rest.

I was curious what Yuria would say today.

As the Full Moon Festival was still ongoing, Father was still not here.

I suppose only Yuria and I were left in this ducal estate.

We would run into each other during meals, so I’d have to see for myself what she would say to me.

After some time passed, Renold knocked on the door.

When he said it was time to eat and I went out, I realized the ducal estate was strangely quiet.

It was always quiet, but this was not just quiet but chillingly so.

Glancing at Renold, I opened my mouth.

“Did something happen? The atmosphere is a bit strange.”

“Ah… well, the Young Lady is feeling unwell.”

“Unwell?”

“She appeared with a pale complexion in the morning and said not to bring her any meals today.”

Is that why everyone is tense?

When someone who usually doesn’t act like that shows such capriciousness, those under them are bound to tremble in fear.

Yuria, who had been diligently living her own life more than anyone else, did that, so they must all think they did something wrong.

…It seemed she wasn’t entirely unresponsive.

On one hand, it was also amusing.

If she was shaken by just these words, with what state of mind did she intend to endure what was to come?

Laughing so softly that no one would notice, I soon moved my steps with an indifferent expression.

“Tell everyone there’s no need to be tense. It’s just that she’s really feeling unwell.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, since I confirmed it, she probably won’t say anything else.”

If she really reacted to my words, she would probably be quiet for a while.

It was fortunate.

Since I had many things to do separately for a while, it was better not to have her interference.

Then I suppose there was only one thing to do today.

I thought I should meet Arwen one more time.

◇◇◇◆◇◇◇

“…As expected, the door is closed.”

The house of Arwen, whom I went to see right after eating, was completely blocked.

There was a door, but the problem was that it was enclosed by a barrier she had made herself, so I couldn’t see any reaction no matter what.

Since she said she needed time to think, it might have been natural.

The issue was that this barrier showed no signs of being lifted.

I could undo it myself, but even if I touched it carefully, it seemed like it would take a full month.

If I had known this situation would come, I should have worked on magic.

Unfortunately, I had only touched weapon types, so I didn’t know much about magic.

Then there was nothing much to do today.

The next schedule came right after the Full Moon Festival ended, so I had some leeway until then.

There was no movement from Theresa yet, and Yuria was holed up in her room.

Thinking that, I realized this life was quite free.

If it were like before, I would have followed Yuria around the Full Moon Festival, inspecting here and there.

Just wandering around like this… was something I couldn’t even imagine in the past.

The festival was still in full swing, so the streets were packed with people.

I took back alleys to avoid mingling with those people, but it was still not easy to move with so many people.

How would it have been if Adele were here at this time?

She might have drawn her sword and swung it around.

Or she might have pouted her lips but walked diligently.

Thinking through a few such thoughts, I realized my impression of Adele was quite good.

It was strange.

It wasn’t just meeting her once or twice, but I didn’t have even a slightly bad impression of her.

What I experienced through regression was the many hearts a person had.

Like seeing someone I thought was only kind actually told lies all the time, or someone I thought was gentle killed children.

The aspects of that person I encountered in different situations were bound to change countless times.

But Adele Igrit.

No matter what situation I saw her in, she wasn’t very different.

She always lived as she wanted and always moved as the wind blew.

She was free-spirited, but rarely did it harm anyone.

There was a time when I lived swayed by that.

And that life… I remember it as probably the most peaceful time I lived.

Back then, I had the mindset of rather starting anew in the north, so it was possible.

But in this life, I didn’t want to live that way, at least.

I had to wrap things up, didn’t I?

Unless the day came when I directly strangled the Crown Prince’s neck with my own hands, there was no need to flee to the north.

Walking like that, I soon reached the outskirts of the city.

A place far from the depths where the Full Moon Festival was held, unlike other places, with many trees and flowers.

I knew there was such a place, but actually coming here, the scenery was quite nice.

Instead of paved roads or buildings, a place covered with grass and trees, standing in the midst of lush greenery with an unobstructed view and looking beyond.

Flower petals fluttering in the wind fell gently, and small animals were moving among the rustling grass.

Was it a place created as a green space according to the planned administrative district?

Until now, I didn’t have many occasions to come here, but thinking about it, it seemed this was the first time I had come here during this period.

Wouldn’t this leisurely greenery be better than a city so crowded that there was no room to set foot?

Following the path, I came across stone steps.

Climbing those steps and then ascending a steep staircase for a while, there was a large tree visible to the eye.

A willow tree with long branches drooping alone, surrendering its body to the wind, I caught my breath and moved to sit under it.

The fluttering leaves tickled my hair, but my gaze was directed at the scenery visible below the willow tree.

Since it was a high elevation, climbing up here allowed me to see the entire view below.

Before I knew it, the sky was turning bright red, and the scenery of the city where I lived came into view at a glance.

…I was lost in thought for a moment.

As if mocking my expectation that it would be just ordinary, the city in the midst of the Full Moon Festival was elegant as if painted.

Light flowed.

Not simply an appreciation, but the lights connected by people’s hands filled the streets like flowing water.

Sometimes emitting a red light, sometimes a blue light, the colorful lanterns swayed over people’s hands.

The true beginning of the Full Moon Festival could only be seen at night, but the daytime Full Moon Festival was different.

It embodied this sunset, blessing the rising of the moon.

Thus, the streets were gradually turning red.

Preparing for the later time when night would come, the color of the lanterns also changed little by little, following the setting sun.

Around the time I was blankly looking at it, the sky also began to sink into darkness.

The name “City of Light” only then revealed its true colors, and the city’s light emitting a brilliant glow made the starlight lose its brilliance.

Only a pale white light similar to moonlight remained in the city, drawing this night sky instead of the stars in the sky…

And only after that baptism of light disappeared did my mind finally return to reality.

The wind that had become a little chilly brushed my cheeks.

Summer was coming to an end now.

The sky was rising, and the moon that had been closest was reaching the highest sky, far from anyone, and moving away from the empire.

Autumn.

My reason that had touched reality was in a slightly dazed state.

The fact that time had passed and autumn was approaching was not well felt.

Until now, there were always many things happening around this time, so I never had even a bit of leisure, and this was the first time I calmly thought about what was to come.

Many things had changed.

Theresa was no longer my fiancée, I met Adele again, and I formed a sort of connection with Saint Adriana.

And didn’t I bluntly tell Yuria I disliked her?

The me of the previous run was now directly doing things I couldn’t even imagine.

“The 101st, huh.”

Since I had died 100 times, this time I must be living the 101st life.

100 times of foolish acts were enough.

So this time, I decided to live differently.

There was no need to hesitate or worry about anything.

Because if I really died this time, it would be the end.

Surely, eternal death would come to me.

Glancing down for a moment, I slowly raised my head and closed my eyes tightly.

Willow leaves fluttered in the wind and got caught between my fingers.

Despite seeming like they would be blown away by the wind, they stubbornly clung between my fingers and wouldn’t fall off, making me inadvertently laugh.

It felt just like seeing my past actions.

If I just slightly parted my fingers, they would be blown away by the wind and disappear, but the sight of them trying to endure somehow was just like.

It was like looking at myself.

But I had to let go.

It would be the natural way for them to be carried by the wind.

I had to let go of the lingering attachment these leaves held.

Whoosh-

The leaves flew towards the sky with another gust of wind.

They danced like that in the air for a while, carried by the wind, then disappeared towards a place out of sight.

Where would those leaves go?

That was something no one knew.

It was certain that it would be a completely different world from the branch they had always clung to.

Wasn’t I no different?

Now was the time to let go of lingering attachments and move forward.

The future of me, who had abandoned the ties of the past I cherished, was now unknown even to myself.

It would be filled only with new things that I didn’t know, and no one knew whether the end would be a tragedy or a comedy.

But what was amusing was that I still felt refreshed.

I grabbed the leaf caught in my hand once more, then sent it flying towards the sky again with the wind.

Like that, I sent away my lingering attachments as well.

The wind blew again, brushing my forehead refreshingly.

Summer was ending, and the day when that moon would thin out again was approaching.

A faint smile appeared on my lips as I thought of the season that could be called the biggest variable in my life.

Autumn was coming.

An autumn that no one would know, and even I wouldn’t know.

The 101st autumn was coming.

◇◇◇◆◇◇◇