The Young Consort Wants to Live Quietly

Chapter 105

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Even though Gowun had jumped up to my window, he hesitated, unable to come into the room. So I reached out and grabbed Gowun’s face.

“Are you okay?”

I think my palms have gotten a bit rough. Even the skin under his eyes is darkened.

Gowun’s face looked unusually haggard. I think it’s too damaged to just be from the moonlight. He’s already thin from loss of appetite, but putting him through so much hardship has left him with nothing but bones. That upset me, so I frowned.

The gray-blue eyes that met mine were round.

Only then did I remember that I was holding Gowun’s cheeks while sitting by the window. I released his cheek and took his hand, pulling him in, and Gowun obediently followed. I closed the window, drew the curtains, and lit only a single lamp.

Gowun had come down from the window but was still standing in front of it. It was sad to see his downcast figure, but I also grew impatient.

If it became known that Gowun visited the Eastern Palace, he would be punished.

Thinking it would be more noticeable if we sat by the window, I hurried to get him into the room, but someone may have already seen. I hadn’t considered it before.

Even as I became somewhat aware of reality, I was still happy to see him, so I held my breath and asked,

“How did you get out?”

Gowun couldn’t meet my eyes, like a child caught doing something wrong.

“Why aren’t you… angry?”

Gowun, who had been looking at me, quietly answered. I became even more upset since half his face was covered while he said the one thing I was wondering about.

“Why would I be angry at you?”

“Because of my mistake, Your Highness…”

“Stop. It’s not your fault. If anything, it’s my fault for taking you out.”

Gowun’s face, which had been stiff throughout my words, relaxed slightly. It seemed he was worried about being hated by me.

I took Gowun’s hand and sat him down next to me on the bed. We were silent for a moment.

“We…”

“I’m…”

Then, as if we had agreed, we both started to speak. Our eyes widened as we looked at each other.

“You go first.”

“No, Your Highness first…”

As we each told the other to speak first, I chuckled without realizing it. It was funny how the situation felt so normal, as if nothing had happened. But the laughter quickly died down.

What should I really do?

I still couldn’t believe I would never see Gowun again.

“Gowun, we…”

Even this moment now is an opportunity that never existed before. And even this ends when the sun rises.

“I guess we won’t see each other again now.”

I wanted to smile as I said it, but my vision blurred.

Oh, forget what I said about not being able to cry.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. If I cry, Gowun will feel awkward. I blinked rapidly to dry my tears. But eventually a single drop flowed.

Contrary to my expectation, Gowun wasn’t awkward. He just quietly held my hand. His small, rough hands were warm. Every time we went somewhere, he would hold it until I got sick of it. Now even that will end.

As I thought that, tears fell. As I wiped my eyes in embarrassment, more tears flowed. I had overheard the palace maids talking earlier.

Gowun will be leaving the palace tomorrow. Mother will provide him a good place, but as servants who prioritize my safety, they won’t tell me where Gowun will live. I can’t sneak out, and there’s no way they would allow me to.

If Gowun leaves the palace, there won’t even be a chance to secretly see him like this.

Are you really saying we can never see each other again for the rest of our lives? Really, just like this?

“There’s a way.”

At that moment, Gowun quietly muttered. I raised my head in surprise. I could see Gowun’s face through my tear-filled eyes.

“What?”

“There’s a way for us to see each other again.”

When I asked again in disbelief, Gowun calmly answered. I was taken aback by his confident response. Gowun seemed to know that and continued his explanation.

“I can’t properly use my deadly poison ability. That’s why problems arose.”

“…”

“I just need to learn how to control it.”

I cried at his simple and naive answer.

“Have you ever tried it before?”

“No.”

So that means it’s impossible.

The hope that had flared up for a moment died down again. I lowered my head once more, and Gowun’s quiet voice was heard above.

“The Maho family has produced scholars for generations.”

Maho family. It was a noble family. As I looked at Gowun in surprise, he continued speaking.

“Especially my father, he extensively studied abilities—”

“No.”

I answered before Gowun could even finish his sentence. If I hadn’t been so careless with my own ability just now, I would have smacked myself.

Go see that man, whom I don’t even want to call a father, who knows a lot about abilities and get his help?

Gowun’s trauma was severe. For months— No, seeing someone who resembled his father caused him to lose control of his ability that he had kept hidden for much longer. He’s that kind of child. I couldn’t let him fall into their clutches again.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to see them if you don’t want to.”

As I spoke clearly, Gowun’s eyes wavered.

“But…”

“You think I’m joking? I’m serious!”

I like you a lot, and it’s sad that we have to part. But I don’t want you to suffer just to stay by my side.

Gowun, who I expected to be a bit more agitated, smiled faintly. As if he knew what I meant by those words.

“No. I really mean it.”

That determined-looking smile was even more frightening.

“You don’t need to sacrifice yourself for me.”

Gowun shook his head at my anxious words.

“It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while.”

“…”

“I don’t want to remain powerless any longer.”

I know well the misery of being powerless. If Gowun can handle his ability well, it will certainly be of great help.

But is that the only way?

“My powerlessness isn’t just because I can’t control my ability.”

As if refuting my thoughts, Gowun continued.

“It’s a weakness I’ll have to overcome someday, and that time has come now.”

Gowun smiled quietly. I bit my lip. I wanted to tell him it’s okay to be weak. It doesn’t matter if you’re powerless or feeble. If you rely on me, I’ll solve everything.

However, I’ve experienced situations like this before. Just as I did back then, that’s probably not the answer Gowun wants.

“…You’ve already made up your mind, haven’t you.”

Did Mother feel this way too? It was harder than I thought to freely say what I wanted.

“If it gets too hard, come back anytime.”

Gowun’s smile deepened at the permission I barely managed to give. His smiling face was quite infuriating, so I pinched Gowun’s cheek without hurting him.

“I’ll be worrying about you every day after sending you off like this, but you’re still smiling.”

Gowun stayed still as his cheek was pulled, then quietly muttered.

“I’m glad that you can now sleep peacefully at night and leave with peace of mind.”

Those words suddenly reminded me of a child I had forgotten. Gowun was the one who had protected that lonely child every night. It really did seem like he had been thinking about this for a long time. You kept hesitating because you had to be with that child at night. Moved by the child’s thoughtfulness and my heart aching, I squeezed Gowun’s hand.

“You have to come back safely.”

Without any pain in body or mind. Just as pretty as you are now.

“You really, really have to come back.”

I spoke firmly as if making a promise, and Gowun squeezed my hand back as if in agreement.

“I will.”