The Young Consort Wants to Live Quietly

Chapter 93

* * *

The moment I thought that, a chill ran down my spine. My hypothesis was wrong. It wasn’t that someone was coming in and out of my room at night.

I, the ‘Sanya’ in this body, had written the letters.

After possessing the body, I didn’t bother to think about the whereabouts of the child originally in it. I vaguely thought she must have disappeared since I became this child.

But it wasn’t like that, we were sharing the body.

[I definitely died, but when I opened my eyes, I was surprised to find myself back in the past.

At first, I thought I had just returned to the past, but as time went on, I realized that wasn’t the case.

I’ve been living like this for quite a while, and I’ve never woken up during the day.]

The story continued flatly.

[It must be scary for you from the future to receive a letter from yourself who died at the age of twelve. I know.

But the nights when I’m awake are so quiet that I really wanted to hear about the daytime scenery from you.

Don’t be afraid. I’m just a remaining fragment.]

Reading the letter with ink smudged as if hesitating, I was seized by a strange feeling.

The ‘Sanya’ I read in the original work was a poisonous and twisted child. She would have pitched a fit demanding her body back, not casually asking about my well-being.

Was that only the story I had read so far?

The child who knows the aftermath I couldn’t read, after her death. The letter written by that ‘Sanya’ felt very lonely and sad.

I quietly read that letter, then picked up a brush.

[First of all, I’m not you.

I originally lived in another world and died there.

It was just a coincidence that I said I was Sanya. Coincidentally, my name is also Sanya.]

Having written that, I couldn’t continue the next sentence. A drop of ink fell from the tip of the brush.

[If I thought you had disappeared but you haven’t, I should return the days I lived to you.

Do you want your body back?]

After hesitating for a moment, I finally wrote that in the reply. I couldn’t definitively say I would return it. Just as I don’t know how I came in, I don’t know how to leave.

And even if I knew how, I couldn’t bring myself to give up everything overnight. I had already adapted to this body.

When I learned of ‘Sanya’s existence, the first emotions I felt were discomfort and rejection. I felt a sense of fear that someone was using my body at night and that I was exchanging letters with that person.

This is already my world. My parents, friends, everything I love is now here.

However, I can’t just ignore it. It could be a showy favor or a half-hearted sympathy.

Still, that child is only twelve years old.

My life is precious. There were things I had worked hard for until now. But these were things that originally belonged to ‘Sanya’. If that child asked for them back, it was right to give them.

With a feeling that I couldn’t simply be happy or sad, I folded the letter and placed it by my pillow.

* * *

However, the letter that arrived the next day missed my expectations.

[So your name is the same as mine. It’s not a common name, so it’s fascinating that our names are identical.

I don’t know how you ended up in my body, but it must be an inexplicable and strange occurrence, like me staying in my past body even after I died.

I didn’t write the letter to ask for my body back. I just wanted to talk to you.]

It was fortunate for me, but I couldn’t be utterly happy because it was so lonely. There was a drop of ink after that sentence. As if, like me, she couldn’t continue writing the letter right away and agonized over it.

[You’re so kind. Seeing how you readily offer to return my body to me.

But I’m tired now.]

Reading that sentence, my breath caught in my throat. It wasn’t a polite refusal, but a genuinely roundabout rejection.

That last word, tired, stuck like a thorn. A child who died at the mere age of twelve, a child who carefully asked if she could sit on a rocking chair because it was fascinating, says she’s tired of life.

Only after reading that last sentence did I realize my mistake.

It wasn’t just Giyun who drove this child to death. Telling ‘Sanya’ that I would return her body was equivalent to telling her to live with the people who killed her.

‘I shouldn’t have said that.’

Focused on the fact that I might have to give up this life, I didn’t think it through properly. I was ashamed of the shallow consideration of thoughtlessly thinking of returning her body.

I had to write a reply, but I couldn’t move my hand for a long time. Then I managed to write the first sentence with difficulty.

[I know how you died. I read your story.

I don’t remember the content exactly, and there wasn’t much about you, so I don’t know everything.

But I do know that people were too cruel to you.]

[I’m sorry I couldn’t understand you even though I knew that.]

‘Sanya’ was ill-mannered, poisonous, and often committed evil deeds. But was that a sin deserving of death?

If the child had angrily demanded her body back, I might have felt more at ease. Even if I didn’t know, a mistake is still a mistake, but I still feel sorry for this child.

If Mother, the Emperor, could have loved you. If Giyun had even a little compassion for you, and the other consorts did too, you wouldn’t have died.

It was the fault of the people I love, and that child was the victim. I couldn’t turn a blind eye. Even if it wasn’t for that, I couldn’t just ignore ‘Sanya’s letter.

‘Sanya’ really didn’t seem okay. She seemed to have given up on everything because she was too tired to even hate someone. I wanted to comfort her somehow, but I had no idea how to soothe that heart.

I rewrote the clumsy and messy letter several times. If she were in front of me, I would have patted her back and said she did well, but I couldn’t do that. Hoping it would be a comfort to that child.

And the next morning, I woke up early. Even in summer, the cool morning air lingered in the room. I got out of bed and looked at the window where a blue light was seeping in.

I must have been quite nervous after writing the letter like that yesterday, so I woke up earlier than usual.

I was worried that I might have taken away ‘Sanya’s time, but it seemed okay since I got up from the bed.

Out of habit, I felt around the pillow and picked up a piece of paper.

Unfolding the letter, my eyes widened. It was the same as I had written yesterday. It wasn’t a newly arrived letter. Instead, something was written in small letters at the edge of the paper.

[Thank you for worrying about me.

It’s hard to write a reply right away, so can you wait a little?]

Only then did I turn my gaze to the table. On the table were a few crumpled pieces of paper. The paper was scribbled with ink as if trying to write something.

It seemed like she was agonizing quite a bit, but the letter arrived the next day.

[Thank you for your sincere consolation.

It wasn’t such a heavy story, but it seems to have been a bit difficult for you.]

Seeing that the letter, which had arrived punctually, was a day late, I thought it wouldn’t be a simple content, but the first line was calm.

[It’s fascinating that you know my story too. There are quite a few unexplainable things between us.]

[But some of what you said is wrong.]

The ink was smudged in that part.

[My death wasn’t because of the people you mentioned. If anything, it would be my fault.]

[But since you said that, I’ll try not to blame myself.]

[So, it’s no one’s fault. It just happened.]

Another incomprehensible statement.

No fault? How can you say it’s not a fault to get rid of a child who was bothersome for receiving the Emperor’s attention?

I wanted to ask that, but I stopped after reading the following sentences.

[Let’s stop talking about this and talk about something else.

How was your day today? Did you have many fun things?]

‘Sanya’ tried to end the words cheerfully. It was evident that she didn’t want to bring up that topic anymore.

What was important was not satisfying my curiosity. It was in the past, and if the child wanted to cover it up, I shouldn’t pry.

[I’m sorry for prying into a story you didn’t want to bring up. But I’ll ask just one thing.]

I wanted to let it go, but I had to ask one thing.

[Are you okay now?]

If you’re really okay, that’s all that matters.

But I hoped the child wouldn’t answer that way falsely to reassure me.

[Yeah. I’m at peace.]

And fortunately, this letter was gentle. I don’t know if I saw it the way I wanted to believe, but that brief answer seemed real.

It was already in the past, and if this child was okay, I didn’t want to stir it up. Still, a corner of my heart remained uncomfortable.

I held that letter and quietly prayed.

May your nights truly be peaceful.