This Isn't Canon! (Or that time I reincarnated into an AU-Naruto)

-Taijutsu- 

"What we have to understand is that there are two forms of Taijutsu for Shinobi. Who can tell me them?" Naruko would wait for hands, before choosing a Branch Hyuga who raised her hand, all because she already knew what the Hyuga's answer would be.

"Soft and Hard Sensei." The girl was soft-spoken but was strong. She'd make a good special Jonin one day. She was also wrong.

"I'm afraid not quite Yube. You see, in reality, the two types of Taijutsu for Shinobi are simple. Those that kill in secret, and those that kill face on. What Yube here meant by 'Hard' and 'Soft' is a reference to meeting force with force or deflecting force. But while that is true - we have to remember what we are. We have two types of combats. Assassination and Frontal because of bodyguard work, a failed assassination, or war. We practice Frontal Combat in the academy, and not Assassination Combat, at least anywhere to the degree we should. Does anyone know why?"

There was silence before, "Because we don't have the time?"

Naruko shook her head. "Wrong! Because you all aren't trust-," She appeared behind a student with a kunai on their neck. "-ed enough to be able to understand when to use them yet. That's why only very, very specific Genin are taught them, and it's left to mostly Chunin, and even then many techniques are for Jonin only."

A moment later she appeared back at her spot where she was before, ignoring the student who appeared to be on the verge of a mental breakdown. 'If that's enough... then he isn't ready to graduate anyways.' It was cruel and callous. But war could break out tomorrow. It could break out in a decade only as well, but in that entire decade, they would be in war prep. "Now. Like Yube Hyuuga said, Soft and Hard. In the academy you may recognize the Offensive Academy Taijutsu and the Defensive Academy Taijutsu - these are broadly speaking, Hard and Soft Styles. The Offensive style is focused on immensely more because your Senseis know that one far more because they were taught that one far more. It's a problem. Today, we will be learning the Defensive version, and why for a Shinobi in frontal combat it's massively more effective for the average Shinobi." 

'Really, just because most of the Elite Jonin Leaf has ever produced have favored it, doesn't mean you should teach it. The Elite Jonin are the Elite of Elites, they are fundamentally different - the hard style fits them more. But for these people? Who will mostly stop at Chunin with a few Special Jonin and if lucky a Jonin? The Defensive Style is far better.' With those thoughts, she would begin her demonstration. 

-Ninjutsu- 

"Water, Fire, Earth, Wind, and Lightning make up the five Elements. Outside of the Five Elements but still connected are Yin and Yang - you would recognize Yin from the Nara clans Hiden technique, and Yang from the Akimichi clans." As each was mentioned she would showcase a small technique made specifically for academy students to learn, even fire and earth which she hadn't gotten started on learning yet. For Yin and Yang she of course showcased the Shadow Possession Jutsu, and the Partial Expansion Jutsu. Because Hiden Jutsu tied to a clan are fucking stupid and she'd showcase as much as she could that she could do them.

"Now," Naruko ignored the Nara clan kid shifting, get fucked kid. "Each person has one primary element, which can be tested by chakra paper. No, I don't have chakra paper it's expensive. Beg your parents to buy it, if they can't because it's too expensive or you don't have any, then fill out the proper forms and maybe you'll be deemed valuable enough. If not you get it for free when you become a Chunin." That said she'd draw a chart of the Five Elements on the board up front.

"If you have two primary elements then in that case you actually have a Kekkei Genkai. Congratulations, you'll be able to apply for a harem in the future, or at least permission to marry multiple times. Sadly for you, I can tell you that none of you have a Kekkei Genkai." She held back the 'get fucked'. 'I'm totally sure they could love all their partners and treat all the kids properly. Totally.' Rolling her eyes at the notion of harem protagonists that don't even have cloning techniques, she'd jump up on her desk since she wasn't wearing a short dress today.

"Now, Ninjutsu is broken up into a whole bunch of categories, guess what you learn primarily in the academy? That's right offensive. Cause we want you to be able to hurt people real good. Today? I'm teaching you supplementary. Ninjutsu that helps you find water sources. Ninjutsu that can help you tell the weather. Ninjutsu that can blow out smoke from a campfire. Stuff like that. Are all of those different elements? Yes. Are you going to learn them? Yes. Because using it not being your primary element as an excuse is for dead people. I don't teach dead people. Understood?"

"Yes, sensei!" 

"Cool, now the handseals for this one are..."

-Genjutsu- 

"I'll be blunt. I don't do Genjutsu. As you all know Chakra is formed from our Stamina, which is made up of a Physical and Spiritual side. Even without chakra, I'm faster than a chunin. Stronger than a genin, and my reflexes are on the level of a Kage-class Shinobi. The Spiritual Side still takes up more than 75% of my Stamina. I just can't do Genjutsu, because I overpower all of them causing them to explode. But what that does mean..."

She'd put a grin on her face as the lights in the room seemed to flicker - which they did because invisible clones for the win. "Is that I'm really fucking good at something else. Anyone who can get out of their chair and leave this room by the end of the class will be getting tutoring by a Special Jonin - fun fact, she'll probably be recognized as the best Genjutsu User in the village sometime in the next couple of years."

Naruko then poured her Killing Intent onto them all and proceeded to cackle as they all slumped over. "Well, let's see if any of you get up."

Surprisingly enough, by the end of the class, one person did in fact manage to leave the room - but then again, this WAS the graduating class. 'Nice. There you go Kurenai. Teach this one well and it'll be another checkbox for you.'  

-Kenjutsu-

"You know, I saw the reports, but the fact that in the entire academy, there are only 10 students taking Kenjutsu is fucking disgusting. Anyways, who wants to learn the techniques of slashing people into a bloody mess from a dead clan? If there are only ten of you, I might as well make you the most lethal chucklefucks to have ever left the academy, and if any of you showcase you can't be trusted, you'll just be mindwiped anyways, sooo... Draw your fucking swords people!"

-Special Class-

"I'm gonna be honest with you when I say, that all of you are people that I know will one day be Jonin, and so I shoved you all into a special class that will meet once every other week so I can teach you shit. This is additional training you won't learn from the Academy or your clans. Why? Because it's either forgotten, self-made, or from my own clans." 'Or because the individual clans are too strict on what their Shinobi learn. Really, as much as I hate it the Sarutobi and Shimura clans are the best in the village on this matter. Learning everything, teaching everything.' 

Looking out on the training field at the students she had picked up there were the obvious suspects. Sasuke, Neji, Hinata, Shikamaru, Shino, Choji, Konohomaru, and the like. She also had Rock Lee, of course, but she was pleasantly surprised when she found quite a few more seedlings that she believed could be Jonin, especially if they got actual teaching and were earmarked for a proper sensei.

"I'll be using Chakra to split myself into physical clones that will teach you individually - this IS a privilege. Of every Shinobi in the entire force, I'm the only one apart from a SINGULAR other person who can do this and it won't affect their training. Even when you get Jounin-sensei only the Elite or Ninjutsu Specialists will be willing to do this for a team of 3 Genin. So be fucking thankful. Especially when you tell your parents and clans what techniques I'm teaching you." 'They'll also get the message to back the fuck off considering I personally invented multiple Shape Manipulation exercises just to teach these kids. Really, why can't every clan head be as understanding as Shikaku and Shibi?' Of course, on the surface, Shikaku was one of those trying to apply pressure, but the man understood it was pointless.

The second they had their Shogi match he understood that in the future this would be her village, even if she didn't become Hokage. 'Because Hokage is a stupid job. A Hokage should exist ONLY in wartimes. Fuck sake people. We train people to be paper pushers with superpowers, and yet we have the strongest people pushing paper 99% of the time.' 

Rolling her eyes she formed the famous handseal and moulded her chakra. "Multi-Shadow Clone Jutsu." A second later over a dozen clones appeared beside her and she explained. "Multi-Shadow Clone Jutsu, a jutsu that just split my chakra a dozen times between them all, and when they pop I will get ALL mental feedback. As such, it's an A-Rank Forbidden Jutsu. Even the Hokage himself is banned from making more than 10 Shadow Clones at a time." Banned was a strong word relating to Gramps, in reality, it was just that in his old age, he couldn't make that many and still fight efficiently. 'Sadly one of the ways I found to work the chakra issue of Shadow Clones doesn't help out Gramps too much in one-on-ones, but if he has to fight on the warfront it will.'

Having explained that each of the Clones would walk up to a student and take them aside all apart from one - Moegi. "As for you... I won't be your teacher, he will." She pointed behind Moegi where the unmasked Tenzo was.

As Moegi turned around, he put a smile on his face, or at least what approached one. "Hello there, my name is Yamato."

"Yeah yeah. He'll explain why he and another will be teaching you away from everyone else too y'know. Have fun creepy, don't terrorize her." With a poof she'd disappear, her chakra running out after making the dozen clones.

-Main Body-

"This means I never have to take on a Genin Squad right?"

Gramps snorted next to her eating some of his ramen while they observed the Academy through his crystal ball. "Not a chance. In between semesters, we'll be having you send out reinforced Shadow Clones on in-country missions. Now that you're shoring up your two weaknesses you need to be a Jonin soon."

She scrunched her eyes a little bit of that, obnoxiously slurping her own Ramen. "Why?"

He ate a bit more before saying, "I can only give you access to all the old battlefield reports when you're a Jonin. That's a rule even I can't break for you, and it's also something I know you can't break into. Not even your father could."

She nodded chuckling slightly at what was on the crystal orb. "With my presence negation, I probably could." 

He shook his head. "Trust me, every single feasible thing was thought of. The only thing that allows you to get into that is having permission, or perhaps that Nagato child going full power."

Naruko raised an eyebrow. "Wooh. Uzumaki designed it?" 

He ate a bit more before finally saying, "No." Her eyebrows raised, and for a brief moment she almost asked, but she knew Gramps more than enough to know when he'd explain and not. 'If not Uzumaki, then who?' 

It was a question left unasked and unanswered.