Elden Ring: Miquella's Consort

(A/N: Guys, guys, question! Seeing as I'm the only functional Elden Ring fanfic writer, what if I made this story into a YouTube series with AI voice acting like UndeadHumor back then (god, I miss that masterpiece) and Epsonea_482?! Would you watch it? How could I even do it? Is there a tutorial on these things?! I want a video series of the Tarnished's adventures, preferably a Tarnished x Miquella, damnit!)

Alistair :"Teaching is just brains telling brains how to be better brains."

Miquella :"Oh... wait..."

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"Old Hewg, ma man!" Alistair burst into the hall with a huge grin :"What's my favorite guy in the whole Roundtable Hold been up to?"

Hewg stopped smithing momentarily, smirking at Alistair in amusement before returning to his work :"Not much, same as always. Somebody has to keep your Tarnished lot's weapons sharp. Well, where've you been hiding? I took you for dead. No matter. It's all the same. Lay out your arms, then."

Alistair couldn't hide his grin at the iconic line :"Ah, I do have some weapons for you, but that's not it for now. Diallos is throwing a party as thanks for me for helping him save his servant and you're invited! So hurry up and either finish that weapon or put it aside for now."

Hewg faltered as he smiled sadly :"Sorry, but I'm not going to be able to attend your little party. Literally, I'm saying. In case you forgot, the places I can go to are limited thanks to these chains. I appreciate the gesture, however. Thanks."

"Don't be like that!" The Tarnished walked up to him and smacked his back, grinning widely :"We obviously knew that! So instead of bringing you to the party, we're bringing the party to you!"

Hewg raised an eyebrow :"You are?"

"Of course! How could we leave the man who's literally the reason we stay alive out of a party?! Me, D and Corhyn are all invited. It's not really a party, just a little get-together between a dysfunctional little group."

"You shouldn't have. Just go and enjoy your time instead of troubling yourself for an old man."

"Oh, hell no, man! A party in the Roundtable Hold without my favorite person –in– the Roundtable Hold not attending it? I'm not going to that party! And besides, you are already a guest in Diallos's eyes, so good luck refusing him."

"Oh, that chatty lad." Hewg curled his lips before sighing, but Alistair could see his smile :"Alright, I suppose I can spare myself a moment to relax. I'll get finished with this while the feast is being prepared."

"Yes!" The young Tarnished pumped his fist, making the old Misbegotten chuckle in amusement. While waiting for everybody else, he sat against the wall and watched Hewg hammer the weapon.

"Hey, old Hewg." The old Misbegotten froze at his next words :"Can you teach me how to smith weapons?"

"What?"

"I want to learn how to become a blacksmith."

"Why would you do that? Don't you want to become the Elden Lord?"

"Of course I do! Which Tarnished doesn't? But I also find blacksmithing really interesting! I don't have any hobbies and it gets boring, so can you take me under your wing?"

"Hmm..." Hewg looked at him carefully :"Well, I suppose I don't have any reasons to refuse. But it will depend on yourself if you have the talent or not and put in hard work."

Alistair smiled brightly, saluting him :"Don't worry, old Hewg! Once I put my mind on something, I put my entire body onto it too! Thanks for agreeing."

He chuckled in amusement :"You're welcome. And I hope you'll work as confidently as you speak."

-

"But the damn thing still ignored the pain and fucking dived at me, so I was like "fuck you!" Alistair slurred before laughing, causing his drink to shake and some of it to spill. The drunk boys around him laughed as well, with Diallos wiping a tear :"Ooh, that was hilarious! But to think you would encounter a Rune Bear so suddenly."

D, who had taken off his mask to reveal a handsome blond man, cringed :"Oh, you sure got unlucky, kid. I may have the duty of hunting down Those Who Live in Death, but those damn furry monstrosities are my most hated enemies ever. Ugh, just remembering that one unlucky moment where I caught one's attention sends shivers down my spine..."

Diallos scoffed, taking a big gulp of his drink :"Clearly you have never battled the Giant Crayfish in Liurnia of the Lakes. The Rune Bears might not give you space after spotting, but by the Erdtree, these wretched things won't even let you close the space if you catch their eyes!"

Alistair wheezed :"Hahahahaha somebody had the misfortune of fighting Liurnia's best archers, I see!"

Diallos rolled his eyes :"Yes, yes, laugh it up. Just wait until you get there and suddenly get sent flying after one shot you with its water beam from a mile away."

They all laughed at him. Alistair, Hewg, Diallos, Lanya, D and Corhyn were all sitting in the hallway where Hewg's "workshop" was. Feasting on delicious food and alcohol while chatting away at their experiences.

D smirked at Alistair :"But I have to say, you must be an amazing fighter to have slayed a Rune Bear. Simply surviving that battle would have spoken of your combat prowess. But slaying one? Count me impressed, lad."

"Nah, it's nothing." He hiccupped, drinking some more :"Once you learn their attacks and blind spots, them Rune Bears are a walk in the park too. By the way, what about you, brother Corhyn? Have any interesting stories to share."

Corhyn shook his head with a smile :"No, I'm afraid. Unlike you, my life is pretty... bland, you may put it, since I don't get out of the Roundtable Hold."

D :"You call it bland. I call it safe."

Diallos :"Brave D is not wrong. Wrestling with death every day isn't exactly the most enjoyable activity."

Alistair :"Hah, speak for yourself, dude! I love fighting! The more dangerous and intense it is, the funner it is!"

Diallos chuckled :"You certainly do look like the wild warrior kind. But do be careful of yourself. If you are not careful, some of the stronger foes such as the Rune Bears might put you in grave danger."

Alistair :"Don't worry~. And besides, I know who to be careful against. I'm battle hungry, not stupid. Be too greedy and one of those godforsaken Revenants will put you in your place. God, I hate those bastards."

D :"Revenants?"

Diallos :"I haven't seen or battled any of those before."

Hewg :"You haven't? Boy, you two are some lucky lads then."

Alistair :"You know about them?"

Hewg :"With age comes knowledge. Although I haven't been out of the Roundtable Hold for ages, I have been here long enough to hear tales of many enemies from the Tarnished ones."

D :"Are they strong?"

Alistair :"Ugh, they're like pests. Very strong pests. Imagine Godrick's accursed Grafted Scions, then imagine them made worse by about a hundred times. They spam hits, attack every second and in all directions because they look like centipedes from hell, and they can teleport and shoot poison! They're annoying as fuck!"

Diallos :"Oh, they definitely don't sound like good opponents."

Alistair :"Hmph, preach that. How did you not meet any though? One is basically right on the main road! Well, if you can call anything a road in Liurnia of all places."

Diallos :"Well, I suppose I just got lucky. And thank goodness for that. I certainly wouldn't find to fight an enemy who you seem to despise more than the freaking Rune Bears, young Alistair."

Alistair :"Heh, true. By the way, what's with the nickname? Y'all have been calling me that for a while now."

Hewg :"It has sort of become your nickname in the Roundtable. You are the youngest Tarnished that has ever come here, after all. I would know, since I've been here longer than anybody."

Alistair :"Alright, I get that, but that's a lame name. I don't like it. Don't call me that anymore."

D smirked, sipping from his drink :"Then what would you like as a nickname, oh young and upcoming warrior?"

"Feel free to call me..." Alistair grinned, spreading his arms and looking up in presentation :"Snow White."

"Pfthahahaha!!" They all wheezed. Even Hewg couldn't back a snort of laughter.

D :"You're wild when you're drunk, kid!"

Diallos :"I expected a mighty sounding alias befitting of a warrior, not the name of a princess!"

Alistair :"What can I say? It makes me feel fabulous~💅."

They wheezed even harder. Slapping their knees as he made faces. D wiped a tear :"Ha, hahahaha, you're really drunk, huh?"

Hewg :"I would be surprised if he wasn't. Look at how many bottles of alcohol he has chugged down."

They looked behind him, where a tower of bottles had been stacked together. He had easily drunk several times more than all of them combined. D nodded his head, impressed :"I have to admit, you can drink."

Diallos :"How you haven't passed out yet is a miracle, my friend."

Alistair :"Psh, please! Just this much is nothing to a Russian like me! I've been drinking alcohol since I was a little twat! Hahahaha my uncle even admitted once while drunk that he accidentally fed me alcohol instead of milk while he was taking care of the newborn me!"

D :"Alright, now that's just ridiculous. Shouldn't you have died?"

Alistair :"Alcohol is my single most precious best friend. If there's anything that would hurt or leave me, alcohol isn't one of them!"

Corhyn :"So you are just an alcoholic?"

Alistair :"Brother Corhyn, they have to make a new term just for me and my love for alcohol hahaha! I've been dying to get my hands on some alcohol all this time, you know? So thanks a lot, Diallos!"

Diallos :"You are most welcome, my young friend. In fact, I'll give you as much as you'd like as a small thank you so you can enjoy it on your journeys! Just be careful to not get alcohol poisoning though.

Or get drunk in a random location. It would be extremely dangerous. But you know, you really should come to the Roundtable more often. You lighten up this gloomy place."

Alistair :"Kekeke tell me something I don't know. But well, haaah, I can't just travel like that in the middle of a journey. If I do that, I'll have to start off from another Site of Grace all over again and spend even more time traveling. I only came back here because I had already reached a Site of Grace."

Diallos :"Huh? What are you talking about? Aren't you using Grace Mimics?"

Alistair frowned :"Huh? What are you talking about, dude?"

D :"You don't know?"

Diallos :"Ooh, it's probably because he can see the normal Sites of Grace, so he didn't ask to know about the Grace Mimics."

D :"Ooh, that explains it."

Alistair :"Dude, what are you guys talking about? What about Grace Mimics?"

D :"Alistair, you can use Grace Mimics as temporary Sites of Grace."

Alistair froze up :"...What?"

Diallos :"It's true. They bestow the same protection as the Sites of Grace, where you can't be seen or attacked by enemies, get harmed by the environment such as rain, etc.

You can even use them for teleportation like normal Sites of Grace. The only downside is that these ones are temporary and will disappear after several days, unlike the Sites of Grace which exist permanently until you can't see the Grace anymore."

D :"But hey, you can collect the Grace Mimics back and bring them with you to use for several days instead of a single night. You don't waste them that way. They are very useful, considering I tend to travel a lot as well."

Alistair's eyes widened in absolute shock :"You can do that?! There's actually something like that?! So I didn't need to just sleep out in the wild like that?! Why did nobody tell me?!"

D :"You never asked."

Diallos :"I didn't see you again since the last time we spoke"

Hewg :"I assumed your fellow Tarnished had already told you."

Corhyn smiled awkwardly :"And I forgot to tell you."

Alistair facepalmed :"Some seniors you are…"