Elden Ring: Miquella's Consort

(A/N: I forgot to mention this in the previous chapter, but they already got the Weeping Peninsula's map and the Golden Seed near it. By the way, I refilled my incorrects batch ಠ⁠◡⁠ಠ.)

Alistair :"If you hit yourself and it hurts, are you strong or weak?"

Miquella :"...Wait, wha..."

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The trip was pretty short. After all, just like the Earthbore Cave, it was just down a cliff. After fast traveling to the Agheel Lake North Site of Grace, they went down to the lake and into the cave at the northwest edge of the lake in 30 or something minutes.

Being extremely careful at the lake, that is. Alistair basically had Torrent hug the edge of the wall while walking. He didn't want a damn dragon of all things randomly spawning out of nowhere. Especially not when they told Maliketh to stay back at the Church of Pilgrimage.

And when they were finally in the mining cave, Alistair could finally sigh in relief as he got off of Torrent, letting him disappear :"Phew, we good! Alright, let's go in. Miquella, you already know the drill."

Miquella nodded with a smile :"Alright. And as always, be careful." But seeing Alistair's expectant eyes, he arched an eyebrow :"Is something the matter?"

The Tarnished pouted his lips, feigning sadness :"Aren't you going to give me a good luck kiss? You can't just do it once and expect me to not want more later on."

The golden femboy was speechless for a moment before he laughed loudly :"Ohh, my dear consort! Hahahaha my cute, adorable consort!" His beautiful laughter melted Alistair's heart, but he fought to keep his pout.

"Hahaha okay, I suppose you have a point." Wiping away a tear from how hard he had laughed, Miquella cupped his cheeks and pulled his face closer :"Be careful to not get injured, okay, my lovely consort?" And gave him such a sweet, loving kiss that melted him.

The femboy demigod winked as he pulled back, dodging the hands that wanted to hug his waist :"No, no, you need to focus now." Making his lover whine :"Now, go and finish this, then who knows, you might get rewarded if you're quick enough~."

He gave his delicious ass a swing, making Alistair's breath hitch as he disappeared with another wink and a bite of his lip. The Tarnished was stunned for a moment, but after taking a deep breath, he locked in. Eyes sharper than an eagle's as he took out his new weapons and gripped them like his life depended on it :'Alright, no time to waste.'

And started sprinting into the mine after grabbing the Site of Grace and a Golden Rune [4]. He had a mission, and he'd be damned if he didn't finish it perfectly. Miquella's amused, loud and shy laughter only fueled his drive.

He set his eyes on his first victim. A poor miner simply mining the mine. But he was mining the Smithing Stone Alistair put his eyes on. A backstab was all he took. After simply swinging his hand over the Smithing Stone, it disappeared into his inventory.

He continued his mission. Two more miners appeared. One mining and the other on the lookout. He only needed a flying kick for his head to disappear before Alistair stomped the other one's head into the wall. He had ass on his mind, and god forbid anybody who tried to stop him from getting it.

He inspected a cave for more Smithing Stones, but found rats in it too. He showed why twin curved swords were his favorite. One, they were agile while being strong. Two, he could attack with both of them in one move, rather than moving them separately.

When it came to twin curved swords, he almost always forgot about Ashes of War and whatnot. Why use any when just swinging the swords was enough to mutilate everybody faster?

He sprinted again. Relishing in the absence of strict fall damage and the boosted strength in his body as he jumped down to get the Smithing Stones in the bottom floor. Two dogs tried to stop his mission, but they were sliced in half. From head to ass. At the same time.

Two more miners fell victim before he ran back, jumping into the cave hidden between the two floors and running in. Seriously, he absolutely loved lore accurate attributes. He could finally jump to heights he needed to reach.

Several more miners. The Bandit's Curved Swords should have been weak against them, considering their resistance towards slash damage. But well, again, lore accurate attributes combined with his lovely new weapons and it was done.

'Ass. Ass. Ass.' The whispers of culture in his mind grew louder and louder. He didn't even give a damn about the slight ache in his knee when he kneed one of the miners throwing explosives right in his face, turning his head into pebbles.

Mere seconds after, in which he showed he was fast as fuck, boy, he was in front of the boss chamber. He didn't even open the big door. He simply kicked it into oblivion.

"ROAAA-" The boss inside, a Stonedigger Troll, didn't even get to finish his welcome roar before Alistair leaped at him with a war cry of his own. Fuck slash resistance, he got mauled afterwards. Truly, there was nothing more dangerous than a horny, absolutely down bad horrendous gay man on a mission for that booty.

[Runes: 13,535

Pickaxe

Roar Medallion: Increases the damage of roars and breath attacks by 15%.

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Golden Rune [4] x1

Smithing Stone [1] x11

Somber Smithing Stone [1] x1

Glintstone Scrap x3

Large Glintstone Scrap x5]

When it was all said and done, he immediately fast traveled to the Third Church of Marika and just pulled the giggling Miquella out of his mind. The golden femboy on the ground pursed his pretty lips in fake fear :"Ooh, Alistair, j-just what are you going to do to poor me?"

"Turn that brain of yours into mush, that's what I'm gonna do." And he was on top of Miquella without a hint of hesitation.

(A/N: Don't worry, the actual smut, the one where Miquella finally gets his bussy bred is in the near, brothers!)

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Alistair appeared in the Roundtable Hold, humming happily after leaving Miquella limping and twitching in his mind. Lips swollen, dick twitching and bussy still gaping. All of that fun stuff. His own member was pretty happy too after Miquella's loving affection.

"You sure seem happy, young Alistair." He heard the gentle voice of Corhyn :"Something good has happened, I assume?"

Alistair smiled at the smiling priest :"Oh, brother Corhyn! It sure has been a while! How have you been?"

"Hahaha I've been well, thank you for asking. What about yourself? Has the long journey been treating you well?"

"*Grinning* Oh, it sure has. Best time of my life. Where's D, by the way?"

"I see. I'm glad to hear that. As for D, he is off hunting down Those Who Live in Death and granting them a peaceful rest. He would have loved to meet you. Anyway, you must be here for an important business. Please, don't let me keep you busy."

"Don't say that. I enjoy talking to you. But you're right, I have things to do. I'll talk with you later then!"

Corhyn waved with a smile as he walked away. But he was stopped by another voice, one that was much more excited :"Oh, there you are, my young friend, young Alistair! I have been wanting to see you for ages!"

He turned with curiosity, before smiling when he saw Diallos walking towards him with a bright smile :"Oh, Diallos! What's up, man?"

"My luck, my friend! My luck! Hahaha!" He pulled him into a bear hug, surprising Alistair :"And I have only you to thank for! Hahahaha if not for you, my dear companion would have been but a lifeless corpse in the vast lakes of Liurnia!"

He pulled back to show his blinding and thankful smile :"But thanks to your advice, she is alive and well! Hahahaha I owe you a big favor, young Alistair! Please, tell me how I can repay you!"

"Hahahaha dude, it's alright-" He chuckled happily, happy that he stopped a pitiful man's awful fate. But before he could finish, a young woman's voice interrupted him :"My lord, please hold on! Where did you run off to in such a hurry?"

"Oh, Lanya! Come here, come here!" Diallos smiled at the blonde woman walking towards them as he hugged Alistair from the side :"This young lad is the person I've been telling you about! He is the one who told me where to search for you! If not for him, I fear I would have been unable to find you in time."

Lanya's eyes widened with surprise before she bowed politely :"Oh, then you are my savior who Lord Diallos has been complimenting so much. It is an honor to meet you, sir. You have my utmost gratitude for saving my life."

Alistair shook his head with a smile :"You're welcome, but I'm not your savior. Diallos is the one who saved you. I merely told him about my intuition, that's all. He found and saved you himself."

But Diallos laughed and slapped his back :"Don't say that, my young friend! Information is as important as any weapon. If not for your advice, I wouldn't even know where to begin searching! So please, accept our gratitude."

He could only sigh with a smile :"Alright, alright. You're both welcome. And I'm happy that you're not hurt, lady Lanya."

She smiled back :"Please, Lanya is fine, sir. No need to be so polite."

"Then what's the "sir" for? Drop that then, I'm not comfortable with it."

"Huh? But, sir, you are a friend of Lord Diallos who considers you his equal. I couldn't possibly-"

"Drop it, or forget about me accepting your gratitude."

Lanya looked troubled as Diallos chuckled :"You heard him, Lanya. It's alright. We wouldn't want to make our dear friend uncomfortable now, would we?"

"I... well... haaah, alright, I understand, Alistair."

"Much better."

Diallos tightened his side hug :"Very well, now that the pleasantries have been exchanged, come with me, young Alistair! For I have been waiting for when I meet you again to treat you to a feast as an act of small gratitude!"

"Huh? No, no, it's alright. There's no need for anything like that."

"Ridiculous! Of course there's a need for that!"

"Dude, I'm telling you, it's alright. Just the fact that you managed to save her is enough to make me happy."

"Young Alistair, I appreciate your humbleness, but I need you to receive at least this much of a gratitude. You have saved my servant who has been my companion since childhood, after all. I would dishonor my family's name if I didn't show my gratitude for such a great favor.

Besides, this is just a small feast. Nothing grand for you to feel uncomfortable by. And also, there will be delicious food and topnotch drinks to relieve us of our tiredness! Can you really bring yourself to refuse that?"

'Shit~, man, you can't invite a Russian to good alcohol and expect him to refuse...' He could only shrug and smile :"Alright, fine. I'm hungry too, so I'll take you up on that offer."

"Perfect! Alright then, follow me!" He slapped his shoulder with laughter. But a voice interrupted him :"Goodness, what is all this noise? What happened while I was gone?"

And D, Hunter of the Dead, appeared in the Roundtable Hold. Diallos smiled at him :"Oh, D, it is a pleasure to see you! I was just talking about how I wanted to throw a feast as gratitude to young Alistair for saving my companion from those wretched recusants. You and brother Corhyn are also more than welcome to join us! I'm sure you are tired after gracing Those Who Live in Death with the brilliance of the Erdtree!"

"Hmm, well, I am tired. Brother Corhyn?" D turned to the priest who smiled sheepishly :"Well, if you'd have me, I would be glad to join you. It has been quite some time since we Tarnished joined together for a good time, after all."

"Hahahaha well said, brother Corhyn! Then please, let's go!" Diallos urged, but Alistair stopped him :"Wait, hold on. If it's not too much to ask, can we have old Hewg eating with us too?"

"Huh? But... Master Hewg is... unfortunately chained to his place." Diallos said in pity, but seeing Alistair's disappointment, he smiled instead, slapping his shoulder again for the hundredth time :"But how could we possibly leave Master Hewg, the person who provides us with the means to protect ourselves, out of the feast where all of us are together?!

If we can't bring him to the dining room, we'll simply bring the feast to him! Whether it's on the table or on the ground, of course he has to join us!" Seeing Alistair smile even more than before, he knew he did the right thing :"Oh, then I'll go and give old Hewg the news while you get the food ready!"

"You do that then, my dear friend." They watched him walk towards the hall where Hewg resided, happy skips to his steps. D hummed softly :"He is quite a considerate kid. It's nice to have somebody brighten up this place with some kindness."

They all smiled in agreement.