She Returned as a Vampire

60 – Unable to break free from the bonds of the past.

On the day you should be most happy.

And on the very last day that shouldn’t be a happy day, why,

Why,

Why,

Always.

Why do you keep doing things that should have been enough once?

Misunderstanding leads to unhappiness,

That misfortune almost killed him.

I was hated,

He’s hurt.

Why do things that should never happen again keep repeating themselves?

Why do these things keep happening to me?

Why,

Why?

He said it wasn’t my fault.

This time, though, he embraced me.

Surely, if I – lost my mind on the spot,

I would have been more unhappy. Are you sure.

If you ripped that man to pieces in front of a bunch of people, he’ll surely…

Helena, no.

Monsters, you might have seen.

But I got a chance like this.

Thanks to Daniel.

Believe in me, embrace me,

He accepted me and comforted me.

He took away even the torture I was putting on myself and brought me out of the pit himself.

I’m sure it would have been nice if it bothered me.

Even if I had already abandoned and left… I wouldn’t have had anything to say.

Maybe I’m relying too much on his… Family affairs?

As he said,

As my guilt stabbed me,

Am I just taking advantage of him?

It keeps reminding me of the painful past,

Piercing into his weakness like a parasite –

…No.

He said it was okay, though.

I just need to do better than that.

I just need to be that much better.

If only I could prove my worth to stand by him…

And,

For that reason.

‘I couldn’t forget your beautiful figure at the village festival’

Rani,

This is disgusting.

Why are you looking at me like that?

Could there be only one eye like that? Really?

The countless people who were there,

How many of them looked at me like that?

One person is enough for me,

Why do flying flies keep getting stuck?

I was definitely waiting for him in front of the jeweler,

I didn’t even walk down that street alone, even though I was with him holding his hand.

Why does this keep happening to me?

…I have to cut it off.

You have to set an example.

You have to be clean.

I have to prove it.

You must leave evidence, certainty, and indelible evidence.

The dirty greed of another man must not remain directed at me.

I’m sure Niel will remember this day whenever he runs into him.

And whenever I think of today, I’m sure I’ll keep thinking of that terrible man.

That shouldn’t be the case.

I can’t afford to be remembered by him that way.

You shouldn’t be left as a slut.

So… It’s very simple to do.

It will be over soon, for sure.

Not greedy, clean.

If you listen closely, you will hear the man’s voice that he didn’t even know how to do.

Is it okay to turn left, left, right alley?

I’m sure you can hear the rustling of the flowers.

With that nasty thing, what I like,

What I hate,

Who I like, what I do,

Who I am, how I am here, why I am like this,

Without knowing any of them,

I dare not know that all I did was for one man,

Dare,

You dare… Set your eyes on me,

I didn’t think of saying something stupid to me,

“Phew, why didn’t I make that mistake.

I didn’t blindly listen to the story and scream.”

It’s no use trying to complain like that now.

Me too.

Once you commit, you can’t go back.

What happened cannot be covered.

Even if I regret it, it’s useless.

So,

“Hmm?”

You are the same.

“Is anyone there?”

You should know too.

“Don’t be scared, that’s right, right?”

You too must know the gravity of sin.

“Marco? Lalo? Don’t play around, it’s no fun!”

I paid for almost losing someone I loved.

“Hey, hey, you-

Ahahahaha, that’s why, I was sorry at that time. He didn’t know he had a girlfriend…”

Because I almost paid for it with the life of a person who was no different from mine.

“Wait, wait, why so, uh, uh?!”

Even if I regret it,

Because what has already happened cannot be picked up.

***

If you throw it at a street where wild beasts often walk, it will quickly disappear.

Still, in case humans can see it, if you simply cover it with soil and dried twisted leaves…

It took much longer than expected.

What if he doubts me?

What about my body? Did you get blood?

Is it a mess?

Please… It shouldn’t show off.

If you say you killed someone for whatever reason, you’re sure to get angry.

I have to hide… Is it right?

Only if he finds out what I’ve done…

You must be much more angry than then.

I hate that,

But I couldn’t help it.

Once again, he recalls what happened today,

When I think of the things I did again and again,

There’s nothing more painful to me than that.

How did you get his arms?

How did you get this chance again?

I can’t lose it over such trivial things.

And, actually, this is all my fault.

If I had not said I would follow him,

I dare to go out without thinking about becoming a monster,

It’s a problem that you didn’t turn down his request, saying that you’d even think of such a modest imagining of mingling with humans once again.

And it ended up like this.

He didn’t enjoy any outings. Because of me.

I was so scared that they would find out that I was a vampire,

Once again, seeing myself being seduced by others, I was overcome with anger.

I – why do I keep bringing him… Only bad experiences like this?

I’d rather keep waiting for him inside the house… Ah…!

That’s right, you can do that.

Just like he did, when he went out, he kept his mouth shut.

I only go out when I need to, and I spend most of my time at home.

Therefore, he wouldn’t have to sleep in the dazzling morning,

I just need to fill my life with him quietly at home, right?

Yeah, that sounds much better.

That suits me much better.

If it had been like that from the beginning,

If I had left him free and held me tighter, he wouldn’t have had any reason to be dissatisfied with me.

The important thing is that ‘I’ change.

It’s not ‘my attitude’ towards ‘him’!

Will he be satisfied?

Will he like me?

If you say that you will live a life that has changed in the future, will you be able to forget all the disappointments of the past?

…You have to do that.

Otherwise, his lifespan and mine have increased along with it.

He’s someone who mustered up the courage to come to me, but if I don’t treat him better than that, it means nothing.

I have to work harder than anyone else.

You’ve already seen the way he works to get rid of my guilt and make me feel better.

The meaning of how he tried to distract my emotions and fill me with happiness is useless if I continue to suffer like this.

You said that you would love a country like this, right?

The fact that he said he would forgive all of that and accept me.

It’s all he did that made me laugh at my worst.

I can’t be this disappointed that I still haven’t done anything…

Ah, Niel is in front of me.

See you again…

No blood on my hands, and my fingernails are fine.

I’ve already dropped the gold coins over her mail box, so it should be fine.

Your clothes are neat,

Your face is fine too, isn’t it?

“Oh, Elena. Did you go?”

“I’m not late, right? How long did it take me? 10 Minutes? 20 Minutes?”

“No… I think it’s been 5 minutes. I don’t think it took that long.

I saw them darting through the village entrance.”

“It’s all good… I-I only gave you gold coins. I didn’t do anything else! Really.

Thinking of you, always thinking of you – “

“I know, I know. Calm down, Elena. Breathe. You’re blushing.”

It still welcomes me. Still making me smile

A person who only knows me. A person who lives only for me.

Knowing what a terrible thing I’ve done, knowing all the things I’ve done to him,

A person who continues to love me.

“Let’s go back now. I have a lot to tell you.

What will I do for you in the future?

How will I live in the future…

I hope you will listen.

Because I’ve been thinking about that all the time since I came back!”

“It’s okay if you don’t talk like that while panting.

By the way… Elena.

That… Looks like the jewelry is stained. Shall I wipe it?”

A stain?

What stain?

No way, no?

It certainly didn’t get on my clothes or hands.

No, please don’t come with a handkerchief.

“Wait a minute, I, I’ll clean it. Give me that.”

“I bought it for you, can’t I clean it for you?”

“Dang, it’s your gift! I, I should have taken good care of it, so – “

…Ah,

“…That, that, that – yes! Perhaps, I hurt my hand while forcing a gold coin… Into a mail box – maybe that’s how it happened?

Or by accident when you run and bite your lip?

Well, I don’t know. Anyway,

That’s my blood, Niel.

Because it’s not someone else’s.”

Caught?

You got caught?

Because he always knew me well.

Maybe he knew.

So what do we do now?

You would hate me.

Once again,

Also,

I don’t like…

“No, that’s… Just soot. Elena.

It’s just… A stain. It looks like dust, yes. Look.”

“Eh?”

A really, really simple black mark.

It’s not even red.

It wasn’t even liquid.

Just plain dirt.

“I don’t know what you were thinking, Elena. It’s okay.

It’s okay to forget about it. Is it already in the past?

Don’t keep dwelling on the past, let’s think carefully about what to do in the future.

What to do at home in the future… And where to go on a trip.

Something like that.”

Everything is good.

It’s just soot, really…

Did they think it was Benjamin? Do you think I’m still stuck in the old days?

You’re kind, too.

No matter how many times I thank you, it’s not enough.

He’s too much for me.

“Okay, okay. Yes. Stop, I’ll think about it. From now on, all I have to do is think about you.”

Hold your hand tightly,

If you look up at the sky, there is a beautiful moon.

It can be so much fun just walking together while looking at the pretty sky,

Why did I only realize that now?

I am so happy that I can repay his love even now after I become like this.

“From now on… I will always repay you.

The love I received from you is not enough no matter how many times I repay it.

I’ll do anything you want, Niel.

So, today, tomorrow, and the next. Be sure to hold on.”

How can that face that looks like a smile and a smile be so cool?

I can’t believe you can look so attractive against the background of the stars in the night sky.

“Yes, Elena…

It’s just that I don’t have to pay back with someone else’s blood.”

…Ah?

“That, what does that mean…”

“You’ve been killing and killing a lot… Until now.

People, vampires… There were people I almost hurt, and there were people I hurt.

Should I say… Stop it?”

Are you caught?

Isn’t it?

Are you saying that knowingly, or are you just asking me…

You look at me with those scary, calm eyes.

“Helena, your complexion is not very good.

I mean, I mean – more than that, are you okay?

You’re not going to see Benjamin again, are you?”

Of course not.

Are you saying that on purpose, Niel?

You know I killed him?

But it was for you.

Or am I just hearing hallucinations?

Me, what happened to me?

“Helena, Elena? Look at me. You – no. Hold my hand. Let’s go home. Hurry up.”

“Ugh, yes, home, home…”

I’m going crazy, no, I’m really crazy.

What to believe and what not to believe?

Can he continue to love me even after covering up my flaws?

Can I stay with him?

Maybe…If you don’t even step out of the house,

Are you sure you can do that?

If you depend on him for the rest of your life,

If you live with him like a rat,

Obviously,

Surely… You can give him the life he wants?

As I promised at the beginning,

I couldn’t even keep my promise today,

Tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, as much as the next day,

Can you do it?