Surviving as a Useless Bard in a Game

---

I’m afraid of stopping. It’s different from simply disliking it. A baseless fear overwhelms me, stemming from the thought that if I don’t move, if I stay still, eventually nothing will happen.

The only thing I can do is keep moving. Not stopping, just walking.

Sometimes I’m exhausted, sometimes I’m drained, sometimes I’m sick.

For various reasons, people stop. Since I’m also a person, there are times when I have to stop and look around.

I carefully examine and sort out where I’ve come based on what I’ve done.

I met Skylar and had a conversation.

That’s how I was able to arrive safely… in Regan.

Honestly, the word “safe” made my conscience prick a bit, but I brushed it off. Anyway, I’ve arrived in one piece, haven’t I?

I found a suspicious magical tool shop in the back alley of Regan.

Thus, I could finally declare that I was parting ways with the annoying status penalty.

There were still aftereffects of the penalties on my body, but… time would take care of it.

“After all, I was lucky.”

Yeah. If I could summarize my journey in one sentence… or rather, if I could sum it up in one word… that word would definitely be “luck.”

And that was the end of my sorting.

Now, it should be okay to stop and look around. I’ve rested enough.

“Skylar!”

“…Don’t wake me up suddenly. What time is it?”

“It’s already morning.”

“Are you saying I overslept?”

“No? It’s 6 a.m. right now.”

“You said it was morning earlier!”

“Well, 6 a.m. is morning if you think about it…?”

Skylar squinted with sleepy eyes, staring at my face for a while before covering his face with another pillow next to the bed.

And then he pressed down hard.

“Skylar?”

“……”

Skylar didn’t budge as if he didn’t hear me, just staying completely still.

I grabbed his body and shook him.

Shaking someone is usually the best way to wake up someone deep in sleep or ignore someone. The poor soul wouldn’t like it, of course.

“Why are you doing this to me? Did I do something wrong…?”

“No?”

“Then why on earth?”

“Just…?”

As Skylar removed the pillow from his face, he looked at me as if he’d seen something out of the Cthulhu Mythos, slowly backing away.

It seems like all the sleepiness had vanished.

Just a moment ago, he looked half-asleep. Now, his eyes were wide open and focused.

“Alright. You said you just woke me up. Since I’m already up, let’s talk. It’s still too early for the dining room on the first floor to open.”

“That’s a good idea.”

“Selina, I’m sorry for repeating the same thing, but did you seriously wake me for no reason?”

I almost nodded reflexively, but I held back.

I needed time to think.

If I nod now, I’ll become that crazy girl who wakes people up at 6 a.m. for no reason. That’s a bit… much.

How about I come up with a reason right now?

There were plenty of plausible excuses. I could ask why he opposed my “becoming famous” plan or inquire about how the golden badge adventurers were doing.

‘But I’m genuinely curious about why he opposed my plan.’

The truth is, I already knew why he objected.

Simply put, it was dangerous.

We were in a situation where we couldn’t predict how the Empire would react, and we had no idea how other forces might respond.

However, thinking about how I planned to use that danger made it sound like a reasonable gamble.

“Why did you oppose it? My plan.”

“Because it’s a gamble.”

Skylar tackled my question with logic.

It’s hard to counter logic. It’s straightforward. To pull someone down who’s making sense, you can only rant nonsense.

But if you ask whether that low-level debating trick would work on Skylar, my answer would obviously be ‘no.’

In that case, I’d just stick to logic as well.

“It’s a gamble worth taking.”

It turns out, persuading a regular person with an argument is quite simple. You just tell them it’s the chance of a lifetime.

To put it more accurately, it’s about seducing them.

The hand I’m holding has cards that are good enough to gamble my life on. No, not just my life but even enough to borrow someone else’s life and bet! That’s what I would say.

Unfortunately, Skylar isn’t the weak-willed kind of person who’d fall for such words.

“It’s not happening.”

“…But.”

“I know. It’s more advantageous for us to attack first rather than wait for them to attack us. I’m not stupid.”

“Why does it sound like you think I’m stupid?”

“Half of that statement is true, isn’t it?”

“I’ve got nothing to say. I’m angry, though.”

Bam.

I landed a punch on top of Skylar’s head.

“…That hurts.”

“Yeah?”

“I didn’t feel a thing before.”

“That’s because I held back.”

Skylar’s eyes fell on my ring.

…Uh-oh, I’ve been caught.

He sighed and continued speaking.

“Anyway, I don’t like gambling. I especially don’t like life-threatening risks.”

“But it’s the chance to regain your body while being under the Empire’s protection. You mentioned that you need someone else’s body.”

“That’s true. But there’s also a high chance that the body I’ll get won’t have the ability to restore my own.”

“Really?”

“Honestly, if I could regain my original body just by getting any body… I would’ve taken your eyes when we first met.”

“That would be impossible.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“…No.”

Narcolepsy makes me ‘almost’ invulnerable in my sleep state.

Considering it was simply a penalty reducing my 24-hour day to around 20 hours, it could be seen as a cost-effective curse. However, was that perception shift really invulnerable?

‘Well, who knows.’

I couldn’t be sure.

The average person or even slightly stronger adventurers could probably handle it somehow. But… narcolepsy is still a ‘curse.’

So my perception shift against someone ridiculously strong enough to forcibly lift a curse—that’s where the problem lies.

‘Would it work against the Mad King? A Platinum Adventurer?’

The status window is not always absolute. Right away, ‘Osidens’ showed some resistance to my provocation. In the end, he got provoked, but still.

It was dangerous to blindly believe that the perception shift from narcolepsy was an absolute premise.

No, let’s change the subject for now.

How about I ask Skylar about the body he needs to regain his original body?

“What kind of body do you need?”

“First, a ‘left hand’ that can dominate a touched target for a certain period would be nice. And of course, I need my ‘heart’ that the Mad King stole. Other than that, nothing else comes to mind.”

“So that’s why you were looking for Osidens, knowing it’s dangerous.”

“…I had no idea my family would act that way.”

“Must be true.”

Honestly, if my younger sister turned into some crazy psycho obsessively targeting me, I would’ve genuinely wet myself right then and there.

Skylar’s fortitude allows him to explain it so calmly; it’s bizarre.

Anyway, we’re back to square one.

I wanted to continue the conversation, but my persuasion failed, and Skylar won again with logic.

“We can’t first steal someone else’s body, and we have to keep holding out in a situation where we don’t know when a body owner might come after us because of the ‘pulling’…”

“You can’t help it. It’s safer than becoming famous.”

“Do you realize how important first strike advantage is in a fight?”

“…I know that it’s not very credible coming from someone who isn’t good at fighting, right?”

“Hey!”

No matter how skilled you are at persuasion, it’s tough to convince others if you disregard ‘logic.’

You could talk nonsense if you gave up on logic, but…

That’s a final resort for me.

If it really got urgent, I could always take them by their face and keep convincing them until I succeeded…?

***

In the end, I mean, we chose to head to the Adventurer’s Guild’s first floor to choose a new quest.

It’s a truth that adventurers without work loiter around the bulletin board.

And just like that, my eyes were immediately drawn to one announcement.

–

Empire Music Contest Notification.

Hosted by: Emperor Eckhart.

Location: Regan’s Imperial Palace, Grand Reception Room.

Starting Time: One week from today, at 8 a.m.

No restrictions on type or people; no matter the means or method, as long as it falls within the broad category of music, you’re welcome.

The winner will receive one wish.

–

With sparkling eyes, I looked at Skylar.

Skylar glanced at me for a moment and then saw what I had seen.

“…No way?”

“Let’s do it!”

Skylar let out a deep sigh.