The Love They Never Had

When Yeon got offended, she usually got emotional which usually lead up to one of her epileptic fits that sometimes honestly frightened myself at times. Yeon was the apple of he brother's eye and it was so hard to watch someone you grew up with in as much pain as she was always in, but also unable to do anything about it. But she had managed to walk away in that situation with her head held high and delicious food in her hands. I do not for the life of me understood where she got the strength to walk away from such heavy prejudices without a single worry whereas I still got very dangerously angry at anyone who mentioned my illegitimate birth status. And the fact that Yeon defended that for the very first time under my own damned roof was making me look at her in an entirely new light. She was the hostage in our home that I was keeping to let her brother keep his life for as long as he could and I was in love with his woman but...I couldn't deny that this Yeon was entirely fascinating to me.

As soon as Yeon was out of sight I instantly made my presence known to all in the kitchen just as the maid had crawled into the kitchen and started mouthing off about Yeon again. She clearly hadn't learnt her lesson so I made it known that because of her, I was going to punish everyone by replacing all of the maid's servants since they were so useless at their jobs anyways. Normally, my father would be micromanaging every living soul under his roof but he had been long preoccupied with work. And i was never going to allow anyone to mistreat Yeon, not after what I was putting her through and she didn't even know it. "Master! Master, please forgive us!" "Tell me, who on earth gave you all such confidence to bully our guest like that? Who was it! And how dare you bring up such vile acts to an unmarried woman! Have you all lost your minds!" I was just about done with my first ever rant to the servants and honestly, I felt good about it. I had no idea why I hadn't done that sooner because I went through the exact same treatment when I was made to live here...but I didn't have anyone looking out for me. I had to endure all the abuse, insult and neglect on my own for being 'the bastard child who drowned his legitimate brother so he could take his place.' I tried not to think about my older brother Min-Ho and relieve everything that I went through, so I tried to make my way outside to train in my spare time. But I had almost forgotten about the food that she made that I quickly took some myself into a bowl and I hurriedly stormed off into my bedroom before anyone could see me.

My father had surprisingly approved of me selling all of the servants and re-hiring new ones, just as I had planned and I would let Yeon proceed with that. So there was nothing else for me to do apart from secretly sneak in mouthfuls of the sweet lotus porridge that Yeon made with a smile on my face that would just not go away. My memories wondered back to the times when Hwi would almost ravage the packed food that his sister would give him whenever he was with me, he was almost animalistic about it. I, on the other hand, had to eat the undercooked food that the servants gave me 'as part of my diet'. It was a bittersweet moment that I didn't know whether to laugh or cry over.

This made me think about Hwi again when Yeon entered my room to serve me tea quietly as usual. I always tried to busy myself when she came into my bedroom in case my father happened to walk by. "Did you enjoy your dinner brother?" "Yes I did." "Was it sweet enough?" "It really was, thank you Yeonnie...I..." before I realised it, I had given myself away and I could feel my face heat up in embarrassment. I could hear her laugh softly and all I wanted to do was hang my head until she left. Nobody laughed in this home, nobody smiled here, nobody was considerate of other people. She was taking a long time to leave my bedroom today and for some reason I could not stop taking small peeks of her today. The fact that I ate some of her food seemed to have made her happy to the point where she also couldn't stop smiling, although she was tactful enough not to say anything more. Yeon had these cute moments before I messed up her life, even I could not deny it. Even when she would childishly flirt with me in front of her brother who would always act up, it did always bring me a genuine smile on my face. And I had no idea why since I still liked somebody else. I think. I have no idea why I was still trying to win Hui-Jee over...apart from the fact that even entertaining the idea of Yeon was too complicated to even think about. She was my victim, my father's hostage, the reason why Hui-Jee hated me and the only reason for her brother's survival and why he was working for my father like a dog. It would be entirely selfish of me to take her now for myself, but even I in that point in time completely underestimated how hard it would be to distance myself from her again. I tried to do it and be cold to Yeon, but I felt as if I was being forced to kick away a puppy that only wanted the minimal amount of affection and company that she knew that she was allowed. There were a lot of people that deserved worse treatment, and god knows that I had made my opinion known to the criminals that I arrested, but Yeon was far from that sort of person.

"Young Master? The maid is waiting outside to apologise to you for her servant's mistakes." "Let her in. Yeon, you stay for this." "Ok." Who knew that such a short answer would just make me even more confused about her. All my life, I had to manipulate people around me to stand up against my father just to survive her. Even her brother was only able to survive through such a demeaning tactic. And yet Yeon was still willing just do anything asked her to without asking me for anything in return at all. And she didn't ask me too many questions either...it was like she genuinely trusted me, so I didn't have to use my low level tricks on her. And honestly, it felt good not having to be a heartless bastard all of the time. It really had been so long since I had a genuine connection with anyone like this...so maybe Dal was right. I was showing a side to myself to Yeon that I had never shown to anyone. And she wasn't saying anything at all about it. But why? Why wasn't she shocked? Or appalled? Or disgusted? Why did she let me do anything I wanted and not try to change me? Isn't that what women do?

"Young Master, please accept my deepest apologies for what happened..." "if there is anyone you should apologise to, don't you think it should be to my cousin? My cousin who is a noblewoman, and she has to put up with a barge of insults from who? Kitchen maids? Servants? Who gives them the right that they can do that." "Young Master, I...." "Giving you the promise of a concubine position has clearly spoilt you. But since you have caused nothing but trouble, you must have also had time to brush up on your literacy skills." "Young Master?" "Have you ever heard of the five poisons before?" "The five poisons...I haven't..." "Cousin?" "Confucius says that the five poisons consist of; desire, anger, ignorance, pride and envy." "Do you understand?" "I..." "Those are the five poisons in the heart, if you have too many desires, you will want to start coveting things that do not belong to you. Like stealing the credit for my cousin's cooking, and even her outfits that you have somehow managed to replicate." "Young Master, please..." "Stand aside, you are blocking the only light that comes into this room." "Forgive me, I..." "Cousin, I will make you some chrysanthemum tea to help relieve eye strain from your constant reading." "Thank you cousin. By the way, I was rewarded with some silk at work, I will give it to you to make some more clothing since I do not wish to be confused by the only two women who live here now." "Thank you, cousin." "Young Master..." "You are dismissed. And there will be no promotion for you. So you can either return to your previous employment or you can stay here as a junior maid seeing as you have not completed a single basic chore. But you can still stay in your quarters. You are both dismissed, I have a meeting with my father to attend to."

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I couldn't believe this. What had happened to me? Why wasn't I able to do anything right at all? And what on earth possessed my maid to do something so stupid that would get me demoted to her level? It was only for his sake that I was trying to please him, because only he could give me the life that I had worked so hard to get. But I just couldn't live up to these impossible standards that he had. For someone who was an illegitimate child, they normally took in kisaengs or prostitutes from brothels as concubines. But this man really acted like he was a legitimate son who had every right to a prim and proper highly educated and talented woman from a noble family or even one with a legitimate birth. Which was something that we both wanted. But I just didn't understand, if I was able to maintain relations with my previous Masters since my pre-teen years, then why was this one being so difficult? I had never even had the chance to touch him, never mind doing other things that he should be doing. Nam Seon-Ho wasn't a womaniser at all, he was actually quite a respectful man. So if he wasn't going to fall for my tricks, then I had better change my ways to someone that he would like. And I had a very good idea of who that was, in fact, everyone in this home knew who he longed for day and night. And as for this cousin of his, I had better say my piece now and get it out of my system before I won the Young Master back. But it looked like had completely underestimated this little girl. She was literate, well-read and could even do accounting quite well. But how? How could a lowborn like her with no access to any education be this...polished?

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"How long do you plan to keep up this little game of yours? That girl has managed to turn this household upside down. We have no benefit in this and..." "You know exactly who sent her here and why, father. He was the one who snitched about your act of treason by bribing the military examiner, his father is your competitor and is trying to ruin this family before I even have a chance in the palace to carry out all of your dirty little errands. Do you want to face being exposed before your plan comes into fruition?" "And you're sure that the Seo boy will be a good little helper?" "He would tear his own limbs apart for you if it meant ensuring his sister's safety. Instead of having more blood on your hands and having to hide it, give the son of the greatest swordsman a chance to live by also becoming your errand boy and do away with your enemies." Forgive me Hwi. My father always killed the people who carries his secrets, and this is the only way that I can possibly keep you alive for as long as I can before I reunite you and your sister. And with her help, you might be together again by the end of this year...

"So what exactly is your plan then?" "Torture her as much as possible so we can get a confession out of her. If she panics, so will her Master and then they are bound to make a mistake." "And you intend to use the sister to provoke her? Yeon?" "We might as well put her to good use. Do not worry, I still have your warning in mind. As soon as we deal with this maid, she will go back to barely leaving her quarters and living in obscurity. But there is something I want you to consider. I know that she is a lowborn, orphan and she has a disability. She is everything you despise. But she is a woman and is suitable to really manage our household, at least until one of us gets married or brings in a woman." Yeon, I can only help you us much as I can. If you do not want to be my father's hostage, please help me in my plans so I can help you.