The Love They Never Had

After carefully weighing the pros and cons of each and every solution I could come up with for Seon-Ho's request, I had decided to carefully interview the maids that they neighbouring family had brought in for the maid that they hoped to mould into a concubine spy. And through Seon-Ho's schemes, it was becoming quite apparent to me that everyone in the higher noble class was essentially powerless without the servants that they always treated badly just to feed their ego's. But Seon-Ho wasn't like that at all; yes he didn't interact with the servants and maids in his household, but he also didn't treat anyone badly either, unless they held bad intentions. And it was honestly quite guileful for him to even be able to see a person's motives quite quickly. He really was a lot more capable than he gave himself credit for, and he really did treat someone as low-born as myself really well. But why? Where we really friends? Or was I merely a pawn in his schemes? Or both? But he really did humour me as much as possible when he could so...was he giving me a hand in something? Was he helping me indirectly? I guess that only time could tell.

"Young Mistress, the maids are all gathered outside so we can register them and investigate their background information later on. I will be in charge to that, you only need to integrate them now." "Thank you Dal, you really have been a good helping hand for me here." "And where is the Young Master?" "He will be in meetings with his father for the rest of the day." "Will he be alright?" "As long as he goes with his father's wishes, then he will be. He doesn't have much of a choice anyways. No-one in this home does."

One of the most frustrating things that came with my memory loss was the fact that I always had these pressing feelings that would always give me a very bad headache. It was as if my body was trying to warn me or tell me to remember something that I just couldn't. And ever since the young master had returned, my nightmares had stopped, and I still could not remember anything about it at, apart from the sheer feeling of terror in that moment...

"...Young Mistress, there is really no need to be so troublesome with all of this. As a senior maid, I already know everyone's roles and skills. I can already sort them out for you..." "As the Masters of this household has put me in charge of this task, I do find it highly inappropriate that servants have their own opinion and like to interrupt their master's speech. Just for this offence alone, I am sorry to inform you that the Nam household holds no place for a talkative maid like you at all. Please, take her away. And as for the rest of you, you need to think carefully about this. After official registration, I would like you to place your thumbprint on your records. I need to not only give you your official new roles, but I need to take your previous history of mistakes and punishments into account. And if it comes to my attention that you have lied about anything, then I will not be responsible for the fact that Nam-Jeon himself will personally make sure that you are never re-hired in this lifetime."

That managed to get message across as I could feel the intended targets quiver in their places. I proceeded to carry on as much as I could without fearing for Seon-Ho's well-being whilst he was being preoccupied with his father in what little free time he had already. Was he well? Was his father being civil with him? For once? Was he letting his son express his own opinions and ideas well? Or was he beating him into a bloody pile in the corner of the room for not following his orders? "...I have barely been scolded Young Mistress, it was only a handful of times by my previous steward maid..." "For what, exactly?" "I...have been known to be quite...heavy handed..." "Ok, come up and place your thumbprint on your records. Then I want you to stay in your quarters and just wait for further instructions." "But I..." "in order for you to be put to use, I have to know your capabilities and your performance history. And like I have already said, if you do not lie then you will be able to find steady work under this honourable roof. Who is next?"

"What the Young Mistress has said is quite reasonable. Of course outsiders must be interrogated well, but there are already old and experienced servants..." the maid had now taken the bait and had placed herself besides me to take part of the interrogation. "...if you have any questions, then you can just ask me..." "As far as I am aware, the Young Master has demoted you to a junior maid, right? Shouldn't you be joining these maids that I am enquiring about?" "I..." "Dal? I do not wish to make any mistakes under this roof. Is that correct" "indeed it is, and if this maid does not follow the house rules, then I have been instructed to return her to her previous household." "This is the second time that I have been interrupted today my servants who sell themselves and timid and meek. This new method of rejecting what is near and seeking what is far is very...unbecoming of what the origin of servants are, don't you think so? And here I was, thinking that a thoughtful neighbour has sent you all here to become helpers, not my ancestors that I need to answer to, especially since I am an orphan. No-one else is saying anything, so who exactly are you all to questions the Nam's orders like this? If I am not mistaken, your previous owner is still only a junior member in court, despite being a grandfather now? Who's face are you trying to slap exactly?"

"I...forgive me, I had no such intentions..." "who is the most respected person in this household?" "It is...Master Nam..." "and who exactly is in charge of the household affairs?" "It is you, Young Mistress..." "and you say it so well, but if you cannot remember after this point, then I really cannot help you at all." "You...really are eloquent and clever. At the age of barely 17, you are able to try a case like this as if you are in court." "Thank you for your praise, but please do not let me keep you from your duties." "Do you not think that you are overworking yourself? As a maid now who had an elevated status in this household, I could takeover..." "please do not let me repeat myself for a third time, it is getting very annoying indeed." "Forgive me again, I..." "it is a known fact that the Emperor himself ascended to the throne, he himself asked for the examination performance his officials annually. Surely, the ways of our leader cannot be wrong. But I suppose that you being illiterate and not very well-informed would not make you eligible to carry out such a strenuous task to the standard which the Master holds." "You said it right, you really..." "it is not within my intentions to be harsh, I am just following the orders of my superiors to make you all execute your own duties without fail. But if there are any disobedient people who allow themselves to fall into your bad behaviours just like the other maids who were fired before, then you will not be spared easily."

"For the maid that I have scolded twice already, do you feel any discontent?" "I...I dare not, I was muddle-headed, please forgive me." "Do you feel offended because I am your junior?" "I do not, I am the one who offended my superior." "Have I done anything wrong?" "Of course not..." "You are wrong there. I am only a human being, and even so a woman, who are second-hand citizens in this country. I am also likely to make mistakes. But no matter if I do or do not, you should not refute your superior in public. I am a new member of this family and I myself do not hold that much prestige, so you could have also temporarily delayed your actions and just have advised me privately? As my senior? Must you slap my face so openly?" "I dare not, please..."

"And as for you, if this matter is really under your jurisdiction, you should truly speak without reserve. Our master's blade has no eyes and he hates people who show their glibness through speech and people who stir up animosity for no reason at all. And if anyone else breaks this rule, not even I can save you all."

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I really could not believe this at all, just who does this little girl think that she was? It was one thing for me to be reprimanded by the masters of this household, but just who exactly did this orphan girl think she was? There wasn't a single orphan in this world who threw themselves at the mercy of others for survival, and especially women who begged men to give them a path to survive. But her and the Young Master really did act as if they were equals in this world when Confucius laws said otherwise. Illegitimate bastards had no rights, just like orphans did. Technically, she was the one who should be working here as a maid, not me! Just where this this pair of cousins get there sense of false confidence from? "...my Mistress asks you to take your time and...""take my time? I think she is hoping that I can leave more quickly!" "Please do not misunderstand her, she already is under quiet a lot of pressure. She even asks if you will dine with her..." "I will not eat with anyone! I am already full from anger! How can I possibly curl up my intestines to eat!" She really was something; she had already given me so many indirect hints and she still tried to be sweet to me? Did she really think I was a fool to believe her words? But how, how was she so educated? It clearly wasn't; enough just to be literate, she also had clearly understood each and every word that she read in those never-ending books of hers...

"Mistress? Are you really just going to leave like this? Shouldn't we watch where she assigns our people?" Luckily for me, I had managed to retain more than one maid from my previous household who was willing to follow me as long as I rewarded her amply in return, although I had no idea how I was going to do that now during my temporary demotion. "Didn't you understand the meaning behind her various warnings?" "Forgive me, I am dim-witted..." she directly told me to sop meddling in the Nam's affairs. Her warnings were all clearly for me to hear. We are of the same age and if I don't leave right now, I will look shameless and the Young Master will find a reason to kick me out for good. She really is a fierce character indeed. But I can be even more so." "Mistress?" "I have one last trick that might work, but I need something from her to test it out."