The Love They Never Had

From the way that Seon-Ho disappeared before I even had the chance to approach him, I could already feel like something was off. And normally when I addressed the maids, Dal was usually by my side to watch over me, but he was also nowhere to be seen either. And once again, I was left on my own to figure things out by myself and just hope that I didn't mess anything up. But why? Why wasn't anyone communicating with me? Why did I feel like I was constantly being tested? For what? Approval? From who exactly? No, I couldn't go on like this and just accept Seon-Ho's visits whenever he was in the mood to acknowledge my existence. I had to have this talk with him once and for all, even if I had to create a scene to get his attention for once. "...just because you have a close relationship with your cousin, it doesn't give you the right to just..." "Let us gather the maids so we can assign work for them. Then the Young Master wishes for me to work on the banquet..." "Banquet? What banquet?" "The masters of this household will be having another feast after entering the palace together again after the war." "In that case, I think i should be the one to handle a chore like that, since you are already so busy organising everything else." "As you wish." At least that would be one less chore than I had to worry about since I was practically running this household by myself, and I was already exhausted.

"From now on, the washing and the cleaning of the manor will take part in the back courtyard. The rest of the work will be distributed by my maids, but as I am still quite young and inexperienced, so my arrangements may not be fully adequate. So let us just test this out for a year, and if you cannot carry out the work, then you may swap your work with others who are better suited to it. But there are to be absolutely no more hires. There, I have woken up early and I wish to rest now. Everyone shall start their work today and if you need any help, my servants are available to answer any questions that you may have."

"After being so imposing for almost a week, does this young woman just eat and sleep all day long? She must be easy to deal with, despite her empty threats." "Hey! You stop right there!" "Who are you?" "Why does your family get to take advantage of all of the good jobs in this household to earn kickbacks from it? And you won't even let anyone talk about it?" "Hey! Who are you exactly? How is it your turn to meddle in your seniors affairs? Do you have any idea who I work for?" "As far as we are concerned, we all only work for the Nam family! If you work for anyone else, we can both report to our Masters as see who exactly gets into trouble!" "Who do you think you are to bully me like this! I didn't slave after other people all of my life to be disrespected by my juniors! Have you no sense of shame!" "Have I so sense of shame! Do not think that you can blame new and inexperienced maidservants for a number of thefts that have been going around lately! Now who is the bully! Don't you have a conscious?" "You cannot just spew out any words that you like! Who are you to speak without proof! There is no need to make up stories if you like to hang out with thieves! You might even be their accomplices! And I have ever stole anything from this household, then I will be flogged to death!" "There is no need for your empty oaths here! Kitchen purchases are under my jurisdiction! So I can investigate anyone I find suspicious of stealing, selling and embezzling!"

"Who is that woman? Is she the only one who can stand up to the senior maids?" "That is correct, she is someone that the Young Master recruited. She is a very straightforward and blunt person, but she will become a target if you do not intervene now." "Send her to my quarters before the concubine gets to her."

But first I had to make a detour to Seon-Ho's residence, even if I had to get through all of the women who kept stationing themselves here and trying to seduce him. But I could also see the concubine was coming my way, so I just opened the door without even thinking to ask and I almost ran straight into him undressing himself to take a bath and...talking to himself? "It isn't my fault, it isn't my fault Hwi...please do not blame me. Please do no hate me, not after everything that we have been through. Yeon is safe, she is healthy and she smart...and beautiful. She is almost unrecognisable now in fact...who is she? Hwi, were you keeping any secrets from me? About your sister? Why is she so different from the little girl that I grew up with? She isn't shy anymore, she doesn't stop talking once's she starts and she...she is far more delicate than she looks. And she it too headstrong to even see it, for a girl anyway. Is that why you kept her locked up? Was there always more to her epilepsy?" Hwi? Who was Hwi? Why hadn't I heard of that name before? He seemed to be in a great deal of pain whenever he spoke about this Hwi person. Was Hwi...his brother? The one who drowned? But then didn't he say 'your sister?' Was that...supposed to be me? Just like the concubine implied?

"Just what the hell are you doing here!" "I...forgive me, I just..." his mannerisms, his tone of voice, his well-behaved nature just changed in the blink of an eye when he saw me in his quarters without getting his permission. He actually reached out for my arm and he pulled me close to him after he had just managed to cover himself after his bath before pushing me against his wall. But he placed his hand against my head so I could't hurt myself, so he was the one who git hurt instead, but he didn't even blink. It was like he was already used to pain, and that scared me a lot more than the current situation between us right now. "What. Are. You. Doing. Here." "I...forgive me I just..." "You just what!" "I just wanted to talk to you! Seon-Ho, look at me. I am Yeon! I am not somebody else, please!" I had to take his face into my hands and shake him around a bit to make him snap out of the deep trance that he had set himself in. "Yeon? What are you..." "I'm sorry, I knew I shouldn't have just come in here without your permission. But you haven't spoken to me for a while, especially the plan with the maids and I need to know what to do so I don't make a mistake..." "I am sorry Yeon, I just...I am not used to company here in my quarters. Nobody really comes here...to see me." And I could imagine why, it was still so cold and empty in here...no wonder he kept approaching my quarters instead and would stay there for as long as he could. "Couldn't you have just found Dal?" "Why do I have to keep finding Dal for everything when I have you?" The words came out of my mouth before i knew it, but what I didn't expect was for all the blood in his face to drain out the way it did. Why did he turn pale when I said that? And why was he now doing everything he could to avoid looking at me.

"What do you want, Yeon?" "I want you to stop hiding from me. I want you to communicate with me directly. I want the concubine gone because she is puling me into competition that I do not want to be a part to. And I want to know why you saved me and dressed me up like the perfect doll if you are not going to give me my memories back!" "So that is what this is about, your memories. Haven't I already told you everything..." "Who is Hwi? Is he your brother? The one who drowned?" And that was when he completely snapped. He pushed me against the wall again and this time, he had his face in mine in a very hostile manner that was making me tremble on the spot. "It seems like I have pampered you too much, Seo Yeon. You will never again enter my quarters. You will never again mention that name again. And you will wrap this up with the maids and stay in your quarters, do you understand me?" He was putting on a scary show, but I wasn't convinced at all. His voice and his hands were shaken, as if he had never shouted at a girl before. And he still could not look at me in the eyes. He...he was scaring me off, to protect me, I was sure of it. I didn't know how or why, but once again, my body did the talking for me when I found myself reaching our for his arms that were above my head and I put his hands into mine. I just wanted to take him back to his writing desk so we could have a proper conversion for once, and it took me a while to coax him to just trust me and let me tend to him as much as I could before he lost his temper again and kicked me out for good this time.

"What do you want to talk about?" "How you use me as bait with no explanation, no direct plan and a lot of expectations." I replied to him as I sent my servant to bring him the leftovers of what I had made for lunch, whilst I got the fire going in his room to at least give us some warmth. "Well, since you know that you are bait, you should not keep coming here to see me and let out he secret." "Well, if the bait has no choice, then what does it matter? This is what happens when I have no word from you at all." "It isn't like you are not protected." "And how did you figure that out?" "I have my people watching you at all times, why you think that I..." "hired me servants to they can report back to you?" "How did you..." "Since when did you like eating fruit like I do? It practically reeks of pears in here." "It wasn't me! It was Dal, he..." "since when do servants eat with their masters? Or in front of them?" "So you can and I can't?" "That is because I am a lowborn, no matter how much you try to dress me up. I can eat with them and have them keep me company since they are my people." "So? I am half a lowborn to and I..." "oh really? Are you admitting it for once? That you are half a lowborn? A half-breed?" "Yeon!" "What? I truly have no idea what you are so ashamed about!" "You...!" "You are so narrow-minded and brainwashed by the high class, that you are turning away from the strengths and positives that you possess as a half-breed!" "Like what?"

"Do you know why you use me as bait?" "It I because you are the one who highlighted this issue in the first place! You being here reminded me of what I could use abasing..." "Liar." "Excuse me? How dare you address your senior like this..." "exactly! I dare, and you still will not punish me for it. Do you know why?" "Why?" "Because I can use my flaws in my defence. Because I am sure enough to recognise them and use them." "What is that supposed to mean?" "That is for you to figure out since you're supposed to be the smart one." "Yeon?" "I know, it isn't easy when you live with someone who has all of the answers that you are desperately trying to find, it is?" "You brat..." "and you are just as evasive as I am being, so now you know how it feels." "My god, I really don't think I've ever gotten a headache so quickly. Where are you going?" "I need to take in a maid for protection, which I am counting on from you." "I want you to personally write me up reports yourself, that will keep you busy for a while." "I'm not a child, you know." "You sure as hell act like one." "No I don't" "Yes you do." "No, I don't!" "Now who's throwing a tantrum." "You bully!" "Yes that's me, I just like to bully silly girls like you all day long." "Who are you calling silly, you jerk!" "You." "Very well, since I am just a silly little girl, then you can be the one to handle the rest of the servants yourself!" "Yeon!" "Yes?" "You little..." "Excuse me?" "I mean...what a good little girl you are...and I would..." "Go on?" "I will make you pay for this, you know." "You can start by taking me out." "Excuse me?" "I promise not to bother you so much if you organise a day out for me. I am almost loosing my mind here. And I have risked my life multiple times here now. You owe me." "You have a deal, after the banquet."