The Love They Never Had

I honestly could not remember laughing so hard in my life when I teased Seon-Ho and I led him into the kitchen where I manage to make him an early breakfast amidst all of the chaos that I had to deal with. "You are doing a better job than I expected with the job that I gave you. Do you have any worries? Do you need my help with anything?" "Wow, I cannot believe it took you months to praise me." "Do not worry, I will not let anyone look down on you if your identity is exposed." "You sound like you are counting on it. Seon-Ho?" "My father hates our previous relationship, so he threatens to kill anyone who knows that someone as powerful as him is keeping someone as lowly as you. But he cannot kill the noble people who you will be exposed to sooner or later." "So that is your plan?" "You are smart enough to realise what I mean. We have to be careful though, and I will always protect you as much as I can." I had just served him a full meal when the neighbours had gathered outside and had tried to gain entry in a panic. And I still wanted to solve the issue as much as possible before pulling Nam-Jeon into this ordeal. "Since they have come, we might as well make them comfortable." "Let your servant speak for you, it might not be a good idea for you to be exposed just yet. You have already given me enough dignity to let me handle this on my own for now." "You want to resist external aggression, pacify internal conflicts and ultimately clean up your home, just so you can even stand a chance of making it on your own. It is a good plan, young master...." "Ive told you 100 times not to call me that. Only you should never call me that, I am not your Master." "Then what are you to me?" "Your equal, I am still a half-breed after all." It was one thing for him to make me feel the way that he did when he said those words to me that made me feel warm inside, but it was another thing entirely when he looked at me and talked to me in that possessive way that he did when he said these kinds of things to me. I could only turn away and hide my face that had started blushing out of nowhere. But then he just had to pull me back by grabbing my arms so hard that I almost fell on top of him but he caught me by the waist and would not let me go until he said what he just had to tell me in that moment. "Thank you for breakfast, but do not disobey me ever again, do you understand me? You come to me if I call for you."

He knew, he had to know the effect that he was having on me, and that was why he was torturing me like this on purpose. He even dug his fingertips into my waist just to make me blush even more that I already was. He even bushed my hair to the side and got right into my ear and said that, he even had the nerve to smirk at me whilst I tried to tactfully prise himself off of me. And it was only when I ran back to my quarters in a panic that I was able to gather my thoughts and breathe again. Seon-Ho was a tease and a dangerous one at that for me to just freeze on the spot every time he came too close to me, which was just so unlike me.

Barely a few moments had gone by before everyone came out of their quarters to see the concubine being dragged away by Seon-Ho in an almost cruel manner to answer the family who had sent her there, including their Young Master who could never stop staring at her whenever they were in the same room together. So despite Seon-Ho's warnings, I still couldn't help but to hide in a corner once again as I saw the entire drama play out in front of me that only fell into Seon-Ho's plans.

"The eldest nanny is gravely injured, I only sent her here because she herself cannot stand being idle and now she has to recuperate for weeks on end." "And that is why she will be transferred to out farmsteads outside of the city." "These senior maids were all well-behaved and respectable people when they worked for us. So how comes upon entering the most respected Nam household, these senior women have now become the laughing stock of the entire village?" "It is clear that they lack your discipline and respect, otherwise they would not have fallen into such disgrace. It is also very obvious that you have not given this maid any training at all, otherwise she would not have been this useless in managing a few servants. These senior maids that you have sent over here are cunning enough to take advantage of her young age and lack of experience." "We..." "it is very clear that this maid is just not meant to be a concubine at all. She has already caused us so much embarrassment, it only makes sense for you to taker back into your family, otherwise my father will sell her off into the market. He can no longer put up with her antics, and I cannot defend her and go against filial piety." Finally, we will be able to attain some peace in this household for once.

"NO! Young Master, please forgive me ! I can...I can solve this situation! I really can! Please give me some more time to learn the principles of managing the household..." "how much more time do you want? This situation has already gotten so out of control and you still cannot manage anyone! Everyone outside of these walls is already judging us and making a mockery out of my father! The more you try to drag this situation out, the worse we all look. Are you really not that smart enough to understand that at all?" I could tell from the way the concubine was choking and crying hysterically that Seon-Ho's words were effecting her badly. Please, just let this be over...and let me have Seon-Ho to myself again...just to regain my memories, that was all.

"Well, it is a good thing that you still have some useful servants amongst you. I have already asked around, especially the senior maid's daughter. She can serve the young master diligently and..." over my dead body. "...she was not involved in the fight at all. In terms of her looks and needlework, she can be..." "with all due respect, I am a man with a busy job that takes me out of the village for weeks on end. Having a concubine who is only good and needlework serves no purpose to me. I need someone who is experienced in managing the household whilst myself and my father are away. I do not need and women with talent either." "Well, you can always tell me if she makes any mistakes since your concubine is too young to be firm when needed. Please give her one last chance, she has only been with you for a few months and she has more to learn." Despite my hopes, I understood that Seon-Ho had to look like he was being fair to the neighbours and at least gave them one chance to hear them out and fix their mistakes. So I could only turn around and go back to bed, but not without hearing about how formidable I was about expelling more than 30 servants that had been sent to us as spies. Even I could not help to be a little proud of myself. But at the same time, seeing how capable I was only made me yearn for my memories even more so I could remember exactly how I was able to be like this despite my lowly status. Who taught me to read and write? Was it my parents, or was I sent to school? I assumed that I could only manage the household due to living by myself before my memory loss, but what else? How was I so eloquent in speech? Who taught me to have a different perspective to everyone else? Why didn't I care about rules and stases when I was on the low end of the social spectrum? Who instilled such confidence within me? That was apparently far from anything I was before my memory loss? How much had I changed from before that time? Who was I? And what was my purpose in life since I could not get married or reproduce children due to my epilepsy and no support?

"...the last maids are not pretty, but the Young Master has a habit of visiting brothels, so we will appreciate new women in his household...."

How I wished I could show myself in front of everyone and put them in their place, it may even pacify the mix of emotions I had been repressing about my new questionable life in a noble household and my old life that I could not remember. But for now, it looked like Seon-Ho had done his part and now all I could do was just wait and see what would happen next. So I just left everyone to it and went back to my quarters in hopes of getting some rest and figuring out a plan for myself for once. What if something went wrong in Seon-Ho's plan? Then what? What would happen to him? To me? I should find an escape route for the both of us or even help him come up with some backup plans to ensure our survival...

"You know, you can look pretty cute when you are deep in thought like that." No words could describe how my soul almost left my body when I came back to my quarters and almost ran straight in Seon-Ho who seemed to be waiting for me in the dark of all places! Anything cold have happened! I could have seriously hurt him or I could have been getting undressed without even noticing him! What on earth was he doing? Wasn't what he did to me just an hour ago enough for one day?

"What are you thinking about now?" "Nothing!" "Then why are you blushing so badly? Do you see something that you like right now?" That jerk! That tease! He wasn't going to say anything but he expected me to say everything for him? Good lord, what on earth had I done to deserve this constant confusing behaviour? And why couldn't I stop blushing about it at the wrong time? "You could have waited for me to check up on you in the morning you know, we only saw each other..." "are you keeping count of how many times we meet?" He was really making me speechless at this point and I could only hide my face again and silently pray to whoever was listening to make this man stop teasing me every chance he got. "I want to go to bed..." "how will you deal with the rest of the servants?" "The mistress already told us to report to her in front of witnesses if anything like that happened again. So we can't do anything without informing her first. And if we go against her, it will look bad for all of us." "Then make the concubine do it." "We have to do it in a way that nobody can catch onto our flaws, or we are done for." "What do you mean?" "We have to fight this hurdle without actually fighting, that is what I mean." "How?" "For now, all we can do it to reply on the cold autumn weather and use that as an excuse to delay calling for a physicians. Hopefully they will get the hint from there and try to leave on their own. Seon-Ho? What are you doing..." "why do you get so scared of me? Am I a monster to you or something?" "What are you talking about? I've never said that..." "then what is your problem? I'm only walking close to you." He's made me speechless before, but never like this. He was so close to me that I could tell he was trying to smell my perfume again. And then he was acing like a victim whenever I said something about it! I couldn't believe this, but I could only imagine it was some sort of side effect to how he had been brought up without a single ounce of affection at all. And no matter how I was beginning to feel about the only man who paid the slightest bit of attention to me and looked at me the way he did, I was going to treat him as a brother until I got my memories back.

"Forgive me I just...I still cannot remember you so I..." "we are closer to each other than anyone else in the village. We can depend on each other, can't we." Why was he still walking so close to me? He was practically pushing me into one of my bedroom walls. What should I do? "Of course we can..." to calm him down, I even took his hands into mine to reassure him that everything was well with us. "Good, I expect to see you in my quarters tonight after I come home from the palace."