The Love They Never Had

In the last two days I had been constantly humiliated, shamed, chewed out by all of my seniors and blamed for everything that this cousin did. The man who was supposed to be my husband had not made a single attempt to approach me, never mind protect me since he always had his eyes on somebody else. If he was angry, he visited his cousin to help calm him down if he had a bad day at work, she would cook for him, and even when he came across problems that he couldn't figure out in time, he would call her over without hesitation and ignore me completely! Yes, I couldn't deny that I had a hard time multitasking learning how to become literate and managing the household as I should but it was too much! The Nam household was a lot more intense than any other noble household I had previously served in, with much stricter standards that I had to uphold all at once. So what about the cousin and the mess that she had made for me to clean up in public without even discussing anything with me at all! And the Young Master wanted to just ket me go and ignore all of my efforts to be the best concubine I could be! I didn't even have anymore money for my daily expenses and now was not the right time for me to ask, I was too afraid to leave my quarters at all. I could only stay in bed and wonder what on earth had happened to me and what I was going to do next. But I could not hide forever, if had even the slightest chance of regaining my honour and reputation, I had to personally reach out to the servants that I had mistreated and neglected since the moment they all arrived.

"...it really is so cold here, we do not even have and thick clothing to keep us warm in this cold autumn season." "We cannot say here and freeze to death, we might as well return to our previous owner." "They haven't sent us any messages for a few weeks now. You don't think...what if what happened in the kitchen leaked out to the public? Why else would they stop giving us instructions?" "Have you gotten any closer to the Young Master as planned?" "He doesn't notice any woman in this home at all, not even the concubine that he took in before us!" "No matter how fierce he looks, you must find a way to seduce him! I wish to retire and live the rest of my life in luxury and wealth! I have worked for too long to end up bruised and unemployed!" "They couldn't have forgotten about us, would they?" "It is flu season my girl, all of the physicians are tending to the noble people of the village, who would pay attention to mere servants like us?" "You should gather the rest of the servants and we will come up with a solution." "The manner of this home was so angry when he heard what had happened, he agreed with the concubine they sent to him that they should sell off everyone who came in with us. Mother, it is only myself and you senior maids here left and we are highly outnumbered. And because the rest of the servants are afraid of being implicated with us, they are completely hostile towards us and mess with our work every single chance they get. For someone like me who lacks a proper foundation, how can I even dream about getting close to him?" "The big madame must have understood that we are useless now and has now discarded us without a care in the world. I gave her decades of my life and this is what she does to us in return? After all of the shameful deeds that I have been forced to commit over the years..."

I knew it! I knew the big madame sent over theses servants to take my place and seduce the Young Master from me because I wasn't successful so far. Here I was, thinking that the family I had previously worked for had sent me a team of servants to add to my prestige! And now I found out that I was the one they were spying on the whole time! No wonder they had cut off my support, stopped responding to my letters and even ignored me on the street every time that I ran into someone from the household. No, I could not go down without knowing that I had done everything that I could to save my position. And that relied on the investigation of the Seo's and find out what really happened to Chun-Ae so that I could avoid ending up the same way that she did. But the very worst thing of all was that my trusted servant was nowhere to be seen for the past few weeks now since I put her in charge of the Seo investigation. I had no support, my self-confidence was dying each day I was stuck here and...and I still might face my worst obstacle yet. And if I didn't find any support soon, it was likely that I wasn't going to make it out of here alive.

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"I beg you, Young Mistress, to give my family a way out!" "After all of the slander, tricks and bad service you have put me through, why should I help any of you at all? If you wan help, you can try to seduce the Young Master again and..." "No! Please, no! I have no such intention on getting close to him ever again!" "And why is that?" "Because I was forced to by the big madame! She made me try to seduce him after the concubine they sent to your home failed in her duty! I was only afraid that she would harm my family, and that is why I had no choice in following her orders!" "So what do you want me to do then?" "Please Young Mistress! Please allow me to take my mother away and let us leave this place!" "And go where? I have no problem letting you go, but what about your previous owner who planted you here in this household to spy on this family?" "I...I..." "I will only allow you to leave if your family provides us with a statement of what the big madam has instructed you to do." "Young Mistress..." "Do not worry, I will no involve the Masters of this household at all. I have my own ways of transporting people inside and out of this place without anyone's help. I have contacts outside of here that are willing to help anyone I ask them to, as long as you give me what I need." "If I give you my testimony will you promise to hand me over my family's slave contract?" "I promise, but I also need you to give me every single piece of information that you can about the concubine as well."

Finally, we were about to restore peace in this household and expose our enemies so Seon-Ho could take the chance to start moving on from his childhood trauma and finally look forward to his future for once. As soon as I took down everyone's statements, I personally took them to Seon-Ho himself so I could see the look on his face when I gave him the good news. But he wasn't in his quarters and i had no idea where else I should look for him. So I decided to help him at least warm up his room and have some food waiting for him. But curiosity got the better of me and could not help but to look around his quarters in his absence so I could find anything I could to jog my memories of him, so I could stop feeling uncomfortable around him at times. Or guilt. I don't know anymore, I was confusing the two emotions around him and I had to figure out exactly what I was getting myself into helping a man who I couldn't remember.

"Are you having a fun time looking around?" Once again got so close to me so effortlessly that I could feel his lips just a few inches away from my ear. I couldn't help but to let out a little scream again, but it seemed to amuse him this time and he didn't even hesitate to throw himself at me and cover my mouth with his hand that smelled very strongly of alcohol. And wouldn't let me go until he forced me to repeatedly kick him in the shins, but he caught me by my arm once again and kept holding onto me until he returned to his senses. He didn't even realise how hard he was holding onto me until I had to keep shaking his arm to let him know. He looked over at my hand on his arm and just stared at it for a while, like he was lost in a trance or something. I instinctively pulled my hand back but he was still holding onto my arm quite strongly...but I didn't object to it anymore. The look on his face told me everything when I touched him; he was extremely lonely here and in emotional distress all the time. How could he not be, with a father like that? A father he had nothing in common with at all, a father who snatch him from his mother only to use him as a toy when he was positively brimming with potential. He could achieve so much if the world had just left him alone in peace...

...I was too lost in my thoughts to realise that he was looking at me now, with a different look on his face, a look that I couldn't decipher no matter how hard I tried. But before I could ask him, that idiotic maid who accused me ran up to us and practically pulled us apart and I could have sworn that I saw him getting annoyed at this...

I was lost in my thoughts again that I had forgotten about the Young Master left for the palace and came home again until he cleared his throat in front of me. "Yeon? What are you blushing about?" "N...nothing, Young Master. Have you eaten? Are you hungry? Shall I serve you some food?" I could barely look him in the eyes as I could just feel him...stare at me in a way that was making my knees buckle. "Why do you do that?" "What do you mean?" "I told you to stop treating me as if you are my servant, I have people who can serve me food. Why do you care so much?" "Why can't I care?" I replied without even hesitating; I understood hat he was a man who was struggling a lot in his own home, but I was getting tired of him waiting to realise that he was all that I had in this world now and i hated the wall he had put up between us. Why save my life just to ignore me like this? But I also couldn't blame him too much, because I did not want to disrespect him.

That one reply changed his entire aura as he walked straight up to me as if he was trying to observe if I was lying to him or not. "What do you mean?" "You...you saved my life here in this home that you lock me up in without giving me a second thought. But who says I have to absolutely feel the same way about you? I care because you helped me, even though I have no idea why you dressed me up as a noble woman when I was perfectly fine in my rags." "Do you mean that?" "Why shouldn't I meant it?" "You know being a lowborn..." "is looked down upon? But for what exactly? Not having money? Not having high enough connections? Where exactly is the shame?" "You..." "From what I can see sir, being noble on any scale isn't all that great either. And you should know what I am talking about more than anyone."

The look on his face was absolutely breaking my heart and I suddenly felt a rush of hatred for the man who had brainwashed Seon-Ho into thinking that the only way to survive was to do everything possible to fit into such a rigid society in which there was not much sense of achievement in for anyone. I felt so bad for him that I didn't even wince at how hard he suddenly held onto me as he asked me if I was mocking him along with the rest of the world. It did make me shake a bit, but I could not turn back now and not if i wanted to keep his face.

"In this society that you try to be a part of, you need to understand that there are just some people who are constantly rejected no matter what they do with no fault of their own that they can control. These labels, these factors that decide a person's ranking, rich and poor...it has nothing to do with power. It is just part of the balance of the world, so there is no need to exhaust yourself into doing what you can for nothing in return. I truly do not care that I am at the bottom so society and that you are on top. I just see a good man in front of me that is full of potential that is going down the wrong path to success if you are not at peace"