The Young Consort Wants to Live Quietly

Chapter 100

* * *

At my counterattack, Gowun became lost in thought. Seeing the silence continue for a long time, I clicked my tongue inwardly.

Gowun usually had no particular likes or dislikes in his personality. Whether the fabric of his clothes was cotton or silk, whether the rice was white rice or mixed grain. He ate what was given and wore what was provided. He seemed like a person without desires.

He did like sweets a little, but even that, he had never expressed wanting to eat first.

If you don’t know what you like, how would you know what you dislike?

Gowun seemed to want to answer somehow, but his face looked crestfallen as if nothing came to mind.

“It’s okay. It’s good if there’s nothing you dislike.”

While saying that and patting Gowun’s shoulder, I was still a bit worried.

It’s fine not to have things you dislike, but it would be nice if there were things you liked. Your quietness sometimes makes me concerned.

‘Is this how other people feel when they see me…?’

While feeling this unexpected empathy, Gowun opened his mouth with a serious face.

“…I’m afraid of large men.”

It was a bit amusing for Gowun, who had been among the huge shadows like poles, to say that. Is it because he was uncomfortable being among them? That’s understandable.

I nodded. Gowun’s explanation continued.

“A man with violet hair, over seven feet tall, with thin, narrow eyes.”

It was a detailed description rather than simply saying something. I could immediately realize from it.

Gowun wasn’t simply afraid of adult men.

“It’s your father.”

At my softly muttered words, Gowun widened his eyes and nodded. To the point where I wondered how I hadn’t known until now, Gowun’s trauma emerged from time to time. After much contemplation, the answer to the question of disliking something for no reason was the father who had abused him.

I stared at him intently, reached out my hand, and Gowun obediently lowered his head to me. I stroked that head gently and opened my mouth.

“Gowun. That’s wrong. It’s not that you have no reason.”

“Is that so…?”

Gowun looked crestfallen at my playful rebuke. Quietly looking at that sight, I continued as usual.

“But is that person really someone to be so terrified of?”

Gowun raised his head. I smiled brightly at his puzzled gaze.

“Fear makes the opponent seem bigger. That person may be a bad person, but he’s definitely not someone so strong that you can never escape from him as much as you think.”

That was actually true. Not to mention other abilities, Gowun had already escaped from him and was living with me in the palace.

“So what I’m saying is, you don’t need to be afraid of that person.”

Of course, I know trauma doesn’t disappear overnight.

I also know how big and great your father must have seemed to young you. But he’s someone who can never touch you again, so I don’t want you to keep struggling.

At my words, Gowun’s eyes met mine. It was a subtle gaze.

“If you actually see him again, he’ll probably be a more trivial person than you think.”

I said in a deliberately calm voice. To make it feel natural without emphasis.

There are quite a few things time resolves, so if you keep trying, you’ll be okay too. No matter how deep the wound, as long as it’s not neglected, it will all heal.

Gowun slowly nodded. It was a dull face as if he couldn’t understand.

Right. As long as you’re at peace, that’s good.

I smiled and stroked Gowun’s head once more.

* * *

And the next day.

After dismissing the palace maids, who were doing the same thing as yesterday with a slightly more crestfallen face, I picked up one of the piled-up scrolls. I read through it and picked up another, and after finishing that, I picked up yet another.

After doing that about four times, I took my hand off the paper. It was a bit funny and strange that the contents of all these numerous petitions were exactly the same.

It became a problem that I intruded on the ritual and comforted the child, so petitions poured into the Eastern Palace. There was a long digression about how the baby was chosen by the Dragon, and how I was truly of the imperial bloodline.

But as much as I called them petitions, the conclusions of all those praises were the same. Since it seemed I could comfort that child a bit, let me take care of the child until he stops crying.

All I did was just pat him appropriately, what’s so great about that? Tapping the paper with my hand, I suddenly remembered something and called Seoyeon to ask.

“Did Her Majesty read all the petitions?”

“Yes, Your Highness.”

I thought Mother would screen them once in case there was any bad content, and it seemed to be the case.

“What did she say?”

Seoyeon trailed off as if in a difficult position at my playful question.

“She was greatly angered…”

I knew it would be like that. I clicked my tongue. I could roughly guess what she would have said. Saying the child is young too, so how can they entrust a baby to her, are they in their right mind?

I also don’t want to completely take on a child. If a crying child stays in the Eastern Palace all day, no one will be able to sleep. But to completely turn a blind eye, these people will probably perform those rituals again.

I thought it would be okay to go comfort the child about once a day. Having reached a conclusion, I turned my gaze back to the door.

“Is Heesa there?”

At those words, the shadow visible at the door trembled. Soon the door opened and Heesa entered.

Heesa pretended to be casual, but she couldn’t hide her downcast shoulders. Knowing the reason, I almost laughed a little.

The palace maid I call the most is Heesa. I’m also close with Seoyeon, but Seoyeon is the head court lady and tends to be polite and respectful to me.

She was the closest palace maid to me, but… because of the tantrum-throwing strategy, I ignored her all day.

‘She’s sulking.’

Of course, rather than sulking, it would be more accurate to say she’s disappointed.

“Have you reflected a bit?”

When I spoke playfully, Heesa’s eyes turned teary. She had a face as if the world was miserable. Even so, she answered that she had, which was a bit cute.

“Thank you for worrying about me. But it’s okay.”

“But Your Highness.”

Heesa suddenly raised her head at those words. Her lips were firmly pressed together with a determined look on her still miserable face.

“You always say it’s okay.”

I was a bit surprised that the voice was heavier than I thought.

“I may not have served you for long, but I’ve been with you since you entered the palace. I’ve never seen you cry or throw a tantrum even once.”

Heesa poured out the words like a machine gun. It seemed like she had been holding back quite a bit until now.

“I know I’m being insolent and overstepping my bounds. But you don’t even scold me for that…”

Oh… I muttered as if surprised.

“You knew?”

“Your Highness!”

When I playfully poked, Heesa shouted. I laughed at those resentful eyes.

“Heesa. It’s really okay. What reason would I have to hold back my anger?”

Heesa pressed her lips tightly. I could see in her eyes that she wanted to say, ‘Still…’

“If I had really been like that, I wouldn’t have dismissed you despite your actions.”

When I lightly added, Heesa seemed to realize. Her expression changed so quickly.

“I’m growing slowly, so don’t worry too much.”

Smiling at that blatant face, I patted the back of Heesa’s hand.

The change in the people around me from when I first entered the palace to now was nearly nonexistent. But the fact that I was uncomfortable with them at first and not now means that I have changed.

Now it may seem like I don’t express much so everyone worries, but who knows? In about three years, I might become a notorious troublemaker.

At that, Heesa made a face like Gowun’s, unable to understand, but like Gowun, she nodded.

Right, right. Don’t worry.

Even after that, Heesa was still looking at me with affectionate eyes, so I hugged her once. Then Heesa’s face brightened up. She was truly a colorful person.

After sending out Heesa, who was about to cry, I sat at the table. I intended to write today’s letter.

I felt good after talking with Heesa. I hummed a tune and wrote the letter all the way through, then put down the brush. As I blew on the paper to dry it, I picked up the brush again.

Ah, right. I almost forgot about that.

[You might hear a baby’s crying from afar at night.

Since it’s not a real living baby, you don’t have to worry about it.]

‘Sanya’ also knows about the existence of the baby, but she has never actually seen him… Hearing crying in the middle of the night would be a bit scary.

After adding that content as a postscript, I dried the letter and folded it neatly. Then I took out another piece of paper.

Seoryeon also kept sending me letters, so I had to reply to that child too.

I’m supposed to have dinner with Mother, I need to visit Mirinae and Garam at least once. Ah, I haven’t seen Choeun in a while either.

As I was thinking I would have a lot to do, I suddenly realized.

‘There are so many people to care about.’

But it’s a good thing to have good people around. Thinking that, I smiled without realizing it.

* * *

The next morning. As soon as I opened my eyes, I reflexively felt around my pillow. Reading ‘Sanya’s reply as soon as I woke up had become a habit at some point.

As expected, I grasped a piece of paper and unfolded the letter while rubbing my eyes. Although I had trouble waking up, reading that letter completely woke me up.

[Sanya. Are you happy?]

‘Sanya’ tended to write replies diligently. She wrote her impressions one by one even for trivial things.

But the letter I received today was just one line. And quite a meaningful content at that.

I hesitated for a moment holding the letter. It seems she’s angry. Was there anything bad in the letter I wrote?

At that moment, there was a commotion outside the door. The palace servants, who barely made a sound before I woke up, were being unusual.

When I got up and opened the door, the startled palace maids looked down at me, surprised by my sudden appearance.

“What’s the commotion in the morning?”

When I asked that, an apologetic answer came back, so I asked the reason again. Then, a palace maid who was still not quite calm excitedly said with a bright smile,

“They say the baby has disappeared!”