The Young Consort Wants to Live Quietly

Chapter 95

* * *

The Flower Dragon Palace at night was definitely different from during the day. The large and magnificent building looked mysterious under the moonlight, and the sound of a child’s cry coming from inside added to the eeriness.

I took a deep breath before entering the main hall. If someone tells me to just sleep obediently and not meddle with a non-human being, I would have nothing to say, but.

‘I’m a hypocritical human.’

It looked too much like an ordinary baby, so I couldn’t just watch them comfort the child with a ceremony.

Let’s go quickly, comfort the child for a bit, and return. I need to give time to ‘Sanya’. Although it’s night, it’s not yet midnight.

I hurried my steps. In the spacious main hall of the Flower Dragon Palace, only the child’s cries echoed loudly.

I approached the child, trying my best not to make any footsteps.

The child was seated in the center of the throne. Although it was a high position, it was too hard for a young child to sit on. The crying child seemed surprised to see me and stopped crying for a moment. Then the child quickly frowned again.

It seemed so human-like that I felt uncomfortable. I reached out to hold the child but hesitated. I felt like I might drop the child due to lack of strength. I slowly patted the child’s chest.

“Shh, baby. It’s okay.”

The child, who had kept his gaze on me for a moment, started crying again. He didn’t wail as if screaming, nor did he whine as if throwing a tantrum. But each breath was accompanied by crying. That sight was strangely heartbreaking.

The throne was wide. I knew it was disrespectful for anyone other than the Empress to sit on it, but I thought it didn’t matter since no one was watching.

I sat next to the child and offered my lap to the child. The small head was quite heavy and warm.

It really seems like a living person.

The crying sound is still creepy, but I didn’t want to avoid it like when I first saw it.

“Gowun.”

I spoke to Gowun while patting the child.

“You knew, right? That I wake up and wander around every night.”

At my calm question, Gowun hesitated for a moment and nodded.

Yeah, I thought so. I let out a deep sigh. I thought there must have been an accomplice.

Even if ‘Sanya’ had lived in the palace, the Eastern Palace was new to her, and she had always been attended by palace maids.

As such, it would have been difficult for her to find a brush and paper or hide the letters she received from me on her own.

Gowun often visited me at night, so I thought they must have encountered each other. I vaguely guessed that the reason he didn’t sleep at night was because of me, who was always awake.

“The me you encounter at night is a bit different from the me during the day, right?”

At my words, Gowun’s eyes widened. Gowun dazedly nodded. Since the Sanya at night is not me, she wouldn’t have recognized Gowun when she first saw him.

I, too, am not ‘Sanya’, so I wouldn’t remember what happened at night. So if Gowun thought of the two as the same person, my strange behavior must have looked very unsettling.

“Do you remember what you did every night?”

Gowun asked in a desperate voice. It seems he had asked the Sanya at night a few things about what happened during the day. I was a bit perplexed by that.

It was actually a difficult issue to explain. I possessed this body, but I am sharing the body with its original owner.

What you saw at night was Sanya, and what you are seeing now is also Sanya. I couldn’t say that, could I?

‘I don’t want to worry him.’

But I can’t say my memory deteriorates every night either.

After pondering for a moment, I asked Gowun a question in return.

“Why did you come to see me every night?”

I wondered if Gowun had noticed something strange. It wouldn’t be easy to suspect since the appearance is the same, but the attitude would be different.

“You change a bit at night, Your Highness.”

And as expected, Gowun answered like that.

“In what way?”

I asked, intending to explain by adding flesh to what Gowun had thought of.

“You’re not very different. But in my eyes…”

Gowun trailed off as if he found it difficult to explain himself.

“You look very lonely.”

I was dumbfounded by the carefully spoken words.

That’s how ‘Sanya’ looked in his eyes.

Right. She must be lonely. A child who lived a life of hatred and has to wake up only at night when no one is around.

“So you always came to see me?”

Gowun nodded. He said he was always awake at night as if it was nothing, but I couldn’t scold him. Just because she looked lonely, he always came and stayed by her side.

After hesitating, I said what I had to say.

“Thank you for coming to see me.”

Gowun thought of that child at night as me. I was grateful that he always thought of me like that. And also that he protected that child whom I couldn’t comfort. I was relieved that her nights were not entirely alone.

I couldn’t reveal that it was a different person, so I said it was me, but I felt that child would have said the same thing.

“I was less lonely because of you.”

Not the sun that drives away the night, but a warmth like a lantern in the darkness. Perhaps Gowun is one of the reasons why ‘Sanya’ answered that she was at peace.

When I said those two sentences and stroked Gowun’s hair, Gowun smiled. It’s not easy to stay by the side of someone with a void.

You must have been tired and exhausted from staying up every night, but how come you never told me it was hard?

I felt sorry, thinking that I might not have shown a reliable appearance to you.

“It’s not that I don’t cherish you just because I don’t ask you anything.”

Everyone has a story, but I thought Gowun’s story would be a bit more tragic. There must have been a reason why such a young child didn’t utter a word until meeting me and became a shadow.

The reason I didn’t ask about it was because Gowun didn’t bring it up first.

It’s not just about the past. I didn’t deliberately pry into Gowun’s own stories. It wasn’t that I was indifferent to you, but did you feel that way?

“I remember everything, like when I said I would grant your wish and that you knew my secret place.”

That’s how much I care about you. So…

“If you feel like telling your story, tell me anytime.”

I’ll always listen.

Gowun hesitated at my answer.

“…Why are you doing this?”

At those words, I tightly shut my mouth. I expected it, but I guess it was really like that.

“What do you mean, why am I doing this?”

“Why are you…”

“To you?”

“Going so far as to…”

When I teased him, Gowun, who lacked eloquence, explained as if sobbing.

“…Care about me?”

I chuckled at the trembling conclusion. You’re making me feel bad, you kid. You don’t know how much I like you.

But it wasn’t hard to understand. I didn’t express it much. I reflected on it anew. No matter how much I cherish and love you inwardly, if I don’t express it, the other person doesn’t know anything.

“It’s because I like you a lot.”

The only child I could purely love and cherish. When everyone couldn’t open up their hearts for various reasons, Gowun was like a haven.

Gowun was always quiet, but it was blatantly evident that he trusted and liked me.

Just having you by my side gave me so much strength, you probably don’t know.

At my words, the tips of Gowun’s ears turned bright red. He seemed embarrassed by the overt expression of affection.

“…I also, Your Highness.”

“Like me a lot?”

When I playfully interrupted, Gowun’s face turned completely red. It looked like it would burst. It was the first time I saw his face, which looked like pale flour dough, turn so red.

Unable to hold back, I chuckled, and Gowun slyly avoided my gaze.

‘If I had known you would like it this much, I should have told you earlier.’

The words like, cherish, love are not only used between lovers. So you shouldn’t be embarrassed and express it more, but it’s really not easy.

‘It would be nice to say it to Mother too.’

Suddenly, I had that thought. I stopped for a moment, forgetting to pat the child. When I thought of Mother, my mood sank.

It had already been several days since I last saw Mother properly. I didn’t go to her first, and I refused when she said she would come to the Eastern Palace.

I started avoiding Mother after talking with ‘Sanya’.