The Young Consort Wants to Live Quietly

Chapter 96

* * *

Mother was also involved in ‘Sanya’s death. Mother, who loves me so much, was so indifferent to another child that she left that child to die. Was it the repulsion that came from that, or the fear that she could do the same to me? It was uncomfortable to face her.

‘Sanya’ did say they didn’t do anything wrong. Inadvertently thinking that, I smiled bitterly.

No fault? If Mother had even a little sympathy for ‘Sanya’, that child wouldn’t have died at the age of twelve.

As far as I know, that ‘Sanya’ is a kind-hearted child, so there’s a possibility she said that to reassure me. It was funny that I was clinging to those words as if making an excuse even though I knew that.

In the end, I will choose Mother over ‘Sanya’. Although ‘Sanya’ is the victim, the one I love more is Mother.

But that doesn’t mean I can cover up and ignore her faults. I can’t just resent her, nor can I treat Mother as usual as if nothing happened.

I was about to continue my thoughts but changed my mind.

A wide main hall, as eerie as it is large, where a totem-like young child is crying with a strange sound. It seemed difficult to think about something for a long time in a place like this.

I carefully sat the child back down and gently stroked his head. The crying child coughed for a moment and then started crying again. He looked so miserable.

“I’ll come back when I have time.”

The crying got louder. As if he understood my words, I comforted the child. Since carelessly touching is against etiquette, I won’t be able to come during the day, and I’ll have to give my body to ‘Sanya’ at night, so I won’t be able to come often, but still.

“Don’t cry, baby. Your throat will hurt.”

What is he so upset about to cry like this? After patting the child a few more times, I quietly left the main hall.

The walk from the Flower Dragon Palace to the Eastern Palace was a bit long. It was a good time to have a conversation with someone.

I held Gowun’s hand and slowly walked, opening my mouth.

“Gowun, what would you think if I committed a great sin?”

Despite the sudden question, Gowun pondered seriously.

“Who under the heavens would judge you, Your Highness.”

The answer was loyal, but it wasn’t the answer I wanted.

Yes, of course that’s true, but…

“Then would you be okay with me committing any sin?”

“Yes.”

A resolute answer came back. Gowun didn’t hesitate at all. I looked at Gowun with a troubled gaze and quietly admonished him.

“You shouldn’t, Gowun.”

I knew with what intention Gowun said those words. But I wasn’t pleased.

“Even if I commit a sin, it’s a separate matter from you still liking me.”

Someone might say that unconditionally covering for the other person no matter what is love. But I didn’t think of that as love. Always accepting doesn’t necessarily lead to good results. You have to know how to criticize as much as you love.

No, in the first place, that’s basic morality that should come before blind affection.

“Gowun. If you do something wrong, I will reprimand and scold you.”

I cherish you too, but rather, that’s why even more so.

“You will have to be punished for your sins, but I will stay by your side and be punished with you.”

I said that while biting my lip. It was because I found the answer to my concern in my own words.

“I… want you to do the same.”

“…”

“That’s my love.”

Right. That was it. The reason I avoided Mother wasn’t because I couldn’t bring myself to love her anymore.

I still love my mother. I was just afraid to bear that sin together.

But she’s still my mother. Even if our positions were reversed, Mother would have done the same for me.

“…I will do so.”

I heard Gowun’s quite determined voice. Gowun had a face that matched that voice.

At that, I gave him a small smile.

“Yeah. Thank you.”

Let’s both try our best.

‘I should go see Mother tomorrow.’

I returned to the Eastern Palace with slightly lighter steps. But when I was almost at the Eastern Palace, someone was standing in front of the main gate.

I was wary for a moment, but soon I saw that the person’s hair was snow-white.

‘It’s Mother.’

Mother turned her head towards me, perhaps hearing my footsteps. Mother’s expressionless face was visible under the backlight.

Mother saw me and immediately smiled brightly, but Mother’s appearance with white hair shining under the moonlight felt unfamiliar. I thought I had gotten used to her changed appearance, but I guess not yet.

Mother approached me with a smile, but I couldn’t go to her and hesitated. Then the smile on Mother’s face, who had been smiling brightly at me, faded. Mother, biting her lip hard, bent over to meet my gaze.

As our eyes met, I blankly looked at Mother’s face. For some reason, Mother had a very sad expression.

“I won’t come closer, so don’t worry.”

“…”

“Really. I won’t do anything you hate.”

That was a bit of a puzzling thing to say. She’s taking me hesitating awkwardly for a moment this far?

“Sanya. But hurry and go inside. It’s very late.”

Mother really didn’t come a single step closer to me. But she urged me with an anxious face. An attitude as if dealing with someone else.

I remembered that it was night now. Some time ago, I had fallen asleep with Mother in the Flower Dragon Palace and woken up in the Eastern Palace.

At that time, I thought I had returned to my palace due to sleepwalking, but not anymore.

‘Sanya’ had woken up. Since she woke up in the Flower Dragon Palace, she must have faced Mother. After that, ‘Sanya’ returned to the Eastern Palace, and Mother, mistaking me for that child, acts as if I hated her.

It was an action that revealed what kind of reaction ‘Sanya’ had when she encountered Mother. Realizing that, it felt like my breath was caught in my throat.

I exhaled with effort and opened my mouth.

“Mother. I’m awake.”

At the softly muttered words, Mother’s eyes widened. She carefully walked towards me, and I hugged Mother. Mother’s hands embracing me were trembling.

“Baby.”

That voice contained both relief and worry. I knew it would look like an illness to become a different person at night. Mother must be worrying about that.

“I’m fine.”

The one who was sick wasn’t me. So that wasn’t a worry for me to bear.

To me, Mother is so kind like this. It was clearly the same situation, but why did Mother turn away from ‘Sanya’ and love me?

I quietly stayed in her warm embrace, then spoke softly.

“I heard some families were purged.”

It was something I heard when I met other children. Actually, at that time, I was a bit scared. I wondered if they killed even innocent children for the purpose of annihilating the family.

“Originally, they should have all been executed, so why did you keep them alive?”

At my question, Mother was silent for a moment, then picked me up and stood up.

Mother patted my back as if putting me to sleep. And she answered slowly while walking.

“As you said, annihilating a family means killing everyone who bears the name of that family.”

“…”

“Among them were babies in the womb and young children.”

I know that too. That’s why I was afraid when I heard that a few families were annihilated by the Empress’s hand.

“I just couldn’t bring myself to kill them.”

That’s why I couldn’t help but feel relieved at those words that came out flatly.

“There were many children your age, and you overlapped with them.”

“…”

“Even if not for that, those children’s only sin was being born into that family, so how could I kill them?”

Still, they couldn’t avoid punishment, so she lowered their status and confiscated their wealth, Mother said in a slightly guilty voice.

Mother has really changed a lot. Mother’s love for me is not limited to me, and now she can even sympathize with other children.

So even if something like what happened with ‘Sanya’ occurs again, Mother will save that child.

Mother can’t apologize to ‘Sanya’. It was the Mother of the future that won’t come who committed a sin against ‘Sanya’, and the current Mother wouldn’t do that.

However, she could prevent such a child from being born in the future.

You have changed, and you will not commit such acts, and even if you did, you would regret it. I thought that alone was fortunate.

Mother started singing a low song. It was an unfamiliar song, but the low pitch was relaxing. My body swayed steadily, and the warmth touching me was comforting.

I fell asleep in Mother’s arms.

* * *

Yehwa silently walked and suddenly stopped. When she checked the child in her arms, Sanya was already fast asleep. Yehwa’s eyes looking down at her daughter were sorrowful.

It was a child who couldn’t sleep for a long time. A child who had been struggling for far too long.

When that child backed away under the moonlight with dead black eyes, Yehwa’s heart shattered. Fortunately, Sanya let her in, asked this and that, and then fell asleep like that.

Although she had been holding the child for quite a while, Yehwa wasn’t tired. It was something she could do as much as needed if the child could sleep like this.

Yehwa stroked her daughter’s forehead and kissed it. It was a careful touch, just in case she woke up.

Baby, sleep peacefully.

Please forget everything and sleep peacefully.