I want to become a killer

The days that followed were like a race against time. Every decision felt urgent, every moment was filled with the pressure of shaping the future, of creating something that could endure. The city, still scarred from the violence of revolution, was restless, waiting for something that would give it meaning again. I could feel the weight of it all pressing on me—the expectations, the hopes, and the unspoken fear that we were on the verge of building something that might collapse just as quickly as it had risen.

Mara and I worked relentlessly, strategizing, meeting with advisors, and talking to the people. We traveled through the city, talking to the workers, the farmers, the scholars, the families that had suffered through the upheaval. I had promised them change, but promises without action were meaningless. They needed to see what we could offer, and they needed to believe that we were different from the regime we had overthrown. They needed to believe in me.

But every night, when the meetings were over and the world grew quiet, I found myself alone with my thoughts. The hunger inside me was still there, gnawing at my insides. I had done what I set out to do—I had taken control, I had torn down the old system. But what had I built in its place? Was it truly different, or had I merely replaced one form of tyranny with another? The old leaders had promised change, too. And look where it had led.

I would often find myself staring at the notebook, the same one that had once cataloged my thoughts on serial killers, the one that had become a manifesto for revolution. It was a strange thing, to think that something so dark had played such a role in shaping my path. But there it was, its pages filled with plans, schemes, and observations—notes about power, control, and the human mind.

But now, there were no answers in those pages. Only questions.

"What kind of leader do I want to be?" I whispered to myself one night as I sat at my desk. The city stretched out before me, dark and quiet, the flickering lights of a thousand homes seeming like distant stars. I wasn't sure what kind of leader I wanted to be, but I knew what kind I didn't want to become. I didn't want to be a tyrant. I didn't want to become the kind of ruler who crushed dissent, who built a world that was as hollow as the one we had destroyed.

But what was the alternative? How do you build a world that doesn't become corrupted by power?

Mara walked into the room, her presence like a steady flame in the darkness. She always seemed to know when I was lost in my thoughts, when the weight of everything was about to crush me.

"You're thinking too much again," she said, her voice low, calm.

I looked up at her, a hint of frustration in my eyes. "I don't know what to do anymore, Mara. We've done everything we can to change things, but... I don't know if it's enough. What if we're just creating another illusion? What if we're no different from the old rulers?"

She stepped closer, her eyes sharp, her expression unreadable. "You're second-guessing yourself. That's dangerous, Psycho. We don't have the luxury of doubt. The world is watching us. The people are watching you."

"I can't ignore the way they look at me," I said, my voice thick with uncertainty. "They see me as the answer. But what if I'm just as broken as the system I destroyed?"

Mara was silent for a moment, then spoke, her voice quiet but firm. "You're not broken. You're human. You made a choice, just like everyone else. But you can't let fear control you. People need leaders who will guide them, not someone who is afraid to lead."

I ran a hand through my hair, feeling the weight of her words sink in. She was right, of course. Fear couldn't guide me. I had to act. I had to shape this world, even if I didn't have all the answers. The people needed a future, and if I hesitated now, I would lose them. I couldn't afford to let that happen.

"You're right," I said finally, my voice steadying. "I need to stop second-guessing myself. I can't be afraid of what I might become. I have to be what they need."

Mara's lips curved into a small smile, the kind she reserved for moments like this—when I finally found my resolve again. "Good. That's the Psycho I know."

We spent the next few days in a whirlwind of activity. I made speeches to the people, promising a future built on equality, opportunity, and freedom. But even as I spoke those words, I knew they were only part of the story. Freedom without structure would lead to chaos, and I couldn't afford chaos. I had to give them something solid, something they could trust.

The more I spoke to the people, the more I realized that I couldn't just offer them freedom. I had to give them purpose. I had to create a system where they could thrive, but also one where they understood the consequences of their actions. In my heart, I knew what that system had to be. It couldn't be anarchy. It couldn't be an empire of iron. It had to be something in between—a balance of freedom and responsibility.

Mara and I began working on a new set of laws, a framework for this new society. It was a delicate balance. Too much control, and we would lose everything we fought for. Too little, and we would fall into the same trap as the old regime—chaos, corruption, and bloodshed.

Each law we crafted, each policy we discussed, was a reflection of our ideals. But it was also a test of my leadership. I had to make hard choices, choices that some people would not agree with. But I had to move forward. There was no other option.

One night, as I sat at my desk, I looked out over the city once more. The streets were alive with the hum of a new world, a world still uncertain but full of promise. People were beginning to rebuild their lives, but there was still so much work to be done. And I was the one who had to lead them through it.

I closed the notebook and set it aside. The answers weren't in the pages anymore. They were in the world outside. And I was the one who had to shape it.

"We'll make it work," I said aloud, to no one in particular. "We have to."

And for the first time in a long while, I felt a flicker of certainty. This was just the beginning. I wasn't done yet. The world was still mine to shape. And I would not fail.

________________________

Jabrane

pa treon /Jabrane

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