She Returned as a Vampire

12 – Root out the seeds of doubt

“Calm down, Elena. It’s not that I don’t love you.”

I have to believe what you say, but it hurts.

Tears won’t stop flowing.

As if it’s broken, it keeps on whimpering.

“Al, I know. I know, ugh, keke, ee… Ah keke…”

It’s greedy to want something more from you after you’ve already received enough blood, and it’s wrong to want something even if it’s a nuisance to you.

Why do I have to keep relying on you…?

Is there really nothing I can do for you?

“…Let’s talk about it after we go to sleep, after we go to bed? Your hair color, and your… Poison or whatever.”

“Poison? Oh, no way…”

“That thing that comes out of your fangs. Is it paralysis poison or something… I’ll have to check that too. If it’s bad for me…”

Paralysis Poison? Poison?

You hurt him every time you vamp?

No, no. I can’t live like this, I don’t want to continue to live meanly, hurting him…

“If, hey. If. If it’s harmful to me, you can give it to me by drawing blood yourself. Huh?”

Even if I receive a gentle touch, my throbbing and dull head shows no signs of getting better.

If it’s right for me to kill you, if it’s right for me to live by killing you,

I don’t want to live.

To live selfishly while receiving your love, to harm you and to continue living with no way to return the favor,

Maybe I’d better just die and give you a new chance.

I guess that’s right…

“Raise your head, Elena. Elena?”

I’m afraid to see your face. Something to get away from you –

“Side.”

Why…

Why?

“Open your mouth, Elena. Let’s make it a little thicker.”

“Why… Why do you do this to me…”

“It’s okay. Open your mouth.”

Really? Do you really want to… Kiss me?

Is the country a monster?

…If so, if so…

“Zhung, haeup… Eup, hoo, chueup…”

Why is your saliva so sweet?

Your every move makes me happy.

I love the way you hold my hand tightly and clumsily try to lead me.

You were always attracted to me… You who are working so hard for me…

“Ehh?!”

Now that you’ve done me a favor, I’ll get a little closer.

Since you lit it, I’ll light it up some more.

“Heeup, Eup, Chun, Eungup, Hup – “

Please don’t look too surprised.

After making it so anxious, please don’t even think about ending it with a brief kiss.

I want you to quietly entrust your body to me. I wish I was a little more happy.

…Wheat, are you pushing it?

“Ha, ha, ha, ha, hee, hee, hee, hee – “

“…”

Did you hate it? Was the kiss with me really that bad?

Enough to push me away…?

“Too, too rough, Elena. Ha ha… But, was that enough?”

No,

I wish I could do a little more.

I want to mix my body with you.

Indeed, I wrapped all parts of my body with mine,

Your scent, your saliva, your blood, your emotions, everything.

I wish I could bring it into my body.

But you won’t allow it.

If I get a little more greedy here, it won’t be a burden to you.

So…

I’ll be satisfied here.

I’ll nod my head.

So,

I hope you will continue to love me.

***

I can’t sleep.

You closed your eyes in exhaustion,

I can’t sleep because my heart is constantly pounding.

If I can fall asleep in this pain, then wouldn’t that mean that I don’t really feel sorry for you?

My heart feels heavier when I see that you don’t blink an eye even when I pick you up from a sound sleep and move you onto the bed.

When you were so tired and struggling, why did you try not to show off?

Hansako said it was okay, why did you give me the bed?

If you have your room, why do you always sleep next to me?

I’m just a monster, so why are you trying to make everything fit me?

I couldn’t get anything right for you,

I said I love you, but I haven’t done anything for you.

From when I was a human to now when I became a monster, I might not have changed at all.

…Hair.

You said it changed.

I couldn’t believe it when I said the pile of hair was mine.

That’s true, my hair is originally white… Human hair,

No, no, I’m a monster now.

So, isn’t it a job to lose all your hair?

Still, I’m glad you’re back with the hair you remembered.

Because I can remember those days when you, as white as snow, always touched my hair and smiled whenever winter came.

I’m glad I can show you the old me who was loved.

But…

This isn’t enough to capture your heart.

What on earth do I have to do to catch you?

Without hurting you more than this, what more can I do for you?

If the change in my hair is my heart towards you, is it possible to twist my body if I deeply want you?

I still don’t know what a vampire is.

Still, if there are things I can do for you, I want to do anything.

When I drink your blood, I hope you don’t writhe in pain anymore.

I wish I could change so that you could love me.

Get rid of everything you hate, so that you can only look at me –

I think you look a little greater when you think that way.

You fit so perfectly in my heart even if nothing had changed.

A person who is like my other half who appears to fill in my missing parts.

There is no other person like you in this world.

So, so…

Isn’t it right to cut out the look you don’t like?

When I think of that, my heart feels like it’s beating wildly.

I feel like I can do something.

The expectation that you can change, that you can become a perfect fit for you.

The idea that you can become your own monster… To make your wishes come true.

It’s already too late for me to wish for a human. Yes?

So, I will become a monster.

But looking only at you, loving only you, standing by your side,

I’ll be your own monster.

So, be sure to prun the seeds of doubt,

To fully receive your love…

Take care of yourself, be tidy,

I’ll prepare it.

I wouldn’t dare to ask for love if I didn’t do anything for you.

When this is over, I want you to praise me a lot. I want you to love me.

***

Outside of town, late at night. See you there.

Hartfield.

“I wondered what kind of letter it was, hahahaha, hahahahaha!”

Benjamin Atkinson spent his days in the city being scolded by his father for the ‘unsavory thing’ and being chased down to the village.

I didn’t believe there was anything fun he could expect here, but what is this?

Isn’t there a better woman than any other woman in the city who never bows down?

With a dignified name and a classy appearance, she was a woman he liked very much.

Looks like there’s an insignificant commoner guy already dating him, but what a big deal.

She thought so, and this time I challenged her. And, the result is this letter.

“If you have such a proud face and family honor, no one will come as if possessed. Even if there is an owner. Kuhuh – “

Since ancient times, being a woman is a simple existence, he thought that since he was a child.

The cute faces and the opposite greed like beasts have always captivated them.

Even the picky ones are no exception.

The first time, if you pretend to adjust it as you want, it will easily fall into your hands after that.

After that, you will catch the excuse and slowly coax, and if that naive person, the iron-clad person completely falls away…

“The sight is always truly heartbreaking. Whether you’re trying to keep your chastity or your friendship with your childhood friend, everyone finally relaxes at that moment.”

In the first place, who believes in love? Thinking that love is nothing more than an insignificant momentary emotion that eventually loses to instinct, he coveted countless women and remembered countless faces.

Crying, laughing, or waving in pleasure.

My heart always trembled for different reasons and different reactions.

And if there is one thing in common, all of them were fascinated by this handsome face, and indulged in pleasure by touching his sculpture-like body.

…I wonder if it makes sense for them to enjoy themselves so much and blame themselves when things go wrong.

“Of course, I did the temptation first, but I always made the choice there. I just don’t want to fall for it. If the devil tempts me, I’ll fall for it, sinful women. Tskitz.”

And this woman seemed to be taking quite a long time.

Always without a big reaction, just treated as a companion on a trip.

How anxious I was at the reaction, which was no different from that of a female colleague!

When she found out that she already had a guy she’d been with for three years, she knew that breaking her stubbornness was going to be a lot more fun than she thought…

In the end, she only reacted like that, did you mean that she was a woman who could be captured so easily?

“What kind of face would you wear and try to fall into my arms? What makes you a woman different from other people…”

I folded the letter and put it in my bosom, sipping a cup of tea.

It was snowing outside.

“It’s such a dramatic weather. A snowy day, perfect for receiving a woman flying in looking for a new warm embrace…”