LIGHTNOVELSTORY Chapter 17: Chuseok
After talking about it, my head felt quite refreshed.
Yes, pretending not to know for no reason, my brain almost went crazy.
I feel relieved when I reveal my inner feelings that I have been hiding.
After honestly admitting it, my mentality has normalized.
⋯ Actually, it is false.
I couldn't sleep properly for about two weeks after that.
I feel ashamed every time I think of it.
I don't know how many times the blanket has been kicked.
I was dozens of times more embarrassed than when I was caught masturbating.
⋯I'm really crazy.
It's the first time in my life that I've revealed my inner feelings to this extent.
It was even more problematic that the target was winter.
Still, I have no regrets.
The one who is a bit proud of being stylish is not going to be less embarrassing.
I feel like I've been put on hold of my life.
Well, if you get caught on a mortgage, you get caught.
I thought I would give half of my life to my mother anyway and the rest to my younger brother.
So, if you buy now, wouldn't you be wasting 200% of your life?
"Son."
"⋯."
"⋯Do you chew your mother?"
"Oh, yes?"
"What are you thinking so seriously?"
"Just what, this and that."
The afternoon of the first day of October.
According to the lunar calendar, Chuseok.
Following her grandmother's wishes, she headed to her eldest aunt's house for a meal without taking her turn.
As the situation is, only relatives within cousins were gathered.
"Brother."
"Oh, winter."
"Open your mouth."
Winter, sitting in the passenger seat, listened obediently, and something that didn't look like candy was put on his tongue.
It was red ginseng candy.
⋯ Where else did this come from?
"⋯Are you kidding me?"
"Why? It's delicious."
"If it's that delicious, would you like to eat it?"
"It's delicious, so only you eat it."
⋯If you weren't driving, you'd go into retaliation right away.
"Mom."
"Why, son."
"My son is suffering now, please take revenge instead. I have no hands now."
"It's good for your health, so just eat it."
"Wow, isn't it too much for my son who is driving hard?"
"Brother, coffee."
"Ah, yes."
While vigorously protesting to her mother, a straw hit her lips and she took a sip.
Hazelnut scent enveloped the nose.
⋯ It's sweet.
"What, it's not my coffee."
"I think I will write it."
"⋯Why did you feed red ginseng knowing that?"
"Just?"
The figure of winter naturally tilting its head,
I really liked it.
***
"Oh, autumn. A long time."
"It's only been two weeks since I saw you."
"Greungga?"
When I arrived at my aunt's house and was sitting on the sofa, her cousin came.
Winter was taken away by my older sister and youngest aunt.
Isn't it too popular?
"Did you make a girlfriend?"
"What girlfriend?"
"I mean, did you go outside for a bit? How is it?"
"Just what is different? Home school home school It's repeated every day."
"Why school again?"
"You said it last time. Winter takes me to and from school."
"I see."
My brother scratched his head and sat down on the edge of the sofa far away.
"Where have all the others gone?"
"My aunts smoked cigarettes, and my mother and eldest aunt went shopping. The rest is my sister's room."
"Why are you sitting here alone in a daze?"
"⋯I don't smoke."
No army whatsoever.
It's quite unpleasant because I feel like I'm being bullied for not smoking.
Oh, that doesn't mean I'm asking you to talk.
Rather than talking to my uncles… I'd rather just sit quietly on the sofa.
It's fucking uncomfortable.
"Didn't you go into Anna's room?"
"⋯If you go in there, it's noisy and it hurts your head."
"But."
The youngest aunt and sister should be moderately close.
It's not energy that a human like me can handle.
Actually, the whole house is like that.
The only things I love in the corner of the room are me and winter.
Are we mutants?
While I was seriously thinking about it, someone stumbled out.
"Oh, hello."
"Oh, yes. Winter A long time."
"That… Yes."
Winter, quite exhausted, sat down next to me and slumped.
⋯How much did you suffer?
"⋯Brother."
"Why."
"⋯I'm tired."
"What do your aunt and sister say?"
"No, I just… Talked a lot."
"Would you like some coffee?"
"You drank earlier."
"Then would you like some red ginseng candy? It's good for fatigue."
"No."
"Why did you forcefully bite into my mouth something you don't like, then."
"My brother always takes care of his health."
"You take care of it too. Don't just study, do some stretching."
"I'll do it after the exam."
"⋯I'll roll it hard at home when I'm done."
"⋯Take it easy."
As I was talking with Winter as usual, I noticed my older brother awkwardly fiddling with his cell phone from a distance.
⋯Did I only talk about winter?
After a brief pause, my brother spoke to me again.
"Autumn, has your hair grown a bit?"
"It's been a while since I got discharged and didn't cut it."
"Get your hair done. Men wash their hair."
Um⋯.
That's right, but
I don't know because I've never really paid attention to hairstyles.
"Winter."
"⋯Why, oppa."
"Do I prefer short hair or long hair?"
"⋯Short one."
"To some extent, specifically."
"About two weeks after my brother got discharged?"
"Wouldn't it be better to cut it a little shorter than that?"
"Wouldn't it be nice if you thought your hair would grow?"
"I'll have to go to the beauty salon soon."
When I asked Winter for his opinion, his older brother looked at me dumbfounded, as if at a loss for words.
⋯ Why is this man suddenly like this?
Are you upset because you seem to be ignoring me?
"Brother."
"⋯Why."
"Uh… Can I ask you a question you don't want to hear?"
"⋯When are you getting married?"
"Huh."
"You ask me that every time you see me?"
"No, I was really curious about why not."
"Marriage just isn't that easy."
"Then why not?"
"⋯I don't know."
⋯ Really, why not?
Still, if someone who has a good job, a lot of money, and lives well doesn't get married, who the hell will do it?
While living together before I went to the army.
Since I can't get married, shouldn't a decent person like you have to raise the birth rate?
"But why are you so curious about that?"
"There doesn't seem to be any reason not to get married, but I'm curious that you're not breaking up and just continuing to date."
"It's not like I'm going to have a baby anyway, and there's nothing really different, because there's no need to do it."
"Are you a Dink, like your youngest aunt, or something?"
"It's roughly the same."
"⋯Well, that's right."
⋯ Indeed.
Raising children should be normal.
When I see babies sleeping soundly, I think they are very cute.
Hearing the voice of a crying baby in a restaurant or other place feels like the limits of your patience are being tested.
I will never have children
I don't have the confidence to go through that stress and not vent my anger.
"And, don't seek only me, make yourself a girlfriend. Why is this good-looking guy confined to the corner of the house?"
"Am I not going to get married?"
"⋯Do you want to search?"
My older brother glared at me with a glaring expression, but my uncles returned just in time, so my life was fortunately out of danger.
Thankfully, my brother pulled the aggro so I was able to run away with Winter.
***
⋯Oh, my head hurts.
He said he doesn't drink.
It was an atmosphere I couldn't stop drinking.
I refused, but at the insistence of my eldest uncle, I had no choice but to take a few drinks.
Despite the excuse of driving, she told me to go to bed and filled my glass, so I couldn't help it.
⋯ I hate soju.
She stretched out on the sofa without a pillow and fiddled with her phone.
Seeing her miserably hugging a blanket, I was envious of her youngest aunt who went home after being called by a substitute.
The older brother's room, which was empty, was occupied by a drunken uncle who said he would sleep with her son for the first time in a while.
In the master bedroom, my aunt and her mother, who had fallen asleep, are sleeping,
Winter is kidnapped by her older sister to her room.
I feel very lonely after being dumped in the living room after becoming a duck egg in the Nakdonggang River by myself.
⋯I can't sleep anymore because my jeans are cramped.
As I stared at the street lamp light leaking through the window,
Squeak, I heard the sound of the door opening.
"⋯Ah, brother. Sit down?"
"⋯I can't sleep. You."
"Me too."
How did I get out? Winter, who escaped from my sister's room, sat by my bedside.
⋯As expected, the only one who takes care of the older brother is the younger brother.
"Who is your sister?"
"I fell asleep."
"⋯Yes."
"Brother, are you okay?"
"What."
"You've been drinking quite a bit."
"⋯ Certainly."
"Aren't you supposed to drink something?"
"What's the point of doing this?"
I felt a little strange when I tilted my head back and talked to her.
It's the first time I've ever looked upside down.
I used to look down from above every day.
"Brother."
"Why?"
"⋯Does your neck hurt?"
"It hurts."
"You don't have a pillow?"
"There is, but it was hard."
"⋯."
Winter held his breath for a moment,
⋯ I grabbed his head and laid it on my thigh.
"⋯Why."
"Is it soft?"
"⋯."
I wanted to see what kind of expression Winterie would make.
He covered his eyes with his hand so he couldn't see.
"⋯Do you think you will fall asleep?"
"No, you can't sleep."
"I know."
I laughed and laughed, and my head shook as well.
⋯It's so comfortable, this one.
As I enjoyed the texture on the back of my head, I started to run my free hand through my hair.
"⋯Don't touch it."
"You didn't touch the ears."
"Your hair is messy, so don't touch it."
"It's already messed up."
He lightly stroked my hair with the tips of his remaining fingers.
And then, like a massage, I pressed down and acupressure.
⋯Ah.
I really feel like falling asleep
"⋯Brother, are you sleeping?"
"I think you're really going to sleep because you cover your eyes."
"If I don't cover it up, my brother will look up at me."
"Why is that?"
"⋯."
Suddenly angry, I pressed my face with my hand.
⋯ Choking.
The moment I pushed down and struggled with my arms,
My heart skipped a beat at the sound of the door opening.
"⋯You're not sleeping."
"Ah, bro…"
⋯.
My cousin came out of the room and looked in our direction.